


Exposed

by srwritess



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux - Freeform, Dom/sub, Dominant Kylo Ren, F/M, Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Kylo, Journalism, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is a rich bitch, New York City, POV Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron - Freeform, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader is a journalist, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Sheev Palpatine - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Snoke - Freeform, Star Wars Modern AU, The First Order, Top Kylo Ren, finn - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:56:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 99,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srwritess/pseuds/srwritess
Summary: You're an up and coming journalist with dreams of becoming a well known investigative reporter. Saddled with a new assignment to write an expansive piece about a large company, the First Order, you're hopeful about the piece and ready to be the one to finally get some information on the new CEO:Kylo Ren.When things go slightly south and you have to compromise with Ren himself, will you still succeed? Or will you get more than you asked for?
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	1. A New CEO

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is explicit. Bottom line. If you’re young, this isn’t for you. Trust me kiddo, it’s best to wait.
> 
> Second, this portrays a health relationship for the most part. Some parts, not so much. Please read with that in mind. 
> 
> Lastly, there is a decent amount of emotional dealings in this book - family issues, relationship things, etc. 
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy! I am absolutely depraved, and here is my evidence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You just got a new article assignment - great! But apparently the new CEO is kinda rough

"So, what do you think?"

You beamed at her, your leg bouncing excitedly. "I'm all over it," you replied.

She returned your smile. "It's a great opportunity," she added, "and since it's your first major piece like this, don't hesitate to reach out for some guidance."

Her words soothed your nerves. "Thank you so much, Ms. Kanata."

Her smile widened as she took her glasses off, setting them to rest on her desk. "It's not very common for such a young writer to be given the reigns on a piece like this," she observed. "You should be very proud."

"Thank you again," you replied. "Thank you for trusting me with this."

"You've earned it," she returned.

You nodded. The smile on your face hadn't wavered once since she informed you that the piece was yours. You got up to leave and gathered your things.

"One more thing," she said, clearing her throat. "I've heard that the CEO can be a tad edgy, so I would start with some of the lower positions."

You nodded, grateful for the advice. With that, you exited her office and headed back from your desk.

Her words weighed on your mind as you picked up where you left off on your current piece. You were well aware that Mr. Ren was a bit much to handle and beyond intimidating, but that stubborn part of you insisted that you somehow had to land an interview with the man.

One way or another, you were going to get him on the record for this piece.

It was probably an impossible task, but you refused to write such an expansive piece on the First Order without direct quotes from the damn CEO. Without his input, it wouldn't be complete.

Kanata was right though, that it'd be wise to tackle one of the lower positions. It wasn't much of a lower position than Ren's, but you decided to start off strong and email the Chief Financial Officer with an inquiry for interview.

Clicking on the First Order's website, you found the email address you were looking for and drafted an email to the CFO, Mr. Armitage Hux before going back to your work.

You copy and pasted your usual template for inquiries, tweaking it where needed and obsessively reading over it for any errors. Something told you that even a small typo or an extra space would keep you out of that man's office.

Deciding it was exactly the way you wanted it to be, you hit send and closed the tab and reopened your current piece that was luckily almost done.

It wasn't a very interesting topic, just a regular feature on a highly-overpriced boutique. You had gotten to the store early before your initial interview with the owner and you took the time to look around. To your horror, the tags all read 'One Size Fits All.'

Holding up a shirt that had to be designed for a toddler, you laughed to yourself.

Yeah, one size fits all under the age of 4.

An employee had poked her head out from behind the register to ask if you needed help and you informed her that you were waiting for the owner, a Ms. Holdo. She nodded and went back to her work, leaving you staring at the shirt again.

Clearing your throat, you held the shirt up. "Are all the clothes really 'One Size Fits All'?"

She nodded. "Yes, except the pants which come in small, medium, or large."

Plastering a fake smile on your face, you placed the shirt back down on the table.

What is this, Build-A-Bear? Or maybe Build-A-Bitch?

You snapped out of your little daydream. The desire to include 'Build-A-Bitch' in your article was overwhelming, but since you had just gotten a reputation around here and actually liked your job, you decided against it.

Another time.

Laughing slightly to yourself, you focused on actually writing the piece and let your fingers run over the keys. The article came together quickly, making the hours fly by. You typed the last word of your piece and sighed in relief. Looking at the clock, you saw that it was only a few minutes past four.

It was pretty early but Kanata was usually fine with people heading out early on Fridays. You skimmed over your work quickly before you sent it over to your editor, and grabbed your things.

"Knock, knock," you called, standing outside of Kanata's door.

"Come in," she replied.

You walked in and she smiled seeing you. "I finished that boutique feature and was wondering if I could duck out early and make a detour to the First Order headquarters?"

She nodded. "Absolutely, good idea," she replied.

"I sent an email over to the CFO to inquire about an interview, so fingers crossed," you added, laughing lightly.

Ms. Kanata raised her eyebrows at you, smiling again. "I'm pleased with your initiative," she said.

You thanked her again and left her office, feeling content with your productivity today. Now that you'd finished the piece on that little boutique of horrors, the First Order piece was your main focus.

The walk wasn't long to the Order's headquarters. You saw a large, black building looming up ahead and figured that this had to be it.

You crossed the street and walked over to the front of the building. Looking up, you realized the building was fucking gigantic and completely colorless. Even the windows were opaque, nothing but darkness.

Swallowing your nerves, you walked closer to the building until you were at the head of the entry walkway. You noticed a large group of workers leaving through the main doors and you watched them carefully as they left.

They seemed normal. Talking a bit to each other, taking sips of coffee and readjusting the straps on their bags. They didn't look all dead inside like you'd expected.

The traffic coming out of the building slowed, so you crept forwards on the walkway until you were a few feet from the door. At such a close distance, you could see through the tinted windows. You caught a glimpse of the lobby, polished and modern.

You were snapped out of your little interior design review when you saw someone coming towards the door. Panicking, you retraced your steps and started to walk away. You kept going until you reached the beginning of the walkway before stepping to the side under a small cluster of trees.

Wanting to get a look at whoever was coming out of the office, you turned around and searched for them.

And you completely froze when you saw Kylo Ren walking away from the doors.

Idiotically, you kept your eyes glued to him as he neared the opening of the walkway. Before he turned to leave the premises and step into the stream of sidewalk traffic, he stopped for some reason, standing perpendicular to the flow of pedestrians in front of him. You held your breath.

It felt like slow motion. His head snapped to the left and his eyes immediately found you standing there in the trees.

You nearly dove head first into the bushes.

His expression was blank as he looked at you, his stare unwavering. The only movement he made was a slight head tilt at you. Not sure what to do, you slowly turned away from him and stepped back onto the sidewalk, hoping to put distance between the two of you.

When you checked back over your shoulder to see if he was there, he was gone.

Vanished, like he'd never been standing there.

You shook your head and blinked hard a few times, trying to put the strange encounter out of your mind as you walked towards the subway entrance. No words were exchanged and yet you could already tell that he was going to be an obstacle to this piece.

Once you were inside of your apartment, you could finally relax. It was officially the weekend, and for the first time in a while, you didn't have to obsessively work on a piece or spend your night hunting down a scorned former employee or shady executive for an interview.

You walked towards your unmade bed and found Artoo buried in the never ending fluff of your comforter. Hearing you, he picked his head up and immediately launched towards you, barking and wagging his tail.

"Hi baby," you cooed, kneeling down to pet the little guy.

He rolled over onto his back and stuck his tiny paws in the air, whimpering for some belly rubs. You smiled, petting his soft fur while he playfully nipped at your hand. After a few seconds, you stepped back and let Artoo wrestle some invisible enemy in your comforter, pillows flattening under him as he dug into the blankets. You laughed at him a bit and grabbed a t-shirt from your dresser, throwing that on and tossing your work clothes to the floor.

"C'mon," you called to Artoo, walking towards the kitchen with him on your heels.

To celebrate the weekend starting, you grabbed a bottle of wine from your cabinet and uncorked it. You may be on the up and up with your career but you were still broke, so you poured your cheap ass wine into a slightly chipped mug.

Artoo was still on your heels as you walked to the couch. You flopped down and so did he, quickly assuming his usual position - head on your thigh, paws tucked together, legs stretched out.

You grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, queuing up the episode of Criminal Minds you were on. Only ten minutes had passed when you heard your phone buzz.

Looking at the screen, you saw a text from Poe asking you to brunch with him and Finn tomorrow. You smiled and quickly replied back. It'd been nearly three weeks since you'd seen him and the office was substantially less fun without him sitting at his desk right across from you.

He'd been gone on his honeymoon for those three weeks and though you were so glad to have him back now, you were happy that him and Finn got some time together. Besides, their wedding was so beautiful and so fun that you couldn't be mad.

A few more texts were exchanged before you called your usual takeout place and ordered dinner. You hung up and turned your phone off, looking back towards the show. It was a good episode and you were intently watching it, but your mind kept wandering back to your walk home from the office.

Your curiosity got the better of you and you grabbed your phone again. Telling yourself that after this you'd set your phone down and just enjoy some free time.

You checked every social media app you had. Every. Single. One.

And nothing. The mysterious, young CEO had no social media presence.

You thought it was strange, but you put that on the back burner and instead just looked for any blog posts or articles about him.

There wasn't much, maybe half a dozen strikingly vague blog posts about him from a few months ago, not even any real articles about him. And they all seemed to say the same thing.

Young New CEO of the First Order, Hand-Picked by Former CEO Snoke.

Handsome Mystery Man, the New and Unknown Kylo Ren.

Will Ren Follow in Snoke's Footsteps?

It was all pretty much the same stuff, but you didn't find anything about his personal life. Not where he went to school, his parents, not even his hometown.

Sighing, you closed out of your browser and dialed the number for your usual takeout place.

It was a bit discouraging that you had practically zero background knowledge of the man that runs the company, but it was also a good thing.

You could be the first one to get information on him and get it on paper. And if that wouldn't boost your career, you didn't know what the hell would.

Kanata took a chance in giving the piece to you, considering you'd been working there for just over a year. But she was such a great role model, and was extremely generous in not just giving the piece away to one of her senior journalists.

She saw something in you even if you didn't, and you'd be damned if you didn't do everything in your power to exceed her expectations and write a really solid story about this kinda sketchy company.

Oh, and the fact that cracking this enigma of a businessman would be a glowing addition to your resumé.

A knock came at the door and you quickly grabbed your wallet before opening it. It's a bit embarrassing that you'd given your delivery person the code to your apartment building, just because she was here so regularly and you were too lazy to call her in every time.

Swinging open the door, you were greeted with the familiar face.

"Well hellooooo there," she chirped, drawing out her words.

"Hi Rose," you replied, quickly handing her the money before you forgot. "How's it going?"

She smiled and handed you the bag of food. "Pretty good, just getting used to being back at school again."

You nodded, definitely understanding since you hadn't been out of school for very long. "I get it," you replied, "but it's your last year!"

Laughing slightly, she shook her head. "Yeah, if I don't fail my classes."

You rolled your eyes and opened the bag of food, grabbing a garlic knot and ripping it in half. You gave her part of it and you popped the rest in your mouth. "Oh shut up, you'll be fine," you replied in between bites.

She laughed and ate the piece of bread you'd given her. "I know, I know," she mumbled.

You talked to her for a bit longer before she mentioned that she had to go.

"Don't let your food get cold!" she called as she headed towards the elevator.

You smiled and said goodbye before closing the door again. Artoo jumped up your leg and tried to bite the bag but you swiped it out of his way.

"Do you pay the bills?" you teased, shaking a finger at him.

"No," you said, answering your own question, "so therefore, no knots for you."

He listened and moped his way back to the couch, reclaiming his spot. You joined him quickly and sat down, immediately digging into your pasta. Artoo looked too cute and since you had zero self control, you handed him a small piece of chicken that he scarfed down. He was a bit round since you had a bad habit of feeding him too much, but his cute little whimpers as he ate the chicken made it worth it.

You finished up your dinner and restarted your episode so you could actually pay attention. A few more episodes played and before you knew it, it was eleven o'clock. You yawned and put your dishes in the sink, deciding to deal with those later.

Like the little old woman you were, you turned off the lights and your TV and climbed into bed, utterly exhausted from your day even though it wasn't even midnight. In your defense, you had to wake up at like 6:30 which was way too early.

Artoo hopped on the bed with you and snuggled into his pillow next to your head while you set your alarm.

It wasn't much, but you loved it. Living on your own, paying the bills with a job you really liked, sharing a bed with an adorable dog that liked to snore in your ear and use your head as a footrest.

Pretty much all you could ask for.

———

You grabbed your phone blindly and smacked at it until your alarm stopped ringing. Groaning, you rolled over to be met with Artoo's furry little ass in your face. Laughing, you scratched his back and sat up, painfully slowly getting out of bed.

Artoo didn't budge until he heard you pouring kibble in his dish. You tossed one of his treats in the direction of the bed and he quickly hopped down, snatching it in his mouth before running over to the bowl you set down.

You just grabbed a glass of water before heading to the bathroom, knowing you were eating with Finn and Poe in like an hour and would no doubt go through three cups of coffee while talking to them.

It was still pretty warm, so you put on a short, white sundress and grabbed a thin cardigan just in case. You finished getting ready and checked your watch, seeing that you only had twenty minutes to there.

You quickly filled a bowl of water for Artoo and gave him a pet goodbye before heading out the door. The elevator came quickly and had you in the lobby in no time.

"Morning Mr. Wexley," you called to the man behind the front desk as you headed outside.

"Good morning, dear," he replied with a smile, giving you a small wave.

You walked outside and hailed a cab, one of the yellow cars pulling over in a few seconds.

"Coruscant Cafe," you informed the driver.

He nodded and pulled off the curb, heading towards your destination.

You'd lived in the city for a while, but it never ceased to make you happy. It really did live up to all the hype.

If you ignore the gigantic, mutant rats.

But other than the vermin, you loved New York for everything it was. There wasn't a better place to be for a new writer.

The buildings passed by quickly and soon enough you were in front of the cafe. You hopped out and grabbed your purse, handing the man cash.

You saw Poe and Finn the minute you stepped onto the curb.

"Way too long," you heard Poe practically yell in your ear as he threw his arms around you.

You laughed and squeezed him back, letting him nearly suffocate you with his hug. He pulled away just for Finn to swoop in and give you an equally powerful bear hug.

"Holy shit I missed you guys," you announced once Finn related you from his death grip.

They wasted no time in getting started on recounting their honeymoon, talking about the plane flight as the waiter seated you.

"Now that I've flown First Class I can never fly anything else again," Poe said.

"They brought me a hot towel every time I asked," Finn added.

"Which was five, by the way," Poe mentioned.

The two of them kept talking, looking like little schoolboys as they told you about their vacation. The waiter came by shortly and took your orders, returning moments later with three coffees.

"I've literally never been more jealous of someone," you said, eyes wide with interest.

They'd been telling you about the resort they stayed at, which sounded like nothing short of paradise.

"Oh, so is that way you had a box of sex toys delivered to our room?" Poe asked, taking a long sip of his drink.

You burst out laughing, and so did Poe. Finn looked horrified.

"You should've seen the look on that poor bellhop's face," Finn said, clearly still mortified.

"It was just an extra little gift," you replied, smiling widely.

"That box wasn't little," Finn muttered as he took a sip of his drink.

The waiter came back with your food and a silence fell as the three of you took a few bites.

"So has the office fallen apart without me?" Poe asked.

"No," you replied, "but I'm going fucking insane without you."

Poe laughed. "Well, I'm back Monday so the worst is over," he said. "How'd that story on the Soho photographer go?"

"Oh that was fine, I finished that like two days after you left," you told him, "and I just finished a piece on that boutique Raddus."

Poe nodded, impressed. "What's Kanata got you on now?"

You smiled as you took a bite of your food. You'd been waiting to tell him but didn't want to sound overexcited. "Another feature," you replied, smirking slightly.

"On the First Order," you added.

Both Finn and Poe dropped their forks.

"Holy shit!"

"No way!"

You smiled at them, loving their reactions.

"Yeah," you said, "Kanata knows that I want to branch out from typical features and get into more investigative pieces, so she gave me the article."

"It's still a feature article," you clarified, "but it's got more of an investigative aspect than the other topics she's given me since the Order's honestly kind of shady and there's not a lot of public information about them."

Poe looked dumbfounded. So did Finn.

"That's a huge deal," Finn said, shaking his head. "I was an intern there like five years ago."

Your eyes widened. Poe turned to look at him.

"I totally forgot about that," he mumbled.

You turned your attention back to Finn. "Really? What did you do there?"

He waved a hand at you. "Not much, mostly filling and secretary work," he replied.

You hummed in response. It was better than nothing. "Well, I might need some help," you confessed, "I want to get some info about this cryptic new CEO but there's literally no information on Ren."

Finn nodded. "Obviously I was there before Ren took over from Snoke but that guy has always been a closed book," he informed you.

"Isn't he like a total asshole too?" Poe asked.

Finn nodded again. "Oh, definitely."

You rolled your eyes and huffed. "Well that's lovely," you muttered.

Poe leaned over and lightly stabbed your hand with his fork. "You deal with assholes all the time, this isn't any different," he said.

You nodded, laughing slightly. "That's true," you admitted. "Why is every man I interview always an asshole?"

"Because men fucking suck," Poe replied.

"Says the man in a committed relationship to another man," you reminded him.

They both laughed and Finn spoke up again. "So what are you trying to get for this article?"

You swallowed a bite of your food and wiped your mouth with your napkin. "Kanata wants a feature, but she wants to focus on the differences under the new leadership and she wants me to try and get a bit of info on Ren," you told him.

"But I want to get a lot of info on Ren, considering the man's like a fucking ghost," you added. "I mean, he's been the CEO for nearly six months now but I can't find shit about him."

"Information on Ren would grab any reader's attention," Poe told you.

You nodded and looked back to Finn. "Any tips on how to get to him?"

Finn thought about it for a second, knitting his eyebrows together.

"Everyone knows he's a very private person and a powerful man, too. He's a stubborn guy, but if you're stubborn too, you're bound to get somewhere," he replied.

"Challenge him, make sure he knows you're going to get the information you want," Poe added.

You took in their words, taking another bite of your food. It wasn't impossible, it seemed, to get to him. He was clearly a closed off person and it wouldn't be easy, but it'd be worth it if you stuck with it.

Challenge him.

Challenging people is what you did best.


	2. See You Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You got a glance at Mr. Ren.

Your last free weekend for a while went smoothly, and you felt recharged and content heading into the new week. 

To your surprise, you had gotten an email back from Hux on Saturday afternoon. You were taken a bit off guard when he suggested an interview Monday morning. 

Also, who the hell answers emails on a Saturday?

You were grateful though, because the sooner the interview, the sooner you could start to get a rough plan for the article and work off of whatever you find out from Hux.

Since you'd stopped by the building on Friday and gotten a feel for the company's environment, you put on a pair of tight black pants with a matching black blazer over your white top. 

It was quite clear that the First Order was not a colorful company.

You'd called Kanata last night to tell her that you'd be in late because of your meeting, so you headed straight to the First Order headquarters from your apartment. 

The meeting wasn't for another 15 minutes when you arrived in front of the building, but you figured it'd be better to be early than late. You quickly slid off the black mules you'd worn to get here, not wanting to scuff your fancy heels on the subway or break an ankle on a pothole. 

Once you had slid the change of shoes on, you stood up and smoothed out your clothes, checking your hair and makeup in your phone camera. With that, you started the trek down the entry way. Heels clicking, hair swooshing gently against your back. 

The lobby was even more polished and modern than the quick glance you'd gotten through the doors. It was immaculate. Sparkling white walls, shiny black floors, metallic chairs in the waiting area. Your eyes fell on the receptionist desk and you quickly walked over.

"Hi, I'm here for a meeting with Mr. Hux," you informed her with a smile.

She didn't smile back, instead, she typed away at her keyboard. "Take a seat over there," she said, her eyes never leaving the screen.

Ok then.

You nodded and mumbled your thanks and headed towards the chairs. Before you could sit down, you heard a voice. 

"Ms. [Y/Surname]," you heard a voice call. 

You looked up to see Hux standing next to the elevator. "Mr. Hux," you replied, walking towards him. 

He shook your hand and gestured for you to enter the elevator with him. "You're early," he said, "I appreciate that."

You smiled at him, knuckles tightening on the strap of your bag. "Well, I didn't want to keep you waiting," you replied.

The elevator doors opened and you followed Hux to his office. He held the door open and motioned for you to take a seat in the leather chair opposite of his desk. 

"You filled me in briefly about the piece, but I'd like to hear some more input from you in person," Hux mentioned, unbuttoning his jacket and sitting down.

"Of course," you replied, setting your bag next to your feet. 

"As I mentioned in the email, this is a feature piece," you began, "but to be frank, I want to go a bit further than that."

Hux rested a hand under his chin, looking at you intently. You continued, swallowing your nerves and remaining composed. 

"The First Order is an influential establishment and the public wants to know more," you explained, "which is why I'm here. My editors and I at The Black Spire Post want to get to know the First Order more thoroughly, regarding its goals and its methods in accomplishing them."

Smiling at him, you tried to gauge his reaction. You left out the part about wanting information on Ren to be a main part of this piece. He didn't need to know that. And he didn't need to know that you wouldn't hesitate to unearth some of the less flattering parts of the company, on the off-chance that the opportunity presented itself 

He finally spoke, dropping his hand to his lap. "Well, I'm glad to hear that such an esteemed publication is interested," he replied. "Unlike those previously and still in in positions of leadership, I am all for getting our name into the press."

"And I agree that the public should know more," he added.

You silently exhaled the breath you'd been holding, glad that he was on board with this.

"Do you mind if I record this interview?" you asked him politely. 

He nodded and leaned back in his chair. "By all means," he replied. 

You took out your notebook and pen and placed it on your lap, leaning back down to grab your recorder and place it all on the desk. Quickly getting situated, you hit 'record' and clicked your pen. 

"Just to start off," you began, impressed by the composure in your voice, "could you give me some information about the origins of the company?"

The red haired man began answering and you slightly tuned him out, allowing your recorder to obtain the entirety of the conversation as you took less vital notes. 

• Seems to be complicated relationship with previous leadership  
• Cat hair on blazer and a small claw mark on the pocket.  
• Hair comb on the desk  
• Black coffee in a glass mug  
• Literally zero personal items beside the comb

Sensing that he was almost done with his answer, you looked back up, nodding periodically and humming at certain points. 

"Excellent, quite the backstory to the company," you praised, a smile on your lips. 

"What made Snoke decide to resign and leave the company to Mr. Ren?" you asked, wasting no time in getting to your main target. 

You noticed Hux's lip twitch ever so slightly, making a mental note of the way he tensed at his name. 

"He... resigned, if you will, in order to allow Ren to take the company in a different direction," he replied. 

The words came out of his mouth like smooth daggers, appearing to be nothing but shiny metal but accompanied by a sharp undercut in his tone. 

You pressed a bit further. "A different direction," you repeated, "can you elaborate?"

Hux uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "A more subjective approach, you might say."

You nodded but kept quiet, knowing that silence would subconsciously signal him to keep going. 

And he did. 

"For example," he added, rolling his head on his shoulders, "one of Ren's first decision was to stop construction of our newest project - demolishing and reconstructing a building where The Resistance currently holds offices."

"The Resistance," you repeated, your ears burning with interest. 

That was a big name, a really well-known and well funded philanthropy organization. You made a note to look into that too, just for some background material to accompany that piece of info. 

"Leia Organa's organization, the Unicef Goodwill Ambassador," you added.

He nodded, grimacing. 

"Any particular reason?" you inquired. 

He laughed slightly. "I'm not at the liberty to divulge that information, unfortunately," he replied. 

You laughed too, scribbling a note. He was quite forthcoming, much to your surprise, motivated by his noticeable contempt for his superior. And possibly out of an appreciation for publicity. 

You were about to ask another question when a knock came at the door. A short brown haired man poked his head in. 

"Dopheld, how can I help you?"

The small man cleared his throat. "Phasma needs you for a moment, sir."

You smiled at Hux and gestured to him that there was no issue in taking a quick break. Sighing, he stood up from his desk and walked towards the door.

"I'll be back shortly," he assured you before exiting and leaving the door cracked. 

You organized the notes on your paper, adding a few more bits of info and observations. It didn't take long, considering the interview had just started. You quickly scribbled a few ideas for questions and hit pause on your recorder before leaning back in your chair. 

Looking around, you observed the large office you were in. Clean, precise, obsessively organized. You pretended to stretch and took a quick scan of the ceiling, checking for security cameras in the corners. Looking over your shoulder and peeking through the cracked door, you saw Hux in an office across the hall still talking to a woman you presumed was Phasma. 

This is ethically questionable. 

Despite your obnoxious sense of integrity, you stood up from your chair and smoothed out your pants. Stepping forward silently, you tip toed around the desk toward Hux's chair. You opened a drawer and saw a container of strawberry scented hair gel.

You bit your fist to keep from laughing. Closing the drawer quietly, you turned your attention towards the matte black filing cabinets in the corner. 

As if the universe was on your side, the drawer labeled "2019/20" was slightly open. Checking again to see if Hux was coming back yet, you saw that you were still clear. Papers fluttered a bit too loud for your comfort as you plucked through the meticulously organized files. A tab caught your eye. 

The title "Profits and Losses" stood out in bold against a simple white tab. 

You heard a door from across the hall open and quickly grabbed the manila folder, sliding the drawer closed. As quickly as your heels would permit, you raced back to your chair and shoved the papers into your bag and kicked it under your chair. 

Hux reentered the office just as you were smoothing out your shirt and pants again. 

"My sincerest apologies about that," he huffed. 

Clearly that little encounter didn't go well. "No problem at all sir," you assured him. 

He sat down and you snuck a glance at the filing cabinet again, smiling to yourself. 

"So, where were we?" he asked, his demeanor quickly becoming more professional, polite. 

The rest of the interview went well, and you knew you had sufficient material to start your piece. Hux had even given you some information to familiarize yourself with later when you transcribed the recording. 

You kept it cool as you shook hands with Hux and thanked him, not even flinching when you reached down to grab the bag that contained the swiped documents. 

Everything was fine as you entered the elevator and hit the button for the lobby. As the doors opened to the bottom floor, you were met with a man in a black dress shirt and slacks standing in front of you. 

And you knew exactly who that was. 

Mr. Kylo Ren. 

It was the first time you'd gotten a close look at him. The last time you'd seen him was that split second of long distance eye contact when you scoped out the building. 

Sucking in a breath, you tightened your fingers around the strap of your bag and started to exit the elevator. You had fully stepped out of the elevator and politely nodded at the man, about to continue towards the door when a mass of black stepped in front of you. 

"A reporter", he said lowly, just for you to hear. 

Did he recognize you from the incident on Friday? Also, was it that obvious what my job was?

You looked up at him, taking in the way he towered over you. 

"Journalist," you mumbled, internally cringing at having corrected him. 

"Journalist," he repeated. "My apologies."

You smiled nervously and went to step around him but he blocked your path.

"What's your business with my company?"

You swallowed. "I'm doing a feature on you- on your company," you informed him.

You mentally kicked yourself for your slip-up.

He hummed in agreement. "I will see you soon, then."

Your eyes widened and before you could question him, he was excusing himself and stepping around you to enter the elevator. Spinning on your heel to look back at him, you noticed a small smile on his lips as the elevator doors slid shut.

It took a few seconds, but you eventually shook off the trance Ren had put you in. You left the building in a hurry, walking straight past the receptionists desk. On the elevator ride down, you had considered asking the receptionist for Ren's contact information or something along those lines. But you didn't think you could actually speak right now.

You left the premises and stepped off to the side of the walkway to change shoes again. Careful not the put your shoes on the folder you'd stolen, you put the heels in your bag and started walking towards your office. 

Before you headed back to work, you stopped at the coffee shop and picked up two lattes. 

You walked in, mumbling a few hellos to the people you passed.

"Here," you said, setting a latte down on Poe's desk. 

"How was the-"

"Hold on."

You set your bag and coffee down at your desk, Poe looking at you with a confused expression. Heading straight to Kanata's office, you took a few deep breaths.

The door was cracked so you walked right in. She looked up at the sound of your footsteps. 

"Ah, how was the interview?"

"Good, good," you replied, "Hux was quite helpful actually."

"Excellent. What do you need?"

You cleared your throat. "Well, Hux mentioned something about Ren deciding to half progress on demolishing and remodeling a building with offices occupied by The Resistance."

She raised an eyebrow. "The Resistance," she repeated - the same way you had in the interview. 

You nodded. "I know this is a feature piece, but I think this may lead to something," you informed her. 

"And," you continued, "I know this may be crossing a line but I think there's a bit of a rift between Ren and the CFO. It might be worth investigating further."

She smiled at you. "Ah, you really want to start with the investigative work, don't you?"

You nodded nervously, shifting your weight. Before you could backtrack, she spoke up again.

"I think that's a good idea," she said. 

Your eyes widened. "Oh, that's great," you said breathlessly. 

You were afraid she'd shoot you down. "There may be nothing there, but I figure it's worth a shot. It may piss them off but it's worth it if we get a huge article out of this somehow, rather than just another feature."

You knew it was probably incorrect to talk to your boss so casually, voicing your opinions like this, but Kanata wasn't a typical boss. For one, she actually cared about her employees.

She nodded again, leaning forward in her chair. "Absolutely," she agreed, "it's always worth it to look into possible leads, and if it doesn't pan out, then you can still produce a thorough feature."

You exchanged a few more words with her, telling her that you were going to get in contact with Organa and try to set up a meeting with Ren soon.

Once back at your desk, Poe laid into you with questions.

"How did it go? Is the building as scary as people said it is? Why'd you rush into Maz's office?"

You held up a hand and shushed him. "It was good, but I may have found something sketchy," you replied. 

"And I went to Kanata to ask her if I could follow up on it and take a more investigative approach to this," you added. 

He still looked confused, but you shook him off. "Lunch," you said curtly, and turned on your computer. 

Since you had gotten there late because of the interview, you only worked for about two hours before Poe was kicking you from under the desk. You'd gotten to peek at the file, and noticed several unnamed withdrawals. Not a ton of money, but still enough to catch your eye. 

"Bitch I'm hungry," Poe mumbled, kicking you again.

"Ok, ok," you replied, finishing typing your notes and your rough sketch of the article structure.

You stood up and grabbed your bag. Poe was going to flip the fuck out when he saw the file. 

"Alright so why are you being batshit crazy?" Poe asked once you were outside of the building. 

"I may have blurred the lines of professional investigating," you confessed. 

"Oh, and I ran into Ren."

He grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. 

"What? How?"

You shushed him and grabbed his hand, pulling him along towards the food he clearly needed. 

"It wasn't an official encounter," you replied, "I just ran into him when I was leaving."

"Did he say anything?"

"Yeah, actually. He asked me what I was doing there and I told him, and then he said he'll 'see me soon'."

Poe's eyes widened. "Thank goodness, I really thought 'unprofessional investigating' and running into Ren meant that you fucked him in the bathroom."

You gasped and smacked his arm, making him laugh even harder. "Fuck, no," you whisper-yelled at him. 

"So then what was the unprofessional part?"

You had just walked into the cafe, and gestured for him to wait until you both were seated. Both of you ordered immediately, already knowing what you wanted. 

"Ok if you don't tell me right now I swear-"

"Relax," you told him, opening your bag. 

"Hux had to leave for a few minutes during the meeting, and I went snooping in the file cabinets and well-" You slid the file over to him. 

He grabbed it eagerly and looked at the tab. "Shit, did you steal this?"

You grinned. "Maybe."

He smiled back, still shocked. "This is so much better than you fucking Ren in the bathroom."

You kicked him again, laughing. "Yeah it is," you agreed. "But also, Ren is way more good looking than I thought from the limited amount of pictures online."

Poe raised an eyebrow. 

"Tall as hell, sorta long, wavy black hair," you added. "Nice eyes, too."

He grinned at you again and you cut him off before he could make some gross comment. 

"Oh shut up and look at the file," you scolded him.

While he looked at it, you filled him in on what Hux had told you about the Resistance. 

"Oh fuck yeah you need to follow up on that," he said. "It may have something to do with these unnamed withdrawals twice every month. All it says is 'Private Payment' with Ren's signature."

"That's what I thought!" you exclaimed, your mouth full of food.

"You know," Poe said, "I've got a number for Organa from a few years ago, I'll send it."

You emphatically thanked him and both headed back to the office. 

The rest of the work day went well, and once you were back home, you decided to cook dinner since your bank account was hurting a bit. And by cook, you meant make a grilled cheese and soup. Poe had sent you the contact information for Organa earlier and you'd immediately sent an email asking to speak with her. Just as you were finishing up your soup, you got a response.

You read it quickly, your heart jumping a bit when you finished. She agreed to an interview, also mentioning how much respect she had for The Black Spire Post. You squealed a little bit, reaching down to pet Artoo out of excitement. 

You had three days until you were scheduled to meet her. Three days until you either simply got to meet a well-known, upstanding citizen or possibly uncover some hidden information about the Order that would land your piece on the cover of the paper.

You were hoping it was the second outcome.


	3. You Have A Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone got caught....

Tuesday morning, you had sent an email to thank Hux for his time the day before, and you sent an email to Ren's secretary asking about an interview. You'd tried to find his email anywhere on their website, but of course, there was nothing.

An hour after you'd sent both emails, Hux had replied with a simple acknowledgement. The email to Ren's secretary? No answer for days. 

It was Friday morning now, and you were about to go meet Organa for the interview. Your phone dinged and you saw an email notification. It was from a blocked sender.

You opened it. No subject line, no introduction. 

6 p.m. at First Order headquarters. 9th floor.

Do not be late. 

K.R.

You read it a few times. You couldn't believe that he'd actually agreed to an interview. And you couldn't believe that a business executive would send an email from a blocked address. An email, if you could even call it that. 

It didn't specify but you assumed that it meant today at six. You mentally cursed the man for not giving you more of a heads up. Luckily, you only had this interview today and then you could spend time getting prepared for the interview before meeting him. 

Ms. Organa, or Leia, which she said to call her in her email, had sent you an address to The Resistance's public relations office in Greenwich Village. 

It was a quaint looking building. Brown brick, dark green awnings, orange door. You pushed the door open and walked in, immediately being greeted by the receptionist. 

"Hello, how can I help you?" 

You looked over at her, noticing the nameplate at the front of the desk. 

Kaydel Connix. 

"Hi, Kaydel," you replied, "I'm here for an interview with Ms. Organa."

She stood up from her chair. "I'll go get her."

You smiled and thanked her. The lobby was so homey, such a stark contrast to the First Order building. Looking around, you noticed pictures of Organa and some of the other executives with foreign leaders and politicians. In the corner, there was another picture, this time of Organa, a man, and a small boy. You walked over to it, curious to see what it up close. 

Organa was younger in this picture, taken maybe twenty years or so ago. The little boy was adorable, large ears framing a sweet face. There was a plaque underneath it. 

Our thanks to the Solos - Leia, Han, and Ben.

Seeing the man's name, you recognized him from the article you'd read about Leia. That was Han Solo, her husband. He worked at the organization too as a pilot, flying supplies into refugee camps and rebel groups in war torn countries. 

But you didn't know who the little boy was. You assumed that he was their child, but you hadn't seen any mention of a son. Maybe you'd just missed it.

"Welcome," you heard a gentle voice call out to you.

Spinning around, you saw the woman in the photograph standing in front of you. She was still so pretty, a crown of braided grey hair on her head and a warm smile on her face. 

"Ms. Organa," you replied, walking over to her, "It's an honor to meet you."

She led you to her office, a spacious area in the far corner of the building. Plants hung from the ceiling, dangling above a large mahogany desk. There was a huge bookcase on one wall, overflowing with volumes and volumes of books. The other wall held more pictures, and you noticed that the same little boy was in a view of them. 

"Please, have a seat," she said, gesturing to the brown leather chair opposite of her desk. 

"You mentioned in your email that Poe gave you my information, how is he?" she asked you.

You told her about Poe's wedding, showed her a few pictures of him and Finn and the wedding.

"Well, I'm glad to hear he's doing well," she said, clasping her hands in her lap. "Anyways, I know you're here for an interview to help with an article. May I ask what the article is?"

You nodded and grabbed your notepad. 

"I'm doing a piece on the First Order and the new CEO," you explained, "and one of the executives told me that the company has reversed its decision to remodel the building where some of your offices are, even after getting the permits from the city?

You noticed the way she flinched at the mention of the company, quickly disguising the change in demeanor. 

"Ah yes,that's true," she replied, "the new CEO did in fact agree to that."

You raised an eyebrow. "Did you request that of  
him?"

She nodded. "Yes, in a way. Hi- Han, my husband, had a conversation with Mr. Ren right before he took the position and seemed to bring about a slight change of heart."

Her mouth twitched when she said his name, piquing you're interested even more. "I hope I'm not out of line, Ms. Organa-"

"Please, call me Leia. I feel so old," she corrected you, laughing. 

"Leia," you repeated, "it seems like there's a personal connection to Ren between you or at least between him and the Resistance. Could you tell me about that?"

She leaned forward in her chair. "I can't say much on the subject, but I can tell you that Kylo Ren used to be a very different person," she replied. "There are legal issues that forbid me from giving out more details."

You nodded, furiously writing down notes. She waited until you were finished and looking back at her. "Completely off the record," you said, "but I got word of monthly withdrawals from the Order's revenue for private payments, presumably relating to Ren. Would you happen to know anything about that?"

Her lips twitched. "I am legally not allowed to give out much detail, but let's just say that it is not uncommon for the Resistance to receive donations from unknown sources."

Your eyes widened, a grin creeping across your face. 

"I'm sure you know what I mean by that," she added with a small wink. 

You assured her you did, mentioning how surprising this hypothetical situation was. She agreed, mentioning how she wishes that she could tell you more. 

"Off the record, however," she reminded you, her voice soft. 

You nodded emphatically, and decided to change the subject. "The boy in some of the photos," you began, "is that your son?"

She nodded and you noticed a bit of sadness in her expression. Something told you that her son may be deceased or estranged, and you decided not to push it.

You'd find out more at some point, just not today.

You spent more than an hour there, talking to Leia and gathering more information on the First Order and specifically, why Han convinced Ren to not demolish the building that The Resistance occupied. 

The rest of the day at the office went fine, until the clock hit five. Then, you started getting nervous, bouncing your leg uncontrollably. 

"Are you having a fit? Do you need medical attention?" 

You looked up to see Poe staring at you and you realized that you were making both of your desks shake. And, you were biting your nails like a fucking woodpecker. 

You stopped and took a sip of your lukewarm latte. 

"What's up with you?" Poe asked, looking at you as he kept typing. 

"Interview with Ren in an hour," you mumbled. 

His eyes were the size of saucers. "You got an interview? How?"

You shrugged. "I sent an email and somehow, it worked."

He shook his head at you in disbelief. "You really are going to be the one to get into his head," he said.

You winked at him. "That's the plan."

You left the office around 5:30, really not wanting to be late for this meeting. 

The building was still as scary looking as always, but at least this time, you were prepared. You looked down at your watch. 

5:56

Perfect. Walking inside the door, you turned towards the reception desk.

"I'm here for-"

"Elevator is that way, he is expecting you," she informed you before you even finished your sentence. 

You noticed a slight smile this time, and she actually looked away from her computer screen. Thanking her, you walked into the elevator and hit the button for the 9th floor. 

Since Hux had been in the elevator with you the last time you'd been here, you didn't know what floor you had gone too. Whichever it was, it wasn't the 9th.

The floor was spread out in a square layout, the walls lined with offices with the center completely open with a small kitchen and printing room in the middle. You weren't sure where to go, but you turned to your right and started walking by the offices lining the perimeter.

"Wrong way."

You turned around the see Ren standing opposite of you on the far end of the walkway.

Of course you picked the wrong way. 

Turning around, you tried to look confident as you walked towards him. Which was hard, considering he was standing there with his hands in his pockets, completely still and staring at you.

When you were within a foot of him, he sharply turned on his heel and started walking away. You silently followed him, and after what felt like an hour, you arrived at the largest office on the floor, tucked in the corner. 

He opened the door and motioned for you to go in first. His office was pretty much what you expected, but it was still impressive. Breathtaking, even. 

The two walls furthest from the door were completely made of glass, meeting together in the corner directly behind his desk.

You had a full view of the skyline, allowing large amounts of light into the otherwise solid black office. 

You'd honestly expected his office to be devoid of any sunlight, per his request, but he seemed to be full of surprises.

A small black couch was placed against one of the large windows, a table with a coffee maker sitting next to it. Other than that and a small bookcase in the corner, the office was empty except for his desk. 

"Have a seat," you heard him say as the door closed. 

You did as he said, turning your attention away from the appearance of his office, and sat in the chair placed in front of his large, black desk. A few seconds went by and you didn't hear any footsteps, and you didn't see him walk around to his desk yet. 

"I was surprised to see that you reached out to my subordinate first," you heard him say from behind you. 

You sat up straighter. 

"Well, I thought it'd be best to start small and work my way up," you replied. 

He hummed in response and finally started walking towards his desk. "It was foolish of Hux to leave you in his office unattended," he stated once he was seated.

Your eyes widened a bit but you kept your expression blank. 

"But," he continued, "it was more foolish of you to think that you could steal from my company without me noticing."

Your breath hitched, every ounce of color running out of your face. 

"You were smart to look for cameras," he added, "but you didn't seem to consider them in less obvious places."

You racked your brain, trying to think of where the camera could've been. There weren't any plants, not even a picture frame in Hux's office. You tried to picture his office, thinking of anywhere it could've been.

Then it hit you. 

"The lamp in the corner," you mumbled. 

There had been a tall lamp tucked in the corner to the left of Hux's desk. It had a full view of his desk and more importantly, the file cabinet in the opposite corner.

Fuck. 

He nodded and leaned forward in his chair to open a drawer. Pulling out a small thumb drive, he held it out to you, pinched between his thumb and forefinger. 

Your heart dropped a bit. You'd lose your job if Maz saw it. She'd have no choice but to fire you. And that would pretty much erase everything you'd done to get where you are today.

"I'm a reasonable man, and I'm willing to hand this over," he said with a heavy sigh. 

"On one condition, of course," he added with a smirk. 

You cleared your throat and shifted uncomfortably, your eyes glued to the drive in his hand. "And what would that be?" 

He smiled innocently and set the thumb drive down. "I know you spoke with Organa, and you think you discovered something," he continued.

How the fuck did he know that?

Eyebrow raised, you titled your head at him. "It seems like I did discover something, Mr. Ren."

He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at you, clearly not expecting your response. He probably assumed you'd keep your mouth shut and play nice to get the drive back. 

"Return that file to me and forget what you think you saw, and the drive is yours," he hissed. 

"So, you want me to continue writing this feature and pretend that First Order funds are not going to an organization that has publicly criticized corporations like your own," you said with a devilish smile.

"Purely conjecture on your part, but I wouldn't want anyone to confuse that misguided theory for fact," he replied. 

He leaned back in his chair and you did the same, crossing your legs. 

"You may think it's a misguided theory, but based on what Hux told me about the decision to not tear down one of The Resistance's buildings and the meeting I had with the head of Leia Organa herself, I would argue that I'm right on target," you sneered. 

His eyes twitched slightly and you could almost hear his teeth grinding. 

"Regardless of what you would argue, if you choose to publish anything on this theory," he repeated, "then this footage goes public."

Chewing the inside of your cheek, you considered it. The respect that this exposé would grant you may outweigh the risks, but it wasn't definite. You remembered what Poe had said at brunch.

Challenge him. 

Poe hadn't exactly been referring to a situation like this, but it still applied. You figured that it was worth a shot. 

"Fair," you finally replied, nodding slightly. "But it's clear that you really don't want this information to be made known and quite frankly, my violation of ethics would be quickly forgotten once the public found out your little secret."

His eyes flashed with anger but he didn't move. You could hear him breathing loudly through his nose as he tried to control himself. 

"I'm going to need a bit more on this deal, sir," you concluded. "I'm sure you can understand that."

He seemed to calm down a bit, taking a deep breath and placing his elbows on the desk. A silence fell and you sat there utterly shocked at your newfound boldness. This was so unlike you, and you knew you were walking on eggshells, but your determination when it came to your career seemed to overtake you. 

Finally, he spoke again. "In addition to handing over the drive," he said through clenched teeth, "I will provide you with valuable and very controversial information on Finalizer Industries."

You sucked in a breath. Finalizer Industries was the most powerful weapons manufacturer in the country. It had several large contracts with the government, as well as ties to governments overseas. Exposing a company that large and that influential would have way more of an impact on your career than just exposing Ren's little secret. 

His eyes were locked on you, anxiously waiting for your answer. You were about to enthusiastically accept until your logic kicked back in.

Narrowing your eyes at him, you leaned forward. "How will I know that the information is credible?"

His face relaxed as he realized that you were close to agreeing. "I will provide proof and refer you to others who can corroborate my story," he responded. 

"Besides, I am not a big fan of Finalizer Industries, and wouldn't mind to see their image tarnished with the truth," he added.

You laughed internally. Who would've thought this was how the meeting would go. After a minute, you looked up at him and smiled.

"You have a deal Mr. Ren," you informed him. 

His eyes remained on yours, and for some reason, the air seemed to grow thick around you. 

"Now," you said, breaking the odd, silent tension, "should we get to the interview?"

"Next week," he said, standing up. 

You stayed frozen in your seat. "What? I came here today to interview you," you replied.

He slowly stepped around his desk, coming towards you. "Yes and we've settled our little issue," he explained, "and next week, we can begin the interview."

"Begin? It only takes a couple hours-"

"Begin," he repeated firmly. 

He came over to your chair and stood behind you, letting his hand ghost over your shoulder. "You do want a thorough, feature, don't you?"

"Yes," you replied weakly, trying to ignore his hand touching you.

Remembering that you agreed to hand back the file, you leaned forward toward your bag.

His hand fell to your back as you leaned forward and he let it linger for a few seconds before pulling it away. 

"Here," you replied, holding the file out to him over your shoulder.

He grabbed it, but you held on before he could take it completely. 

"And when do I get the drive?" you asked sharply.

He snatched the file away and you stood up, turning around to face him. 

"I'm a man of my word," he replied, tucking the file under his arm.

"That's not an answer," you snapped.

"Next time," he assured you.

Keeping your eyes locked on his, you tried to search him for some sense of secrecy. Some plan to totally screw you over. 

But based on your observations, he looked genuine. He didn't even blink, he didn't shift his body, his lips didn't twitch. I guess you'd just have to take his word for it.

Ridiculous.

He started walking towards the door and you grabbed your bag, following after him. Apparently, this installment of the interview - or whatever the hell you could call this interaction - was over.

He led you back to the elevator, walking quickly and making you struggle to keep up. While you were walking, you let yourself admire him from behind. 

His hair looked soft, shining under the fluorescent lighting. The black suit covering his body made him nearly blend in to his surroundings, but emphasized his strong build. 

The elevator came into view and you quickly averted your eyes to the floor. The last thing you needed was for Ren to catch you staring at him. You stood in front of the elevator doors as he stepped forward to hit the button. 

It only took a few seconds before the door was opening. He stepped forward again and placed his foot against the sensor, holding it open. You smiled politely and walked in.

His hand found your lower back, guiding you. Your breath hitched but he didn't notice. At least you thought he didn't. 

Once you were settled in the center of the elevator and facing him, he removed his hold on the door. 

"I will see you here again at the same time next Friday," he stated.

You couldn't tell for certain, but it looked like a smile was on his lips. All you did was nod as the doors closed and Ren disappeared from your view. 

Well, nice to finally meet you.


	4. Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo’s POV on the sitch. Let’s just say, he’s got a thing for this journalist.

Kylo's POV

Kylo sat down at his desk like he did everyday, slamming a cup of coffee down next to him. 

The usual.

But that was pretty much the only usual thing he's experienced this week.

The staff at the First Order headquarters naturally tended to stay out of his way, only talking to him when absolutely necessary. His assistants keeping their heads down when they had to come into his office to deliver paperwork. 

But this week? 

The entire staff was avoiding him like the fucking plague.

And for damn good reason.

His already short temper seemed to shorten to a barely visible fuse. He slammed every door he walked through harder than necessary, nearly decapitated every person that dared to knock on his door. 

After he'd seen her getting out of the elevator, it was all he could think about. She was all he could think about. 

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. Even with his eyes closed, all he could see was her face. He groaned in frustration, and yet it still couldn't drown out the sound of your voice. 

Grabbing the cup of coffee, he brought it to his lips and swallowed the extremely hot liquid, letting it burn his throat. 

It stung, singed his tongue, made his eyes water. 

Anything to get her out of his head. 

He shoved his chair back and stood up, stomping over to the large window. Looking down, he watched the people below hurriedly walking, listened for the cars honking obsessively. 

Neither the view nor the residual burning in his throat from the coffee helped.

She was still inside of his head, pining for his attention, occupying every crevice of his mind. 

The worst part was, he didn't want to silence her voice in his mind or wipe the image of her from his memory. 

He just wanted her. 

Her voice was sickeningly sweet. Fucking music to his ears. She looked so dainty, so delicate looking up at him. Beautiful eyes looking up at him, hair hanging loosely, framing her face. Blush creeping onto her cheeks as he looked at her. Those beautiful lips of hers pressed together, pink and full.

He started pacing back and forth in front of the window, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

Once he'd taken the elevator up to his office after the exchange with her, he stormed into Hux's office and asked who she met with. Once he told Kylo that he was the one you'd met with, he stomped back to his office and pulled the footage from the hidden camera. 

He watched intently, narrowing his eyes when Hux excused himself and left her sitting there. His breath hitched when after a few moments, she leaned back and stretched her arms behind her head. 

Her breasts pushed forward as she did, the buttons pulling slightly. When she'd stood up, he felt his cock twitch as he looked at the skin tight pants that were hugging her curves perfectly. 

It made him almost physically ache, watching her hips sway as she walked, imagining all the things he wanted to do to her. Imagining what would happen if he could get her alone in his office.

He'd grab her by the hips, slam her down over his desk. Rip those tight black pants off of her and throw them to the floor where they belong. 

Once he had her bent over his desk, standing there in nothing but her panties, he'd slow down, take his time with her.

He'd spread her legs open wide, kneeling behind her and gently kissing the back of her thighs. Teasing her, touching her everywhere except where she wanted him most. Finally, he'd remove that last piece of fabric and bring his thumb to her clit. Flicking it, pinching it gently, making her writhe against him. He'd slide a hand up to her entrance, spread the wetness all over her throbbing pussy. Insert just one finger, still teasing, groaning at the way she was already stretching around him.

He looked back to the footage, watched her bend over and pull the drawer open, anger bubbling in his chest when he realized that she was looking at confidential files.

But he was more interested in watching her bend over, the fabric pulled tight over her ass.

Fucking tease. 

His mind immediately returned to his little fantasy, his cock stiffening even more as he imagined her perfect ass stuck in the air while her face was against the desk. On full display, utterly under his control. He'd deliver a sharp slap on her ass, watching the way her ass bounced at the impact.

She'd squirm, cry out, jolt at the pain. But the wetness running down her thighs would tell him that she was thoroughly enjoying this. He'd make her count out loud as he delivered slap after slap to her sensitive skin, leaving his hand print on her. 

Marking her. Making her his. Punishing her for stealing the file. 

The file. 

Snapping out of his daydream, he looked back to the screen as she finally stood back up, closing the cabinet as she turned around. He paused the footage and zoomed in on the file, trying to see which one she'd stolen. 

She took the profits and losses file.

Sneaky little bitch. 

He downloaded the footage on his drive before closing out of it. Throwing the drive back into his desk, he slammed it shut.

That drive was his bargaining chip. 

And that drive had been there since Monday morning. It was Friday morning now. The drive was still there and of course, his fucking cock was hard again at the thought of her. 

Walking back to his chair, he sat down and tentatively brought his hand to his lap. He closed his eyes as his hand grabbed at his cock over his pants, rubbing and squeezing gently. 

Images of her lips flashing across his closed eyelids, pretending that they were wrapped around him. Sitting on her knees, holding her soft hair up for her while she slid his cock down her throat. 

He needed to stop. He was at work, for fucks sake. 

The nerve she had, stealing from the First Order. Stealing from him. 

It should've angered him beyond belief. He was angry, but it didn't even compare to how angry he was that her little stunt turned him on more. 

Probably because it made him think of ways to punish you. 

He pulled his hand off of his lap, groaning and angrily grabbing his coffee mug, downing the rest of its contents. He grabbed his phone and dialed the number he still refused to save to his contacts. 

It rang for a few seconds, making him bounce his leg in anticipation. 

"Hello, this is Kaydel from The Resistance's Public Relations office, how may I help you?"

It was a long shot that she would piece it together, that she would figure it out and contact The Resistance. But that was a risk he absolutely could not take. He was so desperate to make sure she didn't find out that he decided to call a woman he hadn't spoken in years. Not even over the phone. 

His mother. 

"I need to speak with Ms. Organa," he replied, not bothering to actually say hello. 

The words came out sharp, spoken quickly as if the name would cut his tongue.

"I'm sorry sir, but she's actually in an interview right now, can I take a-"

He hung up and slammed the phone down without another word. 

Interview.

So she had figured it out. And the bitch was already in an interview with Organa. He quickly turned his attention back to his computer and opened his email. 

He was planning on getting her email from Hux, but apparently he didn't need to. Phasma had forwarded him an email from a reporter asking about an interview. There's no way it was anyone but her. 

No one besides her had the nerve to willingly speak to him. 

He quickly drafted an email to her address. To his horror, his heart started racing as he typed her email address, seeing her name on his screen. Now, he could put a name to the face that was wreaking havoc on his life without even knowing it. 

Typing out a short email, he bluntly instructed her to meet him at his office at six. All of his patience was out the window at this point. 

The rest of the day was hell. He barely got anything done. Because, just like every other day this week, all he thought about was you.

After hours of anxiously pacing and mindlessly doing the work he should've been focused on, he looked at the clock. 

5:50

He knew his little reporter wouldn't be late, so he sent a message downstairs to the receptionist to send her straight up. 

He left his office and walked along the perimeter of the office, stopping once he got to the corner next to the elevator. A few minutes and then the light above the doors dinged. 

He didn't budge as the doors slid open and she stepped out, smiling to himself as he watched her look down both ends of the hallway. She looked too quickly and didn't notice him leaning against the wall.

Probably because he blended in so well. 

He let her walk a dozen feet or so in the wrong direction, watching her intently. Drinking in the way her hips swayed, the way her ass looked in that tight skirt, listening to her heels against the floor. 

"Wrong way," he finally said, smiling as she jolted and spun around to face him. 

He noticed how she tried to look confident but still noticed the fragments of anxiety coursing through her as she walked to him.

Once he led her back to his office, he let her sit down but stayed behind her, loving the way she fidgeted nervously when she couldn't see him. 

Most of the conversation was a blur to him. He was beyond angry that she had spoken with Organa, and nearly came unhinged when he found out what Hux had told her, but more than anything, he was drowning in desire. 

His main goal was to get her to hand over the file and stop her from publishing anything about his involvement with The Resistance, but he still had an ulterior motive. 

He was impressed at her audacity to demand more from him in this little deal he was arranging with her, and he used it as an opportunity to see her again, to spend more time with her, to maybe, just maybe, make his little fantasy of bending her over his desk a reality. 

It dawned on him that he could come out of this negotiation with a lot more than he expected. To appease her request and secure more time around her, he offered her information on Finalizer Industries. 

It was the perfect solution. 

He'd have more time with her alone, and that relentless investigating spirit in her would give her the ability to sink Finalizer with the information he handed her.

She didn't need to know why he wanted Finalizer to be finished. Maybe he could tell her one day. But not today. 

She agreed, making his heart hammer in his chest. He disguised it with an expression of indifference, even anger at times. 

He could make his desire come across a lot more like anger. It just came naturally to him. 

When the deal was settled, he stood up and headed towards the door. He wanted to cut this meeting short, make her want more.

Of course, right now, that just meant more information for her article. 

That'd change.

Eventually. 

But before he went to the door, he stood behind her, wanting to see her fidget again when he was out of view. 

She fidgeted even more when he placed a hand on her shoulder.

His cock twitched instinctively, just touching your shoulder driving him crazy. He had to restrain himself when he let his hand fall to her back when she leaned forward. 

She left soon after. But the lingering feeling in his chest and in his pants remained. 

One week. Only one week until she was back. 

She'd be his eventually, whether she knew it or not.


	5. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hella sexual tension

Like any normal twenty-something in New York City, you'd spent Saturday night absolutely hammered.

The night was mostly a blur to you, remembering only fragments of what happened. 

You remembered Poe calling Finn once your table was full of empty glasses, asking him to come pick you two up. 

You didn't remember when Finn had shown up, but you distinctly remembered running away from him once he dragged you two outside, just for him to catch you and throw you over his shoulder. 

And you could vaguely remember the walk home, your head hanging upside down while Poe stumbled along behind you, giggling and singing, and telling Finn how good his ass looked.

It was a miracle that all the hanging upside down and Poe's horrendous singing didn't make you throw up. 

Next thing you knew, it was morning and Poe's damn cat Bebe was licking your face. 

You knew you had told Poe about the interview the night before, but the amount of alcohol he consumed wiped away any chance of him remembering the conversation. 

To make up for that, you spent breakfast telling Poe and Finn about Friday evening. This time sober.

So Poe would actually remember. 

"So now I have to go back on a Friday night to try and interview his bitch ass," you'd whined. 

"He's such a dick," Poe muttered, taking a bite of his bagel.

"He is a dick," Finn agreed, "but what made you think stealing a file was a good idea?"

You narrowed your eyes at him and stuck your tongue out. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," you replied weakly. 

"I'm sure the six Long Island Iced Teas did too," he teased. 

You set your mug down and tilted your head at him. "Oh, are you forgetting your bachelor party? And the three bottles of wine you drank by yourself?"

Poe choked on his orange juice, laughing as Finn looked down in embarrassment. 

"We don't talk about that," he grumbled. 

You finished up breakfast with the two of them and stumbled home around noon wearing a t-shirt you'd stolen from Poe and a pair of gym shorts that Finn had given you. 

The rest of your Sunday went fine as you nursed your hangover. But the second you walked into the office Monday morning, all you did was dread your upcoming interview.

It was nearly impossible trying to start writing this article because you had almost nothing to go off of. You'd had to tell Kanata that your little hunch didn't pan out.

Which was a flat out lie.

You'd been completely right, had evidence in your hand and Hux on record. And you couldn't use it. Not unless you wanted to lose your job and your career. 

So you sat at your computer looking at an almost blank screen, knowing that you had more than enough to write about. But you simply couldn't write about it. 

The days blended into each other, going by way too slowly and yet way too quickly. 

And now, Friday was here. 

Your feature was coming along slow, so you picked up a couple simple articles that needed to be done. As you mindlessly typed away, working on a small piece that Kanata had given you Monday, you couldn't stop your mind from wandering back to Ren.

The image of him towering over you when he blocked you from leaving, the way your chest almost collided with him. His hair gently brushing his shoulders, nearly the same color as his suit. His lips- 

Stop.

Shaking your head and looking back at your computer screen, you were horrified to see that you had actually typed out what you'd been thinking. 

Slamming your hand down against the keyboard, you quickly deleted any trace of what you'd just written. 

"What the hell did that keyboard do to you?" Poe asked, staring at you.

You looked up, your face flushed. "Uh, nothing," you replied.

"You're literally the worst liar I know."

You glared at him, making him smile before he returned to his work. 

Thinking about Ren was the last thing you needed to be doing right now. Actually, the last thing you should be doing at all.

Before you knew it, it was a quarter past five.

"Good luck," Poe called as you stood up from your desk.

You grumbled at him and rolled your eyes. Just as you were passing his desk, he grabbed your arm and tugged on it.

"Pull you skirt up and undo a few more buttons," he whispered.

You smacked him on the back of the head which only made him laugh harder.

Not wanting to give Poe any satisfaction, you waited until you were outside of the building to hike your skirt up a bit and undo a button.

Only one button, of course. Nothing crazy. 

Deciding that you needed some food and caffeine before you dealt with Kylo, you ducked into a café and got a muffin and latte. Like usual, the line was long and you waited nearly twenty minutes. 

Which meant you had to scarf down your muffin and haul ass to the Order headquarters. 

It was six o'clock on the dot when you stepped into the lobby. Just like last time, the receptionist just waved you in and you got in the elevator. 

You nearly jumped out of your fucking skin when the elevator opened to the 9th floor and Kylo was standing right in front of you. 

"You're late."

Frowning, you looked down at your watch. 

"It's 6:02," you replied. 

You stepped out of the elevator expecting him to move back.

He didn't.

The elevator was about to close so you had to take a step forward. You took a step towards him so you didn't get hit by the doors.

Which resulted in your body being nearly pressed up against his.

"My email didn't say 6:02," he stated curtly. 

He was much taller than you. Your face was chest level as you stood there, him still refusing to move. Trailing your eyes up from his chest, you caught his gaze.

Stoic. Jaw set, eyes blank, lips pressed together. You tried not to notice the fact that his black dress shirt was stretched taught against his chest and shoulders, his sleeves rolled to his elbows and the top two buttons undone.

Clenching your teeth, you stared back at him. "My apologies, sir," you replied. 

He didn't say anything. Instead, he finally took a step back and turned on his heel, leading you to his office again.

You sat down in the same chair as last time. He followed suit, closing the door and slowly walking to his own chair. Swallowing nervously, your eyes flew to the side of the desk where the drive was, tucked away in the drawer. 

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. The grip on your cup tightened as you noticed the way his position emphasized his biceps. His arms were bulging under the constraints of his shirt, making your heart rate pick up a bit.

You tore your gaze from him, afraid you were accidentally eye-fucking him. Looking out the large windows, you took a sip of your drink and crossed your legs. 

Hearing something move on the desk, you looked back to see Ren pushing a coaster towards you. You smiled politely and leaned forward to place your drink on it.

Making sure, of course, that you leaned forward and pushed your breasts together. 

You smiled slightly when you noticed his eyes venturing downwards slightly before returning to your eyes. 

"Let's start the interview, hm?"

He didn't reply, simply nodded at you. You took your notebook out and set it on your lap.

"To sta-"

"How was your week?"

You froze, your mouth still open. He looked at you innocently, treating this like a normal conversation between friends. 

"I'm supposed to be the ones asking questions," you muttered, "but it was fine, thank you."

"Now, getting-"

"Are you not going to ask me how my week was?"

You froze again, annoyed at the fact he was still skirting around the interview and interrupted you. Again.

Taking a deep breath, you smiled at him, resisting every urge to use his letter opener to stab him in the neck.

"And how was your week, Mr. Ren?"

He smirked, noticing how irritated you were already. 

"Fine as well," he responded, "since I didn't have a reporter snooping around in my belongings."

"Journalist," you corrected him, a fake smile still plastered on your face. 

"Same thing."

You cleared your throat. "The interview, if you don't mind," you muttered through clenched teeth.

He didn't interrupt you with any more obnoxious questions, so you took advantage of his silence and tried to start your interview. You were about to turn on your recorder when he leaned forward.

"No audio," he said, pointing at it.

You looked up at him, puzzled. "Seriously?"

He didn't reply. "Fine," you muttered.

You weren't sure why he had an issue with it, considering you were telling him beforehand. 

Not like it was some secret. 

"There's pretty much no information about you online, can you tell me why?" you asked.

He shrugged, uncrossing his arms. "I'm a private person," he answered. 

You nodded, watching as he stood up. He walked slowly to the side table with the coffee machine, picking up an apple from a bowl that was sitting there.

"Hungry?"

You shook your head. He returned to his chair, eyes locked on yours as he sat down and took a bite. 

You tried not to notice the way his lips were shining with juice from the apple, the way he licked his lips as he chewed. Swallowing, you looked down at your notepad. Pretending it was suddenly very interesting. 

"It seems like it'd be hard to be a private person when you're running such a well-known company," you mentioned.

Another bite. Licking his lips again as he watched you. 

"Not necessarily," he replied. "I simply run my company and keep my life separate."

Quickly scribbling down what he said, you focused on his eyes rather than his mouth and he continued to eat his apple. 

"You seem pretty young to be the CEO of a company as large as this," you added. 

"29."

You grinned, glad that he didn't make you work for that piece of information. 

"You seem pretty young to be a journalist at a paper that's so highly regarded," he said.

He wasn't joking, no trace of a smug smile. 

"24," you replied.

"Impressive," he observed. 

"Can you tell me why Snoke-"

The words died in your throat as he licked one of his fingers clean of the apple juice that had trickled onto it. Clearing your throat and trying to recover, you asked the question again.

"Can you tell me why Snoke stepped down?"

The infamous smirk returned to his face as he threw the apple core away. 

"The First Order needed a newer, younger approach," he replied, "and Snoke was no longer ideal in that position."

"Obviously, you're quite talented for him to entrust this company to you," you praised, "an apprentice to him in a way, yes?"

He nodded. "Apprentice," he repeated. "You could say that."

You scribbled that down, your hands shaking a bit. He must've noticed.

"You seem nervous."

Yes, because you basically just made out with an apple while staring at me. And your voice is really low and it's-

"No," you lied, "what makes you say that?"

"Just an observation."

You politely assured him you were fine, and continued with your questions. 

You internally celebrated when he started to open up, answering your questions without hassle, even telling you a few things about his childhood. Like where he was born. 

"I was born upstate, but moved to the city when I was a child," he informed you. 

"I'm assuming you moved to the city with your family, hm?"

His eyes darkened. "Are you doing a feature on me or my family?" he snapped.

Alright, touchy subject. Let's avoid that for now.

You tried to keep up the rapport you were developing with him. 

"I only moved here for college," you told him. "What was it like growing up here?"

He smiled. Almost sadly, you noticed.

"It makes you grow up faster," he replied. "I'm sure you understand that."

You laughed and nodded. The interview kept going smoothly after the slight bump in the road at the mention of his family. You had gotten quite a bit from him regarding personal information, and were about to start asking more questions about his company. 

"Since the change in leadership, how much has revenue-"

"Next week."

Dammit.

You were really hoping that you could knock this interview out today. Apparently, he had other things in mind. He stood up, making you sigh loudly as you finished writing a few words down and picked up your bag. You heard him come behind you and assumed he was heading for the door. 

"Don't get so frustrated," you heard him say. 

He was right behind you, his hands gripping the back of your chair. 

"I'm not frustrated," you replied, setting your bag on your lap.

You were about to stand up when he leaned over you and grabbed the drink you had resting on the coaster. His breath fanned the side of your face as he retrieved the cup, lingering next to you as he placed it in your hand.

Your chest was rising quickly, your entire body rigid. He still hadn't budged, his hands still on the chair. After a small eternity, you stood up from your chair and turned around to face him.

His eyes met yours briefly before he dragged them down your body, taking in your appearance. You shifted, feeling suffocated under his gaze.

"Nervous," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper.

You knew you were blushing. You didn't offer a reply, assuming that the color and expression on your face gave him the answer he was looking for.

He released the chair and stepped to the side right as you went to walk past him, effectively blocking you.

Is this going to happen every time?

"I'll see you here next week," he said, looking down at you. 

You seemed to pull yourself together slightly. Trying to seem a bit taller, you straightened your posture and tilted your head up. 

"Is this why no one's gotten an interview out of you yet?" you questioned him with your eyebrow raised. 

It'd make sense. He was making it awfully difficult to just get a simple interview done, so it wouldn't surprise you to find out that people had tried to interview him before and given up. Decided he was a lost cause. 

His lips twitched into a smile. "No," he replied.

Your eyebrows knit together. "Then why?"

His smile faded, the serious look in his eyes returning. 

"I've only granted an interview to one person," he replied.

That didn't surprise you. Calling him a 'private person' was the understatement of the year. 

You opened your mouth to ask him who the person was and find out why the interview never made it to the press, but he beat you to it. 

"You."


	6. You Drive Me Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say is, don’t read this with other people around

The obnoxious man that you'd been tasked with getting to know had become the biggest pain in your ass for two reasons. 

One, because he was drawing out this interview unnecessarily long, making you have to push deadline after deadline back. 

This piece was supposed to be done this week, but you'd had to go tell Kanata was Ren insisting that you perform this interview in multiple installments. She was perfectly fine with it, simply glad that you'd even gotten the interview.

But you were livid, and wanted nothing more than to get this piece published. To finally, officially, be the first one to find out practically anything about Kylo Ren. 

The second reason was a much less appropriate reason. 

You couldn't stop fucking thinking about him.

And, you couldn't stop thinking about fucking him.

Every time you turned on your computer and tried to work on this damned article, all you could think about was him - the way he looked at you, the way his gorgeous, dark hair framed his face perfectly, the way his muscles rippled under his shirt. Pretty much everything about him. 

A small part of you hoped he was thinking about you too. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, you crossed his mind a few times. 

A voice in the back of your mind told you that it might be true, that maybe he did think about you, maybe he did feel something between the two of you. Feel something unprofessional. Something about the way he looked at you, letting his eyes linger a bit too long. 

You weren't naïve though. You knew that the odds of Kylo Ren finding some random writer attractive was one in a million. But something about the way he acted around you, the things he did. 

Like gently touching your lower back when you walked by him, raking his eyes up your body, blocking your path which resulted in you standing chest to chest with him. Teasing you, purposefully irritating you while you tried to do your job, smiling proudly when he made you flustered. 

Oh, and literally sucking his finger clean of juice from the apple he was eating. While staring right at you. 

Since you couldn't keep literally anything to yourself, you'd told Poe all the details, and kind of mentioned that you were thinking about him in a highly unprofessional way. 

"Well, I'm not surprised," he muttered. "The man is extremely good looking and obscenely wealthy."

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. He was right, but it still sounded so bad. His advice on the whole situation was to just go for it. 

"Think of it this way," he said, "you flirt back, get under his skin like he's doing to you, and you pull the information out of him."

"And if you get lucky, he fucks you on his desk," he added.

At the time, you'd smacked him and told him to shut up. But you'd be lying if you said that it didn't sound tempting. 

Who could blame you? The man was gorgeous. 

Poe had convinced you that there was no shame in wearing more revealing clothes for the next interview, claiming that it was 'for the sake of the job'. You decided that this little plan might actually work, rationalizing it by saying that you were doing it for the article. 

And maybe, in a certain turn of events, he would bend you over his desk. But that'd be just an added bonus. 

If you were going to play into this little game of Kylo's, there were a few things you'd have to do.

The first thing you had to do was to run home before your interview and change into something a bit more eye catching.

Since it was Friday, you'd worn a pretty casual outfit to work. Jeans, blouse, and a blazer, just to dress it up a bit. Once you got home, you ditched the jeans and the blouse, grabbing a black skirt and a white satin tank top instead. You usually reserved that shirt for when you went out on the weekends, but you could make an excuse.

The neckline was extremely deep, nearly showing your bra underneath. You tucked your top into the tight skirt and put your jacket back on, not wanting to deal with creeps on your way over to headquarters.

The second thing you had to do was to get to the meeting early and catch him off guard. 

Since his whole 'my email didn't say 6:02' bullshit, you decided that today, you were going to show up early and emphasize your punctuality. 

This feature was your top priority, but you still had other small articles to cover. Luckily, you'd finished them early today and Kanata had no problem with you ducking out early.

You stepped into the elevator right at 5:45. 

The third and final thing you had to do was to keep your confidence level up and really challenge him, just like Poe had told you when all this started. 

So that meant snapping back at him when he started to get cocky, start taking control of the situation. Basically, show him that you weren't going to give in, weren't going to bend to his will, and you were going to get what you wanted. 

You took deep breaths as you approached the ninth floor, putting on a blank expression as the doors slid open. For the first time, Kylo wasn't standing there waiting for you. 

Since you'd been here twice now, you knew how to get to his office without him having to lead you there. 

Challenge him. Don't let him get the upper hand. And do not let him get under your skin.

Taking one last deep breath, you smoothed out your clothes and rolled your shoulders before you knocked on the door.

It flung open in seconds to reveal Kylo standing there with his usual stoic expression, except for his widened eyes. 

"You're early," he stated.

You noticed that he stole a glance at your top.

"Wouldn't want to keep you waiting like last time," you replied, pushing past him and walking into his office. 

You took your usual seat and grabbed your notebook, placing it on your lap while you waited for him to sit down. 

He must've been taken a bit off guard - exactly like you'd intended - because it took him nearly an entire minute to close the door and walk over.

You could've imagined it, but you thought you heard the sound of the door locking. You dismissed it and he finally walked over to his desk and sat down, unbuttoning his jacket as he did. 

"I'll be asking you about your company more today," you informed him, your voice flat and emotionless. 

His eyebrow raised a bit, not expecting you to be so straightforward. You saw his lip twitch and knew what he was going to say.

"How was your-"

"My week was fine, thank you," you snapped. "How was yours Mr. Ren?"

You could see his breath hitch, his eyebrow raising again."Mine was fine as well," he replied slowly, looking at you cautiously.

You smiled and took your pen in between your teeth, sliding off your jacket, making sure to maintain eye contact with him while you did. 

His grip on the armrest of his chair tightened, giving you a boost of confidence as you reached up to remove the pen from your mouth. 

Once your blazer was removed and resting on the back of your chair, you clicked your pen and took a glance at your notes, starting to ask the questions you had prepared.

It was going relatively well. He was still adding some snide remarks and occasionally side stepped your questions, but you immediately responded with a sharp reply, repeating the question firmly until he gave you the answer you needed. 

The hardest part was getting him to open up about the changes he's already made in the company since his promotion, as well as his plans for The First Order's future under his leadership. But eventually, the struggling was worth it and you got your answers.

"The First Order needs to become more ambitious, possibly by starting new projects overseas," he informed you.

"Hm, well you had the opportunity to start a new project but, if I remember correctly, you made the decision not to," you sneered.

He's clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes at you. 

"I still have that drive you know," he muttered.

You smiled widely. "No need to get defensive, I was just stating a fact," you replied.

You dropped the subject and returned to your questions, letting him explain more about his new ambition for the company. He remained on edge for a bit until the conversation picked back up and he could relax.

Whenever he was beginning to get a bit difficult, you'd make sure to lean forward slightly or cross your legs so your skirt rode up, making him pause a bit and stop him from getting too cocky. 

You decided to test the waters a bit and see just how much information you could pull out of him, you veered back towards questions about his personal life, even though you had intended to concentrate on his business practices.

"What made you decide to pursue a career in business? Maybe a family member or some kind of mentor?" you asked him. 

He ran a hand through his hair, and you took his calm expression as a good sign. Your heart dropped a little when he stood up and slowly walked to the window. You didn't need his answer for the interview, but it seemed like a good thing to include if you could swing it.

"None of those, actually," he finally replied, much to your relief. "I made the decision on my own because I wanted to be able to provide for myself and be a leader."

You were impressed by the honesty of his answer, taking down his reply word for word so you could use it as a direct quote.

"What about Snoke? Was he not an influence in your decision to enter the business world?" you asked, testing the waters a bit more. 

A beat. "He recruited me to work for The First Order, but I was involved in the business world before his influence."

You asked a few more questions about how he got started, like what jobs he held before his current position and how he got to where he is today. There was a lull in the conversation as you finished taking notes, looking back up to him when you were finished. 

He turned slightly to gesture for you to come stand by the window with him. Keeping your confidence level up, you stood up and walked towards him, positioning yourself between him and the small couch. 

"You've been quite cooperative today," you observed. "Were you drugged or something?" 

You looked at him out of your peripheral. Letting your mind wander a bit, you drank in his appearance, admiring his side profile and the way his hair fell around his face. 

"Ah, yes and you haven't been an obnoxious little detective today either," he replied. 

"It's my job to be obnoxious," you snapped. 

"Mine as well," he replied. 

You both remained standing there, a layer of tension surrounding you. As if both of you wanted to say something or do something, but didn't know that the other did too. 

Suddenly, you felt his hand on your lower back. You turned to see him smirking slightly. Trying to keep yourself calm and possibly make him a bit nervous, you dragged a finger across his arm, outlining his muscles.

You could feel him tense and saw his smile fade. 

"For such a private person, you seem to have no issue touching strangers."

You dropped your hand but kept looking at him, his hand still firmly pressed against you.

"I think we're a bit more than strangers," he said, "considering you know more about me than most people."

You looked back out the window but could feel him still looking at you. 

"Besides," he added, "I don't think you mind me touching you. 

You didn't reply but your lips nearly twitched into a smile. He started running his hand up and down your back slowly, finally bringing it to rest at the back of your neck. His grip tightened and he moved behind you slightly, leaning in closer.

"You drive me crazy," he mumbled.

"Likewise," you replied, your body rigid. 

His lips were right next to your ear and you turned slightly, his lips now nearly pressing your cheek. He dropped his hold on your neck and placed both hands on your hips, spinning you around to face him. 

Your chest was rising with quick, labored breaths, silence falling as you stared at him. The scent of his cologne was intoxicating and your proximity to him was making your head spin.

Slowly, you raised one hand to his tie and gripped onto the fabric. His eyes were dark, laser-focused on you as you looked up at him.

In an instant, his lips were crashing into yours and releasing his hold on your hips to cup your cheeks. You immediately responded and used your grip on his tie to pull him towards you, parting your lips for him.

He turned you slightly and walked you backwards until your legs hit the side of the couch. He pushed you down to make you sit on the armrest, nudging your legs open at the knees to situate himself in between your thighs. 

You brought both of your hands to his dark, gorgeous hair, tugging slightly. He moaned into your mouth and leaned forward, quickly wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you from falling backwards.

He pulled his lips from yours, still holding you tightly against him. You were both breathing heavy, your chests touching each time you inhaled. 

"Such a fucking tease," he mumbled. 

You licked your lips. "Not sure what you're talking about," you replied. 

He quickly dropped his hand to your thigh, gripping tightly and rubbing circles against your skin. "Don't play dumb," he hissed, "you know exactly what you're doing."

You smiled up at him innocently and reached for his tie again. You tugged on it, bringing his face inches from yours. "Who would've known that Kylo Ren was so easily tempted," you whispered. 

His hand on your thigh tightened significantly, his fingers digging into your skin. Without looking away from you, he pushed the material of your skirt up and placed his hand dangerously close to your core, making you suck in a breath. 

"If I were to touch you here," he whispered, lifting a finger to touch you over the fabric of your panties, "what would I feel?"

You couldn't help it. Your breathing grew erratic and your hands started shaking slightly.

"Would I feel how wet you are already? Feel how badly you want me?" he teased, a smirk plastered on his face. 

He used his grip on your waist to bring you upright before he stepped away from you. Before he could completely walk away though, your hand shot out to grab his wrist. You stood up and took a step toward him, bringing your other hand to his belt buckle. 

"If I were to touch you here, what would I feel?"

He didn't answer but his breath caught in his throat. 

"Would I feel how hard you are already? Feel how badly you want me?" you teased, using his own words against him. 

You lazily trailed your hand down to the bulge in his pants, squeezing gently. 

"Looks like I was right," you sneered. 

He grabbed your arm tightly. "Sit on my desk."

You smiled at him and raised an eyebrow. 

"Assuming you want to," he added. 

Well, obviously, you did. Trying not to reveal your eagerness, you slowly started walking towards the desk. The second you sat down, he was standing in front of you, using his hands to open your legs. 

His lips found yours again while his hands gripped both of your thighs. The kiss was hungry, needy, practically dripping with desire. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip before he bit down gently, making you sigh in pleasure. You moaned loudly against him, placing your hands on his chest. He tore his lips from yours, tilting his head down to leave a trail of kisses from your jaw to your neck.

"I need to know that this is what you want," he whispered against your skin.

You scoffed. "I'm sure you know the answer to that already," you replied. 

He sucked harshly on your neck, making you hiss. "I need to hear you say yes," he muttered.

He ran his tongue over the bruise he had just formed, making you hum in pleasure. "Yes," you finally replied. 

He was having more of an effect on you than you cared to admit. Laughing in between kisses, his hand moved to clutch your hair. He pulled on it, tilting your head back. His teeth nipped at your jaw, sending shivers up your spine. "I should warn you," he said, "I am not gentle."

Your lips twitched into a smile and you raked your nails down his chest, stopping once your hands were on his belt. "I should hope not, Mr. Ren," you replied. 

Tugging on his belt, you pulled him as close to you as physically possible, taking initiative and pressing your lips against his. You could feel the bulge in his pants against your thigh, making you grind your hips into him. He moaned into your mouth, allowing you to slide your tongue past his lips. 

He pulled away suddenly, and grabbed your shirt in his fist. "You knew exactly what you were doing, walking in here dressed like this," he hissed, looking down at the fabric in his hands. "Practically asking me to fuck you."

He was right, but he didn't need to know that. "You must think awfully highly of yourself to think that I'm that desperate," you murmured.

Tilting your head down, you slowly brought your hands to his zipper. Before you could unzip it, he grabbed your wrists. 

"You are sorely mistaken if you think you're in charge here," he seethed, glaring at you. 

"Oh really?"

He roughly released your wrists and yanked your shirt over your head, attacking your lips with his briefly before pulling away from you. He looked down at your black, lacy bra, slowly running his hands up your sides.

"Fucking hell," he mumbled, taking a few seconds to admire your half naked body. 

Without taking his eyes off of your chest, he tugged at your skirt. You lifted your hips, allowing him to slide the tight fabric down your legs, dropping it to the floor. 

The second he saw your matching lacy black thong, a low groan tore from his throat. "Just asking to be fucked," he hissed. 

One of his hands went to your back, unclasping your bra and removing it swiftly. His hands immediately moved to grab your breasts, covering them completely. His lips connected with yours again while he continued squeezing your breasts. You moaned into his open mouth, arching your back into his touch as his palms brushed your hardening nipples. 

His lips left yours and he dropped his head to your chest, taking one of your breasts into his mouth. His tongue swirled around your nipple, loud moans tumbling from your lips. Your hands flew to his hair, tugging on his dark locks and whining at each movement of his tongue. His hand grabbed at your other breast, massaging it as his tongue continued to work you. Your legs squeezed around his hips, drawing him closer to you. 

He released your breast with a pop and groaned as he watched it fall back to your chest. He took the other breast in his lips while his hand trailed down to your panties. 

His thumb found your clit, slowly drawing circles. "Fuck, right there," you mumbled.

He pulled his mouth away from your breast and looked down as he pushed your panties to the side.  
He ran a finger up your soaking wet slit, making you shudder. You moved forward a bit until your ass was nearly hanging off the edge of the desk, giving him better access to your cunt. 

"Someone's eager," he mumbled.

Before you could make some snide remark, you felt him slide a finger into you. You sucked in a breath, letting your eyes flutter closed as he began pumping you slowly. 

He tilted his head back up to bring his lips to your collarbone, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. Pleasure flooded through you and you pushed your hips down, aching for him to push into you further. 

You slowly brought your hand to your chest, massaging your breast and pinching your nipple.   
At the same time, Kylo curled his finger inside of you, a loud whimper escaping from you. You moved your hand from your chest to wrap around your throat, squeezing firmly. He noticed, and immediately pulled his head away from you and removed his finger from your cunt.

"Don't you fucking dare," he seethed, wrenching your hand away from your neck. 

His eyes were locked on you as he quickly unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, immediately shoving the fabric aside and reaching to release his cock from his briefs. 

You looked down and gasped slightly, taking in the sheer size of him. His cock was rock-hard, heavy and throbbing with need. 

His hand wrapped around your throat, choking you and sending a fresh wave of arousal to your cunt. "You don't get to do anything unless I give you permission," he said through clenched teeth.

Ignoring him, you slid your hand down to his cock, wrapping your hand around him and tugging slightly. "If you want control, you have to take it," you whispered. "It's not going to be given to you."

He immediately reached down to rip your hand away from him and he used his grip on your throat to push you down onto the table, the sound of your back colliding with the desk echoing in the room. 

Miscellaneous objects on his desk fell to the floor as he leaned over you, placing his hands on either side of your head. He kissed you roughly and brought one hand to his cock, pumping himself.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" 

He was teasing your entrance with his cock, barely pressing his tip against your soaking wet cunt. You nodded, whining quietly. 

"I said," he hissed, "do you want me to fuck you?"

"Yes, please," you replied, finally caving. 

He groaned and pressed his tip into you more. "You want me to fuck you hard?"

"Fuck, yes, just-"

He interrupted you by slamming his entire length into you. Your mouth opened in a silent scream as he forced you to accommodate his length, splitting you  
open. 

He brought his newly freed hand to your throat, choking you. He leaned on his elbow, his face less than an inch from yours as he thrusted into you relentlessly, pounding his cock into a pussy that was too tight for him, forcing you to stretch around him.

"Fucking hell you're so tight," he mumbled in between pants. 

You were trying to moan in response, but his grip on your neck was too tight. A coarse groan managed to escape you, making Kylo cuss under his breath. 

"Shit-" he mumbled, looking down at your face, reddened from his hold on your throat. "Look at you, you can't - mmmh - can't even moan for me, can't even speak. Fuck, you look so good like this."

He smiled as he watched you, getting off on the way you were struggling beneath him, struggling to breathe. He pulled his hand away from your neck, causing you to sputter and gasp for air. 

"Laying on my desk, fucking the man you're supposed to be interviewing," he said in between breaths, smiling devilishly at you. 

Each one of his thrusts seemed to be harder than the last. Your tits were bouncing wildly, the whole desk shaking from his movements. Your hand flew to your mouth to try and stifle the screams that threatened to tear from your throat. 

Kylo didn't seem to like that. The second he saw that you were trying to quiet yourself, he ripped your hand away. "I want to hear you, slut," he hissed.

In any other context, that would've made you slap the shit out of him. But in the moment, all it did was heighten your arousal. 

He brought his thumb to your mouth and pushed it past your lips. You immediately started sucking on it, making him groan in response. After a few seconds, he pulled his thumb away and brought it to your cunt, drawing circles on your clit with it. 

A loud moan tore from you followed by a string of expletives as his thumb worked your sweet spot mercilessly. "Oh fuck, right there," you moaned, your hands reaching to hold onto his shoulders. 

Your eyes shut as you felt the pressure building in your stomach. Your release was burning inside of you, and you knew you wouldn't last much longer. His thrusts were growing more erratic and you knew he was close too, his moans becoming louder as he repeatedly slammed into you. 

"Open your - oh fuck - your eyes," he ordered. 

You obeyed, opening your eyes to see him looking at you. His forehead was creased, lips swollen, panting with each thrust. He groaned seeing the way your face was crumpled in pleasure, your lips parted as loud moans tumbled from them. He leaned down and kissed you again, his groans mixing with your own as his thumb continued to rapidly work circles into your clit.

You pulled away when the pressure of your impending orgasm become too overpowering.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum Kylo," you cried, gripping his shoulders like your life depended on it. "I'm gonna cum on your cock."

He started fucking you harder than you thought was humanly possible, spurred on by your words. All you could hear was the sound of his skin slapping against yours as your orgasm ripped through you, drowning you in pleasure. 

Your entire body was shaking uncontrollably. Back arched and head thrown back, a loud scream tore from you as his thumb continued to work your clit, making every second of your orgasm stronger. You clenched around him and felt his cock twitch, signaling that he was close. 

He removed his hand from your clit once you started to come down from your orgasm, now chasing his own release. One of your hands came down from his shoulder to rest on your abdomen. "Fucking shit, I can feel you in my stomach," you whined, opening your eyes to watch him.

That was all it took to send him over the edge. He dropped his head to the crook of your neck and groaned loudly as he spilled his cum inside of you. He carried out his orgasm with turbulent thrusts, shooting white hot liquid deep into your cunt. He kept rolling his hips slowly to exploit every ounce of pleasure, until he was completely spent. 

You ran your fingers through his hair as he came down from his orgasm, breathing heavily against your neck. After a while, he pulled his head back up to hover over yours, looking at you. 

Both of you were still breathing heavily, foreheads glistening with sweat as you looked at each other. Your chest was pressed against his as you laid there silently. Cautiously, he brought a hand to your face and cupped your cheek gently. He left it there for a few seconds before removing it, bringing it to your forehead and tucking a stray piece of sweat soaked hair behind your ear. You smiled at him in response, bringing your own hands up to his tie and straightening it. 

You looked away first, embarrassed by the way you'd so easily submitted to him. He sensed it and pushed himself off of you, gently holding your waist to sit you up. 

Mumbling a quiet 'thank you', you slid off the desk and started gathering your clothes that were strewn through the room. He was standing still, slowly buttoning his pants and refastening his belt. 

You heard him fumbling with something and assumed he was trying to put his desk back together. Once you were and at least half presentable, you turned around. 

He was walking towards you from behind his desk, holding the thumb drive and a slip of paper. He handed both to you, and you saw a phone number scribbled on the paper. Your heart fluttered a bit and you clutched the items in your hand.

"Like I promised," he said. 

You nodded, unable to stop yourself from blushing and suddenly feeling very shy. 

"The number is just in case," he mumbled. 

You raised an eyebrow. "In case of what, sir?"

He didn't reply. Instead, he grabbed your waist and kissed you. This kiss was different from the rest. Soft, slow, filling you with a sense of calmness. 

When he pulled back, you were slightly out of breath again, shocked by his gentleness. Remembering the mess you'd made, you glanced around the room to see the contents of his desk on the floor. You pulled out of his grip and moved to pick them up, but he grabbed your arm.

"I'll handle this," he said gently. 

You nodded slightly, suddenly unsure of what to do next. Deciding that grabbing your things was the best idea, you walked towards your bag and grabbed your jacket off the chair. 

Once you had everything, you stood back up to see him still standing there, looking at you. 

"I'll see you here next week, yes?," he asked. 

He was smiling, but you picked up on a sliver of worry in his voice. Possibly worried that you wouldn't come back. 

Snapping out of your thoughts, you cleared your throat. "Yes, um, I'll see you here next week, same time as usual," you replied, heading towards the door.

You stopped once you grabbed the handle. "Thank you, Mr. Ren," you said, turning around. 

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at you. Realizing why he was doing that, your eyes widened a bit. "The interview," you quickly added, "I meant the interview."

He kept that smirk plastered on his face, making part of you want to smack him while making the other part of you want to hop back on his desk and go for round two. 

"I'll see you next week, Ren," you said as you turned back around and grabbed the door handle.

"Until then," he replied.


	7. For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems like Kylo sees this going further than you.   
> For now...

Poe was going to kill you for not telling him what happened Friday.

You were going to tell him. Just not yet. 

The interview - well, the interview and the incident that came after - had your head spinning, distracting you from doing anything with your weekend besides flopping down on your couch. 

All you could think of was Kylo's stupid, gorgeous face. The way his full, pink lips were swollen from kissing you, his eyes staring into your own as his hands gripped your waist. 

The image of him was burned into your mind. 

Deciding you actually needed to do something productive, you pushed yourself off the couch and walked towards your disaster of a kitchen table. Artoo was whining so you grabbed one of his treats and threw it to him, watching him attack it with his tiny little teeth.

You at least had to clean up the table enough to get your stuff ready for the week. Mugs littered the table so you grabbed them first, placing them in the sink with the rest of the dishes you still hadn't done. There were a couple books laying there too, so you quickly restocked them. Now, the only mess was the gigantic stack of papers strewn about, your mail buried under them, and your laptop.

You somewhat sorted the papers, placing them in a pile at the edge of the table. One of them caught your eye, and you realized that it was an article about The Resistance that you'd printed out. You looked at it a bit, thinking back to your interview with Organa. 

I can't say much on the subject, but I can tell you that Kylo Ren used to be a very different person

Your mind wandered back to the picture you'd seen in the waiting room. The one with Organa, her husband, and her son. 

Our thanks to the Solos - Leia, Han, and Ben.

Then it clicked. It all made sense, all the pieces falling into place. And you couldn't believe that you didn't realize it sooner. 

Why Kylo was so private, unwillingly to mention practically anything about his childhood. Why he halted the project to demolish the building that The Resistance had offices in. Why Leia said that Kylo Ren used to be a very different person.

Kylo Ren wasn't just a very different person. He was Ben fucking Solo. 

The article fell from your hands as you scrambled to find your notebook where you'd written down notes from your interview with Organa. Including that date that the picture of Ben and his parents was taken. 

You searched on the table for it, but it didn't seem to be there, not hidden under a bunch of papers or even on the floor or a chair. You tried retracing your steps to think of where you could've left it.

You knew you had it Friday morning because you used it to take notes during a meeting. You remember throwing it in your bag and you knew that you didn't take it out of your bag when you ran home before meeting Kylo. Which meant that the last place you had it was-

Well, fuck.

You buried your face in your hands and groaned, realizing that you'd left it in Kylo's office. 

After he fucked you on the desk. 

You grabbed your phone and went to your bag, retrieving the small slip of paper Kylo had given you. Angrily punching in the number, you sent him a text that you had left your notebook in his office and needed it immediately.

It was only 5 o'clock, and you were fairly certain the man didn't have a Sunday dinner with his family to attend. 

As much as you wanted to just leave the notebook there and get it Friday, it had information in there that you needed, information that you couldn't wait until Friday to get.

Your phone buzzed and you quickly opened it. It was from Kylo, to your surprise. Even more surprising, he said to meet him at the office in half an hour. 

Exhaling loudly, you rubbed your eyes. As much as you wanted to show up in just your old t-shirt with zero makeup on, you figured you'd at least get dressed properly. You threw on a pair of leggings and a thin sweatshirt, and actually took two minutes to put on mascara. Dealing with your hair was out of the question, so you just left it as it was.

The cab ride wasn't long and you probably should've walked, but you might as well finish off a lazy weekend by being lazy. 

You checked your phone and saw another text from Kylo, telling you that he was already upstairs and to just come straight up.

Following his directions, you walked into the building like usual. It felt weird being here on weekend, not seeing the usual receptionist or hearing a low hum of people moving about.

You walked into the elevator, nervously tapping your foot as you came closer to the 9th floor. Being nervous in this building wasn't new to you, but being nervous to see Kylo because you now knew who he really is was definitely new to you.

All too soon, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Kylo wasn't standing there waiting so you followed the all too familiar path to his office.

His door was open but you knocked anyways before you stepped into the room. Every ounce of anxiety inside of you melted into unbridled anger when you saw him sitting in his chair reading your notebook. 

"What the fuck are you doing?"

He didn't look up. His eyes were glued to the book in his hands, mindlessly flipping. "I'm reading," he mumbled.

You were so mad that you were certain you'd combust at any second. Stomping over to his chair, you slammed your hand on his desk and were about to snatch your notebook from him when he quickly stood up and held the book above his head.

There was no way you could grab the book out of his hand. He was way too fucking tall and you had enough dignity to not try and jump for it. 

"Give me my notebook Ren," you spat. 

He just smiled at you and lowered the book slowly, only to hold it behind his back. "You're quite observant," he said. "Cat hair on blazer and a small claw mark on the pocket," he said, quoting the notes you'd written in your notebook during your interview with Hux. 

Anger was still raging inside of you, drowning out his words. "You have no right to go through my-"

You stopped when he raised an eyebrow at you, smirking. "You're right," he said, "it is wrong for someone to go through another person's things without their permission."

Sighing in defeat, you pinched the bridge of your  
nose and closed your eyes. "Point made," you muttered. 

He laughed and slowly brought a finger to your chin, lifting it to make you look at him. You tried to maintain a firm expression, but you got distracted while looking at him. 

Dropping the notebook on the desk, he removed his hand from under your chin without another word, stepping around you and walking towards the window. He flopped down on the couch, crossing his legs. "Since you're here, why don't you stay a bit?"

In all honesty, you were quite tempted to join him on the couch and pick up where you left off on Friday. But you couldn't stop yourself from bringing up what you'd just figured out today. 

You walked away from his chair and leaned against the edge of the desk, diagonal from Kylo. 

"Why didn't you tell me that you're Ben Solo?"

His face fell, the smug expression disappearing in an instant. Your expression was blank, knowing that it wasn't the time to be cocky. 

Jaw clenched, entire body tensed, he looked away from you and down to the floor. "So the little reporter figured it out," he hissed.

You rolled your eyes and pushed yourself off the desk, taking a step towards him. "Stop being an asshole," you snapped. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

He scoffed. "Why would I tell you that? So you could turn around and publish it in the fucking paper for everyone to see? It no one's business, including yours," he spat.

His voice was angry, but you could hear the hurt laced through it. "I wouldn't have published that," you replied, your voice softening.

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "Sure you wouldn't," he spat, "but you would steal a confidential file and threaten to release the information you found."

You sighed and looked at him for a few seconds before responding. "If I had known that this was such a personal issue, a family ordeal, I would've dealt with it differently."

"I may be some obnoxious journalist, but I'm not  
cruel and I wouldn't do that to you," you added.

His anger was still tangible but after a few seconds, his expression seemed to soften a bit, a smile returning to his lips. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're being nice to me," he replied. 

"Shut up," you mumbled.

You walked towards the couch and sat down next to him. "What else do you know?" he asked. 

You turned your head to look at him. "Nothing besides what I just told you," you replied honestly. 

He tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling. "Is that why this happened on Friday? Was it part of your plan to get more information?"

You laughed before you realized that he was being serious."Are you suggesting that I fucked you to get information?" you replied, nearly yelling.

He sat upright again but didn't say anything. Just looked at you, waiting for an answer. Sighing, you ran a hand through your hair. "That's absolutely ridiculous and I almost don't want to validate it with a response but no," you replied, "I did not..." you trailed off and cleared your throat, "What happened Friday was not an attempt to get more information out of you."

A silence fell, making you shift uncomfortably. You wanted to tell him that he could trust you enough to explain his family situation, assure him that you wouldn't use it against him. And you wanted to find out more, but you didn't want to push him. 

"Why do you act like you hate me?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

You scoffed. "I don't act like I hate you," you replied.

He laughed darkly. "Yes you do," he insisted. 

You chewed the inside of your cheek and looked down at your lap, trying to muster up some courage. "Acting like you hate someone is the easiest way to  
keep things professional," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Why do we need to keep things professional?"

You looked back up at him. 

"I mean, we've already crossed the line of professionalism," he added, laughing dryly. "Would it be the worst thing to let whatever this is be whatever it wants to be? Whatever it's supposed to be?"

A blanket of silence fell over the two of you again as you tried to process his words while Kylo waited for an answer. You weren't really sure what to say. 

Instead of replying, you leaned towards him and pressed your lips against his. He kissed you back, snaking an arm around your waist and pulling you  
closer. 

You broke the kiss to look at him. "What exactly is this?" you asked.

He paused, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. "Let's find out," he replied, a smile returning to his face. 

He pressed his lips to yours, his arms holding your waist tightly. You wanted to pull away again and ask him a million more questions about his family, about this, about his past. But the fire of his kiss melted any thought in your mind and all you could focus on was him. 

His hold on you was firm but still gentle, bringing you closer to him. You parted your lips to deepen the kiss, your hands moving to hold his jaw. He copied your movements, parting his lips and slipping his tongue into your mouth. You moaned against him, arching your back into him. His hands found your hips and he guided you onto his lap. 

You straddled his legs and wove your hands through his hair, holding him against you. His hands slowly moved up and down your sides as he kissed you, dragging his lips across yours as his tongue explored your mouth. You moaned quietly into his mouth and your grip on his hair tightened. His hands squeezed your hips a bit harder, keeping you pressed tightly against him. 

One of his hands left your hips and traveled to your hair, clutching it and tugging on it softly. His lips detached from yours as he used the hand in your hair for leverage, tilting your head to the side. He placed kisses across your neck, sucking lightly. You pulled on his hair, urging for more. He laughed quietly before gently nipping at your skin, swiping his tongue over the red marks he left behind. When he bit down slightly harder, you whimpered and shifted on his lap, making him hiss at the friction. 

Your hands travelled down his chest, stopping at the hem of his shirt. As he continued kissing your neck and tenderly running his teeth across your skin, you slid your hands underneath his shirt, sighing at the feeling of his bare skin on your fingers. The hand that was still on your hip pulled you down onto his lap firmly and you could feel his hardness against you. You slowly started moving moving on his lap, your desire for him mounting. The hand in your hair tightened and he started kissing up your neck and to your jaw before finding your lips again.

He groaned as you shifted more on his lap, kissing you with more force as you brushed against his hardness. You slid your hands out from under his shirt and tugged on it. As you did, you realized that he was only wearing a t-shirt, not the dress shirt you were used to seeing him in. 

He got the message and broke away from you to remove his shirt, his eyes never leaving yours. You slowly ran your hands across his chest. It was the first time you'd seen his bare chest, the first time you'd been able to stroke his warm skin, feel the broadness of his chest this closely. His eyes were on you as you stared at his chest, watching your fingers trace his muscles. You allowed yourself to take his appearance, realizing that he was a real man underneath the intimidating, corporate persona. 

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Kylo grabbed the bottom of your sweatshirt and pulled it over your head. It was right then that you remembered you hadn't put a bra on before you left. His eyes darkened as he admired your bare chest. 

"Not very professional to come to my office without a bra on," he teased. 

You rolled your eyes and he yanked you against him, one of his hands resting flat on your back while the other reached in between you, working your breast with his hand. You leaned down to catch his lips with yours as he massaged your breast, squeezing firmly. He did the same with your other breast, making you moan into his open mouth as his tongue danced with yours. 

With a new sense of urgency, he placed both of his hands back on your hips and guided you to grind onto his lap. You groaned at the feeling, making him kiss you deeper as loud moans escaped him. You pulled away as he kept guiding your hips down onto his, bringing a hand to softly hold the side of his jaw. 

"I don't hate you," you said, staring into his eyes. 

You kissed him hard for a few seconds before dropping your head to the crook of his suck, sucking on his skin gently. "But you know we shouldn't be doing this," you mumbled. 

His grip on your hips tightened. "Just because we shouldn't doesn't mean we can't," he whispered in your ear. 

You pulled back to look at him, smiling. He smiled too, his hands lazily caressing your skin. Your hold on his jaw tightened as you looked into his eyes. "I want you, Kylo," you said, making his breath hitch. 

Quickly, you stood up and pulled off your leggings while he removed his joggers. You climbed back onto him and slung your arms around his neck, kissing him as he grabbed your hips again. He reached down in between you, pumping his cock before lining himself up with your entrance. 

His lips were on yours as you lowered yourself onto him and he groaned once he was fully seated inside of you. Hands resting on his shoulders, you slowly started riding him, rolling your hips. 

You lifted yourself up slowly before lowering yourself again, riding the whole length of his dick, gasping when he was fully inserted again. He groaned as you clenched around him. "Fuck," he breathed.

The grip on your hips tightened and you were sure that it'd leave bruises. As you lifted yourself up again, riding him a bit faster, he used his hold on your hips to slam you back down onto his cock while he thrusted upwards. You cried out, your head falling back as pleasure coursed through you. 

You started fucking him faster as he guided your hips, filthy expletives slipping past his lips. You whimpered as he continued pulling you towards him, slamming you down on his cock roughly. You placed a hand on your lower stomach, letting him know just how deeply you felt him. A growl ripped from his throat and he released your hips to bring both hands to your breasts. He dropped his head down and wrapped his lips around one of them, massaging as his tongue swirled around your nipple. 

He groaned against you as he sucked harshly, making you clench against him. Your hands flew to his hair, tugging as he flicked your nipple with his tongue. He brought his mouth to your other breast, sucking so harshly that you cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain. 

He pulled his mouth away but kept his hands on both of your breasts, leaning forward to place his lips on your neck. "You feel so fucking good," he mumbled against you.

His words and hoarse voice made you clench around him, electing a low groan from him. "Fuck, yes, such a good girl," he moaned breathlessly. 

Whines tumbled from you and you wrapped your arms around his neck and tilted your head down, watching his cock draw out of you before slamming back in. The sight of it nearly sent you over the edge, making your grip on him tighten. 

"You like watching yourself get fucked, don't you," he growled. 

All you could do was whimper in response, unable to form any words. "Fucking shit, I'm so close," you whined, "I'm so fucking close."

You were fucking him as fast as you could, your thighs burning from the tension. Your release was drawing closer and closer, making you clench tightly around him. He was close too, and he wrapped both of his arms around you, pinning you against his chest. He started relentlessly thrusting into you, making your eyes roll back in your head. Your nails scratched at his back, deafening moans ripping from your throat. 

His hips snapped against you impossibly fast and before you knew it, your orgasm crashed over you. You were cumming on top of him, head resting on his shoulder, moaning and crying out even louder, yelling his name unintelligibly. Kylo followed suit soon after, sharply slapping your ass and repeatedly whispering your name in between breaths. 

You groaned as he emptied himself inside of you, filling you completely. Your head rested in the crook of his neck, both of you coming down from your highs. He loosened his grip on you slightly but still held you close against him, lazily tracing his fingers up your spine.

He brought his hand to your head, playing with your hair gently until you had recovered enough to sit up. His arms didn't move from their place around your waist as he leaned in to kiss you softly. After a few seconds, you pulled your lips away, shaking your head in confusion.

"What happened to your 'I don't go gentle' rule?"

He brought a finger up to your chin, eyes focused on you. "I made an exception," he replied. 

"Just this once," he added, smirking. 

He helped you pull yourself off of him, but kept you in his arms, still pressed closely against him. You tore your gaze away from him and looked out the window. "We need to be careful," you said softly. "I don't want to jeapordize either of our careers."

He nodded, humming in agreement. "And," you continued, "I'm sure we're both on the same page that this is just..." your words faded and took a deep breath. "This is just physical."

You said it more to remind yourself than to remind him. To remind yourself that this was just two people pleasuring each other, simply a physical attraction between two people. "Of course," he replied. 

"For now," he added, his voice barely above a whisper. 

You were too tired to object, too tired to tell him that it wasn't just 'for now' - it would always just be physical. Instead, you let yourself relax in his arms and pressed your lips to his, listening to the sound of the city below as his hands played with your hair.


	8. Not Jealous, Just Competitive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you...jealous?

Trying to write an article about the man you're sleeping with is a lot harder than it seems.

You were trying to write about Kylo's company yet all you could think about was him fucking you in his office. Sighing loudly, you rubbed your temples and set your elbows on the desk.

"You're stressing me out," Poe said.

You looked up at him, eyebrows knit together. "How?"

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "You're stressing out and it's making me stress out," he explained. 

"My apologies, Mr. Dameron," you replied. 

His face scrunched up when you addressed him like that, making you laugh.

"What's going on?" 

You groaned, shaking your head. "Ren," you mumbled.

The word had already left your mouth when you realized what you'd said. There was no reason for you to think that he knew what had happened between you and Ren, but you were still worried. You took a long sip of your tea to hide your panic. 

"Still being a pain in the ass?"

Relief washed over you. "Yep, just being difficult," you replied, lying through your teeth. 

You hated not telling Poe the truth, but you couldn't tell him yet. At least not until this article was behind you or until you figured out whatever was actually going on between the two of you. 

"Are you at least getting something out of him?"

Yeah, but not in the way you're thinking. 

You could feel yourself blushing, but kept a blank expression. "Yeah, he's been a lot more forthcoming than I thought," you replied. "I'm actually close to being done."

He raised an eyebrow. "Impressive," he said. 

You were about to say something when your phone buzzed. Looking down, you saw a text from Kylo. Poe noticed your frown.

"Who's that?"

You sighed. "Ren, actually," you mumbled. 

"Oh?"

"He says he has something for the article, something that apparently can't wait until Friday," you replied.

"Wait a minute," Poe said, leaning forward in his chair, "Ren is seeking you out to give you information for the article?"

You shrugged. "Seems like it," you said, "but I wouldn't get too excited, I'm sure it's just to make himself look good," you sneered.

It was already four o'clock when Ren texted you, so you spent the next hour focusing solely on getting this article as close to being finished as possible. 

When 5:15 rolled around, you were ready to send your draft to your editor for a preliminary review. You stopped by her office on the way out to let her know

"Hey Korr," you chirped, "I just emailed you a draft to get a head start on revisions."

She looked up at you, pushing her glasses back on her nose. "Oh perfect, I'm glad you're making progress," she replied.

"I should have the final draft for review by Friday, depending on whether Ren cooperates today," you added. 

You made small talk with her for a bit, asking about her husband and daughter before excusing yourself and heading towards the elevator. 

Poe was still buried in work but he held his hand up to you and you gave him a high five on your way out, his eyes never leaving the screen. 

Making a quick detour, you headed to a coffee shop on your way over to his office, already feeling a headache coming on from a lack of caffeine. You tried to drink herbal tea this morning, knowing that coffee made you jittery and anxious, but it just wasn't cutting it. 

You had ordered a vanilla latte but the barista had accidentally forgotten to add the vanilla, and despite emphatically assuring her that it was fine, she insisted on remaking it for you. So it looked like Ren was getting a coffee too. 

The building was deserted like it usually was when you came by, and even the receptionist wasn't there. You got in the elevator and made the usual path to Ren's office, noticing the door was open.

He was sitting at his chair, shoulders hunched over as he typed furiously at his laptop. He didn't notice you yet, so you quietly stepped into the room and approached his desk, footsteps silent on the carpet. 

You sat down, casually crossing your legs and taking a sip of your drink. 

"Am I interrupting?"

His eyes snapped up to look at you as if you'd just magically appeared. You smirked at him, and stood up, placing his drink next to his laptop. 

He tilted his head at you. "Bought me coffee? That's nice," he said, "and so unlike you."

You rolled your eyes and sat back down. "Don't flatter yourself, they had to remake my drink," you replied. "So you get the reject latte."

He took a sip. "This is fine, why was it a reject?"

"It's poisoned," you deadpanned.

He narrowed his eyes at you in response. 

"They just forgot the vanilla," you informed him. 

He scrunched his nose. "Vanilla lattes are practically just sugar," he sneered. 

You ignored his comment and he set his cup down, bringing his attention back to his laptop. "I have to finish this quickly," he muttered, his fingers beginning to type furiously again. 

You sighed and took a sip of your drink. "Should've told me to come at 6:30 then," you mumbled. 

"Don't be a brat," he replied, eyes never leaving the screen. 

Rolling your eyes, you took out your phone and started mindlessly answering some emails and texts. After a few minutes, the sound of him typing faded and you looked up at him. 

He had finished whatever he was doing and was now looking at you, taking another sip of his latte. He didn't say anything but still had his eyes locked on you. 

"You know," you said, "just because we're seeing each other doesn't mean you can drag me here in the middle of a work week for no reason."

He raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair and grinning at you. "Seeing each other?"

Realizing what you'd just said, your eyes widened in panic, in disbelief that you had accidentally just said that. Seeing the smug, satisfied look on his face, you glared at him. 

Laughing slightly, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk. "And despite the fact that we're seeing each other," he replied with a smirk, "I didn't drag you here for no reason."

He motioned for you to come to him and you did, slowly getting out of your seat and moving to stand by his chair. He slid the laptop towards you slightly, giving you a better view. Just as you leaned forward to look at the screen, a strong arm wrapped around your waist and tugged you onto Kylo's lap.

You yelped quietly, holding onto the desk. Turning around as much as you could, you looked at him with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

He didn't reply, instead just pointed to the screen. You turned around slowly as his hands held your waist. 

There was a 3D design of a beautiful building on the screen. Dark red-brown brick and ivory colored stone, making the building look modern but still classic, a dark green awning hanging above the golden front doors. 

You leaned in to read the writing underneath it. When you did, your jaw nearly hit the floor. 

"Holy shit," you mumbled. 

The Alderaan Hotel had burned down just over a year ago, and the only progress that had been made in rebuilding it was clearing the debris. But right now, you were looking at the design for the building to take its place. 

"You're rebuilding The Alderaan," you said breathlessly.

He hummed in response and you shifted forward on Kylo's lap, looking closer at the sketch. His grip tightened on your waist and he sat up straighter, his chest flush against your back.

"It won't look exactly like the original, but it will maintain certain similarities," he mentioned. 

"And, you're the only person outside of The First Order that has seen this," he said added. 

You turned around, placing a hand on his chest for balance, a huge smile on your place. "Are you going to let me use this in the article?"

"Yes," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"How did you get permission to release this?" 

He scoffed. "The only permission I need is mine," he replied. 

Your smile widened and you turned back around, looking at the sketch again. "It's beautiful," you breathed. "I can't believe you got the project."

"Nice to see how much confidence you have in my company," he mumbled.

"That's not what I meant," you replied, eyes never leaving the screen. "This is just a really big deal, and, and I'm really impressed."

He hummed in acknowledgment. You were so focused on the sketch, zooming in to see all the details, that you didn't realize Kylo's hand had left your waist. 

You sucked in a breath when you felt his large hand on your thigh, pushing the material of your dress up. His lips brushed the back of your neck, his hand caressing you. 

Gently, he draped his arm across both of your thighs and turned you slightly on his lap, allowing you to face him. One hand held you tightly against him while the other cupped your cheek.

"Why are you giving me the design plans to publish?" you asked, slinging an arm around his neck and placing your other hand on his chest.

"It'll help you and help to strengthen the article," he replied, rubbing circles on your cheek with his thumb. 

"I know, but why are you helping me?" you asked, eyes focused on him. "Is it because I'm having sex with you? Is this like payment?" 

Your tone was playful, but there was genuine curiosity behind your words. He stopped stroking your cheek, holding you in place. 

He knit his eyebrows together, looking at you intently. "No," he replied firmly. "Why would you think that?"

You shrugged, lazily tracing your finger across his chest. "Because I don't know why else you would," you told him. 

He gripped your waist tighter, fingers digging into your skin. "I'm helping you because you because you're a very talented writer," he replied.

Your lips twitched into a smile, blushing. "How would you know?"

"I've read your work," he replied, leaning in to kiss you gently. 

You pulled back, stunned. "You did?"

"You're not the only person that does their research," he replied. "I'm helping you because you've earned it and I would only trust someone as skilled as you to be the one to write about me and my company."

You knew your face was bright red by now. You were never good at taking compliments, and you didn't really didn't know how to handle it coming from him. Especially while you were sitting in his lap.

Shifting slightly, you leaned forward to brush your lips against his softly. "So if another writer came to you asking for an interview," you said, "would you give them the same treatment?"

You raked your nails on his chest, bringing your lips to his jaw. "Never," he breathed.

You shifted on his lap and felt him tense, holding onto you tighter. Dipping your head down, you kissed down his neck, all the way to the collar of his shirt. You hummed against him as your tongue glided over his skin, making his breath hitch. "You almost seem jealous," he mumbled, his smile evident in his voice. 

You slowly brought your hand down to his belt. "Not jealous," you replied, "just competitive."

Shifting lower on his legs, you placed your palm on the bulge in his pants. You gripped him softly and leaned in to him, bringing your lips less than an inch from his, but not kissing him. Just teasing him.

A growl tore from his throat and he crashed his lips into yours, catching your bottom lip in between his teeth. He slid his tongue into your mouth, moaning against you. You grabbed his face, pulling him towards you and deepening the kiss, making him groan with every movement of your lips.

Before you could process what was happening, Kylo had stood up, bringing you with him. He spun you around and pushed you forward, your hands landing on the desk. Grabbing a fistful of your hair, he pulled it towards him, arching your back. You could feel the hardness in his pants pressed firmly against you.

"I made an exception for you last time," he hissed, "fucking you gently. I will not make another."

He grabbed the laptop and slid it to the side before slamming you down onto the desk. His hand roughly grabbed the bottom of your dress and pulled it up to your waist. Immediately, he yanked your panties down to your thighs. 

You heard him fumbling with his belt buckle, making you press your legs together in anticipation. "Do you trust me? Trust me to not hurt you too much?"

You nodded as best as you could with his grip on your hair. He growled and delivered a sharp slap to your ass, making you writhe against him. 

"Say it," he hissed. 

He tugged on your hair harder, making your back arch more. "Yes, I trust you," you breathed. "Now hurry up an f-"

Without any warning, you felt Kylo push himself into you. 

You gasped loudly as he fully sheathed himself inside of you. He groaned loudly at the tightness and you whimpered, feeling yourself stretching out impossibly far. 

He showed no mercy, giving you no time to adjust before he started thrusting into you. You whined and reached behind you, trying to grab his arm. He saw and immediately seized your wrist, slamming your hand back on the table. 

"If you know what's good for you, then you'll keep your hands on the fucking desk," he growled. 

He pressed into you hard, making sure you felt him as deep as possible. You cried out, nails digging into the desk while tears pricked your eyes. "Fuck, I-I can't," you whimpered. 

Your underworked cunt was stinging with each thrust, but you couldn't deny the arousal building inside of you. 

"You asked for me to fuck you," he hissed, "now be a good girl and take it."

A few thrusts later and you were practically dripping around him. You moaned loudly when you felt him coat himself fully in your wetness, sending a new wave of pleasure through your body.

He felt it too and groaned loudly, beginning to fuck you even harder, grunting lowly with each thrust. You clenched around him, your cries melting into moans of ecstasy. His jaw went slack as a moan tore from his throat, long and sustained as he fucked you relentlessly.

Kylo slapped your ass hard, the sound echoing throughout the office. You whimpered and clenched around him, the pain heightening your arousal.

"You like getting fucked this hard?" he growled. "You like getting bent over my desk like a good little whore?"

His words made you moan obscenely. You felt him bend over, pushing you harder into the desk, his stomach flush with your back. He released your hair from his fist to wrap his newly freed hand around your throat, his other hand holding your waist. He squeezed the sides of your throat while the hand that was on your waist traveled towards your cunt, drawing quick circles on your clit. 

The hold on your throat made your moans and whimpers sound like strangled breaths. Kylo's hips snapped against your ass loudly, mixing with the sounds coming from him. 

He removed his hand from your throat, making you sputter and gasp for air while uncontrollable moans and whimpers spilled past your lips. You felt the same hand what had just left your neck bring a light smack to your cheek, making your breath hitch and a small whimper escape you. 

You instinctively clenched around him, your wetness dripping onto your thighs. "You like that?" he growled in your ear. "I know you fucking liked that."

You'd never been fucked like this before, never done something this dirty. Never even thought about doing this sort of thing, much less thought that you'd like it. 

But here you were, being introduced to a new world of filthy pleasure and wondering how you went so long without it.

"Yes, yes," you whimpered breathlessly, arching your back deeper for him. 

He slapped you again, this time harder. The sound of his palm smacking your cheek filled the room and you could already feel the red handprint forming. 

He was groaning loudly and you could tell he was getting close by the way his cock twitched inside of you. He continued working your clit relentlessly, his hips snapping into you roughly. 

"Fuck, I'm so close," you cried, your head falling back. 

Another sharp slap came across your cheek and one thrust later, your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks. Kylo followed closely behind, burying his entire length into you as he released himself with an animalistic groan.

You collapsed on the desk, unable to move or think. Kylo pressed a kiss to the top of your head as he slipped out of you and gently rested a hand on your back. 

He grabbed a tissue and gently wiped the inside of your thighs before pulling up your panties. He helped you stand up, holding you until you were balanced. You pulled your dress down too and tried to smooth your hair out.

It was a comfortable silence, both of you putting yourselves back together. You cleared your throat and looked at him. 

"So will you just email me the-" you paused when you saw him smirking at you. 

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What?"

He laughed slightly and pointed at your face. You grabbed the compact mirror from your bag and opened it, trying to see what he thought was so funny. You gasped when you saw your cheek.

"Oh shit," you mumbled, looking at the prominent red handprint on your face.

You couldn't help but laugh too, gently running a hand over your face. It was already sore, sensitive to the touch.

"Anyways," you said, putting the mirror away, "I was going to ask if you'd just email me the design sketch when you get a chance."

He assured you that he would before walking towards you. His chest was nearly pressed against yours, making you tilt your head up to see him. 

He brought a hand to your cheek, cupping it gently.   
You couldn't stop yourself from wincing slightly, but you smiled to assure him that you were fine. In all honesty, you liked it. Liked being marked by him. 

Taking you by surprise, he tilted his head down and kissed you gently, letting his lips linger against yours. Kissing during sex was one thing, but kissing after having sex was different. He pulled back and brushed a piece of hair off of your face, making you blush. 

"Thanks for helping with the article," you mumbled, eyes locked on his.

He hummed in response. "You write great articles," he replied, "so I expect nothing less from you with this."

You lightly smacked his arm and he grinned at you. He looked so different without his usual stoic expression. 

That must be what Ben Solo looked like. 

You took a step back from him, grabbing your bag off the chair. "Do you still want me to come Friday? Or do you want me to just finish up right now?" 

"Friday," he replied simply.

You took a step towards him again. "You sure you want to deal with me again this week?"

A barely noticeable smile crept onto his face. 

"I could ask you the same thing," he replied.


	9. What You Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S T E A M Y

You'd left Kylo's office on Wednesday more than satisfied and yet by the time you got home, you still wanted more. He had given you more than you'd expected, made you feel things you'd never felt before, pleasured you in ways you'd never experienced. 

But all you could think about was more. More pleasure, more of him.

It had been just two days since you'd seen him, just two days since he'd bent you over his desk. And you spent nearly every minute thinking about fucking him again. 

As if to make you suffer even more, Kylo had texted you at noon that he would have to move your interview with him to eight instead of six. And, he told you to meet him at his apartment. 

Because he had pushed your meeting back two hours, you had plenty of time to go home and change and even eat dinner quickly. 

And by dinner, you meant a microwaveable dinner from your freezer. 

Not knowing how long you'd be gone, you fed Artoo before you left and set out some extra food for him in case he got hungry later.

You left your apartment and got a cab, not wanting to walk since it was getting a bit colder out. You mindlessly texted Poe and made plans to go out with him tomorrow night, but your mind would only let you think about Kylo. With every passing building, your anxiety grew more and more and before you knew it, the driver was pulling over.

It was one thing being with him in his office. But it was another to be heading to the place where he lived. He was such a private person and yet he was the one that had invited you to his apartment.

Just as you suspected, the building was extremely high-end. From one look, you could tell that the residents were dripping with wealth, just like Ren. 

Swallowing nervously, you got out of the cab and walked towards the building, smiling politely towards the doormen. 

Following Kylo's directions, you gave a code to the security guard who then directed you to the elevators. Once inside, you had to enter another code before you could hit the button for Kylo's floor. The top floor of the building.

The elevator opened, revealing a small walkway that led to another set of doors. You stepped out and stood there, your stomach in knots. 

You knew him better than most people, and had spent a considerable amount of time with him, and yet the man still made you nervous. Kylo was just intimidating, a commanding aura surrounding him at all times. 

But at the same time, you found him absolutely intoxicating. 

He was mysterious and dark, and being with him made you feel a bit dangerous. He challenged you, matched your sharp wit, kept you on your toes. 

Finally, you made yourself take a step forward towards the doors. You were about to knock when Kylo swung the door open, making you accidentally hit his shoulder with your fist. 

"Ouch," he deadpanned, staring down at you.

"You know," you said, "usually the door opens after someone knocks."

He said nothing as he opened the door wider, letting you step inside. Despite your best efforts, you audibly gasped when you walked in. 

His apartment - well, penthouse - was stunning, to say the least.

"Holy shit," you breathed, taking a few more steps forward. You stopped to look out the large windows, admiring the view.

He came to stand behind you, placing a hand on your lower back. You sucked in a breath at his proximity and stood up straighter.

"I've been thinking about you," he said quietly, his words sending shivers up your spine.

"Oh really," you replied, trying to remain composed. 

He hummed in response and stepped away from you, heading towards two white leather couches in the middle of the room. You followed him, sitting on the couch opposite of him. 

You wanted nothing more than to finish this interview as quickly as possible and just jump on him. But you knew you had to remain somewhat composed and professional until you got the information you came for. 

He leaned forward and picked up a pitcher of water, pouring you a glass that was sitting on the coffee table. His shirt was unbuttoned dangerously low, and you couldn't help but sneak a glance as he pushed the glass towards you. 

You set your bag next to your feet and took a sip of water, eyes never leaving him. "I was hoping that you could give me some of the information on Finalizer Industries that you have," you said, settling your notebook on your lap. 

He hummed and crossed his legs, leaning back and slinging his arm across the back of the couch. You watched as his shirt stretched across his broad chest and felt a heat creeping onto your cheeks. 

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to agree or at least say something. 

"If that's what you'd like to focus on today," he replied, "then yes. Do you already have enough for the other piece?"

"I believe so," you informed him, "but if you'd like to talk about yourself more, then by all means."

A smile twitched on your lips as he glared at you. "No need for the attitude," he muttered, "just trying to help."

"I know," you replied, nodding slightly, "and I appreciate it."

You reached into your bag for your recorder, silently hoping that he wouldn't tell you to put it away.

Nope. Not that lucky. 

"No recording," he said flatly.

You huffed and scowled again him. "You talk faster than I can write and-"

"No recording."

You rolled your eyes, holding the recorder in your hand loosely and staring at him. Neither of you said anything, instead just looking at each other. 

Once you realized that he wasn't going to change his mind, you sighed.

"Fine."

You made a show of placing the recorder back into your bag, but quickly hit the record button before setting it down. 

He had a smug expression on his face, making you roll your eyes. "So what is the information you claim to have on Finalizer Industries?" you asked, focusing on the task at hand. 

He stood up and walked past you, leaving you sitting there. "I don't just claim," he called from behind you, "I have information." 

Less than a minute later, he returned, holding a piece of paper. He placed it in front of you on the table and sat back down. 

You leaned forward to look at it, coincidentally giving him a perfect view of your chest. Just a coincidence, of course. 

It was a printed-out email. "This was sent by a former employee who was injured on company time," he explained. Reading the email, you saw that this former employee was accusing Finalizer Industries of installing faulty machinery that caused his career-ending injury. And, he was accusing the company of knowing that this machinery was not safe prior to installing it. 

"This was sent to the man that oversees production in their factory upstate," he added. You looked up at him with wide eyes, utterly shocked. 

"How did you get this email?" you asked breathlessly. 

"Not important," he said, dismissing you. You scrambled to take notes, making sure to write down the former employee's email. This was a huge lead and if you could manage to speak with the man and get his full story, you might be able to prove what he was alleging. 

He informed you of the man's injury, making you grimace as you wrote down what he said. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. And you wanted nothing more than to talk to this man and, with his help, make Finalizer take responsibility for what happened. 

You asked him more questions for nearly half an hour, becoming so invested in the conversation that you didn't even notice that he'd stood up and come to sit by you. 

You felt his hand come to rest on your upper thigh, making your breath hitch slightly. Slowly, his fingers crept across your skin until his arm was extended over both of your thighs. You couldn't even register what was happening before he had reached into your bag and grabbed your recorder.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice that you turned this on?"

A burning heat crept into your face.

Shit.

He locked his eyes on yours before slowly bringing the recorder to the table. It landed with a sickening plop in your glass of water.

You shut your eyes, grimacing. "That wasn't a smart idea, sweetheart," he whispered in your ear. "And you're going to pay for it."

You shivered at his proximity and at his words, the threatening tone of his voice coating you in a thick layer of lust. Tentatively, your eyes fluttered open, focusing on the wall in front of you. "First it was the file, now it's this," he mused. "I'm going to make sure there isn't a third incident."

He grabbed your arm and stood up, bringing you with him. Your chest was pressed against his as you stood there, tilting your head back to look at him. 

Finally, Kylo cupped the side of your face and crashed his lips into yours, the sheer force nearly pushing you back onto the couch. But he held your waist tightly as he kissed you, his tongue sliding against yours in a wet heat. 

You reached for him, trying to bring your hand to the back of his neck in hopes of deepening the kiss, trying to bring him even closer to you. But he grabbed your wrist before he could, pulling his lips from yours in the process. 

He shoved your wrist back down to your side and before you could say anything, he crouched down and wrapped his arms around your thighs, throwing you over his shoulder. 

"Kylo! What the f-"

"Quiet," he snapped, delivering a sharp smack to your ass. You whimpered and held onto his shirt as he started walking, no doubt heading towards his bedroom. 

Finally, you heard a door opening. The second he set you down, he seized your wrist and spun you around, pressing his chest against your back. 

"You think you can take my cock, and you think you can take advantage of my generosity," he muttered harshly against your ear. He roughly grabbed your breasts, massaging them as his lips found your neck.   
"Isn't that right?" he asked, squeezing your breasts forcefully. 

You leaned into his touch, your head falling back onto his shoulder. "You're a needy, ungrateful little slut," he murmured. "Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you, hm?"

You squirmed in his hold, aching for more. His words sparked a fire within you, fear and overwhelming eagerness coursing through your body. You yelped when removed his hands from your chest and grabbed your elbows, wrenching your arms behind your back. "Do you?" he asked again.

You weakly shook your head, writhing against him. "Do you want me to tell you?" he taunted, his lips right next to your ear. 

Nodding, you arched your back, trying to find a more accommodating position as he held your arms behind you. He responded by jerking his hands, restraining your arms even tighter, eliciting a whimper from you in response. 

He made sure that his hold on you hurt, relishing in the whimpers coming from you. But the sounds coming from your lips suggested something more sinister, something you were a bit ashamed to admit.

"I'm going to destroy you," he whispered darkly, sending shivers up your spine. 

Your entire body felt like it was on fire. You were afraid but more than anything, you were excited and buzzing with desire. This is what you wanted, what you had been craving more of. And now, you were finally getting what you asked for. 

"Strip." 

He released your arms and gave you a light shove, allowing you to turn around and face him. Swallowing your fear, you slowly reached behind yourself and unzipped your skirt. You watched him as you did, eyes locked on his face as you slid the fabric down your thighs. His jaw clenched as you stepped out of your skirt and started taking off your blouse. You moved slowly, knowing that this was the only sense of control you had over him. And probably the only time you'd be in control of for the rest of the night. You threw your blouse to the floor, standing in front of him in just your bra and panties. 

You smirked a bit, watching him tense as he looked at you. Reaching behind your back, you unclasped your bra and let it fall from your chest. You locked eyes with him as you hooked your thumbs in the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your legs painfully slowly. 

Kylo tensed even more, his hands clenching at his sides. "Hands and knees, on the bed," he ordered once you had discarded your last piece of clothing. 

Your cheeks flushed a bit, suddenly very aware that you were standing in front of him completely naked, completely vulnerable while he was still fully dressed. You turned around and walked towards his bed, positioning yourself on your knees and leaning forward on your hands, arching your back as deep as possible. 

Fear crept through you as you heard his footsteps, pacing at the foot of the bed and drinking in the view. You swallowed thickly as he climbed onto the bed, positioning himself behind you. 

All you could hear was your labored breathing as you waited for him to do something, waited for him to touch you. Finally, he spoke up. 

"Count for me."

"Wha-"

Smack. 

You cried out and jolted forward. One of his hands seized your hip, holding you in place. You could already feel the handprint forming on your skin but he gave you no time to brace yourself before he brought his hand down again, the sound of him smacking you echoing in your ears.

"I said count, slut," he hissed, his fingers digging into your hip. 

"One," you croaked, tucking your head to your chest. His hand came down again and again, each one harder than the last, your cries and whimpers getting louder with each slap. Any sense of control you had was long gone. You were breaking under his touch and he knew it. And he loved it. 

He stopped after ten harsh slaps, bringing his palms to glide over the skin he had just assaulted. "I like seeing you like this," he mused, gently palming your ass. "So needy, aching for me." 

You squirmed under his touch, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from whimpering at his words. He trailed his hand down to your thighs, bringing his fingers dangerously close to your already soaking wet cunt. 

"Still think you can handle me?" he taunted, pressing harder on the inside of your thighs. You grimaced at the wetness you felt pooling between your legs, overwhelming arousal coursing through you. He apparently didn't like your lack of a response based on the way he roughly grabbed a fistful of your hair. You yelped as he pulled you upwards, slamming your back into his chest. Instinctively, you found his hips behind you, holding tightly. You could feel his hardness against you, a quiet moan tumbling from your lips. 

"When I ask you a question, I expect an answer," he hissed against your ear. 

You scoffed. "I could say the same to you." you muttered. You knew you were playing a dangerous game, but you wanted to push him, to make him lose control. 

He tightened the grip on your hair, pulling you tighter against him. "I don't even need an answer," he murmured, bringing his lips to your neck. "I know that you think you can handle me." He sucked harshly on your neck, his tongue gliding over the bruised skin. "But I'd love to see you handle me tonight," he said, laughing darkly. 

He released you and you fell forward slightly, catching yourself on your hands. You felt him climb off the bed and listened to his footsteps as he moved to stand next to you. 

"Sit back on your knees," he instructed. 

You did, wincing when your ass hit your heels. Kylo came to sit in front of you, his legs still hanging off the bed. You stayed in your position and watched him, waiting for whatever would come next.

He slowly brought two fingers to your mouth and pried your lips open.

"Suck," he ordered. 

You closed your lips around his fingers and painfully slowly took them into your mouth. He pressed down on your tongue, making you gag slightly. He removed his fingers noisily before bringing them to rest just below your cunt, both fingers pointing upwards towards you. His hand was close, but not close enough to touch you. 

"Ride my hand," he said darkly, his eyes focused on yours.

You pulled your lips into a frown. "Seriously?"

His other hand immediately shot out to grab your jaw, making your mouth pop open. "Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Nope. Not at all. 

You placed your hands on your upper thighs and readjusted your knees. To reward you, he brought his fingers further up and slowly slid into you. 

You gasped when he pushed into you knuckle-deep. It was only two of his fingers and yet you were already stretching. 

"Ride me," he repeated. You bit your lip and lifted off his fingers, moaning quietly. You moved back down on him slowly, your eyes closing at the sensation. 

You heard him tsk at you. "Eyes on me," he muttered. You did, but you could feel a blush creeping into your cheeks. Moving up and down quicker on his fingers, you found a rhythm. 

"Mmh fuck," you mumbled in between breaths as his fingers curled slightly. 

"Feel good?" he questioned, licking his lips. 

You nodded as you continued moving up and down, fucking yourself on his hand. "Words, sweetheart," he reminded you. 

"Shit, yes, it feels good - FUCK!" You screamed as he thrusted his fingers upwards when you dropped back down on his hand. He laughed slightly, enjoying how flustered he made you. 

He kept thrusting upwards each time you lowered yourself onto his fingers. You were embarrassed at the obscenely loud moans escaping your lips, but too enveloped in your pleasure to really care. 

He brought his free hand up to your lips and pressed his thumb into your mouth. He swiped it across your tongue quickly and removed it. Splaying his hand across your abdomen, he pressed his thumb against your clit and started drawing small circles.

You cried out and pitched forward, gripping onto your thighs tightly for support. The pressure in your stomach was building as Kylo kept thrusting into you impossibly fast, his thumb roughly working your clit.

He leaned forward and brought his face close to yours. "Is the little whore going to cum?" he whispered. 

You nodded, your face contorted in pleasure as moans rapidly spilled past your lips. Remembering his 'use-your-words' thing, you gave him an audible answer. "Ye-Yes," you choked out. 

He groaned and started circling your clit faster, pulling you to the brink of your orgasm instantly.   
"Fuck, don't stop," you pleaded through clenched teeth, your walls clenching around his fingers. 

Your hands flew to grip onto his forearm as your climax came into view."Look at me while you cum on my hand," he ordered.

You looked at him through hooded eyelids. Brows knit together, mouth hung open, your entire face crumpled in pleasure, crying out as your orgasm crashed down on you. You leaned your entire weight on his forearm, whining and moaning uncontrollably as he continued finger-fucking you without mercy, drawing out your orgasm.

He continued his movements until the pleasure had run its course. He brought his fingers to your mouth, your hands still gripping onto him. You watched him with wide eyes as he forced his fingers past your lips.

"Suck, slut," he commanded wickedly, his eyes focused on your lips. 

You opened your lips, obeying his command, and moaned as you tasted yourself on his fingers, somehow getting more aroused by how filthy it was. You'd never done something this dirty before, never done anything like this before. In fact, you'd never dreamt of doing anything like what you were doing with Kylo. 

You sucked on his fingers as he watched you intently. He pressed his fingers further into your mouth, making you gag. He relished in the sounds coming from the back of your throat as he gagged you, admiring the post-orgasm bliss radiating off of you. 

"So you can be a good girl," he murmured, a smug expression on his face as he pulled his fingers free. You coughed and gasped, leaning forward slightly, hair falling over your shoulders. He brought a hand under your chin, making you look at him as you tried to catch your breath. 

He tilted his head as he looked at you, a devilish smirk on his lips. "You fell apart just with my fingers," he said. "Imagine what I can do to you with my cock."

You squirmed slightly, his words sending a fresh wave of desire through you. He noticed, the smirk on his face spreading. His hand dropped from your chin to grab your throat, squeezing gently.

"So desperate," he said, his voice laced with dominance. "You want my cock, don't you?"

You didn't want to admit it, but he was right. You wanted him. Badly. You held your tongue, still not ready to completely give in to him. He noticed and tightened his grip on your neck. 

"What did I tell you about answering my questions?" he spat. "If you want this cock, then you're going to have to beg for it."

You could feel your desire mounting, more wetness pooling between your legs. You clenched your jaw and looked at him. "Please," you mumbled, heat rushing to your cheeks. 

A dark laugh rattled in his chest. "Oh I know that filthy mouth of yours can do better," he muttered. He seized your wrist, bringing your hand to his lap. You could feel his hardness under your palm, his cock practically throbbing. 

"Please Kylo," you whispered. "Please, I-I want it."  
You squeezed his cock slightly, pleading with him. He leaned in closer to you, his face just inches from yours. "And what do you want?" he hissed. You swallowed your pride and looked at him, licking your lips. 

"I want you," you replied, "I want your cock." 

You could feel him twitch underneath your hand, a low groan coming from his throat. "Do you want it, or do you need it?" he teased, reveling in the frustration radiating off of you.

He was so close to breaking you, so close to making you fully submit to him. All he had to do was make you admit that you not only wanted him but needed him. 

And then you'd be completely at his mercy. 

"I need it, Kylo. I need your cock," you whimpered, finally letting go of yourself, allowing for your desperation to take over. 

He grinned wickedly and released his grip on your throat, your hand slipping off of his lap as he stood up. "On your back," he ordered, his voice saturated with authority. 

You obeyed embarrassingly quickly, eyes glued to him as he stood next to the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and removing it. You chewed your lip as you admired his toned torso, noticing the way the muscles in his arms flexed as he started unbuckling his pants. You were mesmerized as he removed the last pieces of clothing that still covered him, realizing that this was the first time you'd seen him completely. The first time he'd fully shown himself to you.

He climbed onto the bed again, grabbing the back of your knees and flinging your legs open, inserting himself in between your thighs. He held your waist as he aligned himself with your entrance, your breath hitching in anticipation. 

Your jaw went slack as he shoved his entire length into you, a deep, sustained groan ripping from his throat. He pulled out slowly, allowing you to feel yourself stretching around his cock. You hissed at the pain, your cunt forced to accommodate his size. 

His breathing was growing erratic and you knew he was close to losing control, close to abandoning all restraint and fucking you into next week. He slammed his full length back into you, his hips snapping against your ass as you cried out.

He removed his hands from your waist and leaned down, placing his forearms on either side of your head as he started thrusting into you at a brutal pace. He swore under his breath as his hips snapped against you, his cock hitting you impossibly deep. Splitting you open, lighting your body on fire. 

He brought his face directly in front of yours and hungrily covered your mouth with his. His tongue swiped your bottom lip and you moaned into his mouth, allowing him to slide his tongue past your lips. You deepened the kiss and slid your tongue against his.

He groaned loudly and brought both of his hands to your hair. His fingers moved through your locks and you brought your own hands to his neck, pulling him against you. You took the reigns briefly and grabbed his lip between your teeth, tugging gently.

An animalistic groan tore from this throat and he pulled away, just long enough to grab your hands from around his neck and pin them to the mattress. Rough hands interlocked with yours as he kept thrusting into you. Never once slowing his pace as he dropped his head to the crook of your neck, biting and sucking at your skin. 

Your breasts were bouncing wildly with his movements. Kylo's eyes were glued to them, mesmerized, enjoying the view. Hands rendered useless underneath his hold, the only thing you could do was press your body into his. 

Tilting his head down, he brought his mouth to your hardened nipple and wrapped his lips around the sensitive nub. He groaned against you, caressing your skin with his mouth. Sucking on the tender flesh, his tongue flicking it harshly.

"Fuck," you breathed. "That feels so good."

You moaned uncontrollably, eyes rolled back, arching your back into him as his tongue nearly drove you over the edge. Your eyes snapped open to look at him when he gently bit down. He looked up at you through hooded lids as he released your breast from his mouth, his eyes coated in lust.

He unclasped your hands from his and grabbed your throat, his other hand flat on the mattress next to your head, supporting himself as he continued to pound you relentlessly. You moaned loudly as he squeezed the sides of your neck, your back arching off of the mattress. 

"Tighter," you choked. "Choke me harder, please." An animalistic growl ripped from his throat at your words, his grip eagerly tightening around your neck. 

"Such a needy little whore," he hissed, the sound of his hips snapping against you echoing in the room. All you could do was whimper in response, your words caught in your constricted airway.

"A needy little whore for my cock. Admit it - mmmmhh, oh fuck - admit that you're a whore for my cock. Fucking say it!" he roared, releasing his grip on your throat to roughly smack your cheek, your head snapping sideways from the impact. You cried out and gripped onto his shoulders. 

"Yes, yes, I'm a whore for your cock," you sobbed, eyes squeezing shut as he continued pounding you relentlessly. "I need your cock Kylo."

He moved his hand down to your clit, rapidly drawing your circles on your swollen nub. You threw your head back as a vicious scream tore from your throat. He kept fucking you impossibly hard, groaning each time he pounded his entire length into you. 

He brought his lips to your ear, the sound of his heavy breathing increasing your arousal even more. "Do you want to cum for me?" he asked, his thumb working your clit at an unforgiving pace. 

"Yes, please, I need to cum Kylo, please!" 

He growled at your words. "Cum again for me slut," came his raspy encouragement. "Cum on my fucking cock," he ordered, his voice low and threatening. 

That was all you needed to clench around him and grip his shoulders like your life depended on it. Your eyes never left his as your face crumpled in pleasure, a string of moans and expletives filling the air as your orgasm crashed down on you. 

He groaned as you released around him, drinking in the sight of you beneath him. Hot, labored breaths filled the room, his thrusts never slowing. As you started to come down from your high, he pulled out of you quickly, your cunt gaping and clenching at the loss of contact. 

A large hand wrapped around his cock, pumping furiously as he scrambled to straddle your chest. His knees pinned your arms to the bed as he brought his angry, red cock right in front of your face. 

You looked up at him, still recovering from your orgasm but feeling heat rush to your core at the sight of him. 

His bottom lip was between his teeth, his face red and glistening while he watched his cock twitch in his hand. Grabbing the side of your neck with his free hand, he guided his dick into your mouth. Once his tip was lodged inside, he brought both of his hands to the sides of your head, holding you still. 

Just as you tasted the beads of pre-cum leaking from his tip, he pushed his entire length down your throat. You gagged against him and squeezed your eyes shut. 

He pulled out slightly before completely inserting himself in your mouth again as ropes of hot, salty liquid shot down your throat. 

You watched him as he groaned obscenely loudly, his head falling back. Sucking him roughly, milking him for every last drop, Kylo responded by tangling his hands in your hair and tugging gently. 

He stayed inside of your mouth as his hips spasmed slightly, drawing out his pleasure. Only after you swallowed every last drop did he pull out of you.

He released himself from your mouth with a loud pop, making him groan again. You gasped and greedily sucked down air as he climbed off of you, collapsing on his back. 

He only gave you a minute to catch your breath before he was climbing on top of you again.   
moving down your body, leaving kisses in his wake. You propped yourself up on your elbows, looking at him with wide eyes. 

Once his face was between your legs, he looked up at you with a devilish smirk. "Did you really think I was done with you?" 

You swallowed thickly, your cunt still throbbing and you legs still trembling slightly. You weren't sure if you could handle much more, but you didn't want to admit that, didn't want to look weak on front of him. 

And deep down, you still wanted more. 

"You said you could handle me," he taunted, "and I'm going to hold you to that." He dropped his head again, his tongue diving in your folds. You cried out, falling onto your back again and threading your fingers through his hair. He was being gentle, his tongue caressing your brutalized cunt. 

You felt him lap at your juices, covering his lips and tongue in your cum, the wet sounds of his working tongue heightening your arousal with each passing moment. 

He pulled his mouth from your cunt and pressed a few soft kisses to the inside of your thigh before picking his head up to look at you. 

He brought two fingers to your entrance, sliding into you slowly as his thumb rolled over your clit. Hissing, you lurched forward a bit. You were so, so sensitive to the point that even a feathery touch to your clit sent shocks of electricity up your body. 

Kylo gradually increased his pace, eyes focused on your fucked-out body as his fingers kept working you. He noticed the angry, red mark on your cheek where he'd slapped you, his eyes traveling down to your neck, your skin littered with bitemarks and bruises. His eyes scanned your torso, admiring the fingerprints covering your breasts and hips, markings of his right grip on you. 

He curled his fingers slightly, making you tense as you felt the pressure begin to build inside of you already. You pushed your hips against his hand slightly, whimpering quietly. 

"I've made you cum twice and you're still so eager," he murmured. You weakly whimpered in response, your entire body rigid as your third orgasm approached. 

"Do you want to cum again?" he asked. You whined and squirmed, hips bucking towards his working fingers. 

You were spent and sore and still feeling the effects of your previous orgasm, and yet the pressure between your legs was undeniable. You wanted him to make you cum again, wanted to drown in pleasure again. 

"Yes," you choked, your breathing heavy and labored. "Please make me cum again." With a low groan, he started working you faster and faster, his thumb drawing rapid, torturous circles on your clit. You whimpered loudly, your entire body shaking. Seconds later, your third orgasm hit you. Hard.

You cried out, your back completely arched off the bed as shockwaves of pleasure coursed through you. "That's it," he murmured. "That's a good girl." His words made you moan loudly, his praise strengthening your orgasm. 

He kept working you until your climax had run it's course and you were squirming and pushing him away. He snickered, enjoying the mess he'd made out of you. He brought himself to hover over you again, bringing his lips to yours.

His kiss was gentler than usual, slower, too. He brought a hand to hold the back of your neck as he slid his tongue against yours. You sighed contently into his kiss, your exhaustion and soreness melting into a peaceful feeling.

That peaceful feeling was short lived, however. 

He tore his lips from yours and slid an arm under your back, effortlessly flipping you onto your stomach. "You're going to give me one more," he whispered against your ear. 

You whined in protest, writhing underneath him. "Kylo, I can't, I can't take another one."

He laughed darkly and sat up on his knees, roughly grabbing your hips to bring your ass into the air. "Then you should've thought about that before you ignored my rule," he hissed.

"Kylo, no I can't," you protested, making a futile attempt to free yourself from his grip.

"Yes, you can," he snapped, lining himself up at your entrance. He was painfully hard again, his cock practically throbbing against you. 

He pushed into you, groaning as he did. You cried out and grabbed fistfuls of the duvet cover as he started thrusting into you. Your cunt was still stretching around his cock despite having taken him not long before. Cries and moans spilled past your lips, indicating the overwhelming pain and pleasure filling you. 

"I told you that you would pay for it," he muttered, mixing with the sound of his hips snapping against you. He thrusted into you particularly hard and lowered his arm, wrapping it around your neck and wrenching you upwards. 

You gasped, a strangled cry ripping from your throat as he continued pounding into you, showing you no mercy, no leniency. You held onto his arm tightly as he kept you in a chokehold, your back pressed firmly against his chest. 

Delirious moans tumbled out of your mouth, your head resting on Kylo's shoulder. "One more," he repeated against your neck, kissing your sensitive skin. 

Every part of your body was sore, aching, screaming to stop and yet you couldn't deny the overwhelming pleasure forming between your legs. Again. 

You could feel yourself getting close, your fourth orgasm of the night sneaking up on you. Kylo kept his arm around your chest as he brought his free hand to your cunt, beginning to work your swollen clit with his fingers. You cried out, reaching behind you with one hand to hold his leg, nails biting into his flesh. 

You were uncomfortably close to your orgasm as he kept pounding you, no doubt chasing after his own orgasm. His second orgasm in comparison in compared to your fourth. 

"You look so - fuck - good like this," he mumbled. You could only manage a whimper in response. 

"Shit! I'm so close," you cried as you pressed your head further back against his shoulder, your fingers digging into his thigh. You felt his cock twitch inside of you as he groaned loudly, muffling the sound against your neck. 

Everything went silent as your release hit you. 

You felt lightheaded and unsteady, pain and pleasure clouding your senses. Kylo released his arm from around your neck and removed his hand from your clit, letting you crumple forward onto the mattress as he gripped your waist. He fucked you through your peak until his movements stilled and he shot hot liquid deep inside of your sore, aching hole. He moaned loudly, hips jerking erratically as he spilled himself inside of you. 

You were utterly wrecked, completely spent. He gave you more than you could handle. Just like he said he would. 

"Such a good girl for me," he whispered as he slid out of you, making his cum drip onto your thighs. 

His breathing slowly grew steadier and so did yours, a few whimpers still slipping out of you while he admired what he'd done to you. He'd reduced you to an unintelligible, brutalized, soaking wet mess. 

You heard him move to the side and collapse on his back next to you, but you were too exhausted to move, too exhausted to even look at him. He knew that too and decided to help you. 

His arm slid across your back, his hand gently holding your side. Carefully, he pulled you towards him, bringing your head to lay on his chest. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder, holding you against him, and kept his other hand on your back, softly rubbing circles on your skin. 

"You alright?" he asked, a tinge of genuine concern in his voice. You shifted slightly, getting a bit more comfortable. 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" you replied with a small giggle. He laughed lightly in response and placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. You stretched your arm across his abdomen, holding onto him, silently assuring him that you were actually alright. You were still a complete mess, past the point of exhaustion, but you clung to him, allowing the feeling of his bare skin under your touch to ground you to reality as you nearly floated away on a cloud of burning pleasure. 

You hummed contently as his fingers threaded through your tangled hair. All you could feel was his body next to yours and the calming sensation of being held against Kylo.


	10. Unknown, Unfamilar, Undeniable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Softness and FinnPoe

He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so well. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd even slept through the night. 

When he woke up, his arms were wrapped around her tightly, holding her against his chest. He didn't loosen his grip immediately, instead continuing to hold her and allowing himself to admire her sleeping form. Hair splayed across his pillow, hands gently holding the sheets under her chin. Quiet, heart-melting sighs passing through her lips every time her chest rose. 

He thought she was waking up when her nose twitched and her eyebrows pulled together. But she didn't. She simply tugged the sheets towards her and nuzzled her face into his bare chest. 

His heart rate picked up so quickly he was afraid it would wake her up. 

He knew he shouldn't let himself look at you, absorb the feeling of your skin against his. It was making him... feel. Which was something he wasn't used to as well as something he absolutely could not do. 

Being with her could only mean being with her physically, unencumbered by feelings or attachment. He wasn't the type of person to be in relationships, and even if he was, he couldn't drag this girl into his chaos. 

He sighed quietly and carefully detangled her from his arms. Going into the bathroom quickly and brushing his teeth, he set out an extra toothbrush he had on the sink for her to use before he walked to the kitchen. He figured she'd want some coffee considering he rarely saw her without one. 

He couldn't help from smiling when he pictured what she'd look like when she woke up. The way her voice would be hoarse, her hair hanging wildly around her bare face. He even smiled thinking about how grumpy she probably was in the morning. 

The smell of the warm coffee must've woken her up because he heard her stirring in the bedroom. He turned to pour the coffee into a mug for her as he heard the bathroom door open. 

Once he'd poured two cups of coffee and addd creamer and one sugar into her mug, she emerged from his bedroom, yawning quietly. 

He was right. Her hair was a mess around her bare face, creases from the pillow decorating her cheek. His breath hitched as he watched her enter the kitchen in his shirt that nearly reached her knees.

"Morning sunshine," he teased, smiling obnoxiously wide. 

She grumbled and rolled her eyes but smiled as she took the mug from him. 

"Creamer?" she questioned, wrapping her hand around the handle. 

He simply nodded his head at her mug and she looked down, seeing the already caramel colored liquid. "I didn't have any vanilla but the sugar's already in," he added.

He noticed a slight blush in her cheeks. 

"Sleep well?"

She looked up at him as she took a long sip of her coffee. "Yeah, I did," she replied. "I was asleep in like two minutes. Is your bed made of marshmallows or something?"

He laughed slightly. 

"And you?" she asked, glancing at him through her lashes. 

He nodded. "Yeah, I did," he answered honestly. "Except you kept putting your feet on my legs and they were fucking freezing."

She accidentally spit her coffee back into her mug as she laughed, choking and sputtering in between giggles. 

He smiled at her, a wicked gleam in his eyes. "Interesting hearing you choke on coffee."

Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed bright red. He just laughed as she averted eye contact. "Little shit," she mumbled, taking a sip. 

"Little?" he questioned. 

"Medium."

He took a long sip of his coffee. Plain black, much to her visible disgust. "Medium?" he repeated, raising an eyebrow. "I'd hate to hear how loud you'd be with a large... coffee."

She smiled at him. "Wouldn't know."

Fuck, she drives me insane.

A warm silence fell, only interrupted by the sound of coffee splashing in mugs and the ceramic being placed onto the counter. 

"You know," she said, running a hand through her hair, "I think I should mention that you use rose scented conditioner in the article."

Without missing a beat, he lowered his mug. "Only if you mention that I made you cum four times," he replied. 

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Mhm, I'm sure that would land me a promotion."

"It might," he added, setting his mug in the sink and walking towards her chair. "Or you could just mention how well you obeyed my orders."

She glared at him playfully. He stopped once he was at her side, spinning her chair so that she was facing him. His leg pushed her knees apart and he took a step closer. 

"You know, just to show your boss how well you listen to directions and respect authority," he muttered. 

"Mhm, authority?"

He brought a finger up to her chin, tilting it upwards. He noticed all the marks he'd left on her neck. Faint imprints of his hand, purple bruises, red bite marks. 

He let his fingers trace over the marks gently. Bringing his eyes back to her face, he noticed she was already looking at him.

Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, holding the side of her neck gently. He could taste the sugar from the coffee on her lips, making him sigh quietly against her. 

He thought of the little exchange he had with her last night when she tried to insist on going home. 

"I'm fine, I can just go home," she'd muttered, clutching the sheets around her, already struggling to just stand up.

He'd smirked at her and remained on his back, resting his arms behind his head. "Alright, then walk to bedroom door. If you can, I'll get you a ride home," he'd replied. 

She'd taken one step away from the bed before her knees buckled and she nearly hit the floor, the only thing saving her being the sheet wrapped around her body.

Even if she had been able to walk correctly, he still would've told her to stay. He really hadn't felt like sleeping alone. 

He pulled his lips from hers slowly. She looked almost dizzy as she looked up at him through hooded lids, a dazed smile on her face. He looked down at her neck again.

"I hope I didn't hurt you too much," he mumbled. "I wouldn't want to scare you off."

She placed a hand on his hip, rubbing her thumb against his bare stomach. "I'm fine," she replied. "And it's going to take a lot more than this to scare me off, Ren."

His expression was stoic as he looked down at her, searching her face. For some reason, he almost felt a sense of trust with her. He was considering telling her more about him and his life, giving her a few pieces to the puzzle she was trying to put together.

He decided against it, but still opted for a bit of vulnerability. "How was my mother?"

Her eyes widened and her breath hitched. He watched as she swallowed and wet her lips. "Good, she, she was good," she sputtered, clearly taken off guard.

He hummed in response, moving his hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm glad to hear that," he breathed. 

A silence fell and she picked up her mug bringing it to her lips. "You were a cute kid, by the way," she muttered before taking a sip. "Wonder when it all went wrong."

She had a devilish grin on her face as she looked up at him and he couldn't help but smile a bit. He was falling in too deep and he knew it. But he still couldn't stop it. 

Her expression became serious again. "How long has it been since you've seen her?" she asked quietly, hooking a finger in the waistband of his pants and playing with the material.

"A few years," he replied. She peaked up at him, trying to mask the pitiful look in his eye. Surprisingly, he didn't mind it.

"Oh," she breathed, tearing her eyes from him. 

"I almost called her a a couple of weeks ago," he continued. "But she was busy speaking with some writer."

She smirked at him. "Wonder who that was."

He laughed lightly before a silence fell again. You were the one to break it. "When you said that the city made you grow up fast, did you also mean whatever happened with your family?"

He tensed and immediately pulled away from her. He could see her expression faltering, regret rolling off of her. He walked around the kitchen island, resining his position across from her. Seeing her dejected expression, he sighed, realizing that she wasn't being malicious. Just curious. 

"Yes," he finally replied. Her eyes snapped up to his as he spoke, clearly surprised that he'd actually answered. 

She nodded, fidgeting with the mug in her hands. "I'm sure it isn't the same," you started, "but I felt like I had to grow up too fast too. But part of it was my choice. I made the decision to leave my hometown and come here for college. It was always what I wanted to do, where I envisioned living. But I still felt like a bad daughter. Sometimes I still do, actually."

He listened intently, hanging on her every word. It hadn't occurred to him that in all the time she spent trying to figure him out, he hadn't thought of finding out more about her. "You're not a bad daughter for choosing your future here," he replied.

"And you're not a bad son for distancing yourself from your family, if that is what's best for you."

He froze. No one had ever said that to him. "I believe my parents would disagree," he spat. 

"It doesn't matter what your parents think," she replied. "You're allowed to make your own decisions."

"That's the thing about parents," she continued. "They may not always agree with these decisions we make, but they're always ready to help you when you need it, forgive you when you ask, and love you even when you think you don't deserve it."

Her voice felt like honey, spreading warmth though him. To his utter horror, he felt a slight pricking of tears in his eyes. He reacted in the only way he knew how - defensively.

"It's a nice philosophy, but you don't know the full story," he replied, his tone sharp.

She didn't flinch, didn't stand down. Almost like she could tell that his hardened demeanor was forced. 

"I know. And either one day you'll tell me the full story or you won't. Either way, I understand you a bit more than you know."

He was surprised to see her composure still in tact despite the cold look in his eyes. It was what he admired about her. Her tenacity, her persistence, her refusal to give in to intimidation, her intelligence. 

His expression softened. "One day, maybe," he whispered quietly, unsure if she had even heard. 

A comfortable silence fall as she continued sipping her coffee while he absorbed her words, taking in the moment.

Just her, warm coffee, and soft sunlight pouring in. 

——

"FOUR times?" Poe yelled, nearly spilling his wine. 

Both Poe and Finn's mouths were hanging open, their eyes equally as wide. "Yes, yes but that is not the point of what I was saying," you groaned, draining the rest of your wine.

Finn hadn't said one word yet, just looking in you in a mix of utter horror and surprise. Finally, he spoke up. "Alright, let me make sure I have this right," he said, setting his glass down and leaning forward. "You're sleeping with Kylo fucking Ren?"

Your face was bright red as you chewed your lip, nodding sheepishly. "Seems like it," you replied. 

"You know, I was only kidding when I said to fuck him on his desk," Poe mumbled. 

"Yeah, yeah I know," you grumbled, running a hand through your hair. "It's not like I was intending on that happening."

"Wait, did you actually fuck on his desk?" Finn asked incredulously. 

A beat. "Maybe."

Poe raised an eyebrow. "How many times?" 

You nearly spit out your wine. Finn flicked the back of Poe's head, narrowing his eyes at him. 

"What?" Poe asked, holding his hands up. "Just trying to get the full story here."

You rolled your eyes and reluctantly answered. "Twice."

Poe whistled and you kicked his leg, trying to stifle a laugh. 

"Next time, can you do it on Hux's desk? I fucking hate that guy," Finn muttered. 

"I'll keep it in mind," you replied with a smile.

"All jokes aside," Poe said, his tone suddenly serious, "is this a good idea?"

"Oh, not at all," you replied without missing a beat. "This is definitely a terrible idea."

"Well, at least she's honest," Finn breathed, leaning back on the couch with a loud sigh. 

"You guys haven't heard the most insane part though," you said, leaning forward and placing your elbows on your knees. 

"Oh do go on," Poe said, practically giddy at your words.

"I'll tell you, but you absolutely cannot repeat this to anyone," you said sternly, staring intently at the two of them. 

"Is it that Hux brings his cat to work sometimes?" 

"No," you scoffed, "but that's a wonderful piece of information."

"He puts a bed under his desk for her and-"

Poe clapped his hand over Finn's mouth, looking back towards you. "I may combust if you don't tell me right now," Poe muttered.

"Promise you'll both keep your mouths shut?" you asked again, still hesitating.

"Yes!"

"Hmmph!"

Poe realized he still had his hand over Finn's mouth and quickly removed it seeing Finn's irritated glare. "Yes," he repeated, now able to clearly speak.

"Kylo Ren isn't his real name," you said, "and you're not going to believe what it actually is."

The two of them were practically falling off the couch waiting for you to continue.

"Ben Solo."

"WHAT?"

"HE'S THEIR SON?" 

Their mouths were hanging open again, completely dumbfounded and shocked. You gave them a minute to process, watching them with an amused expression. Poe spoke up first. 

"That makes so much sense," he breathed. "But why did he change it? I've met Organa, I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to cut ties with her."

You and Poe looked at Finn, wondering if he had any information. He shook off his awestruck expression, trying to form words.

"I mean, I remember hearing about some family drama in his past from some of the interns," Finn said with a shrug, "but I never figured out what happened."

"Wait, why haven't you found out more from him?" Poe asked, his brows pulling together. 

You scoffed. "The man is still insanely private," you muttered.

"So he's been in your guts but won't tell you about his family?" Finn asked.

"Pretty much," you quipped. Poe was lost in thought, looking like a detective in the middle of cracking a huge case. Meanwhile, Finn alternated between gawking at you and looking at his contemplative husband.

"So how do we figure out the rest of the story?" Poe asked, leaning back and crossing his arms.

You raised an eyebrow at him. "We... don't," you mumbled.

"Are you kidding? You're just going to let this go?" Poe leaned forward again, his eyes searching your face. 

You shrugged and mindlessly traced your finger around the rim of your glass. Before you could offer an explanation, Finn spoke up.

"You have feelings for him," Finn whispered, almost inaudibly.

Poe laughed. "Yeah right." He looked back over to you, his expression faltering when he noticed that you hadn't objected. 

"Holy shit," Poe breathed. "Please tell me you don't actually have feelings for Ren."

Images flashed across your mind. Sleeping in Kylo's arms, sipping the hot coffee he'd made you once you had woken up. The vulnerability he had shown in asking about his mother, the way he truly listened to the words you'd said. 

You shook those thoughts away, quickly emptying your mind."No, no, of course not," you replied. "I just..." you trailed off, looking down at your lap. "I just feel bad prying into his personal life."

"That's literally your job," Poe deadpanned.

"I know but this is really personal," you mumbled. 

"You totally have feelings for him," Finn repeated.

"Absolutely not," you replied.

Finn moved towards you, bringing his face inches from yours. "Look me in the eye, without blinking, and tell me you don't have feelings for him," he muttered.

Taking a deep breath, you focused your eyes on his, narrowing them slightly. "I do not have feelings for Ren."

He kept staring at you, a suspicious look in his eye. Suddenly, he blew a gust of air at your eye, making you blink and flinch. "Told you!" he yelled.

"That doesn't count!"

Finn started laughing and you followed suit, only stopping when Poe spoke again. "You know you can't let this go any further," he said softly. 

The laughter quickly died down and you nodded solemnly, your eyes fixated on the floor. "I know, I know. I won't let it get serious," you replied.

"I'm not trying to be mean I just...." Poe trailed off, sighing deeply. "I just don't want you to get hurt, that's all."

You looked up at him. "I know."

Finn cleared his throat. "He may seem like a decent person but don't forget how much power and influence he holds," he warned. "I'd hate to see your career damaged."

A shiver ran up your spine at the thought. Could he actually hurt your career? More importantly, would he hurt your career?

"Yeah no amount of dick is worth damaging your career," Poe added. "Not even you," he muttered towards Finn. 

A silence fell once you had stopped laughing at Poe's comment, the three of you all finishing your drinks. After a couple minutes, Poe spoke up. 

"Four times?" he breathed, reiterating what he'd said earlier.

You groaned and Finn threw a pillow at him, only making him laugh harder. Finn started laughing too and shortly, all three of you were doubled over and clutching your sides.

The wine-induced laughter echoed in the room, filling you with nothing but warmth. Except for one small, disruptive feeling that stirred in your chest.   
You didn't know exactly what this feeling was, but the feeling was there nonetheless. 

Buried somewhere deep inside of you lived an unknown, unfamiliar and yet undeniable feeling for Kylo Ren.


	11. His Reporter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: There is threat/reference to sexual assault, but there is NO sexual assault in this book.

You couldn't believe October was already coming to an end. 

The past two weeks had been so hectic that you barely noticed the air growing colder, didn't realize that November would be here in just a few days. You were too wrapped up in your work to notice the leaves changing, the only thing reminding you that fall was in full swing being the pumpkin scones that your barista would give you with your coffee on Monday mornings. Autumn was passing you by as you spent all your time investigating Finalizer Industries. 

Well, besides the time you spent fucking Kylo. 

Things were going well with him. The intimidating CEO had grown a bit softer around you, let his tough, corporate demeanor waver when you were with him. Except for the fucking, of course. That was still rough as usual. 

Just how you wanted it to be. 

But when he wasn't buried inside of you, he was a completely different person. In a good way, however. 

The Monday morning after you'd spent the night at his place for the first time, you arrived at your desk to see a small black box sitting next to your keyboard. Poe was practically squealing in excitement when you sat down and noticed it.

"Alright, I definitely already opened before you got here and saw who it was from, but-"

"Poe!"

"What? I can't help it!" he whined, holding his hands up defensively. "This is what happens when you're five minutes later than me."

You rolled your eyes and laughed, picking up the box and removing the lid. Inside was a shiny, high-end recorder. A much nicer version than the recorder Kylo had drowned in your glass. 

Underneath it was a small slip of paper, marked with elegant writing. 

For my sneaky reporter.

\- K.R. 

You smiled, trying to conceal the blush creeping onto your cheeks. He knew you preferred being called a journalist and he used that fact to tease you endlessly, purposefully calling you a reporter to get a rise out of you. But if you were being completely honest, you'd be fine with anything he decided to call you.

You tucked the slip of paper and the new recorder into your bag, trying to compose yourself before you looked up at Poe. 

"Did you see the note? Did you? His handwriting is-"

"Poe!"

"Alright, sorry, sorry," he mumbled, the smile plastered on his face never faltering. "I know I told you not to catch feelings for the guy but I have to say, a present left on your desk on a Monday is pretty close to changing my mind," he added, raising an eyebrow and taking a bite of his pumpkin scone. 

You scoffed. "I'm not catching feelings," you replied. "Neither is he. This is just a replacement for my old recorder that he broke."

"Sure," he muttered, sipping his latte. "Looks like your archaic habit of still using a recorder paid off," he teased.

"I don't trust phones to record," you grumbled. 

"Whatever you say grandma," he muttered. 

You thought about him taking the time to find and buy this recorder for you in addition to having it waiting for you, sitting on your desk, bright and early on a Monday morning. But you had to stop thinking about the kind gesture if you actually wanted to get any work done. 

You decided to buckle down and throw your full effort into following the lead Kylo gave you. And you had every intention of putting your relationship with Kylo to the side for the week, or at least until you made progress on the investigation. But starting that very Monday, you found yourself staying at his apartment every other night. 

It hadn't been all sex over the past two weeks. In fact, a few times you'd gone over there, you'd just sprawled out on his couch and rambled about your investigation into Finalizer while Kylo hunched over his laptop, humming at you periodically as you spoke. 

It surprised you how comfortable you felt around him. And it surprised you that you were just as content spending time around him as you were when he left your legs shaking. It surprised you, but in a small way, it somewhat scared you too. 

This relationship was starting to look like a real relationship as the month came to a close, rather than just a casual attraction between two people. It scared you because while you both had been clear that this was just physical, you were starting to want more. Meaning, an actual label, some definition to this relationship. You were sure that he didn't want that. At least, you thought you were sure. 

But you couldn't help but notice that on the small note Kylo had written, he hadn't just called you a reporter. He'd called you his reporter. 

His. 

You could be reading into it too much, but it almost seemed like he had already declared this relationship an exclusive relationship.

Despite that, you still didn't want to bring it up. If it naturally came up in a conversation, that'd be one thing. But thing were going too well right now, and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin whatever this relationship was. 

You were even more content with the way things had been going because of the progress you'd made in investigating Finalizer. The man alleging that Finalizer Industries installed machinery that was known to be malfunctioning had responded to your email and agreed to a phone interview. He'd said that he was too afraid to meet in person and you respected that, greatly appreciating the fact that he even agreed to a phone call. 

His email address didn't include his name, but the man informed you that he was called Tai. You didn't press him about giving his surname, sensing that if he hasn't offered it immediately, then he probably wasn't comfortable sharing it.

It made you wonder just how awful this corporation was, what they were capable of doing that had this man so terribly afraid. You pushed that concern aside though, focusing on getting every bit of information from Tai.

You were motivated to work this piece because you knew it would be a considerable help to your career, but as you listened to the man and his story, you felt more compelled to expose Finalizer for him and not just for your career. 

Because of the faulty machinery installed in the Finalizer Industries factory that he had worked at, Tai no longer had use of his left arm. And since his entire career and skills were in manual labor, he's been out of a job since the accident. 

On your second phone call with Tai, he gave you the name of his coworker, a man named Hennix, that witnessed the accident and also had evidence to corroborate the accusation. 

Fast forward to today and you now had nearly nearly three dozen documents to support Tai's claim, thanks to his own proof as well as Hennix's. 

So when you packed up your things this Thursday evening, you felt thoroughly satisfied and optimistic about the foreseeable future. 

After you'd gotten the evidence from Tai and Hennix, you turned your attention towards the executives at Finalizer. It was only fair to ask for the company's side of the story in addition to performing your own research and investigation. There hadn't been a response from the company yet, but you'd sent the email just over a day ago. You were still holding out hope for at least a comment on the situation. 

The sound of your heels echoed in the silent corridor as you walked towards the elevator. You were the last person in the office by a long shot and you didn't mind it one bit. It was easy to work extra hours when you loved what you were doing. 

A chilly gust of wind brushed across your face as you pushed the door to the building open. You'd only taken a few steps outside when a man stepped in front of you. 

You didn't recognize him. In fact, you couldn't really see what he looked like. His face was covered by large, black sunglasses.

He didn't say anything, but your gut was telling you to get away from him, fear rising in your throat. 

You tried to step around the man but the second you did, rough hands were on you, pushing you until your back collided harshly with the wall next to the door. The impact knocked the air from your lungs, the forearm pressed against your chest making it even harder to breathe. 

"Get off!" you yelled, your voice sounding quieter than you'd hoped due to the pressure on your chest. 

You tried to move your arm enough to grab the pepper spray you kept in your bag or even just your keys. But the man had his large arm pressed against you from shoulder to shoulder.

The fear grew inside of you as the man stood there silently. Your office building wasn't situated on a busy street and you realized that the odds of someone hearing you were slim. You were in an isolated area with a strange man trapping you against a wall. 

"Let me go!" you yelled, your voice a bit louder. He didn't react, almost like he knew that your pleas would most likely go unheard. 

You felt nauseous as the man's free hand reached for your hip, sliding up to your waist. You couldn't see his eyes and yet you could still tell he was looking at you like a predator that had just captured its next meal. 

You kept wriggling under his hold, resisting with all your strength. Your futile attempt at pushing him off grew more frantic as his hand crept towards your chest, his lips twitching into a maniacal grin. 

Suddenly, the man was being wrenched off of you. Before you could even process what had happened, Poe's fist was connecting with the man's jaw. 

You couldn't hear anything, couldn't make yourself move, couldn't even speak. You stood there, frozen in shock and fear. 

Poe grabbed you by the shoulders, his eyes wide in sheer panic. He said something to you but you didn't really hear him. You were too busy searching for the man, afraid that he was still here. But he was nowhere to be seen and you were wondering if you'd imagined the whole thing. 

You realized that what had just happened was very, very real, noticing that your shirt had been pulled up to reveal part of your stomach - the result of his revolting hands on you. 

Poe's voice finally seemed to cut through the fog. "Are you alright? What did he do?" Poe asked frantically, his chest heaving almost as much as yours. 

You opened your mouth but no words formed. Poe wrapped his arms around you, holding your shaking body tightly against his. It took you a few seconds to fling your arms around him, grabbing his shirt tightly in your trembling fists. 

He kept holding you, rocking you gently as you tried to ground yourself and calm the panic coursing through you. 

You couldn't even remember the last time you'd been so scared. 

-

He knew he'd see her tomorrow like he always did, but he thought stopping by her office today couldn't hurt. 

Besides, he needed to ask her something, and he wanted to do it in person. 

She'd been working late nearly every night for the past couple of weeks, which gave him the perfect opportunity to catch her right as she was leaving, not  
worrying about other people seeing him with her. 

He wasn't the type of person to get nervous. He was the type of person to make other people nervous. But as the cab drew closer and closer to her office, his nerves increased with every passing building. 

He'd come to realize something in the past few days that he'd been trying to deny for a while now. 

He was in too deep. 

He couldn't escape her. She filled his dreams, stole his attention. This little reporter of his had gotten under his skin and taken over his life. 

No matter where he was, what he did, who he was with, he could only think about her. 

He had realized that he was playing a dangerous game that Saturday. The slow, weekend morning he'd spent with her, listening to her talk while they drank their coffees. He was about to cross a line he always tried to keep his distance from, teetering on the edge of feeling l something for her. But now, he wasn't teetering anymore. 

He felt something for her. Something strong. 

The cab pulled over and he quickly handed the driver cash before stepping onto the curb. He'd given the driver an address one block from her building out of extra precaution. He had just rounded the corner and turned onto the street where her building stood when he saw her.

She was already outside of the building, just as he'd expected. 

Only, he hadn't expected to see her with her arms wrapped around another man.


	12. Call You Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealous Kylo! But it ends sweet :)

You typed at lightning speed, letting the sound of your nails on the keyboard block out any thoughts that threatened to flood into your mind. Your tactic was to distract yourself, keep yourself busy, eliminate any chance of unfavorable feelings revealing themselves. 

You knew it wasn't healthy, but distraction and especially distraction through work was all you knew. There was no question that it wasn't the best way to handle a bad situation but this was always how you dealt - or avoided dealing - with bad situations. 

When you'd first gotten to the office that morning and started talking to Poe, all you could think about was him taking you home last night, walking you all the way into your apartment, making you drink a hot cup of tea after you showered. And when you thought of that, you thought of the event that'd preceded it and all those uncomfortable, buried feelings rose to the surface again. 

So your solution was to turn all your attention to your work, glueing your eyes to your computer screen as the clock ticked by, hour after hour. 

Poe had left just ten minutes before, only agreeing to leave without you when he saw the few people still left in the office. You promised him that you'd leave shortly after he him, easing his worry that you were overworking yourself. 

It's not like you wanted to stay too late today. The longer you stayed hunched over at your desk, the longer you had to wait to see Kylo. 

You finished typing your last sentence and saved the article draft without another thought, keeping your promise to Poe. You grabbed your things quickly and stood up from your desk, not even bothering to push your chair in. 

You clutched your overnight bag behind your purse as you walked towards the elevator, grateful that you'd thought to pack your things this morning. That meant that you didn't waste time by going home first before heading to Kylo's place. 

Kylo. Just the thought of being in his arms, feeling his lips on your skin, and running your hands through his hair lifted your spirits and eliminated the need for any other distraction. 

You kept your focus on Kylo, thinking of the different and yet equally exciting ways that the night would go. It was the best way to keep yourself from looking at the wall you'd been trapped against just one day ago. 

Poe had pleaded with you to take a cab and you agreed, just to give him peace of mind. And, if you were being honest, you also agreed just to give yourself peace of mind. Keeping your promise to Poe, you hailed a cab and climbed in, tossing your bags onto the seat next to you and rattling off Ren's address to the driver. 

It was finally the weekend and after the week you'd had, you deserved to blow off some steam. And this would be the perfect weekend to do that. 

Tonight, you'd be with Kylo. You could already feel the tension melting away with each kiss of his lips, stress evaporating with each inch of your body that his hands would explore. The weight on your shoulders would be replaced with blissful pleasure, always being able to count on him to tire you out past the point of worrying - or standing. 

And tomorrow, you'd be going to a Halloween party that one of Finn's coworkers was hosting. And by Halloween party, you meant an excuse to wear a tight dress and drink the night away. 

You were lost in thought planning for the weekend as the cab glided over the streets. This week and everything that happened within it were behind you, no longer allowed to occupy your thoughts. Before you knew it, you were stepping onto the curb and walking into Kylo's building. 

Making your way to his place was like second nature now. You'd done it plenty of times but every time you walked into his building, you still felt butterflies in your stomach. Every. Single. Time. 

You stepped out of the elevator, your heels clicking on the polished tile as you approached his door. You raised your fist and knocked twice, adjusting the strap of your bag as you waited. He usually answered the door seconds after he heard the first knock. Not today though, apparently. 

Puzzled, you knocked again, wondering if he just hadn't heard you. When the door still didn't open, you turned the handle to see if it was unlocked. When the handle turned completely, you slowly pushed the door open and poked your head in, making sure you were catching him at a bad time. You almost wondered if he forgot. 

But it didn't seem like he did. You saw him standing in front of the window with his back to you, hands stuffed in his pockets. You knew he must've heard you by now, the sound of your heels echoing in the room as you closed the door behind you. 

You noticed that the piece of art hanging near the door was crooked, a small dent where the corner of the frame would've been had it been straight.

"Kylo?" you called, walking further into the room and setting your bag on one of the white couches. 

He finally turned around, acknowledging your presence for the first time. "The painting is crooked, not sure if..." you trailed off, noticing the look on his face. 

Kylo always had a relatively stoic demeanor, naturally intimidating. But this was different. This look, this expression on Kylo's face, was something you hadn't seen before. 

"Is everything alright?" you asked quietly, swallowing thickly. His gaze on you made you feel nearly as scared as you'd felt leaving the office the day before. 

His silence was even more unnerving, making this situation eerily similar to the incident the day before. You started to notice your heart beating faster, a feeling of dread settling in your chest.

"Is something wrong?" you asked, your tone a bit harsher than before. You were getting irritated by his apparent silent treatment, not in the mood to participate in whatever game he was playing. 

You'd had enough when he turned his back on you again. Running out of patience, you stepped in between him and the large window, forcing him to look at you. 

"Is there a reason you're ignoring me?" you snapped, eyes narrowed at him. "Because if you're just going to ignore me without any explanation, I'll just leave. Which is what it seems like you'd like me to do."

His jaw clenched and you saw an unfamiliar look in his eye. He was restraining himself, trying to contain what appeared to be anger for some reason. He finally spoke but the tone of his voice almost made you wish he hadn't. 

"Would you like to leave?" he hissed. "Is there a better way to spend your precious fucking time?" 

Your brows pulled together in confusion. "What the hell are you talking about? Why are you being such an asshole right now?"

He took a step forward, closing the already microscopic gap between the two of you. He was glaring down at you, his lips pressed in a thin line."I may be an asshole but at least I'm not seeing someone behind your back," he spat.

"What?" He wasn't making any sense. You weren't seeing someone else and he had no reason to think you were. "Why would you say that?"

"The guy you were all over in front of your office yesterday," he hissed. You thought back to the night before, trying to ignore the unfavorable feelings rising in you. 

"Poe?" 

His clenched his jaw even harder. "So it has a name," he replied, his words laced with angry. 

The panic and confusion faltered to give way to the anger building inside of you."Were you fucking stalking me?" you yelled, disbelief flashing across your face. 

"So you're not denying it," he snapped. 

You ignored him, your entire body tensing. "I said," you hissed, "were you fucking stalking me?"

"No," he replied harshly. "Now give me an answer."

You were so angry you could barely see straight. He had the nerve to accuse you of this, make the terrifying event from yesterday about him. 

"Do you want to know why Poe was there? Hm?" 

The tension between you two was palpable and you honestly didn't know who was going to snap first. "He had come back to the office to get a gift he'd accidentally forgotten," you continued. 

"A gift for his fucking husband."

You could feel tears pricking your eyes, images of Poe wrenching the man off of you flashing across your mind. The fear you'd felt at the time came creeping back, your hands starting to shake in residual panic.

His jaw dropped, the rage in his eyes melting at the bittersweet realization that he had been very, very wrong in his assumption. He seem startled by the tear that spilled onto your cheek.

"And if you'd been there two minutes..." you trailed off, trying to catch your breath."If you'd been there two minutes earlier, you would've seen why he was 'all over me', like you said."

"What...happened?" he asked, his voice suddenly a bit timid. Almost guilty. 

You laughed humorlessly, more hot tears staining your face. "Oh so now you want to ask for an explanation? Didn't think to do that before you started accusing me of something?" you yelled.

Your breathing was beyond erratic by now. "What happened?" he repeated. The softness in his voice nearly made you breakdown. 

"I, I left the office and this guy came in front of me," you sputtered, "and, and when I tried to move, he shoved me against the wall and..." you trailed off, a choked sobbing interrupting you. 

"And he touched, touched my waist and tried to move his hands up, but Poe pulled him-"

You couldn't even finish. You clamped your hand over your mouth as a sob shook your entire body. He grabbed onto you as your knees nearly buckled, every emotion you'd been shoving away, every ounce of physical exhaustion you'd pushed through crashing down on you all at once. 

He kept a tight hold on you. But right as he brought a hand to your hair, pulling your head towards his chest, you shoved him away. He stumbled slightly, more from surprise than from force. 

"No, you do not get to do that. You don't get to do that and then just act like you care," you spat. 

"You know I care," he replied. 

You didn't know what had come over you. "What if I had been seeing someone, hm? Why would it even matter?"

He narrowed his eyes, taking a step closer to you. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now?"

"I'm just saying," you muttered. "We never said this was exclusive, never established any labels. How do I know you're not seeing someone else?"

"Is that what you're worried about? You're worried that I'm seeing someone else? You know I'm not," he shot back. 

"No I don't, Kylo! I mean, fuck, we haven't discussed what this is," you said gesturing between the two of you. "You never brought it up, never-"

"Why would I?" he exclaimed. "You made it very clear from the beginning that this was just some casual fling. Purely physical, just-"

"Well maybe I've changed my mind!"

The room fell silent except for the sound of heavy breathing. All you could was stare at him, and it seems like that was all he could do too.

Before you even noticed that he had stepped towards you, Kylo's hand was cupping your face while his lips crashed into yours. 

He pulled you impossibly close with his arm around your waist, your hands finding his shoulders and bracing yourself as you kissed him back. His tongue slid against yours, a sense of passion behind his movements that hadn't been there before. 

He pulled his lips away but kept his hand cupping your face, his eyes finding yours. "You're mine," he breathed. "Do you understand that?"

"Only if I get to call you mine too," you replied without missing a beat. You paused, sucking in a breath. "Do I get to call you mine?"

He nodded ever so slightly before grabbing your face with both of his hands, attacking your lips again. He pulled your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging slightly and making you groan. He tore his mouth from yours, his large hands holding your face in front of him. 

"Mine," he said, practically growling. "Have I made myself clear?"

You licked your lips, the look in his eye sending a shock of arousal to your core. You realized that for as stressed as you had been this week, how badly you needed to release some tension, he needed it more.

His gaze was hungry, the built up tension rolling off of him in thick waves. You could tell he had too many bottled up emotions, no doubt from that fact that he spent an entire day believing you were seeing someone else. 

He brought a hand to the back of your neck as his lips dove to your collarbone, sucking and nipping at your skin. You had intended to answer him, but you were too distracted. You'd been waiting for this all day, practically dreaming of his lips on you.

He tightened his grip on the back of your neck, holding your head in place as he brought his face in front of yours again. "I said," he hissed, "did I make myself clear?"

A devilish smirk played at your lips. "I'm not sure," you taunted. "I might need a reminder."

In a blur, he grabbed your wrist and spun around you, dragging you with him as he stalked towards his bedroom. You could barely keep up with him, nearly tripping over your feet. 

The second both of you were inside the room, he slammed the door shut and shoved you against it. His lips found yours again, his hands flattened against the door on either side of your head. You hooked your fingers in his belt loops and tugged him towards you, moaning when you felt his erection on your thigh. 

He groaned into your mouth, pushing his hips against you harder. You were practically aching as his tongue slid against yours, quickly stepping out of your heels and flinging them to the side, making him lean down more in order to keep his lips on yours. You had just brought your hands to his belt buckle when he tore his lips away, pulling his head back to look at you. 

"You're infuriating," he panted, his eyes drinking you in. 

"So are you," you responded as you brought your hands to his hair, gripping tightly. A coarse groan rumbled in his chest as his lips dove to your neck while he callously kicked your feet apart. 

You sucked in a breath when his hand snuck under your dress, reaching between your legs. Your eyes fluttered shut as his fingers brushed across your covered clit, his lips working upwards towards your ear. 

He applied more pressure, but only for a second before he brought both of his hands to your waist. His hands worked their way down your body, reaching your thighs before raking his hands back up and lifting the hem of your dress. Once the fabric was bunched around your hips, exposing your panties to him, he sunk to his knees in front of you. 

A sigh sigh slipped past your lips as he began placing tender kisses on your thighs, contrasting the extremely tight grip he had on your hips.

Growing impatient, you used your grip on his hair as leverage to guide him towards your cunt. The second you did, you felt the sharp sensation of teeth on the inside of your thighs. 

You gasped and lurched forward, holding onto his hair tighter. "Patience," he warned, gliding his lips over the bite mark he'd made. 

He glanced up at you quickly, the look in his eyes making even more wetness pool between your legs. Finally, he roughly pulled your panties completely off of your legs and carelessly flung them to the side. He lifted one of your legs up and tossed it over his shoulder, his eyes finding yours again. 

"Needy little slut," he taunted, his breath fanning your clit.

"Only for you," you mumbled. With a low groan, he tore his eyes away and finally, finally, brought his mouth to your cunt. 

A loud cry tore from your chest as his tongue dove against your folds, lips finally wrapping around your clit. You slammed your shoulder blades against the door, eyes squeezing shut in pleasure. 

He was sucking feverishly at your clit, working you relentlessly with his tongue. You rolled your hips against him as your breathing grew more and more erratic. He was working you insanely fast, clearly determined to make you fall apart with just his mouth. 

The wet sounds of his lips sucking and releasing your folds was already bringing you dangerously close to your release. He slid his tongue back and forth over your clit, his pace completely unforgiving, growing faster each second. 

You couldn't contain yourself anymore. A loud groan, long and sustained tore from your throat as you felt your arousal dripping on your thighs. He growled against you, the vibrations eliciting even louder, more desperate moans. 

"Fuck," you breathed, your head falling back against the door. The once methodical movements of his tongue had lost any restraint, his tongue working your folds with wet, chaotic strokes. 

"Kylo," you mewled, squirming against him. You could feel the warm beginnings of your orgasm, the pressure quickly increasing. 

"I'm so - FUCK!" you cried as he plunged two fingers inside of you. You clenched around him, your back arching. You knew you were soaking wet but the added sound of his drenched, rapidly-moving fingers just about sent you over the edge.

His tongue continued working you as he pumped you relentlessly, whimpers and moans tumbling from your lips. With one last, particularly hard flick of his tongue, you clenched around his fingers and completely fell apart. 

You screamed his name as your orgasm ripped through your body. The arm wrapped around your thigh kept you supported when your knees nearly buckled, Kylo continuing to suck and finger-fuck you through your peak without slowing. You were moaning obscenely loudly, repeatedly panting his name in between strings of expletives, spurring him on

He continued working you until he'd drawn your orgasm out as long as possible, making sure you could barely stand when he removed his fingers and stood up.

You were panting, chest heaving, jaw slack as he wrapped an arm around your waist and brought his face in front of yours. Usually, he'd slide his fingers into your mouth, groaning as he watched you taste yourself. But this time, he brought his fingers to his own mouth, sliding them past his lips. You watched him in awe, a quiet moan escaping you. 

He grinned wickedly and released his fingers with a loud pop. He brought his free hand to the side of your neck as he pressed his lips to yours. He held you there, leisurely slipping his tongue into your mouth, intentional with each movement. You groaned as you tasted yourself, sliding your tongue against his slowly. 

Kylo had a way of sneaking moments of gentleness in here and there, somehow making the roughness that you'd come to crave even more pleasing. 

He pulled away after a few more moments of affectionate kissing, his hand gently holding the side of your neck. You loved these soft, slow moments, but you loved when he was rough with you too. And tonight, you needed him to save the gentleness for later.

And based on the look in his eyes, you could that's exactly what he was planning to do. 

Wrapping his arms around your waist tightly, he picked you up, barely giving you enough time to wrap your legs around his hips before he started walking towards the bed. 

He tossed you onto the bed and stood in front of you, eyes fixated on your body as he started unbuttoning his shirt. You copied his movements, sitting up to pull your dress completely off.

You unclasped your bra and quickly discarded it, noticing the way he tensed at the sight of your exposed chest. You leaned back on your elbows, watching as he removed his belt, practically trembling with desire.

Slowly, you reached your hand to your breast, pinching and twisting your nipple as you looked at him. Kylo's breath hitched when a small whimper escaped you. 

It was clear that he couldn't wait any longer.

He didn't bother to remove his pants, instead just shoving the fabric aside and freeing his cock. Kylo roughly flung your legs open and seized your hips to yank you towards him, aligning his throbbing cock with your entrance. 

It should've been enough of a warning, but you were never fully ready to take his shockingly large cock. He pushed his entire length into you, a low, sustained groan tearing from his throat as your slick, swollen cunt stretched around him.

He pulled out slowly, intently watching his cock slide out of your pussy. You felt every painful inch of his length stretch you open, forcing your cunt to accommodate him. You sucked in a sharp breath at the stinging sensation in your core, trying to adjust to his size. But before you could, Kylo slammed his hips back into you. You cried out, hands flying to his shoulders, nails biting at his skin. He groaned again, louder, more animalistic than before. Listening to him lose control was hypnotic, drawing you into a blissful, desire-soaked trance. 

He found a brutal pace, fucking you as hard as possible, hips snapping against your ass loudly. He was moaning depravedly, cursing under his breath as he watched your tits bounce wildly with each of his thrusts. It was clear that he was releasing his tension with each stroke, each thrust of his hips. 

He pulled all the way out of you just to slam back in, splitting you open each time. "You're so fucking tight," he hissed through clenched teeth. All you could do was whimper in response, the pleasure overwhelming you.

He removed his hands from your hips and brought one of his forearms next to your head, his other hand sliding to your throat. Your moans and whimpers turned into strangled breaths as he squeezed the sides of your neck, fingers digging into your skin.

He was pounding you relentlessly, drilling you into  
oblivion. Every ounce of tension in his mind and body fueling his thrusts. He leaned down slightly, his face now hovering inches above yours. Admiring the way your face crumpled in pleasure, jaw slack and lips parted. 

He tilted his head down to watch your tight little hole swallow his whole length, his cock disappearing inside of you. "You're taking this cock so well," he panted. "Such a good girl for me."

He looked back up at you, removing his hand from your throat and planting it on the bed next to your head. "You look so good like this," he panted. "Looking so pretty while I fuck you."

You whimpered, wrapping your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, keeping him close. He adjusted his position, allowing his cock to hit you from a new angle as he brought his lips to your ear.

"This pussy is mine," he muttered. "You're mine. All of you is mine. All. Fucking. Mine."

His words sent shockwaves of arousal to your core. You threw your head back and moaned loudly, your eyes fluttering shut as immense pressure formed in between your thighs.

"You're mine," he repeated. "Say it. Tell - oh fuck - me you're mine."

"I'm yours," you whimpered, snaking your hands into his soft hair. "All - oh fuck - yours."

Your words ignited something inside of him. He somehow started fucking you faster, his cock twitching against your velvety walls, his thrusts punctuated by loud groans. 

You clenched around him, feeling your orgasm quickly approaching. He growled and shifted all his weight onto one of his forearms, reaching his other hand between your bodies. His thumb found your clit and he started to draw rapid circles against your swollen nub, the pace of his thrusts never slowing. You cried out and tugged on his hair, your body beginning to shake with deep, powerful tremors. Another hard thrust, his cock hitting you impossibly deep, and you came undone. 

You were coming all over him again, writhing and shaking and nearly screaming his name as he railed into you. He removed his hand from your clit, flattening it on the mattress as he chased his own orgasm. It only took a few more thrusts into your pulsating cunt to send him over the edge. 

He slammed into you one last time and tensed, his torso hunching over as the first wave of his orgasm hit him. 

"Oh, fuck." 

His hips jerked forward again as his cum beginning spilling inside of you, filling up your pulverized hole. You whimpered at the feeling, warmth coating the soreness in your core. He grunted as he shuddered again, emptying more of his seed inside of you. 

He pulled out ever so slightly and tilted his head down, watching as his cock continued twitching, spurting the last of his seed into your pussy. You were filled to the brim with him. Only him. Fucking stuffed with his cum and his cock, only pulling out once he had emptied every last drop inside of you. 

You were limp against the bed, still trying to catch your breath as Kylo rolled off of you and collapsed onto his back. Once he had regained some composure, he gently pulled you on top of him, your head resting on his chest. 

Everything was quiet for a while, Kylo's hand resting on your lower back while you lazily dragged your finger across his chest.

"Are you alright?" Kylo whispered, breaking the silence. You picked your head up to look at him. Before you could answer, he spoke again. "About yesterday, I mean."

You sighed and started tracing your finger on Kylo's chest again. "I think so," you replied. 

"Do you..." he trailed off, clearing his throat. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly. 

You smiled a bit. "Yes," you answered. "I want to talk about why you were there yesterday."

He sighed and draped his arm across your back. You raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response. "Well I wasn't stalking you like you accused me of," he muttered. "I was just...going to ask you something."

He didn't continue speaking, didn't tell you what the question was like you'd expected him to.

"And this would be where you tell me what you were going to ask me," you muttered. 

With a dramatic huff, he tore his eyes from yours and looked up at the ceiling. "There's.... this thing next weekend," he began. "On Saturday, The First Order is hosting a party - well gala, actually, to celebrate the large projects we've had this year."

You looked at him with a puzzled expression, wondering what this had to do with you. He noticed, and took a deep breath before responding. 

"I want you to come."

You blinked a few times before you'd actually processed what he said. "Me?"

"No, the other person I'm speaking to right now," he deadpanned.

You sat up a bit more, resting your forearm on his chest and looking down at him. You were a bit confused, but you couldn't deny the excitement surging inside of you. "But I'm not in that field," you replied. "I'm not a designer or an architect or anything like that. I can barely draw a stick figure."

"I'm aware," he replied cooly.

"So why would I be invited ?" you questioned. 

"Because I'm inviting you." 

You gulped, still staring at him intently. "Won't that look.... suspicious?

"No," he responded. "You'll be publishing a feature on my company that includes design plans for one of these major projects just days before the event. I don't think anyone would find your presence odd or suspicious."

You cracked a smile. "Are you asking me out on a date, Ren?"

"That depends," he muttered. "Are you accepting my invitation?"

You nodded slightly, trying to conceal your excitement. The faintest smile appeared on his lips as he replied.

"Then I guess it's a date."


	13. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first date with Mr. Ren.

It felt like you'd been holding your breath all week. 

Then I guess it's a date. 

It's not like you hadn't been on dates before. But a date with Kylo Ren? That was a different type of nervous. 

At first, you'd been nothing but excited. You still were, but by Monday morning, the girlish giddiness had been joined by sheer panic. 

This week was just as busy as the week before - which you were surprisingly grateful for. But as much as you appreciated the distraction from your nerves that the work brought you, the weekend couldn't come soon enough. You hadn't even been able to see Kylo since you left Saturday morning because of the deadlines looming over your head. 

You tore through the week, laser focused and working relentlessly. The only break you have yourself was on Wednesday once you saw your piece on the First Order published with your byline underneath the title. 

Relief washed over you. It was done, published, printed. You were officially the first and only person to have drawn virtually any of information out of the daunting Kylo Ren. As much as you wanted to downplay it and pretend that it was just another piece you'd written, you couldn't. The satisfaction and pride in your work was too much to conceal. 

And honestly, you didn't want to conceal it. You'd earned a bit of celebration and you were allowed to be proud of yourself. You'd worked tirelessly, putting in long hours and playing tricky games with Ren to get that piece finished. 

If someone had told you just a month ago that you would produce a well-polished piece about Ren and the First Order, you never would've believed them. And you never would have thought that you'd end up in some kind of a relationship with the man. 

You'd gone from dreading the man to counting down the days until you were with him again. Life takes unexpected turns, but you never would've thought this would've happened. 

It was a fairly plain dress, something you'd bought two years ago for a formal dinner party. It wasn't exactly a glamorous dress, but it would do the trick for tonight. 

Jet-back and floor length, the dress was simple, the only eye catching features being the relatively deep neckline and the thigh slit revealing revealing a bit more than half of your leg. The fabric clung to your figure tightly, giving you a sleek, polished look.

You didn't have the ability to drop a few hundred dollars on a new dress, but you were at least able to splurge on some new shoes you found on clearance. The heels were fairly simply just like the dress, but the deep red color did bring a slightly more glamorous feel to your appearance. 

The deep red lipstick you'd found matched the shoes almost perfectly, enhancing your otherwise understated makeup look. You'd left your hair down in loose waves, letting it frame your face and cascade down your back. The last thing you needed was your loosely-fitted black diamond choker. They definitely weren't real diamonds, but from a distance, it'd be convincing enough. 

You were about to put it on when your phone buzzed, alerting you that your ride was just a few minutes away. You placed the necklace in your clutch to put on later and quickly sprayed your nicest perfume on before heading next door.

Jayna was pretty much the best neighbor a person could ask for. She'd been the one to feed Artoo and check in on him whenever you were at Kylo's, assuring you that she'd be happy to help you out. You returned the favor of course, watering her plants about four times a week when she worked her night shift at the hospital. She'd come by before you even started getting ready to get Artoo, wanting a bit of time to play with him before her boyfriend came over. 

You knocked on her door, fidgeting as you waited. She opened the door in second, holding Artoo in her arms.

"He is all- Holy shit," she muttered. You blushed and smiled at her. "You look beautiful."

Artoo barked and wiggled at the sight of you. "See? He agrees," she added.

"Well, thank you," you replied. "I just wanted to thank you again for watching him and ask if you needed anything else before I left."

She waved her hand. "We have everything we need, and it's my pleasure," she assured you. The only thing you'd had to give her was his food and the litter box you'd trained him to use. Poe always teased you about treating Artoo like a cat, but you lived in an apartment building so it wasn't like you had the ability to take him outside very often. 

"Now go have fun!" she encouraged, gently squeezing your arm. You smiled warmly and scratched Artoo's head before stepping back, thanking her again as you headed towards the elevator.

You told Kylo that you'd meet him at his place, not wanting any of your neighbors to see Kylo Ren walking into your building. He'd stick out terribly, mostly likely wearing clothes that cost more than two months of your rent. 

The drive was quick, but you were more nervous to see him than you'd ever been before. He'd never seen you dressed up like this and quite honestly, you were somehow afraid that your plain dress wasn't enough but somehow too much at the same time.

You had the driver pull around to the back of the building like Kylo had told you. Carefully, you thanked the driver and stepped out of the car, holding the skirt of your dress in your hand. You inhaled deeply, pursuing your lips before walking towards the parking area where Kylo would be. 

It wasn't very hard to find him. Just as you were about to take out your phone and text him, you saw him standing outside of his car in one of the closest parking spots, already waiting for you. 

You smiled slightly and walked towards him, stopping once you saw the expression on his face. He didn't budge. Completely silent, unnervingly still, lips parted ever so slightly. The only thing that gave you any hint as to what he was thinking was his eyes scanning your body. You fidgeted out of habit, smoothing the front of your dress and twisting the ring on your finger while his eyes trailed over you.

He finally brought his eyes back to yours, his eyebrows raised a bit, his usual stoic and hardened demeanor replaced by something softer. He was dressed sharply, looking the part of a high powered CEO, and yet his expression exuded almost a charming, boyish nature. 

You cleared your throat awkwardly. "You look great, I-"

"You're gorgeous."

You froze, locking eyes with him. For a second, you thought you hadn't heard him correctly. But you definitely did. Once you returned to reality, your widened eyes returned to their normal size and you closed your mouth that was still hanging open.

"Thank you Ren," you mumbled. "You look great."

He really did look great. You'd been right - his suit definitely cost at least two month's rent. It was all black, slim-fitting and beyond elegant looking, complete with a silk tie and well-polished dress shoes. He had his hair pushed back slightly, his hair still cascading in waves to his shoulders but giving you a clear view of his entire face. The beautifully chiseled face you'd become very familiar with. 

He smiled shyly before awkwardly cleared his throat the same way you had, clearly not used to responding to compliments. He gestured for you to follow him as he walked around the side of the car, heading towards the passenger door. Like a true gentleman, he opened the door for you, holding out his hand for you take as you climbed in.

Your hand tingled as you placed it in his. It looked so small and delicate in his hand, blush creeping into your cheeks as he held it tightly. You'd never actually held his hand before.

A silence fell as he pulled away from the building, heading towards the hotel where the event was being held. The car came to stop at a red light and you remembered the necklace you'd placed in your clutch. You opened your clutch and carefully took it out, pulling down the mirror in front of your seat. 

You saw him look at you out of the corner of your eye and you glanced at him. "Forgot to put this on," you mumbled as you unclasped the necklace. 

"Do you need help?"

You paused, holding the piece of jewelry in your hands. You nodded and he quickly put the car in park, gesturing for you to turn slightly. You did after you handed him the necklace carefully and pulled your hair off your neck, holding it with your hand.

He positioned the necklace around your throat and clasped it quickly. He let his hands linger for a few seconds before taking your hair out of your hand, gently laying it down your back again. Shivers ran up your spine at his gentle touch.

Early evening settled on the city as Kylo drove, the sparkling lights of New York City shining through your window. You'd loved this view since you were just 18, and you honestly didn't think you'd ever get tired of it. 

"You're humming," Kylo said suddenly, breaking your trance. 

You turned your head to look at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was," you replied sheepishly. 

"Don't be sorry." You noticed a small smile on his lips as he spoke. 

It was nice seeing this side of him. He smiled while you spoke, even laughing when you made a joke. Proof that there was a person, warm and inviting underneath his usual cold exterior. 

Before you knew it, the car arrived at the hotel where the event was being held. He'd climbed out of the driver's seat and reached your side of the car before you even had the chance to open the door yourself. He held his hand out for you to take just as he had when you'd left his building. 

You walked at his side into the hotel, catching him sneaking one more glance at you before you entered the lobby. You'd expected the hotel to be nice considering the wealth of the First Order, but you were still a bit awestruck. A gigantic chandelier hung in the center of the room catching the light being reflected by the perfectly polished floors below. You followed Kylo towards the event hall, looking at the expensive art hanging on the walls like a kid in a candy store. 

There were more tables than you could easily count, your stomach thug in knots as you realized there would be a lot more people than you'd been expecting. Kylo had told you days ago that Hux had planned this and it made you laugh thinking of the man picking out centerpieces. 

You could already tell that the people in the room belonged to a very different world than you did. It made sense that they were all dressed so impeccably considering that most of these people were involved with the design industry and related fields. 

"I should mention that there are a few writers here," Kylo whispered behind you. 

If you hadn't been in such a nice place, you would've knocked him into next week. "And you decided to tell me that now?" you hissed, looking at him in sheer panic. 

"Relax," he whispered. "Most of them are writers or editors from architecture or design magazines, not your type of writing."

You relaxed a bit knowing that you weren't about to bump into a Pulitzer Prize winner. Still, the idea of meeting high-powered magazine writers and editors was still a bit intimidating since a part of you had always wanted to try your hand at the more artistic side of your field. 

Kylo led you around the room, immediately greeting every person he came across. He was cordial, charming, as he welcomed his guests and introduced you. To your relief, no one seemed surprised or puzzled that you were there once Kylo explained that you'd written a feature on the company. Several people actually informed you that they had read the piece, making you blush when they complimented your writing. 

After you'd met enough people to make your head spin, you assured Kylo that you'd be fine while he wandered off and continued to catch up with people. You were meandering towards the open bar when you heard a a voice call your name. It was a familiar voice, but one you hadn't heard in a while. 

You followed the sound of the voice to see Hux approaching you, holding two flutes of champagne in his hands.

"I'm glad to see that you took Ren up on his invitation," he chirped, handing one of the flutes to you. 

"I'm glad to be here Mr. Hux," you replied, taking a large sip of your drink, hoping it'd boost your confidence. 

"Armitage, please."

"Armitage," you repeated. 

At first, you were nervous to see him, but you quickly remembered Kylo assuring you that Hux had no idea you'd swiped a file during your interview with him. 

"Congratulations to you on your article," he said in between sips of champagne. "I'm impressed that you were able to pull so much information from Ren."

You tensed a bit but kept a blank expression as you thanked him, clutching your glass tightly. "The last few writers that approached him ran away without looking back," he continued.

You silently hoped that he was just making conversation, not that he was insinuating any inappropriate circumstances that led you to gathering the information. He didn't continue, much to your relief, simply glancing at his watch before looking back up. 

"Dinner should be starting soon, and I believe you're sitting at the same table as Ren and myself," he said, smoothing out his neatly pressed suit. "May I?"

With a polite smile, he extended his arm to you, gesturing for you to take it. Kylo wouldn't be pleased if he saw, but if you didn't accept it, Hux might suspect something. Switching your glass to your other hand, you returned his smile and placed your arm in his. 

You walked with him to the table, arriving right as Kylo did. You could see his jaw clench, clearly not expecting you to have already been at the table. And he definitely hadn't been expecting to see you arm and arm with Hux. 

It was tense as you detangled your arm from Hux's, thanking him quietly before taking a seat. To your horror, Hux sat down right next to you on your left, Kylo seated on your right. Talk about tense.

Luckily, the other people seated at the table seemed to ease the strain. Friendly conversation ensued as dinner was served, carefully listening as they spoke. These people were interesting, well-versed in their fields, and yet they didn't make you feel out of place. Everything was going fine, utensils clinking against the plates, glasses being emptied. Perfectly pleasant - until Hux chimed in.

"I was telling Ren earlier how excited Zena will be to meet our reporter," he said to the others at your table, a misleadingly sweet smile on his face. You didn't find any issue with his words until you looked at Kylo.

He was silently fuming, his jaw clamped tightly and his eyes narrowed. You weren't sure why Kylo had an issue with it, and you didn't know who Zena was. 

"I'm sure Zena will be busy socializing the rest of the night," Kylo replied curtly, "I doubt she'll have time."

"I'm sure she could spare a few minutes," Hux shot back, giving Ren a smug look as he took a sip of his drink. You did the same, draining the rest of your champagne. 

Dinner carried on smoothly after that, engaging in the conversation with the others. One of them even asked you about your work, listening intently as you answered. Once the plates had been cleared and the glasses had been refilled, a tall blonde woman walked onto the stage at the front of the room. Phasma, according to Hux. She gave a relatively brief presentation, showing the design sketches and completed buildings of various projects from the year. She concluded with the Alderaan Hotel, projecting the same sketch that you'd included in your feature. 

At the very end of her presentation, Kylo joined her on stage, saying a few words and thanking everyone for attending. Kylo returned to the table shortly after the applause died down, giving you a gentle smile as he approached you. You stood up and joined Kylo, giving Hux a polite smile as you left the table. Hux seemed bothered by something, but you weren't sure what was causing his irritation. 

Kylo remained at your side, leading you around the room again. You made small talk with more than you could keep track of. When the stream of people dwindled, you found yourself separated from Kylo. How decided that you needed another drink and headed to the bar you'd seen earlier. You quickly gave the bartender your order, leaning against the bar as you waited.

"I trust that you've enjoyed yourself this evening."

You turned around to see Hux standing behind you. "I did, thank you," you replied, grabbing your drink that the bartender had just placed in front of you. 

"I'm sure you'll want to stay a bit longer, but if you'd like a ride home at the end of the evening, I'd be happy to take you."

You nearly spit out your drink. Your eyes were so wide you were afraid they'd pop out of your head. "Oh, uh, Armitage, I-"

"I didn't mean to be so forward, I-"

"No, no, it's fine," you mumbled, waving him off. "It's just that Ren actually gave me a ride here and offered to take me home."

He nodded slowly, giving you a strange look. "I could always save him the trouble and take you myself," he replied. "Not that I believe you're any trouble, of course."

You were assuming that his word choice was completely coincidental, but something was telling you that it wasn't. "I really appreciate the offer, but I'm actually seeing someone," you explained. "Just casually, but I don't believe that it'd be fair." 

His expression faltered slightly. "My apologies, I didn't know you were.... involved," he replied. "If anything changes though, you-"

"Hux."

Looking over Hux's shoulder, you saw Kylo walking towards the two of you. "Ren," he replied as Kylo came to stand next to you. "I was just speaking with our reporter."

"I see that."

You shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the tension surrounding the three of you. There was no question that your first assessment had been correct - there was definite tension between the two men. 

Kylo finally tore his gaze from Hux's to look at you. "If you're ready, I think I'll take you home now," he muttered. 

You nodded, taking one last sip of your drink before setting it on the bar. Kylo wasted no time, immediately beginning to walk past Hux before you could even politely say goodbye to him. 

Not a word was spoken until you got into Kylo's car. Finally, you broke the thick layer of silence. "I think Hux might know something," you blurted. "Or at least be suspicious."

He turned to you slightly, raising an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah," you breathed. "Before you came over, he offered to take me home and-"

"He did what?" 

"He say he would take me home when I decided to leave," you explained. "And I think he's suspicious because I got really flustered and declined awfully quickly, and I mentioned that I was seeing someone and didn't feel like that would be fair."

"And if you hadn't been seeing someone, would you have said yes?"

Your brows pulled together. "What? No, that's not the point, I'm saying that Hux might know something and-"

"Would you have said yes if we weren't involved?"

Pausing, you tried to conceal the smirk on your face. "You know, you're pretty good at hiding most of your emotions," you mused. "Except jealousy."

You'd been expecting his mood to worsen at your teasing but to your surprise, he laughed. "Can you really blame me?"

You were relieved to see that the pleasant mood he'd been in earlier hadn't been completely ruined. And although you wanted to ask him more about Hux, particularly whether or not you should be worried about his possible suspicion, you didn't want to ruin the night or risk irritating him. 

"I hope that I didn't waste your Saturday night so far," he muttered, glancing at you for a second before looking back at the road. 

You turned to look at him. "Not at all, I had a good time," you replied, placing your hand on his arm briefly. "Did you?"

He smiled. "Large events aren't my scene," he admitted, "but this one was decent."

The mood remained light for the rest of the ride home, the elevator ride filled with a comfortable silence. But everything changed the second his door closed behind you.

His hands were on you in less than a second, grabbing your waist with so much force you nearly fell backwards. His lips crashed against yours, one of his hands traveling up your spine to hold the back of your head, keeping your mouth firmly pressed against his. He tore his lips away but gave you no time to catch your breath before he had had picked you up, one arm under your shoulder blades and the other under your knees. 

You brought your lips to his neck, kissing and sucking at his skin while he headed towards the bedroom. You nipped at his collarbone, wanting to mark him the same way he tended to mark you. You continued your actions until he had set you down and grabbed your hips, effortlessly spinning you around. You could feel his bulge against your ass,  
making you wonder just how long he'd been hard.

"Do you have any idea how long I've waited to get this dress off of you?" he mumbled against your neck, his sliding up your torso. You sighed as he started massaging your breasts, arching your back into his touch.

"My apologies sir, I assumed you'd like the dress," you replied, reaching one hand behind your back  
to tug at his belt.

He growled at your pet name for him, squeezing your breasts tighter. "I do," he muttered, "but I think it'd look a hell of a lot better on the floor." His hands flew to your back, eagerly unzipping your dress. He moved his hands to your shoulders as he slid your straps down your arms, his lips on the back of your neck. He brought his hands to the neckline and began pulling the material down your body, his lips moving downwards at the same pace. 

Once the dress was in a pool at your feet, he sunk to  
his knees behind you, holding your hips in place as his lips placed gentle kisses over the fabric of your thong. He brought one hand to your ass, kneading the soft flesh gently while his other hand slid between your thighs. 

"Would you look at that," he mumbled, his finger sliding against your covered slit. "You're already so  
wet for me."

You moaned as his finger brushed your clit, your head falling back. You felt his lips on your skin, right above the waistband of your panties. As the lacy fabric was slowly pulled down, it took you a second to realize he was using his teeth rather than his hands. 

He stood up quickly and reached for your bra, quickly unclasping it. His hands left your body and you heard him unbuckling his pants, wetness pooling between your legs in anticipation. 

"On your back," he said, giving your ass a quick slap. "And leave the heels on," he added.

You eagerly obeyed, stepping over the pile of clothes that had collected at your feet and walking towards the bed.

He moved to the foot of the bed, holding his belt in his hands. Silently, he leaned down and hovered over your body, holding the belt in his fist as he kissed your jaw. 

"Hands above your head," he muttered. You lifted your arms as instructed, bringing your wrists together without him even having to ask. 

"Good girl," he praised as he reached for your wrists, belt clinking in his hand. You watched him through hooded eyes as he fastened the belt around your wrists, pulling it just tight enough that it wasn't hurting but still eliminating any chance of you getting your hands free.

He stood up again, taking a moment to drink in the sight of you. "Don't move," he muttered before turning on his heel and walking out of the room. 

You squeezed your legs together, trying to get some friction while you waited for him to come back. He finally did, holding a glass in his hand. You lifted your head as much as possible to see what was in it, wondering what he'd gotten. 

Ice cubes. He'd gotten ice cubes. 

He reached his hand into the glass and pulled out a piece, walking around the side of the bed and crouching next to your head. He brought the ice to your mouth, dragging the coldness completely across your lips before placing it on your tongue. 

He stood up again and moved towards the foot of the bed. You heard the glass being placed on the floor before Kylo situated his lower body between your legs. You nearly jumped out of your skin when he lowered his head to your chest. 

You hadn't even noticed he'd taken an ice cube in his mouth.

The ice stung, cry tearing from your throat. The heat of Kylo's mouth only emphasized the burning sensation of hot and cold against your nipple. Your cry melted into a loud moan as the ice melted against your skin, leaving a residual feeling of delicious pain. 

He lifted himself off of you again, dropping to his knees at the foot of the bed. You didn't even need to hear the sound of the glass moving to know what was coming next. 

He brought the ice cube to your cunt, running it up and down your slit slowly, relishing in the way you writhe against him. He continued his torturous movements until it had melted, grabbing a fresh piece of ice and bringing it to your entrance. He slid it inside of you, the coldness shooting through your entire body. 

"Oh fuck," you breathed, your hips jerking off the bed. The sensation was already overwhelming when he brought his mouth to your clit, a piece of ice already in his mouth. 

The ice added a new level of sensitivity to your clit, allowing for the slightest flick on his tongue to make your whole body contract. He worked you relentlessly, his tongue reversing any numbness caused by the ice. His tongue continued working long after the ice had melted, the heat of his mouth almost painfully warming your cunt.

He lapped at your folds, the wet sounds of his tongue working against you magnified by cooling water. Even without the added liquid, you knew you were completely soaked. 

"Kylo," you mewled, writhing with your hands bound above you. He puckered his lips around your swollen clit, sucking harder than before. You cried out, jutting your hips forward and arching your back. Despite the chill between your legs, you still felt like your entire body was engulfed in flames. 

You raised your head enough to get a look at him. He pulled his lips away to flash a quick smile, licking his glistening lips as he removed one of his hands from your thigh. He brought two fingers to your entrance, his palm facing upwards.

A gasp escaped you as he plunged his fingers inside of you, finding his pace in seconds. He lowered his head again, using his tongue to spear your clit while he fingers worked you open. You moaned louder with each flick of his tongue. When he fingers hit a sensitive spot buried deep inside of you, a low groan tore from your throat, your jaw going slack.

"Fuck I'm so close," you whimpered, feeling the beginnings of release growing stronger. He groaned against your clit, your hips jerking at the sensation. Right as you did, he curled his fingers inside of you.

You cried out, slamming your eyes shut and throwing your head back. "Oh fuck, right there."

The sound of his drenched fingers quickly pumping you was driving you crazy, your walls clenching tightly around him. He released your clit from between his lips and used his free hand to start drawing rough circles on your sweet spot.

"Fuck, I'm gonna - FUCK!" you screamed, back arching off the bed as your orgasm ripped through your body. He finger-fucked you through your release, only stopping once your desperate moans of ecstasy melted into whimpers. 

You were panting, chest heaving as you tried to regain your breath. He slowly moved up your body, his hand sliding from your thigh to your neck, wrapping his fingers around your throat. 

"You look so pretty when you cum," he murmured in between kisses to your jaw. He squeezed the sides of your neck, inhaling sharply as your eyes fluttered shut. 

"It was torturous watching you tonight," he breathed, his lips dragging across your jaw until he reached your lips. "You have no idea what you do to me."

You leaned up to kiss him, catching his bottom lip between your teeth. He removed his hand from your neck to reach in between your bodies, quickly grabbing his cock in his hand and tugging himself, his tip barely brushing against your weeping slit. 

"Please," you whined, wrapping your legs around Kylo's hips. 

"How did my stubborn little reporter become so desperate?" he taunted, lining his cock with your entrance. 

"Shut up, I'm not-"

He cut you off by slamming into you with a loud, drawn-out groan. You cried out, pulling against the belt that was restraining your wrists. He pulled out slowly, tilting his head down to watch as he coated himself in your arousal before snapping his hips forward.

You cried out again, flinging your head back and squeezing your eyes shut. "What were you saying?" he taunted, quickly finding a brutal pace. 

His hips snapped harshly against your ass, drowning out your cries and moans. You squirmed underneath him, wanting to run your hands through his hair, grip his shoulders. But you were stuck, completely at his mercy. And it drove you crazy in the best way. 

He was ruthless, snapping his hips against you with no restraint, forcing you to accommodate his size. You didn't think it was possible to be stretched like this, to feel him as deep as you were feeling him now. 

"No one gets to take you home but me," he rasped in between thrusts. His hand found your throat again, his thumb creeping upwards to slip between your lips. You greedily sucked down on it, and flooded from the pleasure of his cock pounding into you, bit down on him. He growled, his fingers digging into your neck. 

"Open your fucking mouth," he hissed, using his thumb to pry your teeth apart. When you didn't immediately obey, he pulled the hand that was on your neck back to slap you across the cheek. Your head snapped to the side, a whimper slipping past your lips.

"I said open your fucking mouth," he repeated, clasping your jaw in his hand. You parted your lips and he hovered his face above yours, using his grip on your jaw to hold you in place as he spat into your mouth. 

He clamped his hand over your mouth and you groaned, locking eyes with him as you swallowed. His pace was brutal, splitting you open more with each thrust. He pulled his hand off of your mouth just to wrap it around your throat again.

"Kylo," you cried, feeling the familiar feeling building between your legs, indicating the nearness of your climax. 

"Cum on my cock," he groaned. "I want to feel you cum on my fat fucking cock while you scream my fucking name."

Your jaw went slack and just like he said, you cried out, screaming his name as he fucked you through your orgasm. You cried his name out more times than you could count, each sound less coherent than the one before.

He followed quickly behind you, shooting his load deep inside of you, hips snapping against you erratically. He groaned as his cock twitched inside of you, filling you completely. 

Once he had emptied himself completely, he unfastened the belt around your wrists, your arms immediately wrapping around his neck. He carefully rolled over onto his back, one of his hands in your hair and the other resting on your lower back. 

"Such a good girl," he murmured, running his fingers through your hair as you tried to calm down. You weakly picked your head up, giving him a dazed smile.

"Your lipstick looks lovely right now," he deadpanned, swiping his thumb across your lips. You knew your makeup was a complete mess, and you were sure there was red lipstick smeared everywhere. 

"And you should see your lipstick," you sneered, making him pout. Laughing quietly, you copied him and lightly traced your finger over his red-stained lips. 

"Red is definitely your color, Ren."


	14. Make It Up To You

Autumn had reached its full glory, the beginning of winter slowly approaching. The leaves had changed from bright green to yellow and orange, littering the streets with color as they fell. Soon, those fallen leaves would be covered in sheets of white. 

Raindrops pelted the vast windows, steady and rhythmic as you sat on the floor with your back against the couch, laptop and paper strewn on Kylo's coffee table as he sat behind you.

It was Friday afternoon, tomorrow marking two weeks since you'd accompanied him to the First Order gala. Your first date. 

Even though the date went well and the date certainly ended well, you hadn't seen much of him since then. You were always busy as the holidays drew closer, and you were especially busy this year with your piece on Finalizer Industries. 

You stared at your laptop screen as you deleted and retyped the same sentence for the 20th time, unable to find the correct wording. 

"The couch is probably more comfortable," Kylo mumbled, fingers lazily weaving through your hair. "Or at least the desk in my office."

You stopped typing and tilted your head back to look at him. He looked away from his book and smiled at you, continuing to play with your hair. 

"I'm good here," you replied, running your hand across his pant leg. 

"You should take a break," he said, pointing at your screen. "Besides, I thought it wasn't set for publication until after the holidays?"

You sighed. It was true that your piece on Finalizer Industries wouldn't be published for a while, but you were still frantically working on it. You'd made substantial progress, but it still wasn't enough. 

It had to be absolutely perfect.

"Yeah it is," you replied, eyes closing as his fingers massaged your scalp. "But-"

"Then take a break."

You hesitated for a few seconds before leaning forward to close your laptop and standing up. He closed his book and removed his expensive-looking glasses with black rims, setting both on the coffee table, grinning in satisfaction as you turned around to climb onto his lap, knees resting on the outsides of his thighs. 

He wasted no time, attacking your neck with his lips the second he had his arms wrapped around you. He sucked harshly, immediately running his tongue across the bruise he'd made. 

"Do you know how much money I've had to spend on concealer since I met you? I'm going to start charging you for each mark," you muttered in between quiet sighs. 

He laughed against you and moved his mouth upwards, leaving a fresh bruise on your neck. "I don't have a problem with that."

Of course he wouldn't. The man was practically made of money. 

He pulled his head back to look at you, a strange expression on his face. "You're going home for  
Christmas, right?"

Your brows pulled together. It was only the second week of November. So why was he asking you about your Christmas plans?

"Yeah, I have a little over a week off so I'm going home to see my family," you replied slowly. "Why are you asking?"

He swallowed thickly and looked away, your anxiety mounting with each passing moment. "Nothing, it's just..."

"Kylo."

He sighed. "We're opening a new branch in London," he explained. "And I have to fly out there to oversee things."

"That's great!" you exclaimed, flashing him a wide smile. "But what does that have to do with me going home for Christmas?"

He grimaced slightly before replying. "I'm going to be in London for a month."

"A MONTH?"

His lips were pressed into a thin line as he looked at you, taking in your shocked expression. "I leave at the beginning of December and come back the first week of January."

Your jaw went slack, looking at him in disbelief. He'd be gone for an entire month. And not just out of town, vacationing in the Hamptons. No, no, he'd be gone for an entire month in a different country, on a different continent, an ocean away. 

"I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't be alone for Christmas," he added. "I wanted to make sure you had something to do."

You wouldn't be alone for Christmas. But he would. 

"A month," you repeated breathlessly. 

He sighed and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. "I know."

"Can't you just make Hux do it?" 

He scoffed. "Unfortunately, this is very important so no, I most definitely can't rely on him to do this."

You laughed dryly at his reply but your expression still betrayed your disappointment. Things were going well with Kylo now. Better than you'd expected. And now, he was going to be gone for an entire month. 

He brought a finger under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him. You were trying to keep your expression blank but you could tell it wasn't working. 

"I wish I didn't have to," he mumbled. 

"I wish you didn't have to either."

He gave you a soft smile before capturing your lips with his, dragging his tongue across your bottom lip before taking it between his teeth.

You kissed him back, bringing both your hands to  
his face and pulling him towards you, keeping him as close as possible.

He hadn't even left and yet you already missed him. 

He rolled your hips on his lap, moaning into his mouth when you felt his hardness brush against your cunt, already feeling the wetness pooling between your legs. 

Just a few touches and he could make you forget everything, filling your senses with nothing but him. 

He dropped his head to the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking your collarbone. "I'm going to have to leave a lot more marks," he mumbled against you. "Just so you don't forget about me."

You sighed contently when his lips found a sensitive spot, sucking gently. "Guess I'll have to do the same to you," you replied, slowly and firmly rolling your hips on his lap.

He groaned lowly and looked back up at you. His hand found the side of your neck, holding you in place as he used his thumb to stroke your jawline. 

"I'm not happy about this either, but I can make it up to you," he said, voice rough and low. 

"Make it up to me," you repeated, raising an eyebrow."Really?" 

"Mmm," he hummed in response.

"And how will you make it up to me?" 

A smirk played at his lips as he brought his hand to your mouth, pressing two fingers on your bottom lip. You locked eyes with him and slowly took part of his fingers into your mouth, swirling your tongue around his fingertips.

He moaned quietly, licking his lips as he watched you. "Well I know you like this," he replied, sliding his free hand to your chest. 

You moaned as he massaged and squeezed your breasts, arching your back into his touch. Keeping your eyes locked on his, you slid more of his fingers into your mouth, flattening your tongue and sucking harder.

He groaned as you hollowed out your cheeks. "And I know you like this," he continued, pulling his hand away from your chest to thread his fingers in your hair. 

Your eyes fluttered shut as he massaged your scalp, moaning and slowly moving your mouth up and down on his fingers. His cock was rock hard against your thigh, making you fidget in his lap. 

He pulled his hand away from your hair, bringing it to the button of your pants. He was able to unbutton and unzip your pants with one hand, quickly dipping his hand inside.

"And I know you like this," he murmured as he slowly began drawing circles on your clit over your panties.

You whined and jerked your hips into his hand, groaning around his fingers and watching him through hooded eyes. Just like you never got tired of watching the city go by, you knew you'd never grow tired of admiring him either. 

His lips twitched into a smirk. "Bedroom, hm?"

You nodded enthusiastically. He pulled his fingers from your mouth and removed his hand from in between your legs. He pulled his shirt over his head and you did the same, climbing off of his lap to remove your pants. He stood up and grabbed your hips, crashing his lips against yours and walking you backwards. 

Once in his bedroom, he picked you up and dropped you onto the bed, his arms still around you. He was holding you tightly, tighter than he ever had before, as if he was trying to imprint his body on yours. 

He started kissing down your chest, sliding his hands under your back and unclasping your bra. Once your chest was exposed, he took your breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple and sucking gently. 

"Fuck," you breathed, arching your back and tangling your hands in his hair. Your eyes fluttered shut, breathy moans tumbling from your lips.

You felt his teeth sink into your skin, a cry tearing from your throat. You tilted your head down to see him already looking at you, a devilish look in your eye.

"What the fuck was that for?" you groaned, tugging on his hair. 

"I told you I'd have to mark you," he replied, eyes darting to the red bite mark on your breast. 

He moved down your body briefly to pull your panties off before bringing his above yours again, sliding one hand under your back to secure you against him. With one swift motion, he rolled onto his back and had you straddling his hips.

"Come here."

Your brows pulled together in confusion. "What?"

His hands held your the small of your waist tightly and he tugged you forward, bringing you to straddle his lower stomach. 

"You heard me. Come here."

He pulled you upwards again, your legs now straddling the middle of his torso. It took you a second to realize what he meant. "Wait, there's no way-"

"Stop being so difficult and come sit on my face."

He tugged at your waist again, your thighs now straddling his chest. There wasn't an ounce of hesitation in his expression as he looked up at you, pure desire in his eyes as he glanced down at your glistening folds. 

"Come here," he repeated again. "Now."

You finally listened, moving off of his chest to straddle his face. The second your knees were pressing into the bed on either side of his head, Kylo's hands were gripping your hips and yanking your cunt onto his face.

He placed wet, hot kisses on your pussy, his tongue sliding past his lips to spear your clit. You gasped and lurched forward, your hands grabbing the headboard. 

"Oh my fuck Kylo," you breathed, your head snapping back. 

He groaned into your wetness, his tongue working your clit with expert, unyielding strokes. The man was devouring you like it was his first meal in days. 

He used his hold on your hips to shift you slightly, giving him access to your entrance. He pushed two fingers into you, a loud cry tearing from your throat as he began pumping you. Before long, your legs started to twitch, your cunt repeatedly clenching around his fingers. 

"Kylo," you mewled, pulling one hand away from the headboard to tug on his hair. "I'm, I'm-"

Kylo curled his fingers inside of you and you lost it. Your legs were shaking uncontrollably, hips jerking, but he kept his free hand on the small of your back to keep his mouth against your cunt. 

Once he'd drawn out your orgasm as long as possible, his lips finally left your clit, allowing you to shakily roll off of him and collapse onto your back.

"Holy fuck Ren," you panted. 

He smirked and climbed on top of you, grabbing your jaw and attacking your lips with his. You groaned as you tasted yourself, taking his bottom lip in between your teeth and running your tongue across. 

He groaned into your mouth, sliding his tongue against yours. You reached a hand down and slid your hand into the waistband of his pants. 

He pulled away. "So needy," he breathed, pushing your hand to the side to free his cock. 

He tugged at his length a few times before gripping the base of his cock and running his tip up and down your cunt. You jolted when he brushed your clit, still sensitive from your orgasm. 

He dropped his head and started kissing your neck, sucking and biting gently. "If you want my cock, then you're going to have to beg for it."

Your eyes fluttered shut. "Please," you whispered.

He laughed darkly, bringing his lips next to your ear. "I know you can do much better," he muttered.

"Please, please fuck me."

"Mmm, that's better," he breathed. "But not good enough."

Your jaw went slack as he pressed his tip into you slowly. "Please fuck me sir," you whimpered. "I need you to fuck me."

He finally seemed satisfied with your begging. He placed one hand on the bed, the other gripping the headboard as he pushed his hips forward. Kylo slid into you with little effort, your cunt practically dripping with arousal, easily coating his entire length. 

"Oh fuck," you breathed, your back arching off the bed.

A low groan tore from his throat. You wrapped your legs around his waist and threw your head back, moaning loudly as he filled you up and started fucking you. 

His pace was brutal as always and yet every time he fucked you felt just as gratifying as the first. 

"That's my good girl," he praised in between thrusts. "Such a good girl for me, taking this cock."

His merciless thrusts wracked your delicate frame, hips snapping against your ass, your ears being filled by the sound of skin against skin and Kylo's deep groans. 

You were a mess underneath him, nearing the brink of your release. Whimpering, crying, moaning uncontrollably as he fucked you. 

"Touch yourself," he panted, looking down at you through hooded eyes. 

You immediately brought your hand to your clit and started drawing rapid circles. The added sensation nearly sent you over the edge.

It was almost like he could read your mind. "You don't get to cum until I give you permission," he ordered, practically growling. 

You were close, so close, and the way his cock twitched inside of you indicated that he was too. You whined, tightening your legs around his waist. You weren't going to last much longer and he knew it.

Your jaw went slack. "Please," you begged, your hands reaching for his shoulders. "Please let me cum Kylo."

He groaned, the sound of his hips slapping against your ass growing louder and louder, drowning out your pleas for release. "Beg for it," he grunted through his thrusts. "If you want to—fuck—cum so badly, then beg me for it."

"Kylo please, please, I need to cum," you whined, your nails digging into his shoulders. "I can't, I can't wait anymore. Please—ahhh fuck—let me cum sir, need it, I need to!"

"If I let you cum, I want to hear you," he hissed. "I want to hear how good I make you feel. Will you do that for me?"

"Yes, yes, just please let me cum," you whined, practically yelling. "I can't wait anymore, please."

The second the words came out of his mouth, you were gone.

"Then fucking cum for me," he growled. 

You screamed his name as white hot pleasure erupted from your core and seized your entire body. You were practically seeing stars as he fucked you through your climax, the pleasure almost too much to handle. 

Kylo's hips stuttered as hot spurts of cum shot deep inside of you, his jaw slack and forehead creased in pleasure. He stuffed you with his cock and cum until he was finally spent, nearly collapsing on top of you. 

He was still for several moments before he licked his head up and looked at you. He brought his hand to your face, cupping your cheek as he pressed his lips to yours. 

You eyes fluttered closed, savoring the feeling of his lips on yours, his body pressed against yours as the rain continued to fall. 

He pulled his lips away but kept his face close to yours. "Just one month," he said quietly, his eyes locked on yours. "Only four weeks and then I'm home again."

One month. You could manage one month away from him knowing that he'd come home to you.


	15. Escape

Usually, it was a huge relief to go home for the holidays, to see your family and take a step back from your hectic work life. 

But this year, you couldn't even bring yourself to enjoy being home. 

And it was all because of Kylo. 

It'd been three weeks since he'd left for London, and you missed him more than you'd expected. You missed the feeling of his arms around you, his lips on yours, his hands on your skin. You just missed him. 

But besides missing him, you couldn't stop yourself from worrying. You didn't really have a reason to think that anything would be different once he left London and came home, but you still worried about it. Worried that time away would change everything.

You're mine.

He said you were his. 

Do I get to call you mine?

Yes, you do. 

He was beyond angry, possibly even hurt at the thought of you seeing someone else. So that would naturally lead you to believe that he not only cared about you, but possibly felt something for you too. 

Right?

You really wanted to call him. Just hear his voice, talk for just a little while. 

You'd called him a week ago, only exchanging a few texts here and there since then. It wasn't that you hadn't wanted to over the past week, but you just didn't want to bother him. You knew he must be busy, and besides, you felt a bit guilty. 

He was out of town for work, all alone, while you were out of town for the holidays, spending time with your family. 

Your heart ached for him. It was Christmas Eve and you knew he would be spending it alone, probably ending his day with a small bottle of overpriced whiskey from the mini fridge in his hotel room.

You picked up your phone and quickly called him, trying not to lose your nerve and hang up before he had a chance to answer. It only rang twice before he accepted the call. 

"Hey, I-"

"Hold on."

The line went dead. 

Disappointment washed over you. Was he annoyed? And if he was, why had he even answered in the first place? You felt an ache in your chest, embarrassment creeping-

Your phone buzzed. Brows pulled together in confusion, you looked down at your phone to see Kylo's name appear at the top of the screen. He was requesting to facetime you. 

Your dejected frown transformed into a smile, eagerly accepting the call. 

"Hey," you said, trying to keep your excitement at seeing him to a reasonable level. 

He looked so soft, so unsophisticated—in a good way, of course. Rather than his usual perfectly pressed dress shirt, he was wearing a grey fisherman's sweater, his hair tousled and framing his gentle smile. Your heart fluttered at the sight of him.

You could've sworn you felt something stronger than just fondness and affection for him in the moment, but you shoved the thought away as quickly as it had appeared. 

"Hey," he replied, giving you an uncharacteristically warm smile. "I didn't mean to hang up so abruptly, I just wanted to...see you."

You just about melted on the spot. "I'm glad you did. I was just afraid I got you at a bad time when you hung up."

He shook his head. "Not at all, I'm not doing anything. How's your family?"

"Good, good, everyone's good," you replied. "We have some extended family and friends coming over later for Christmas Eve, then just family tomorrow." You paused, swallowing your nerves. "What are you going to do?"

He sighed. "Probably get some work done," he replied, averting his eyes. Most likely in an attempt to conceal his true feelings about being alone on Christmas. He cleared his throat and looked back at the screen. "Have you been getting any more of those calls?"

In the past few weeks, you'd gotten a few strange calls, either someone on the other line staying silent except for the sound or their breathing or a simple hang-up call. 

"No, nothing since the last one I told you about," you informed him. 

He nodded, humming in response. "That's good," he responded. "If there's another one you'll tell me, right?"

You smiled at him, warmth spreading through your chest at his concern. "I will," you assured him. "So how's London? I've never been."

He sighed and glanced to the side, presumably out the window. "Wet."

You laughed lightly. "Are you excited to come home?"

"That'd be an understatement," he said with a scoff. 

"Only one more week, right?" you asked, slightly worried that he was about to tell you that he'd be in London even longer. 

He smiled. Genuinely smiled. "Right."

You paused, chewing your lip nervously. "I miss you, Ren."

"I miss you too."

You had been worried that he didn't actually miss you. Or at least that he wouldn't admit that he missed you. But he did. He missed you. He told you that he missed you. 

"I'll let you get back to your family," he said, interrupting your bliss and giving you a solemn smile. "I'll see you soon."

You smiled, dreading the silence that would fall once his voice disappeared from the room but a spark of hope taking hold in your chest. "See you soon, Ren."

Kylo gave you one last smile before hanging up, leaving you with a blank screen and a full heart. 

—

Kylo missed her more than he cared to admit. He never thought that he would end up in the state of affairs he found himself in right now. She was in every thought he had, every step he took, every passing moment. 

His nights were sleepless. Not because the bed in his hotel suite was uncomfortable, but because she wasn't laying there on the left side of his bed, clutching the sheets in her hands. 

Kylo hadn't been expecting her to call today. It was Christmas Eve and she was home with her family. But he couldn't deny how glad he was that she called, immediately feeling comforted just by the sound of her voice and the sight of her face. 

And that terrified him. 

He couldn't remember the last time he'd missed someone like this. It was foreign to him, unfamiliar. Unnerving.

But he truly, deeply missed her. It was miserable, going so long without seeing her face, hearing that soft, sweet voice that he'd become so familiar, so comfortable with. 

He couldn't escape her, not even when there was an entire ocean in between them. She was everywhere. In every thought he had, every step he took, every day that passed without her. She was in the sound of the rain against the streets, in the glow of the moonlight through his window each night, in the taste of his coffee in the morning.

He knew he should put some distance in between the two of them, pull away enough to make sure there was no confusion about what the two of them  
were. 

But he also knew that the second he saw her again, there'd be no way that he could resist her. 

He couldn't put off seeing her for a minute longer than he had to. He knew that he would crumble the second he saw her face, melt in her hands when he felt her lips on his, her gentle hands on his chest.

Kylo tried to escape her grasp. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't, no matter how much he tried. 

He couldn't escape her anymore than the streets outside could escape the London rain. 

If he told her the truth, he wouldn't need to escape her anymore. She'd run away without a second thought, without even a second look at him. 

Maybe that's was the best decision. Maybe it'd be best to give her a reason to leave, to want nothing to do with him. It'd probably keep her from getting hurt in the long run. 

But he was too selfish for that. If he told her, she'd leave. And no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he wanted to be free of her, he didn't. He didn't at all. 

And that was selfish of him, to continue this with her, because he knew that this was the farthest it could go with her.

He could always hear her voice, but something she said in particular kept echoing in his thoughts, over and over again. 

And you're not a bad son for distancing yourself from your family, if that is what's best for you. 

He had always insisted that cutting himself off from his past was the best choice for him and for everyone else. But what she said that morning, having coffee the morning after she stayed with him for the first time, made him rethink that decision. 

Maybe cutting himself off from his family wasn't the best decision. Or maybe it was. In all honesty, he didn't know. 

But even though he didn't know if it was the right choice for him or not, he picked up his phone again, dialing the number he refused to save but at the same time, refused to forget. 

She picked up after three rings. He took a deep breath, gazing out the window as the rain fell from the gray London sky.

Before she could say anything, he spoke first. 

"Merry Christmas, Mother."


	16. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is home!

A month felt a lot longer without Kylo. 

You were usually the type of person to not even realize the month had ended, days late in changing the calendar. But this past month, you'd been painfully aware of how many days had passed since Kylo left and even more painfully aware of how many were left until you saw him again.

But finally, finally, the wait was over. You could stop staring at the calendar, willing the days to go by.

You knocked, fidgeting nervously. It'd been so long since you'd seen him that it almost felt like it was one of the first times you'd stood outside this door.

You waited, but there was no answer. You knocked again, wondering if he just hadn't heard you. But when there still wasn't an answer, you checked to see if the door was open. 

It was, so you walked in.

He wasn't in the entry hall or in the living area, but you heard movement in the bedroom. You took your heels off and left them by the door, shrugging off your coat and flinging it on the couch.

Sure enough, you walked in to see Kylo unpacking, his back to you. 

You leaned on the doorframe, watching him for a few seconds. Even from behind he was gorgeous, still so polished and professional even while simply emptying his suitcase. 

"Knock knock."

He turned around to look at you, jaw set and eyebrows slightly pulled together. You thought he'd be happy enough to at least smile, but apparently, he wasn't. 

But you didn't have to time to dwell on your slight disappointment because in an instant, he was pressed tightly against you, his lips on yours. 

He kissed you hard, exhaling loudly through his nose, his hand roughly holding your face. Of course he was rough with you most of the time, but this was different. 

You pulled your mouth away and looked up at him, concerned. "Is something wrong?" you asked slowly. "You seem...angry."

He had a wild look in his eye, reminding you of the way he looked at you when he thought you were seeing someone else. The night he'd seen you in Poe's arms and come to a drastically wrong conclusion. 

It felt like a small eternity before he answered."Yes I'm angry," he seethed. "Because of you. You did this to me."

You stood there, completely taken off guard. You hadn't done anything to make him so angry. At least that you knew of. "What the hell are you talking about?"

He got even closer to you, his face now so close to yours that the air from his mouth blew across your lips. "You've turned me into someone else. Someone I don't recognize. I don't know how you did it but you've wormed yourself into my life like the nosy little reporter you are. I was fine keeping people out of my life before you. But now, I can't escape you. You're everywhere. In my mind, practically haunting me. I can't sleep, I can't even work, I can barely eat, I can't do anything without thinking about you. You're destroying me because you made me care for you."

You didn't know what to say. Usually, you had a sarcastic remark for him when he made a snide comment, a sharp reply when he was being difficult. But he'd never said anything like this to you before. You'd never seen him like this, never heard him he so open and vulnerable.

Finally, you found the nerve to speak. 

"I wasn't supposed to care for you either," you said quietly. "But I do."

Wide, unblinking eyes scanned your face, his lip quivering slightly. Staring at you with almost a hateful passion. 

Without another word, he grabbed you by the hips and yanked you towards him, practically attacking your lips with his, tongue sliding into your mouth. 

Just like that, all of your senses and all of your thoughts were consumed by him. 

You held onto him tightly, hands roaming every part of him that you could touch, desperately clinging to him. Trying to make up for the last month without him. 

He grabbed the hem of your sweater and roughly pulled it over your head, discarding it somewhere behind him. He treated your bra like he'd treated your sweater, practically ripping it off of you like he found it personally offensive. 

He tugged at the waistband of your jeans."Get these off," he ordered. "Now."

You eagerly obeyed, unbuttoning your jeans and sliding them down your legs along with your panties, quickly stepping out of them as Kylo removed his shirt. His hands reached for your hips, dragging you with him as he stumbled backwards towards the bed. 

You heard his half-empty suitcase crash to the floor before he turned you around and pushed you down onto the bed. Gripping your legs, he flung them apart, situating himself between them.

Leaning over you, Kylo brought a hand to your throat while his other reached for your breast. Palming and squeezing it underneath his large hand. Watching as you writhed beneath him and arched your back into his touch, breathy moans tumbling from your lips. 

He let go for a moment, making you whine in protest. But his fingers quickly found your nipples to tug and pull at them, turning your whimper of disappointment into whimpers or ecstasy. 

You were squirming in anxious anticipation, the time spent apart making you more sensitive and receptive to his touch. Distance may not always make the heart grow fonder, but it certainly made you hornier. 

"Kylo," you whimpered, pressing your hips against the bulge in his pants. 

A dark chuckle reverberated in his chest. Kylo dragged his hand from your breast down to your cunt. He locked eyes with you, staring at you with the kind of intensity that made your heart flutter. 

You inhaled sharply as he ran his finger up your already drenched slit, moving at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Is this how wet you get for me?" He pressed his finger farther into your folds. "Soaked even though I've barely touched you."

Kylo trailed his finger downward, prodding your hole. Your hips instinctively jerked into his hand, your body screaming for more. "So desperate," he mused, pressing just the tip of his finger inside of you. "Isn't that right?"

He was desperate too. That much was clear, based on the way his painfully hard cock was pressing into your thigh. But you weren't really in a place to remind him of that. 

You whimpered, trying to push your hips down onto his finger. He clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on your throat. "Answer me."

"Yes."

He gave your neck a warning squeeze. "Try again."

You looked up at him through your lashes. "Yes, sir."

Satisfied with your corrected answer, he thrust two fingers inside of you. At the same time, he dropped his head to your chest and took one of your breasts in his mouth. 

"Oh fuck." You threw your head back, eyes squeezed shut. 

Hand around your neck, fingers pumping in an out of you, lips wrapped around your hardened nipple. Filling your senses with nothing but him. Claiming you as his. 

Kylo paused his assault on your senses, pulling his hands away from your cunt and throat and removing his lips from your chest. He leaned back and unbuttoned his pants, slipping his hand inside to pull his cock out.

After tugging at his length a few times, he lined his cock up with your entrance and eased into you, groaning as your warmth and wetness enveloped him. 

You cried out in pleasure as he filled you up, feeling your walls stretch to accommodate his cock. Something you'd been aching for since the day he left. 

You'd been right in your assumption that he was desperate because you had less than a second to adjust to his size before he was pounding into you. Forcing you to take his cock in your tight, underworked cunt that needed to stretched. 

"Fuck," he hissed. "You're so fucking tight."

Without slowing the pace of his thrusts, he grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his hips before leaning over you, his hands on either side of your head. 

Kylo watched you intently as your face crumpled in a mix of pleasure and pain. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, running his tongue along your bottom lip before taking it between his teeth.

You moaned against him, and Kylo moaned too, eagerly slipping his tongue into your mouth. He picked up his pace, balls slamming against you as he reached new depths inside of you, splitting you open even more. 

He pulled away to grab one of your legs that was wrapped around his hip, flinging it over his shoulder, hitting you from a different angle.

You cried out, fisting the sheets as his thrusts wracked your entire body. It was only a matter of time before you completely fell apart. And Kylo knew it. 

With a low groan, he slammed his entire length into you and stilled before dipping his thumb between your folds and pressing on your clit. 

"Oh fuck, oh fuck." Your legs began to shake, your entire body tensing.

"That's it," he growled, his thumb furiously working your clit. "Cum on my fucking cock."

The strokes of his thumb at your clit intensified, sending you over the edge. Jaw slack, forehead creased, brows pulled together, moaning uncontrollably as you came around him.

You hadn't even finished riding out your orgasm when Kylo flipped you over, roughly grabbing your hips and pulling your ass into the air. 

A low, guttural noise tore from his throat as he slammed into you from behind. You cried out, your entire body lurching forward as his hips found a brutal pace.

He grabbed your arms and roughly wrenched them behind your back, pinning your wrists together with one hand. You whimpered, teeth biting at the comforter. 

"I've gone way too long without this to go easy on you," he said in between thrusts. 

His hand came down on your ass hard, the sound echoing throughout the room. You whimpered, clenching around him.

It hurt, but it hurt so good. 

"Fuck," he groaned in between pants. "Your cunt was fucking made for me."

You groaned as you clenched around him, the sound of his voice adding to your arousal. He slapped your ass again, pain and pleasure radiating from the handprint forming on you skin. 

"Tell me who you belong to," he ordered. "Fucking tell me."

"You," you cried out through the pleasure. "I belong to you."

He grunted and gripped your ass hard, fingers digging into the mark he'd left as he drilled you, fucking you harder with each thrust of his hips. 

"Kylo, I'm, I'm-" you cried, trying to speak but your moans wouldn't allow it. 

He groaned."You're going to fucking cum again, aren't you?"

You whimpered in response, eyes squeezing shut as you felt your orgasm drawing closer. He dipped a hand between your legs and found your swollen, pulsating clit. 

"Fuck!" you cried, legs beginning to shake again. 

He pressed against your clit harder. "Fucking cum for me," he ordered. "Cum on my fucking cock."

You pressed your face into the comforter, a cry ripping from your throat as you came all over his cock for the second time that night. 

Not long after, Kylo stilled, hunching forward. Unsteady, shaky breaths poured out of him as he pumped you full of his cum. His cock twitching and throbbing against your walls as he emptied his load. 

With one last twitch and a satisfied groan, he slid out of you and rolled onto his back next to your crumpled form.

After a few minutes, you felt his hand on the back of your head, gently stroking your hair. "Are you alright?"

You turned your head to face him, nodding weakly in response.

Once your breathing had returned to normal and you'd regained your senses, you sat up, wincing at the soreness already forming between your legs. Basically pretending like he hadn't just fucked you into a new dimension. 

You stood up weakly and walked in the direction of your discarded clothing. You'd only taken a few steps when you heard Kylo clear his throat. 

"What are you doing?"

You paused, shooting him a puzzled expression. "I'm  
getting dressed."

"Why?"

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Because I'm not in the mood to walk home completely naked," you replied slowly. 

"You can't even walk."

"I'll take a cab."

"No."

"No?"

"You're staying with me tonight."

You paused for a few seconds before turning around to face him. And then you laughed. Maniacally, almost. 

"So let me get this straight," you said, taking a step closer to him. "You yell at me after I haven't seen you for an entire month, blaming me for your own feelings, telling me to my face that you hate the fact that you care for me, and then you tell me to stay?"

He looked at you with a stoic expression, only a sliver of embarrassment visible. "Stay," he repeated quietly. "I want you to stay."

You were still perturbed at his little outburst, but he was finally home. You'd been looking forward to this for weeks. How could you just leave now?

"Fine," you grumbled, dropping your shirt to the floor and walking towards the bathroom.

You paused at the door, turning to look at him. "Would you like an invitation or are you coming?"

A grin spread across his face. Against your will, a small smile twitched on your lips too as he stood up and followed you into the bathroom. 

He walked towards the shower and turned it on as you stood in front of the mirror, removing your ridiculously smeared makeup. 

You had just finished cleaning your face when Kylo came behind you, his hand resting on your hip. You caught his eye in the mirror, giving him a gentle smile. 

You felt slightly on edge after the incident when you'd first gotten here. Had you really turned him into someone else? Were you actually destroying him? And was it so terrible for him to care about you?

He squeezed your hip, snapping you out of your thoughts. "I missed you."

You could see the blush creeping onto your cheeks through the mirror. "It certainly didn't seem like it when I got here."

Now it was his turn to blush. "I know, I...." he trailed off, taking a deep breath. "I really did miss you."

You could deal with having an actual conversation about this later. For now, having him home, knowing that he had actually missed you was enough. 

"I really missed you too."

He snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you towards the shower with him. He placed you under the water while he stood in front of you, letting you wash your hair first like he always did. 

You took the shampoo bottle from Kylo's outstretched hand and poured some into your hand, lathering it into your hair before closing your eyes and tilting your head back underneath the stream of water. 

When you opened your eyes again, Kylo was watching you and holding the conditioner in his hand. You were about to take the bottle from him but he pulled his hand away and gestured for you to turn around. 

You were confused but you turned around anyways, letting the water trickle down your face. After a few seconds, you felt Kylo's hands in your hair. 

Apparently, you didn't need to condition your own hair tonight. 

A smirk tugged at your lips. "Did London turn you soft, Ren?"

He gently yanked on your hair. "Don't be a brat or I'll make you do this yourself."

There's the Kylo you knew. 

You hummed as his hands pressed into your scalp, eyes fluttering closed. The man was good with his fingers in more than one context.

"Turn around."

A comfortable silence fell. You watched Kylo as he ran his fingers through your hair underneath the stream of water, rinsing the conditioner away. He was concentrated, focused on the task at hand. 

"Thank you."

He hummed in response, stepping back to let you wash your body while he did the same. You smiled as he used the same vanilla scented body wash that you used. He'd actually been using it ever since you left it here, even when you weren't at his place. 

You stepped out of the warm shower first, grabbing a towel and drying off. His towels were so big on you that you could almost wrap yourself in them twice. Not that you were complaining about that. 

Like usual, you put on the change of panties you'd brought in your bag before walking over to Kylo's dresser and grabbing one of his t-shirts. 

Kylo entered the room soon after, throwing on a pair of loose-fitting pants before walking towards the bed, pulling the duvet cover off.

Yeah, that definitely needs to be washed. 

It was like a warm hug from an old friend, climbing into Kylo's ridiculously comfortable bed. Not that your own bed wasn't comfortable, but his bed was seomthung else.

It also probably had to do with the fact that Kylo's bed included Kylo. Something your bed tragically didn't have. 

This felt right. Your head on his bare chest with his hand in your hair. It felt like things fell back into place. 

It felt like coming home. 

"I spoke to my mother," he said suddenly.

You were pretty sure your heart stopped beating for a few seconds. That was quite literally the last thing you'd been expecting him to say. 

Slowly, you sat up, resting your forearm on his chest and looking down at him. "You did?"

He nodded. "After you called on Christmas Eve, I called her," he replied. "Just to wish her a Merry Christmas."

You searched his eyes, his expression, debating whether or not to press him further about it. It was rare for him to be vulnerable with you and you weren't sure how to navigate it. 

But since you rarely got opportunities like this, you chose not to waste it. "What made you decide to call her?"

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't know," he said. "I just figured that if you could take time away from your family to call me, I could at least take a few minutes to call her."

This time, your heart definitely did stop beating for a few seconds. Kylo Ren has just admitted that you were a factor in his decision to call his mother after years of not speaking. And the funny part was, you had no idea that you'd affected him until now.

"That's...good," you said slowly.

It seemed like a good thing, but you weren't completely sure. It would've helped for you to know why he was estranged from his parents in the first place, but that was a whole other issue for a different time.

He smiled solemnly, mindlessly fumbling with your still-damp hair. "Yeah, it was good."

And it was good to be home, too.


	17. Everything Has Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Sigh.

"How in the world did Finn get reservations at Naboo on the busiest day of the year?"

Poe shrugged, a wide smile on his face. "One of the guys at his work had a connection," he replied. "He just got lucky."

"And he's going to get lucky after dinner too," Poe added, giving a toast with his glass to no one in particular. 

Naboo was by far the most exclusive-and most expensive-restaurant in New York City. White tablecloths, imported wine, waiters in tuxedos. 

It was a struggle just to get a table at Naboo on a regular Wednesday night. Getting a table on Valentine's Day was near impossible. 

"I just can't believe you have reservations there," you said, shaking your head in disbelief. 

"Well I know your Valentine's Day won't be as good as mine," Poe said with a devilish grin, "but what are your plans?"

"I don't have any plans," you mumbled. 

Poe froze mid-bite, his fork dangling in the air. "What?"

You shrugged. "I just don't have plans."

Repeating it just made you feel worse about it. You didn't want to admit that your lack of Valentine's Day plans bothered you, but it did. 

Poe was still in total disbelief. "You don't have plans with Ren?"

"No."

"But I thought things were going well with him," he said, a concerned look on his face. 

"No, no, they are," you assured them. 

And that was the truth. Things were going well. 

January had been great with Kylo. He was back home and less stressed with work, and seemed s but happier overall.

He still hadn't opened up about his past or his family situation, but he did tell you when he called his mom - which was getting to be a bit more frequent. 

"So if things are going well, why wouldn't you have plans with him for Valentine's Day? He's your boyfriend."

You took a long sip of your latte. "He's not really my boyfriend," you replied. "At least not in the traditional sense."

Not unless traditional relationships started with a stolen file, followed by fucking on an office desk when you were supposed to be doing an interview. 

"Well are you two exclusive?" Poe asked.

"Yes."

"And have you gone on dates?"

You shrugged. " I went with him to the gala."

"And didn't he buy you a new audio recorder?"

"Yes, but-"

"And didn't the note that I read before you opened the box say 'His reporter'?" 

"Well, yes, but-"

"If that doesn't qualify as a boyfriend, I'm not sure what does," Poe concluded. 

You sighed. "Still, he's not the type to celebrate Valentine's Day," you replied. "That's not really the kind of couple the two of us are."

There was an ache in your chest as you said it. You'd been denying your change of heart for weeks,  
but maybe your denial had reached its limit. 

"Well he did a pretty romantic thing when your piece on Finalizer was published," Poe said. 

He had a point. To celebrate the story being released, you'd gone over to Kylo's place for dinner. He ordered from your favorite Italian restaurant and bought a pretty expensive bottle of wine to go with it. 

You didn't want to admit it to Poe, but that night with Kylo had been one the happiest moments you could remember.

Maybe it was because that night had given you a small taste of something you hadn't known that you wanted. 

"That's true," you agreed, focusing back on the conversation. 

Right then, the waiter came by with the check which Poe picked up. 

You and Poe always came to this café on Fridays, trading off who pays each week. This week, it was Poe's turn. 

He grabbed his wallet out of his jacket. You noticed the black and white picture he always kept inside of it, placed carefully so it was the first thing he saw when he opened the wallet.

It was a picture of Finn and Poe dancing in their living room, a few days after they'd gotten engaged. Holding each other close, rings on both of their left hands. 

It was strange how such a heartwarming picture of two people that you adored could make you feel so empty inside. 

Poe spoke up, snapping you back to reality. "Have you actually talked to him about it? Maybe suggested that you two do something?"

"No, I haven't," you admitted. "We've only been together since September, it seems a bit early to be celebrating Valentine's Day."

"Finn and I had only been dating for two months and we still did something," he replied. "You don't exactly have to wait for a ring to just go get dinner."

You laughed lightly, though there wasn't even a trace of humor. "Isn't that what you guys did for your first Valentine's Day together?"

He nodded, smiling warmly. "It was a little corner café that Finn knew about," he replied. "Then we got coffees to go and walked around for a bit afterwards."

The thought of getting a quick café dinner and then walking around the city sounded pretty close to your idea of a perfect date. Only problem was, you couldn't envision Kylo ever doing that.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "So are you going to talk to him about it?"

You didn't want to have the discussion, but you knew that you needed to. This wasn't just about Valentine's Day plans - this was about something much bigger, much more serious than a holiday. 

Rather than giving him an answer, you looked down at your watch. 

"Oh would you look at the time," you chirped, gesturing to your wrist. "We need to be going."

"There's no way I'm letting you out of this that easily," Poe replied.

You rolled your eyes and stood up toput your jacket on. "Can't discuss this if I'm buried in work," you said. "And luckily, I am."

Begrudgingly, Poe stood up and put his jacket on before following you out of the café and onto the sidewalk, the warmth from the cozy artery replaced by the frigid air of winter. 

The two of you started walking in the direction of your office. "Are you seeing him tonight?" Poe asked, his breath visible in the cold air. 

"Yeah, I am," you replied, your voice lacking it's usual vibrancy when you talked about seeing Kylo. 

You had always looked forward to seeing him and spending the night at his place. But for some reason, you didn't see yourself being able to relax and just enjoy his company tonight. 

"Look kid, I'm not trying to keep bothering you about this, but you really should talk to Ren about Valentine's Day if you actually want to do something," he said. "You deserve to be taken out and feel loved."

Loved. 

Of course you wanted to feel loved. Everyone did in some way or another. But you couldn't feel loved by someone if they didn't actually love you. 

And as much as it hurt you to admit, you didn't think Kylo loved you in the way that you wanted. 

——

The rest of the day passed by in a blur, a thick fog obscuring your thoughts. 

You had intended to head straight home after work before going to Kylo's, but as you walked out of your building, your feet carried you towards the First Order headquarters. 

The cold air stung your skin with each step you took, but the chill in your bones wasn't caused by the blistery weather.

The dark building seemed more threatening than it ever had. The building hadn't changed though, and yet this walk towards the front doors felt different than ever before.

Maybe that's because you were different. 

As you walked into the lobby, heels clacking against the tile, you thought about 

The doors opened to Kylo's floor. You stepped out of the elevator and started walking in the direction of Kylo's floor, the same as you had done dozens of times. 

You felt like there was a dark gray cloud hovering above you, heavy with dread. You knew what was coming. As much as you tried to deny it, you knew what the end result would be. 

But still, a small spark of hope still burned inside of you. A fantasy that he would look you in the eye and give you an answer you desperately wanted.

The door to his office was partially opened as you approached it and you could hear the sound of Kylo typing. 

A deep breath, and then you walked in.

You took a few steps into the office before Kylo noticed you, a confused expression casting over his face once he looked up to see you. 

"I thought you were coming by later," he said, glancing down at his watch. 

He wasn't angry or annoyed, just surprised to see you. You'd told him that you'd come by his place later tonight like you did every Friday. 

"I know," you replied, your words sounding shaky and rushed. 

You looked around his office, remembering the first time you'd been in here. Nervous, unsure of the man you were about to interview. 

You would've never believed that first Friday in this office would lead to all this. 

"Is everything alright?"

You swallowed thickly. When you didn't answer immediately, he stood up from his chair and walked around his desk.

"Did something happen? Did you get more phone calls?"

"I did get another call," you admitted, "but that's not why I'm here."

His brows furrowed. "Then what is it? Something is clearly wrong."

You could already feel the tears pricking your eyes just by looking at him.

"I don't think I can do this anymore," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. 

He took a step towards you. "What?"

"I don't think I can-"

"I heard you," he said. "Why? Why not?"

You took a deep breath, trying to hold yourself together. "Where do you see this going?"

His brows pulled together. "Why does it matter?" 

You laughed dryly. "Because it matters to me," you snapped. "So tell me Ren, where do you see this going?" you repeated, gesturing in between your two bodies. 

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are you bringing this up now? Everything has been fine, things are-"

"Everything isn't fine!"

He huffed in frustration. "You were the one that said this was physical. We've been on the same page about that since this started."

"Answer my question," you said quietly.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, can we just-"

"Answer my question," you repeated, your tone substantially harsher. 

"Would you just listen to me and-"

"Answer my question!"

"Fine! Do you really want to know? Do you really want my answer?" Kylo snapped, taking a large stride forward to close the space in between you. He glared down at you."This is as far as it's going to go between us. This is a physical relationship between two people. There is no marriage in our future, no fairly tale ending and it's childish for you to think otherwise. I didn't you'd be so simple-minded that I'd need to remind you of that but I guess I was wrong."

You'd seen him angry before. But right now, he sounded like a completely different person to you. A person you'd never seen before, someone you didn't know at all. And this unfiltered revulsion in his voice made you wonder if you ever really knew him at all. If you only knew the person he wanted you to believe he was. 

"And that's why I can't do this anymore," you said quietly, trying your best to keep yourself from crying. 

"Why not?" he asked, his tone softening a bit. "We have a good thing, and this is always the way it's been between us, so why do you suddenly want to end it?"

He spoke as if he'd forgotten the heartbreaking things he just said to you. Who could pursue a relationship with someone after they'd pretty much told you that you were just a warm mouth them?

You felt tears welling in your eyes as you looked at him. "Because I think I'm in love with you."

He looked at you, unblinking and completely still for what felt like forever. It was almost like each second of continued silence was another blow to your heart. 

You took a shaky breath, unable to handle the stifling silence. "And I can't be with someone I love if they don't love me back."

You stared into his eyes, silently praying for a miracle. For him to take a step forward, wrap his arms around you, and tell you that he was in love with you too. That he didn't mean what he'd said and this was more than just physical. 

When he moved to speak, you thought your prayer might have been answered. 

"You know I care about you," he said, his voice low. 

You felt your stomach drop, an empty feeling in your chest. You had your answer now. 

Saying that he cared about you was just his way of admitting that he didn't love you back. 

You thought of all the nights you slept at his place, falling asleep with his arm slung across your waist, holding you tight. The mornings he made you breakfast, a warm cup of coffee waiting for you on the kitchen counter.

How could you have been so naive to think that you actually mattered to him, that he was capable of feeling for you? 

You felt a tear slip down your cheek, unable to keep yourself together any longer. 

"You can still have me," he said quietly. "Nothing has to change between us."

"That's where you're wrong." You looked up at him through tear-soaked lashes. "Everything has changed."


	18. Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhhh the angst. And the smut.

A lot could happen in three months.

New apartment, decent raise at work, slightly shorter hair. Even bought Artoo a new collar. 

But some things don't change.

You still thought about Kylo. Every. Single. Day.

You hated that this man lived rent free in your mind, practically ruling your life without actually doing anything. It was infuriating and beyond exhausting trying to fight it. Trying to fight a losing game.

And even now, on a beautiful Saturday morning, about to see your two closest friends, all you thought about was Ren. About how tired you were if this, about how annoyed you were with yourself. How utterly ashamed you were that you still gave this man even a sliver of your attention.

As you walked into the lobby of Poe's building, you thought of something he'd told you months ago while you had been laying on his lap, sniffling and crying while he stroked your hair. 

"It's a gradual process and it feels like it takes forever," he said, "but one day you're going to be able to wake up and go to work and laugh and not even think about him once."

You clung to that, though as each day passed by with more and more thoughts of Kylo, you were starting to lose faith in his word.

The sound of the elevator doors opening brought you out of your thoughts. Keeping your tray of coffees balanced in your hands, you exited the elevator and made the quick and familiar walk to Poe's place. 

You knocked, again making sure that the drinks didn't spill. You hadn't told them you were coming, which explained the surprised but happy look on Finn's face. 

He flashed you a wide smile. "Well isn't this- is that coffee?" 

You laughed and walked into their apartment. "Yeah I was just in the area and I..." you trailed off, seeing Poe sprawled on the couch. 

His skin was sallow, no color in his face except for his red, puffy eyes and bright pink lips. The poor man looked like he hadn't slept on days.

"You look like shit Dameron."

"Thanks, I try my best," he muttered, tugging his blanket up to his chin. 

You remembered him mentioning that he hadn't felt great at the office yesterday morning, but it had clearly gotten worse since then. 

"But what about the ceremony?" you asked, setting the tray of drinks down. "Or the gala, I'm not sure what it's called."

Poe had been talking about this all week, gushing with pride for his husband. Finn's architecture firm was hosting an event to announce this new project that they'd gotten a bid for. And most importantly, Finn was one of the lead architects.

Poe sighed, his voice full of regret. "There's no way I can go," he replied. "One, I look like I'm knocking on death's door and two, I don't think it'd be fair to infect everyone with whatever horrendous illness this is."

You glanced back at Finn who was looking at his husband, a disappointed and yet concerned look on his face. 

It was clear that although he was worried about Poe's current state, Finn was still upset about going to this gala alone. You didn't blame him, of course. This was the first major project that he was heading and he deserved to feel celebrated.

"I could come with you," you said, raising an eyebrow at Finn. 

Both men were completely silent, avoiding eye contact with you. The tension was palpable as you stood there, warily glancing at the two men and wondering why they seemed so uncomfortable. 

"Unless you don't want me to," you said slowly, wondering if you had somehow upset them.

Finn's eyes widened a bit. "No, no, it's not that at all, I'd love for you to come, it's just..."

Finn trailed off, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. So Poe finished for him.

"The developer that hired his firm is the First Order."

Your breath hitched slightly, your stomach dropping. Both Finn snd Poe grimaced slightly, waiting for your reaction like they were waiting for a stick of dynamite to explode. 

"Oh," you replied lamely, trying to sound indifferent and failing.

Finn spoke gently, as if he were afraid you'd break into pieces. "I would love for you to come, I just didn't want to put you in that position."

You gave Finn a forced smile, tilting your chin up and relaxing your shoulders. "I'll come," you said with as much assurance as possible. "You deserve to be be supported and besides, I'm over the whole sitauion with him."

They both gave you the exact same look, pursing their lips and raising an eyebrow. 

I guess married couples do start to look alike. 

"What? I'm over it!" you insisted, your voice sounding squeaky. 

They didn't seem to believe you. And you didn't  
blame them. You weren't over it at all. 

You sighed loudly. "Look, he hates these sort of events so I doubt he'll even come," you said. 

Finn shot Poe an anxious glance before looking back at you. "Again, I'd love for you to come but I don't want you to feel pressured. But if you think you'll be alright with it, then you should definitely come."

Truth is, the thought of seeing Ren made you practically nauseous. Just the idea of seeing him in a room full of people was enough to make tears prick your eyes. 

But this was about Finn, not about you. He was being honored, as he should, and his husband couldn't be there to celebrate with him. You needed to put your own issues aside for someone you considered to be a best friend. 

"Yeah, I'll be fine with it," you assured him.

Finn smiled, clearly glad that he wouldn't be attending this event alone anymore. You returned his smile, the ache in your chest dulling at the thought of cheering him up. 

You looked over at Poe to gauge his opinion of you going only to see him drinking from a tall wine glass. At first glance, the red liquid looked like nothing more than actual wine. But after a few seconds, you noticed that it was too thick to just be wine.

You turned back to Finn. "Is he drinking cough syrup out of a wine glass?"

Finn sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Don't even get me started."

"Hey," Poe muttered, "I have every right to make sickness classy."

Right as he finished speaking, he started violently coughing.

"Yeah, real classy," you teased.

He stopped coughing after a few seconds, finishing the rest of his cough syrup. "Shut up and hand me my coffee."

——

You had planned to rewear the black dress that you had worn to the gala with Kylo, but you couldn't bring yourself to take it out of your closet. You left it on it's hangar where it had been since the night you'd last worn it, a thin layer of dust covering the fabric that had once been touched by Kylo's hands. 

Luckily, your new apartment was just minutes away from a handful of clothing stores, giving you plenty of time to find a new dress for the event. 

After an hour or so and a few stores that afternoon, you found a dress suitable for a gala. You settled on a silver slip dress that reached the middle of your calf. The satin hugged your body, tight enough to accentuate your figure but still loose enough to move in. You especially liked the draped neckline, admiring how sophisticated it looked.

But overall, your favorite thing about the dress was the fact that you got it on sale. And the fact that you now wouldn't have the wear your black dress and the memories that came with it. 

You were standing next to Finn, twirling the nearly empty champagne flute in your hand while Finn talked with his coworkers. You made an honest effort to pay attention to the conversation, but you found yourself overwhelming concerned with the chance that Kylo was here.

But Kylo wouldn't be, right? He hated these sort of things. In fact, he had told you that he wouldn't have even gone to the last gala if it hadn't been for you. 

So you were safe, right?

Wrong.

You spotted Kylo halfway across the room, talking to a man in a stiff, dark blue suit. He looked unamused as he listened to the man, leaning against the wall, clutching an empty glass of whiskey. 

It felt surreal, seeing him after so long. Seeing him after what had happened. You just stared at him, unable to comprehend that you were actually looking at him in person. 

Before you could look away, he briefly glanced in your direction. For a second, you thought he hadn't seen you, because he turned back to the man that was droning on. But then his eyes snapped in your direction again, immediately widening in shock. 

You quickly looked away and turned to the side, naively hoping that he'd think that he hadn't seen you. 

You knew that wasn't likely though. Just like you had seen him, plain as day, you had no doubt that he had seen you too by the look on his face. 

Finn was still talking but you leaned towards him, whispering in his ear. "I'm going to get a drink," you breathed, your voice sounding shaky.

He turned to look at you. Your eyes flashed towards Ren and Finn noticed, following your gaze. He looked back to you, eyes wide. Similar to how Kylo and looked at you.

He nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, yeah, go get a drink," he said quickly, lightly rubbing your arm. "Take your time."

You gave him a weak smile and walked away. Not to get a drink, but just to put distance between you and Kylo and get ahold of yourself. 

You felt bad having to run off, but you needed to compose yourself. The last time you had seen Ren, you'd been confessing your love to him. Standing there, watching as he didn't do the same. Finn knew how hard it was to see him again after all of that. 

You descended a small staircase and ended up in some hallway, a few doors lining the wall. You found the door for the women's restroom and walked in. 

The marble counter was cold under your hands. You leaned forward, shoulder hunched slightly, looking at yourself in the mirror. Angry and embarrassed that just the sight of him could cause this kind of reaction. 

He shouldn't have this much power over you, this much control. 

Your head snapped up when you heard the door  
opening. And of course, in walked Kylo. You knew him too well to think he'd just let you run off.

You met his gaze through the mirror. "The men's restroom is the other way Ren," you spat.

He said nothing as you watched him lock the door, still looking at you through the mirror. Slowly, he walked closer, coming to stand directly behind you.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," he said.

You shivered. It'd been so long since you'd heard his voice, his words like sweet honey dripping from his lips. So, so long without him. 

But you couldn't reveal how horribly you missed him.

"And I was hoping to not see you here," you sneered.

"Why are you here then?"

"I'm here for Finn," you replied. "Poe's husband. You know, the man that you accused me of sleeping with."

If Kylo was embarrassed, he didn't show it. 

You rolled your eyes and pulled your hands off the counter, intending to get the hell away from him. But the second you turned around, Kylo had you pinned to the edge of the counter, peering down at you. 

He had you captured between his body and the marble counter behind you, and yet you felt more imprisoned by the look in his eye than the way he had trapped you. 

It was all a blur. One second, you were staring into his eyes. The next, his lips were on yours. 

You were well aware of how dangerous this was. The feelings of his lips on yours was unraveling the barely noticeable progress you had made in getting over him. His kiss tearing at the delicate threads of healing you had slowly and carefully woven over the past three months.

But though you knew that you didn't have him again, in the moment, you did. You had him right here, right now, right in front of you. His hand holding the side of your face, lips melded perfectly against yours. 

Kylo was able to wrench you around with minimal effort, pinning your back to his chest. Your eyes quickly met his in the reflection of the mirror, captivating you in with the same intensity that had drawn you to Kylo in the first place. 

He slowly reached for the thin straps of your dress, sliding them down your shoulders. He quickly unclasped your bra, tossing in onto the counter before groping your breasts with both of his hands. 

"It's been too long," Kylo breathed, dipping his head down to kiss your neck. "I've gone way too fucking long without this."

Kylo's hand slithered upwards to clasp your jaw. Two fingers pulled at your bottom lip before sliding into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. Out of habit, you wrapped your lips around him and sucked gently. 

He groaned, intently watching you through the mirror. "That's my good girl."

You hated how submissive he could make you. One simple touch and you melted in his hands. 

Kylo quickly moved his hands to the material that was still concealing your lower half. He roughly pulled up your dress, the fabric now gathered at your waist, before moving to clasp your jaw again.

You inhaled sharply when his other hand brushed across the inside of your thigh. He used his grip on your jaw to hold you in place, forcing you to keep looking at him through the mirror. A whimper escaped your lips when you felt his finger graze your covered slit before he quickly pulled your thong aside. 

He dragged his finger up the entire length of your slit, eliciting a poorly stifled moan from you. "Would you look at that," he said with a low chuckle. "You're already dropping for me."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "I hate you."

In a split second, Kylo released your jaw to grab a fistful of your hair and force you downwards. You yelped and landed on your forearms, propped up on the counter. 

"The mess between your legs says otherwise."

There was no use in denying that. 

Kylo released his grip on your hair, his hands moving to his belt buckle. You heard metal clinking and the sound of a zipper briefly before he placed a hand on your lower back. Slowly dragging his fingers up the length of your spine until his hand was at your neck. He gathered your hair and pulled it aside before leaning forward slightly. 

"You're going to watch yourself get fucked," he said darkly. "Got it?"

You had to be completely dripping by now. You locked eyes with him in the reflection and nodded in response. 

He tsked at you. "You know my rule."

You swallowed, barely able to maintain eye contact with him as you spoke. "Yes, sir."

He stood up straight again and grabbed one of your hips. He tugged at his length for a few seconds before you felt his tip at your entrance. 

Your jaw went slack as he pushed into you. Stretching you more than you could've imagined but yet providing you with an indescribable relief. It wasn't until then that you realized just how much you had been burning for him. 

He roughly held your hips, a loud, sustained groan ripping from his throat as he slid his entire length into you, no doubt feeling your cunt stretching to accommodate him. Probably feeling just as relieved and gratified as you. 

He slowly started thrusting in and out of you, ensuring that you felt every inch of him stretching you out. Your head dropped forward, eyes fluttering shut. The most gratifying feeling you could have imagined. 

Kylo suddenly pulled on your hair, forcing your head up again. "I told you that you were going to watch yourself," he hissed. "Open your eyes."

You managed to pick your head up and look into the mirror. You first noticed the way you looked - face crumpled in pleasure, tits bouncing with each thrust, your dress pooled around your torso. 

Then you looked at Kylo. And Kylo was already looking at you. Watching as your body reacted to his thrusts, watching your pleasure-filled expression. Watching as you took his cock again. 

He started fucking you faster, quickly finding the brutal pace you'd become familiar with. It grew increasingly harder to keep your eyes opened, pleasure completely overwhelming you. But you did, watching as Kylo's thrusts wracked your entire frame. 

"That's my good girl," he praised. "Always so good at taking this cock."

He suddenly wrenched you upwards, your back flush with his chest. He wrapped one arm around your waist while the other dipped in between your legs to work your clit. 

"Oh fuck," you moaned, grabbing onto his forearm. 

He tightened his grip around your waist. "You know you're mine," he growled. "You're always going to be fucking mine."

"Not anymore," you choked out in between moans. 

He slammed into you even harder. You cried out, much louder than you would've liked considering you didn't know who might hear. Kylo must've been thinking about that too because he quickly clapped a hand over your mouth to quiet you. 

Kylo was able to stifle the moans spilling from you that were growing increasingly louder. He was loud too, and had to lean forward and bury his head in the crook of your neck to quiet himself. 

His fingers at your clit quickly brought you to the brink of your release. Your head lolled back to rest on his shoulder as you started to feel your surroundings melt away. Everything vanishing except for him and the way he was making you feel. 

The second Kylo moaned your name against your skin, you lost it. 

You cried out, thankful that Kylo's hand was able to muffle the sound. White hot pleasure seared through your body, stronger than you thought you could handle. 

Kylo fucked you through your climax, his cock twitching inside of you. He breathed hotly against your neck, clearly trying to keep himself quiet as he suddenly slammed into you and stilled. He heaved forward slightly, and you felt warmth spilling inside of you. Shuddering as Kylo breathed out your name again, his cock pulsing and pumping you full of cum. 

Kylo's arm around your waist was the only thing that kept you from crashing against the marble counter when he slipped out of you. But he held you up as the two of you tried to catch your breath and recover yourselves. 

Once you felt steady enough to stand on your own, you pulled his arm off of your waist and looked at him through the mirror. "That was the last time."

He grinned, smug as ever, and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "No it wasn't."


	19. Two Completely Different Things

The white sheets were cold and crisp to the touch, but the indent of curves still remained. 

Kylo sat up, squinting as he tried to adjust to the warm sunlight leaking through the curtains. After streatching his arms and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stood up, pushing his hair out of his face and stumbling into the kitchen. 

He found her exactly where her expected to see her, doing what she always did. 

She was seated at the table, the morning paper spread out in front of her. Across the table sat another mug, untouched but waiting. Waiting for Kylo. 

She noticed his presence, looking up from the inked words and smiling warmly. "Good morning."

Her voice sounded disoriented, almost as if her words were from a recording. "I made you some coffee."

He sat down across from her, wrapping his hand around the mug. He looked down to see caramel colored liquid. 

"I added creamer," she said. "I can't stand to watch you drink it plain."

He didn't mind. He wouldn't admit it, but he liked the creamer she always added. Just a hint of vanilla, a more pleasant experience than his usual bitter tasting black coffee. 

He took a long sip, the liquid warming his throat as he swallowed. He watched as she stood up and walked around the table towards him. 

Without a moments hesitation, he turned in his chair, allowing her to sit on his lap and drape her legs across his thighs. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist. "How did you sleep?"

His voice sounded different too, almost as if he were hearing it from a distance.

She smiled and pushed a piece of hair out of Kylo's face. "Good."

She leaned in and Kylo followed suit, eagerly pressing his lips against hers. He could taste the vanilla of her latte in her kiss, sweet and familiar. 

She pulled away, placing her delicate hand on his jaw. "I love you."

She quickly placed another kiss to his lips, smiling against him. When she pulled away again, Kylo slid his hand up to cup her face, gently stroking her cheek. 

"And I love-"

——

Kylo's eyes flew open. 

He immediately focused on the other side of the bed, finding it empty. He licked his lips, finding that they felt tingly. Like he had just been kissed by the morning air.

He'd had a few dreams like that before, but they'd never felt so real. Maybe it was because of what happened the night before. 

Never in a million years would he have expected to see her there. He had no reason to. But even if he had known she would be attending, the sight of her would've taken his breath away regardless. 

She looked so beautiful last night. She was always beautiful, but it was even more breathtaking after not seeing her for so long. 

He didn't even know how long it had been. Three months? Maybe four? He'd lost track of the time. All he knew was that it was too long, and he'd been far more miserable than he'd expected. 

He was having to familiarize himself with crawling into bed alone again. Waking up alone too, walking into the cold kitchen and only pouring one cup of coffee instead of two. 

Kylo stumbled into the kitchen, just like he had in his dream. But this time, she wasn't seated at his table waiting for him. 

The only thing waiting for Kylo was silence. 

At least the mechanical hum of the machine would puncture the quiet morning air. Kylo grabbed a mug from his cabinet, making sure to not select the mug she used to use. 

He couldn't escape her. She'd left her mark in his home. The funny thing was, he wasn't making an effort to even attempt to escape her. He left her favorite mug of his in the same place. The bottle of vanilla syrup she used for her coffee also untouched. Even the bottle of lotion she'd left here, completely undisturbed. 

Nothing was stopping him from throwing all of those things in a box and getting rid of it. Even just dropping it off at her office. But he didn't. He couldn't. Because removing all these traces of her would mean that she would never be back here to use it. 

The coffee maker soon began filling Kylo's mug, the aroma of fresh coffee flooding the kitchen. He wasn't sure why, but he reached for the bottle of vanilla flavoring and unscrewed the cap. 

He'd intended to pour himself a bitter cup of black coffee like he always did, swallowing it solely for the caffeine it provided rather than for his own enjoyment. But he could use some form of an improvement to his daily routine. 

Realizing he didn't have his watch on, he turned to the wall clock to check the time. It was still relatively early, giving him a couple of hours until he went to see her. A couple of hours to either back out or muster up some courage. 

He picked up the mug that was now full and walked towards the couch in attempt to retain some normalcy. Nothing else about today would be routine, but at least sitting down and drinking his coffee would be something normal. 

Not entirely, though. As he sat there, he thought about the night before, the feeling of her lips on his, her warm, bare skin underneath his fingertips. The way she looked in that dress, wearing the same pair of red heels he'd seen her in before. The same pair she'd been wearing the night she was only wearing heels. 

Maybe it was the businessman in Kylo, but he really thought she should start paying rent for how much she occupied his thoughts. 

But maybe Kylo was partially responsible. She kept walking into his mind and taking residence in his thoughts, but Kylo was the one holding the door open for her. 

——

If someone had asked him last year or even six months ago if he would ever consider doing this, he would've laughed.

But here he was, standing in front of a door he hadn't walked through in years. 

He knocked quick and abruptly before his logic could regain control of his body. Two deep inhales later, the door was swinging open and his mother was standing in front of him.

"Ben."

She spoke with tangible disbelief. She clearly hadn't expected him to actually come. Reasonable, since Kylo had gone back and forth on his decision for hours.

"Mother."

The word rolled off of his tongue and left behind an unfamiliar taste in his mouth. It sounded foreign and yet familiar all at once, like clutching an old childhood blanket years into adulthood. 

Leia gave him a warm smile and opened the door further, gesturing for him to come in. He did, holding his breath as he crossed over the threshold. 

He hadn't been in this house since he'd last seen his mother. It'd be coming up on five years pretty soon. Five whole years. 

He followed her towards the living room and found it to look exactly how he'd remembered it. Instinctively, he shucked off his shoes before he stepped into the carpeted room, simply out of habit. His mother had always chided him for walking on the carpet with dirty shoes. His father had often made that mistake too, resulting in several scolds from Leia.

"I just put some hot water on so I'll have some tea ready soon," she said. "Is earl grey alright?"

Kylo nodded. She gave him a warm smile before heading towards the kitchen, leaving Kylo alone in the room. 

He took a seat on the brown leather couch. Still the same couch that had been here since they first bought this house more than a decade ago, when Kylo was only a teenager. 

The wall of pictures opposite of him caught his eye. All of the pictures that had always been there were still hanging. Pictures of Ben through every stage of life, from a newborn to a teenager that towered over both of his parents. Pictures of Ben and his...

...his father. 

There were multiple pictures of Ben and Han together, but one in particular caught his eye. Ben was sitting next to Han in the cockpit of a plane, grinning from ear to ear. He remembered that day vividly, much to his own torment. It was the first time his father had flown with Ben as his copilot. 

Kylo looked away, squeezing his eyes shut and willing the images of his memory to fade. It was practically taunting him. 

He heard his mother's footsteps approaching and opened his eyes to see her walking back into the room, two steaming mugs in hand. 

"Here." She gently thrust the mug into his hands before taking a seat in the armchair next to the couch. "I put a splash of creamer in."

He gave her a weak smile. "Thank you."

She took a seat in the armchair right next to the couch. That chair had been in every house Kylo had lived in, a dark green permanent residence in three different homes. 

"I saw the article about the First Order in Maz's paper," she said.

Kylo didn't know what startled him more. The fact that his mother appeared to be treating this like any casual conversation, an uncomplicated gathering, or the fact that she was dangerously close to the topic of a certain reporter.

All Kylo did was hum in response and took a sip of the tea despite the copious amounts of steam still rising. 

"And the article about Finalizer Industries, as well," she added. "I was glad to see that someone finally exposed them."

The truth was inevitable, but he still tried to keep up the facade of ignorance for a bit longer. "Yeah, I read it too."

"You gave her the tip, didn't you?"

Her.

Kylo's eyes snapped up to find his mother's. He'd expected his reporter to come up in the conversation, but he hadn't expected his mother to be so outright. 

Unwelcome images of her flashed across his mind and he quickly shoved them aside. "Yes, I did."

Leia gave him a knowing smile, and Kylo knew this was headed exactly where he didn't want it to go. "Seems like an awfully important piece of information to give to a random reporter," she said. "Unless, of course, she isn't just a random reporter."

"Journalist," he corrected, for some reason. "But yes, I guess she's more than... random."

"I'd say this journalist is quite special then, considering all the information she got out of you," she said with a wide smile. 

"I guess you could say that," he muttered under his breath.

"And how is she?"

Kylo swallowed thickly, lowering his eyes. "She's...fine."

"Then why didn't you bring her with?"

He felt like he was being interviewed. And he much rather preferred to be interviewed by a certain journalist than by a woman that seemed to already know all the answers. 

"I couldn't tell you," he admitted. His chest tightened, a strange and unwelcome feeling settling inside of him. 

"Ah." Leia took a sip of her tea, peering at Kylo over her mug. "You're no longer together."

Of course she knew. 

Kylo studied his mother intently, as if he could figure out how his mother always seemed to know everything. Growing up, it was a bother, seeing as she always knew when he got in trouble. But now, it was just fascinating.

"Oh don't ask so surprised," she laughed. "I may be old but I'm still your mom. I can still put the pieces together."

"I don't doubt that."

"I met with her, you know,"she said. "She interviewed me before the article on your company was published."

Kylo had to hide a smile. "Really?"

"Mhm." She smiled at Kylo from behind her mug. "She was nice to talk to," she said. "Sweet girl."

Sweet when she wants to be. He'd seen the other sides of her too. The sarcastic, witty, smart-mouthed woman she was. But he wouldn't change it for anything. That was what made her who she is.

"She is," he agreed.

"Care to tell me what happened?"

No, no he did not. And he really didn't, so he had no clue why he started to answer her. 

"It ended a few months ago," he confessed. "Wasn't pretty."

Leia leaned forward in her chair. "Why did you end it?"

Kylo chuckled, a humorless and heartless sound. Like the clank of an empty tin can. "Interesting of you to assume I ended things."

Leia's eyes widened. "Oh."

Well, at least she didn't know everything. He could still surprise her. 

What a shitty victory. 

His mother was scanning Kylo's expression, dark brown eyes trained on him. He could tell she wanted to ask more but was hesitating. Normally, Kylo wouldn't even dare to elaborate, to divulge such personal details. But he'd already shared far more than he'd intended. What was the point in stopping now?

"She...ended things," he said. "Not me."

She shot him a sympathetic look. The silence remained in tact, clearly an indication that she anticipated more of an explanation.

Kylo took a deep breath. "She told me she loved me."

His mother looked completely confused. "So you're telling me she confessed that she loved you and then broke it off?"

His mind was clearly out of sorts today. Nearly five years without so much as a word and here he was, divulging his love life to a woman he had practically turned into a stranger. 

Kylo took another deep breath. "She told me she loved me and I, I... I didn't say it back."

She raised at eyebrow at him. "Well that makes a bit more sense," she replied. "Though I don't see why you didn't admit it too."

Kylo was taken aback. "What?"

"Definitely could've fooled me," she said. "From what I know, I would've had no doubt in my mind that you love her."

Kylo hung his head and stayed silent for several moments before answering. "Feeling love and admitting it are two completely different things."

"Well, one usually leads to the other," she said. 

Kylo shook his head. "It's not that simple."

"That's because you're making it more complicated," she said. 

He couldn't even give her a nasty look. Curse him for always having a soft spot for his mother. 

He didn't reply to her statment. There was no point, considering that both of them knew she was right. But just because he knew he always made things more complicated didn't mean he was in any place to change that. 

"Want to know how I knew you were seeing her?"

Kylo looked up. "Besides just your motherly sixth sense?"

Leia nodded and laughed. A warm sound that he hadn't heard in so long. "She knows that you donate to the Resistance," she answered. "And yet, that information wasn't anywhere in the article."

He had never confirmed that she knew, but it didn't surprise him. After all, she'd seen that file. Didn't take much to put it together. 

"She seems to know a lot about you," she continued. "Did you tell her about your fath-

Kylo's hold body tensed, his breath hitching and his heart pounding against his ribcage. "No."

Leia moved to speak again, but Kylo cut her off. "Don't bring him up," he said. "Don't bring him into this."

Leia looked at him, a gentle yet still firm look on her eye."You can't run from this forever," she said. "And I won't let you because you shouldn't feel the slightest shred of guilt."

"It's not that simple," he hissed. 

He could feel his breathing growing labored, his skin growing hotter. Talking about his reporter was one thing, but this was another. 

"It is that simple," she insisted. "It is ridiculous to blame yourself. The only blame you have was put there by yourself."

His eyes bore into his mother's. He just wanted her to scream and yell at him, admit that it was his fault. That it was all his fault, and that Kylo had saved his mother a lot of hurt by cutting himself off. That he had saved her pain by removing himself from his family. 

"That's bullshit," he spat. "I know you blame me, and so did-

"Enough," she interrupted. "I will not have you insist that I or anyone else blamed you when I'm sitting right here and telling you that isn't true."

Her voice was firm with determination. It was clear to Kylo that she was telling the full truth. She meant it. She really didn't blame him. And for some reason, that just made it worse. 

His voice was strained, on the tipping point of revealing all of the emotion he'd pent up. "How? How can you not blame me?"

"Because it's-

The grip on his restraint snapped. "You should blame me! It should've been me!"

"Ben!"

She looked horrified and heartbroken all at once. "I never have and will never blame you." Her voice was on the verge of breaking. "And it certainly shouldn't have been you. It was his time, not yours."

She leaned forward in her chair and cautiously reached for his hand, relaxing when he didn't pull away. "I'm going to be brutally honest," she said. "I can manage the grief of losing your father. I had so much time with him, years to love him. We built a home, an entire organization, and a beautiful little family."

Her eyes were beginning to shine with tears as she took a steadying breath. "But what I can't manage is not having my son," she admitted. "I miss your father terribly, but it hurts far more to miss someone that is still alive but not around."

Kylo felt a pang of guilt in his chest. Despite years of growing resentment towards his parents, convincing himself that they deserved to feel the pain and loneliness he felt, he would never wish this kind of hurt on anyone. His mother was the last person that deserved this suffering.

Kylo had barely realized that a tear had slipped down his cheek before his mother's thumb was wiping it away. She kept her palm pressed against Kylo's cheek, warm and familiar. 

He slowly reached his hand up and placed it over hers. Kylo nearly choked on his words, but he managed to say them. "I'm sorry."

Leia smiled sadly, a tear slipping down her face too. "I'm sorry too. For everything."

She let her hand fall from his face and carefully stood up, moving to sit next to him on the couch. She reached for his hand again, placing her hand on top of his. 

"I know you think you're too grown up to learn anything from your mom, but just listen to me," she said. "There is absolutely nothing you can do about the past. Feeling guilty and dwelling on it won't do anything to change what happened, but it will do everything to ruin what comes next."

His mother paused to collect herself, wiping away a fear stray tears. "Your father is gone, that's a fact," she said. "But you trying to push me away will not bring him back."

"I know," Kylo whispered. 

"The past is out of your control," she said. "But the future is completely up to you. Both of us lost someone we loved. You lost a father, but you don't need to lose a mother."

She stroked the back of Kylo's hand with her thumb. Something she'd done since he was a boy. "And you haven't lost your mother," she continued. "I'm here, the same place I've always been."

He didn't understand how she could stand to look at him. How she could still welcome him with open arms after he did nothing but push her away.

That's the thing about parents. They're always ready to help you when you need it, forgive you when you ask, and love you even when you think you don't deserve it.

Her voice echoed in his mind, her words replaying. He hadn't believed her at the time. But he was starting to. 

"I know, Mom." His voice was barely above a whisper, but he meant what he said. "I know."


	20. Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spicy 🌶

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Just tell her you can't do it."

You laughed dryly. "How? How could I tell her that?"

Maz had called you in to her office yesterday to give you a new topic she wanted covered. Normally, you'd be eager to take on any project, especially when Maz had specially chosen you to write it. 

You'd sat down in front of her desk, waiting to hear the pitch. When you did, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

She wanted you to cover the First Order's project. 

Nearly three weeks had come and gone since you'd run into Ren at the gala with Finn. In your complete and total naivety, you'd actually thought you were done with him. With Ren, with the First Order. All of it. 

Poe sighed, chewing on his lip thoughtfully. You groaned and leaned back in your seat. There was pretty much no way out of this. 

"Here's an idea," Poe announced. "Why don't you suggest someone else for the piece?"

"That just shows a lack of initiative," you replied. "So next time a major piece comes up that I actually want, Maz isn't going to consider me for it."

"Got a point there," he muttered, spinning the straw in his drink. "Could you just turn down the piece and explain why? That way she'll know it's not a lack of initiative."

You had to laugh. "What am I supposed to tell her? Yeah, unfortunately I can't take this piece because last time I covered the First Order, I fucked the CEO of the company and then accidentally pursued a relationship with him, fell in love with the guy and then stopped seeing him." 

You paused to take a breath while Poe grimaced. "Oh, and I'd have to mention that this all started because I, in my investigative genius, stole from the First Order and got caught and somewhat blackmailed."

You grabbed your glass and drained the rest of your cocktail. 

Poe sighed in defeat. "Yeah, you can't do that."

Shit. 

If the situation wasn't so uncomfortable, you might've found this funny. Back in the fall, you'd been over the moon when you were given the chance to write about the First Order. Now it just felt like some cruel joke.

You let out a deep, exasperated breath and glanced around the bar, watching it grow increasingly more crowded as people trickled in. Many of them were like you and Poe - freshly off work, grabbing a drink with a friend and coworker. Only you hoped that these other people didn't feel as miserable as you did.

The worst part was, you couldn't really blame your misery on Kylo. You couldn't be mad at him for not loving you, leveling criminal charges against his feelings. You couldn't be mad at someone for not returning affection; you certainly couldn't hate them. 

But even if Kylo did something that would earn him your hatred, you weren't sure you could. You'd certainly tried to hate him, but it was useless. It was fighting a war with no opposing sides, no victory in site. And if there was a victory, it was a truly empty one. 

You looked back to Poe. He was already studying you from his side of the red-leathered booth. You were certain that Poe already knew what you were thinking before you spoke - he'd always had that ability with you. But you spoke the words anyways, even if he already expected it. 

"You told me not to fall for him and I did anyways," you mumbled. "I didn't listen and look what happened."

He sighed. "I know I said that but you can't always help what you feel," he replied. "It's a good and bad thing that our feelings tend to do what they want."

At the moment, love only seemed to be a bad thing.

——

At least Hux was punctual when it came to answering emails. He'd gotten back to you within an hour of reaching out, agreeing to meet with you today.

That was a good thing. The quicker you got this interview done, the quicker you could whip up and article and forget about the First Order.

You pressed the button for the seventh floor. It was strange not heading to the ninth floor for once. Painful, actually.

This would be fine though. You didn't even have to interview Ren - an interview with Hux would suffice. Just a quick interview with Hux, get the information you needed on the Alderaan Project, then leave this building and never come back. Leave the First Order and it's CEO behind.

You smoothed out your skirt and readjusted the sleeve that had fallen down your wrist. You'd needed an extra boost of confidence to walk back into this building today, so you'd tried to at least appear confident. It wasn't much, but your outfit choice made you feel at least a bit sophisticated. It didn't deviate from your usual work attire - form fitting black skirt that you wore possibly too often, a tight ivory-colored long sleeve, and a black blazer. Like the building and the offices inside, your appearance was devoid of color. 

The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. You exited, holding your head up high as you made your way towards Hux's office. Luckily you remembered where to go, seeing as Hux wasn't there to show you. He probably would've if you hadn't been early. 

You walked the floor, heels clacking against the tile until you reached the door with Hux's name on it. Before you could even raise your hand to knock, the door opened. 

You'd expected to be met with a ginger haired man across the threshold. But unfortunately, you saw a man completely devoid of ginger hair. 

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Kylo stood in the doorway of Hux's office, massive and brooding as always, looking just as shocked to see you as you were to see him. 

It was strange. A lot more tense since you'd considered your last encounter with him to be the very last. In your delusion, you'd really thoight you'd never have to seen him again.

Kylo held your stare for a few moments until the trance broke and reality set in. "What are you-

"Ah, I see you're early."

Hux had suddenly appeared over Kylo's shoulder. You flashed him a wide smile, a lot more relaxed now that it wasn't just you and Kylo."I wouldn't want to keep you waiting."

It was nice to see Kylo so shaken for once. Clearly, he didn't know Hux had agreed to a meeting with you today. 

You looked back to Kylo. "If you'll excuse me, I have an interview with Armitage," you said. "Unless you two are still occupied."

You noticed Kylo wince at the use of Hux's first name. 

"Don't worry, we were just finishing up," Hux replied. "Ren was on his way out."

A barely noticeable clench of his jaw and then Kylo was stepping past you and into the hallway. It took every ounce of self control for you to keep looking forward and not peak a glance at Kylo while he walked away. 

Hux held the door open and gestured for you to enter. "After you."

You smiled and walked in, a wave of reseaarurance rolling over you. Inside Hux's office and safe from Kylo's presence.

"Please, have a seat."

You heard the door close and did as he said, placing your bag on the floor and sitting down. He crossed the room and took a seat behind the desk, unbuttoning his jacket as he did. 

"It's been a while," he said. "I hope you've been doing alright since I last spoke with you."

It was a normal thing to say to someone, polite actually, but swomthing about his tone suggested an underlying meaning.

You raised an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be alright?"

"Well I assume your split with Ren wasn't exactly amicable," he replied. "And I'm sure that little encounter wasn't very comfortable."

You froze, clambering for an answer. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

He let out a quiet laugh. "You can stop pretending that the two of you weren't together. Contrary to what Ren believes, I'm not actually a complete idiot."

You swallowed nervously, fidgeting with your hands in your lap. Hux looked completely relaxed on the other hand. Amused even. 

"I only wish I had realized you two were involved the night of the gala," he said. "My offer to take you home earned me two weeks of a paperwork induced nightmare."

You could feel your cheeks turning red. And then you felt pangs of sadness in your chest at the memories of that night. The one night you'd felt like a real couple, the fantasy of an actual relationship with Ren cruelly dangled in front of your face just out of reach.

"And I know that you two split up because Ren has been far more volatile lately," he added.

You smiled a bit. "That's not very surprising."

"You know, I'm surprised he likes you so much," he mused. "Ren usually prefers his conquests to be much more...tame."

"For starters, I am not a conquest," you spat. "And second - he clearly doesn't like me that much."

His face grew more serious. "What makes you say that?"

You almost started to reply before you caught yourself. "I am not going to discuss my personal life with you. Especially not about Ren."

"Personal indeed," he said. "Id go as far as to say that you know Ren more personally than anyone."

Again, something about his tone suggested an underlying meaning. 

You observed him with caution. "That's possibly true."

"I'm not telling you had to do your job, but I might suggest sharing your knowledge of Ren with the public," he said. "You wouldn't want anyone to be suspicious of your relationship with him."

And there it was. He just wanted to get back at Ren because of whatever grudge he had against his boss.

You leaned forward on your elbows, trying to keep your anger below a boiling point. "Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, Armitage," you hissed, "but it seems like you're trying to blackmail me into sharing Ren's personal information."

A smile twitched on his lips. "Your words not mine."

You paused for a moment, searching his expression. A grin tugged at your lips when you remembered something you had done a long time ago. Actually, the day after you had first met Hux. 

You were almost certain that Hux didn't know you'd stolen the file, but just in case, you'd gathered some information on the man to keep in mind. Just in case you were caught by Hux and needed a way out.

"That's a risky game to play, I must say," you mused, tilting your head at him. "You've seen what I can find out about a person like Ren. Imagine what I could do to you,"

His expression fell, his cocky smile fading. "I'm sure the public would be interested in you too," you continued. "You know, things like your cat named Milicent, your suspected affair with an intern a few years ago, the harassment complaint filed by another former employee."

"And you see, that's the information I gathered with just minimal effort. Imagine what I could do to you it I actually tried next time."

He was white as a sheet, his smug expression long gone. The rush of adrenaline you got from making an adult man was unreal. 

"I'll give you props due the effort and boldness, Armitage," you murmured. "But think before you try me." 

You leaned forward to grab your bag and moved to stand up. 

"Wait, wait," Hux blurted, half-standing up. "I'm sorry, just...sit back down."

You hesitated, glaring at the man across from you. It wasn't really an option for you to just abandon this interview, but you still didn't want to cave that easily. Seriously, the power trip from making a man nervous might be better than sex. 

Hux sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I know that was out of line. Please sit back down, and we can continue with the interview."

You gave in and slowly sat back down, placing your bag on the floor again. 

"But I must ask," Hux said, "why are you defending him?"

"I'm not," you said. "I just don't believe in divulging a person's private information to try and hurt them."

He smirked at you. "In my experience, that's what a person in your field does for a living."

If you had a dollar for every time someone made a slight at your profession, you could probably afford to retire by now. 

"And in my experience, people in your profession don't waste time playing petty games with another full grown man."

His smirk didn't waver as he clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on the desk. "Then let's end the petty games and get to the interview."

——

You stepped into the elevator and let out a deep breath. You were done. Finally. You'd gotten through the extreme discomfort, and it was only up from here. 

You had the information you needed from Hux, pretty much everything you needed to know about the Alderaan project. A successful interview on all accounts. Yet the whole time, all you could think about was Kylo holding you in his lap while he showed you the plans for the project. 

You blinked hard until the images vanished. If you were going to leave this company and this building behind, the memories needed to be tossed aside too. 

The elevator doors were already halfway closed when a hand appeared in between them. The doors froze of course, and in walked the devil himself. 

You kept a blank expression as he stepped into the elevator, ignoring the tingling sensation you got while he looked at you. And you even stayed completely still as he reached across to hit the button for the ninth floor. 

When he retracted his hand, you leaned forward to press the button for the lobby. But before your finger could reach the button, a hand was gripping your wrist. 

"What the fuck are you doing?"

No response.

The elevator started moving. You tried to pry your wrist from his grip but was holding you too tight. If you didn't have at least some sense of decorum left, you would've considered kicking him. 

The distance between the floors was short. The doors opened and Kylo exited, pulling you with him thanks to the unrelenting grip on your wrist. You could barely keep up with the length of his strides, especially with the heels you were wearing, nearly stumbling while clutching onto your bag and blazer. He continued pulling you until you'd reached the office you knew all too well. 

He finally let go of your wrist once he had opened the door. You walked past him and into his office, practically throwing your bag and blazer to the floor.  
and spun around to face him. "What the fuck are you doing?"

He closed the door behind him. "I need to talk to you."

"I'm not yours anymore, Ren," you spat. "I'm not your little whore that's always at your beck and call. You don't get to just drag me around."

"I owe you an explanation," he said flatly. 

You laughed. A dry, humorless sound. "You couldn't have given me an explanation three months ago?"

But what was there to even explain? It was quite clear that he didn't feel the same way about you. Was he trying to explain why he didn't love you? If so, you seriously didn't need that. 

He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's not that easy, you don't-

Something snapped. You didn't know if it was anger or resentment or loneliness, maybe a combination of all three. But something snapped and before you knew it, you had lunged forward and were now inches away from him. 

"You don't get to tell me what is or isn't easy," you spat. "You know what's not easy? Trying to get my life back and just do my fucking job when you somehow keep showing up."

You'd been a shell of your normal self these past few months. In trying to forget every painful memory, every broken promise and every shattered hope, you'd somehow forgotten yourself a bit too. 

You took another step forward, glaring up at him. "And who the fuck do you think you are, dragging me into your office -

You felt something brush against your hip. A distinct, unmistakable hardness. 

You looked down between your two bodies, gawking at the growing bulge in Kylo's pants. When you looked back at up at Kylo, he looked about as shocked as you. 

You spoke in a whisper of utter disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

You couldn't remember the last time you'd had this much power over him. Actually, you didn't think you'd ever had this much power over him.

Your disbelief gave way to sheer amusement. "Who knew you'd get hard from getting yelled at," you sneered. 

He opened his mouth like he was intending to reply but grabbed your waist instead. He pinned you against his body, crashing his lips against yours with an insatiable hunger and desire that you couldn't help but reciprocate. That's why you didn't bother trying to resist him. You knew resistance was futile. 

But if you were going to do this, you were going to do it your way for once. 

You placed a hand on his shoulder and shoved him backwards but grabbed a hold of his tie, detaching his lips from yours but keeping his face just millimeters away. 

"You're so easy Ren," you breathed. "It's almost pathetic."

You dipped your head into the crook of his neck, brushing your lips just above his shirt collar. You slipped your tongue past your lips and drew a hot, wet line all the way up to his jaw.

He shuddered and let out a shaky breath. You could hear his nails scratching at the surface of the desk while you kissed up his jaw and brought your lips to hover by his ear. "What's it like not being in control for once Mr. Ren?"

Your free hand reached towards his belt buckle, brushing against his painfully hard cock. His eyes closed as he made a poor attempt to stifle a moan.   
"You said I'd always be yours. Like I'm that easy and would just come crawling back to you. But it looks-" You paused, running your haha across the fabric concealing his length. "-no, it feels like you're always going to be mine too."

He groaned, hopefully in agony, and it just made you smile more."You can tell me that I won't be able to resist you all day long, but it's clear you can't resist me either," you said. 

Your fingertips kept dancing around his belt buckle. Just to tease. "You're just so desperate," you taunted."You want to fuck me on this desk again, don't you?"

"Ye- fuck." He stuttered as you ran your hand up the entire length of his cock applying more pressure. 

He pushed his hips into your hand but you pulled it away, bracing it on his hip and stilling him. "That's not going to work. Now answer me, or I walk out that door."

"I need to fuck you," he choked out. "Please, I need to."

You grinned. "See? That wasn't so hard."

You ghosted your nails offer the fabric covering his crouch before sliding your hand upwards, dragging across his torso. "If you want me," you purred, pausing to open the top button of his shirt one handed, "then undress me."

His hands flew to the waistband of your skirt and you lifted yourself up to let him slide it down your legs. He tossed the article of clothing to the floor and moved on to your shirt, pulling it over your head and dropping it next to your skirt.

For the second time today, your mind flashed back to the night of the First Order gala. The night Ren had undressed you from everything except your red high heels. 

It was no secret how much that drove him crazy. And right now, you wanted nothing more than to drive him so crazy, tease him so much that it physically hurt him. 

"And leave the heels on."

Kylo cursed under his breath, just barely audible, but it was all the confirmation you needed. He frantically worked to unclasp your bra, and it quickly joined your skirt and shirt on the floor. 

All you did was snap and gesture to the floor and Kylo was on his knees in front of you. 

His hands rested on the tops of your thighs, warm to the touch. His hands crept inwards, stroking your skin as he drew closer to your core. He hooked a finger in your panties and pulled it aside. 

He placed his hands on the tops of your thighs again and buried himself between your thighs. He wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked, to gue working expertly to flick your sweet spot. You threaded your hand through his hair and tugged, electing a moan from Kylo that sent vibrations straight to your core. 

The man seriously knew what he was doing and had you soaking wet in less than a minute. You threw your head back and let your eyes close it for a second, momentarily letting yourself get lost in the pleasure. 

You grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled his face from between your legs before he could bring you too close to the edge, tugging him to his feet. 

He took the opportunity and ran with it, fumbling with his belt buckle and freeing his length from its constraints. 

You wrapped your hand around his shaft before he could, guiding the tip of his cock up and down your folds, tapping your clit. He was heavy and rigid and painfully hard in your grip, precum dripping onto your fingers. He tilted his head down to watch, his breathing growing louder.

"Do you think you can even make me cum?"

"Yes," he said through clenched teeth. 

You yanked on his tie again. "Then prove it."

His jaw went slack as he plunged into you, his hands flying to grab your hips. You clutched onto his shoulders, grabbing at the material of his shirt as he sunk his hips against yours. 

He pounded into you with remarkable force, grunting with effort. He eyes your breath hungrily, watching them bounce from his movements. 

He leaned forward, presumably to kiss you, but you stopped him. That was a privilege he wasn't entitled to. He resorted to kissing your neck, reverently kissing whatever inch of skin he could find. 

"Harder," you demanded.

He grabbed your waist and slammed into you with renewed strength, pulling your hips forward to meet each of his thrusts.

You yanked on his tie, white-knuckled and harsh. "You said you could make me cum, so do it."

He wrapped an arm around your waist and brought his other hand between your legs, his thumb flicking and rubbing at your clit.

Your control was slipping away as you drew closer to your orgasm but luckily, so was Kylo's. You let yourself drown in the ecstasy, listening to the sound of his hips snapping against yours echo in the room. 

"You-fuck- you f-feel so good," he sputtered. 

Your walls clenched and spammed around him. You wrapped your legs around his waist as the pleasure seared your entire body, back arching and eyes screwing shut. 

He fucked you throigh your peak, thrusts driving your pleasure to new levels. Your satisfaction at the control you were wielding over him made your pleasure that much more electrifying. 

Kylo's thrusts were growing sloppier, jagged and desperate as he chased his own release. You were satisfied in more than one way, but you'd feel substantially less satisfied if he was granted the same pleasure. 

You grabbed his jaw, roughly, without a care for his comfort. "Don't you dare cum inside of me."

He looked up at you with pitiful, incredulous eyes. You could feel his cock twitch inside of you, signaling that he was close. "Are you ser-

Your nails dug into his face. "Does it look like I'm kidding?"

You distinctly remember Kylo using that very same phrase against you some time ago. 

You released his jaw with a shove and braced your forearm on his chest to push him back, his painfully hard cock slipping out of you. He begrudgingly complied, gripping his shaft and furiously pumping himself. 

He groaned and locked eyes with you, grabbing the edge of the desk as he released himself, his cum spilling onto your thighs and his desk.

He was leaned forward, supporting himself on the desk while he caught his breath, looking at you through hooded eyes. You hoped his mind was reeling and fuck did you hope he felt embarrassed to be forced into submission in his own office. 

Your words cut through the heavy silence like a sword through water. "Clean it up."

He silently reached behind you to grab a tissue from his desk. He did as he was told, cleaning your thighs and wiping at the desk.

He took a step back to toss the used tissue away. When he tried to resume his position in front of you, you extended your leg, a black heel pressing into his thigh and keeping him at safe distance. Wordlessly, you pointed to your pile of discarded clothes, glaring at him until he got the message. 

You watched his throat ripple as he swallowed, tearing his eyes from yours as he crouched down to retrieve your clothes. He looked almost sheepish as he handed them to you. 

You were silent as you put your shirt on again and slid off the desk to pull your skirt on, still silent as you reached down to pick up your bag and blazer. 

You walked towards the door, disheveled but satisfied. "I'd clean your desk again if I were you," you called over your shoulder before turning the doorknob and leaving. 

The sound of your heels on the tile seemed to be louder for some reason. You kept your held head high, willing yourself to cling to your residual adrenaline rush. 

Today was a win. You were leaving his office and this building with a win, even though it felt like a very empty victory.


	21. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Cut - not self-harm related, but blood is mentioned. Drunkenness also appears in this chapter, but there is no violence.

"If you ever wanted to switch careers, you'd probably have a job as someone's personal chef."

You sat in the plush arm chair across from the couch that Finn and Poe were on, wine glasses in each person's hands. The used dishes from Finn's delicious pasta dinner sat piled in the kitchen sink. 

Finn chuckled and placed his hand on Poe's leg. "I'm not sure about that," he replied. "I'm already his personal chef."

Poe scoffed. "I prefer eating it, not making it," he said. "I could cook but you actually enjoy doing it."

You raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Because I remember having to order pizza the last time you tried to cook because it was completely burnt."

Finn laughed and so did you while Poe glared at you from the couch. Loved the man but cooking was seriously not his strong suit. 

You looked back to Finn. "So how's the new project going? Good? Or are you going to start looking for jobs in the culinary arts?"

"It's going really well, actually," he said. "We're moving along a lot quicker than expected."

You knew how important this project was to Finn, the way he still glowed when he talked about it. That's why you'd gone to the gala with him, risked seeing Ren. Which, of course, just had to happen. 

But luckily Finn assumed your smudged makeup was from crying, not from Ren fucking the hell out of you on the bathroom counter.

Poe spoke up before you could respond. "Have you seen...him since that night?"

"Nope," you lied, raising your wine glass to your lips. 

You looked away from Poe and concentrated on the cat currently pressed against the side of your leg. Bebe's head rested on your thigh, purring softly as your fingertips grazed his head. 

"Good thing you didn't run into him when you were interviewing Hux," Finn added.

Poe nodded in agreement and you just kept drinking your wine. Your mind went back to that day in his office, just over a week ago. 

By all accounts, you should've been satisfied. For once, you'd gotten the upper hand with him, even if it was only for a short while. But there was no satisfaction once that high of adrenaline wore off. 

Poe stifled a yawn and you looked at the clock, noticing that it was nearly midnight. "I should be going," you announced. "It's late and Mr. Dameron is clearly tired."

"Well it's exhausting being the attractive one in the couple," Poe replied. 

Finn responded by smacking the back of Poe's head and taking his wine glass. Those two had an endearing habit of acting like teenage boys which never failed to make you laugh. 

You gave Bebe one last pet before standing up, walking to the kitchen and placing your glass next to the sink. Finn entered the kitchen right behind you carrying the other two glasses.

"Thanks again for cooking," you said to Finn. "Tasted better than delivery pizza."

"I heard that!" Poe called from the couch. 

Finn chuckled and set the glasses down. "Anytime," he replied before leaning over and kissing you on the cheek.

Poe made his way over towards the two of you, holding your bag and your coat in his arms. "Stop trying to steal my husband," he teased. "I might starve without him."

You followed both of them towards the front door, putting your coat on and slinging your bag on your shoulder. You reached for your phone to call a ride, not wanting to walk a block or two to hail a cab. 

You froze when the screen lit up with notifications from the past hour. Not a few, but dozens of missed calls and voicemails. 

And all of them were from Kylo.

You concealed your surprise with a blank expression, quickly arranging your ride and continuing towards the door. The reason behind those calls would have to wait a second.

Your ride arrived in no time, pulling up to the curb. Two quick hugs to the two men and then you were making your way towards the car.

"Let me know when you get home," Poe called.

You looked back at him over your shoulder. "Will do, Dad."

Anxious to figure out why Kylo was blowing up your phone, you clambered into the car and mumbled a quick greeting to the driver. You unlocked your phone and played one of the voicemails as the car pulled away from the curb, flinching slightly when you heard his voice. 

He was rambling, spewing unintelligible sentences and slurring his words. Now it made sense - the multitude of calls and messages. Kylo was absolutely hammered. 

Not sure what you expected, but it certainly hadn't been this. You played the next voicemail.

"You sh-should be here. It's our Friday but you're not here but, but you should be. You're always supposed to be here on Fridays."

The sound of glass shattering echoed in the background, followed by a string of expletives and then the message ended, presumably continuing onto the next voicemail.

You felt hollow, like someone had carved a hole in your chest. Of course you'd remembered your weekly tradition, going to Kylo's every Friday. You thought of it often with bittersweet nostalgia, constantly reminiscing on the Fridays you now spent doing other things. But you'd never imagined that Kylo would still think about it. 

You're always supposed to be here on Fridays.

You leaned forward to grab the driver's attention. 

"I need to change the address I gave you."

——

You didn't bother knocking, just went for the doorknob. The door was unlocked, slowly swinging open as you walked in.

You'd half expected to see him sprawled out on the floor or maybe locked outside on his balcony. But he wasn't doing either of those things. He was just sitting on the couch, still wearing his work clothes. 

He noticed you enter and turned to look at you. Seeming to be a bit surprised, presumably because he doubted you'd show up. Valid, considering you'd seriously debated whether or not this was a good idea. 

"You came."

You closed the door behind you. "Yeah, you sounded more than completely wasted on the...

At Kylo's feet, there was a pile of glass shards stained with several deep red droplets. You looked up and saw his hand covered in blood, a few of those glass shards lodged in his palm.

Looks like the mystery of the glass shattering in his voicemail was solved.

"Holy shit." You shucked off your coat and hung it up along with your bag. "What did you do?"

Kylo looked down at the pile of shattered glass and then looked back to you. "I think I set the glass down too hard."

You sighed. "Don't move," you ordered. "I'll go get some bandages."

Kylo nodded and stayed on the couch as you walked towards his bedroom. If you remembered correctly, he had some first aid supplies in his bathroom.

You walked past his bed and into the attached bathroom, crouching down by his under-sink cabinet. You quickly found the small first-aid kit you'd remembered seeing, grabbing it and walking back to Kylo.

He was sitting there completely still, alternating between glancing at you and the glass in his palm. You sat down next to him and opened the first aid kit, grabbing the tweezers. "I'm just going to pull the glass out first," you informed him.

He nodded and rested the back of his hand in your palm. Slowly, you pinched the glass shard with the tweezers and pulled it out of his palm. You did the same to the second shard, a much smaller piece, and easily removed it. 

You let his hand rest in your lap while you reached for an antiseptic wipe. You ripped it open and carefully picked his hand up again. 

"This might sting a bit."

That was probably a lie. It wouldn't sting 'a bit' - it'd probably feel like a thousand needle punctures when you wiped the antiseptic across the cut.

You brought the alcohol wipe to the wound and carefully started wiping away the blood. He didn't flinch much to your surprise. You would've expected him to given how deep the cut was. 

You stopped cleaning momentarily to sneak a look at Kylo, wondering if he was just containing his pain with a twisted expression or biting back a pained whimper. But he wasn't. He looked perfectly calm - content even, with a lazy smile on his face.

Your brows furrowed. "What?"

His smile widened a bit. "You're pretty."

You cleared your throat awkwardly. "Thank you."

"You stick your tongue out when you concentrate, you know."

Your cheeks grew a bit warm. "I know."

You finished cleaning, busying yourself with dressing his wound rather than thinking about what he'd said. You covered the cut with a bandage and wrapped gauze on top of it to secure it. Not exactly the work of a medical professional, but it would do.

You placed Kylo's hand back in his lap. "Does it feel alright?"

"No," he mumbled.

You frowned, looking down at his hand and wondering if you wrapped the bandage too tight. "What's wrong?"

He leaned back on the couch. "I broke a rule," he said softly.

You certainly broke a glass, if that's what you mean.

You gave him a puzzled expression. "What rule?"

He took a deep breath. "I let myself love again."

Your breath caught in your throat and you were fairly certain your heart dropped out of your chest. 

"What...what do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he whispered.

You swallowed thickly. "Kylo, are you-

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. You could taste the faint trace of whiskey, warm and sweet. Intoxicating to the point that it took you a second to remember how intoxicated he was. 

You gently pushed him back, trying to ignore the sting of coldness when his lips left yours. "Kylo, you're drunk."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

Good to know the alcohol didn't wash away his sarcasm. 

"I think you need some sleep," you said. 

He didn't object thankfully, though his lips formed a slight pout. You stood up from the couch and turned around to face Kylo, assuming he might need some assistance in just standing up. But when you turned around, you found him laying down on the couch. 

"Kylo, this isn't your bed."

His head was resting on his hands, eyes closed. "I know that."

You stood there for a second, debating on what to do with him and trying not to laugh at how ridiculous he looked. He was practically folded in half to fit on the couch and still made the decent sized piece of furniture look small. 

There wasn't much you could do. There was no way in hell you could drag him to his bedroom, seeing as he wasn't carry-on sized. Best to just let him sleep there. 

You bent down to retrieve the pillow that had fallen to the floor and managed to lift his head enough to slide the pillow underneath. He was warm to the touch, buzzing with alcohol induced heat, so you didn't bother to put a blanket on him. 

With a quiet sigh, you grabbed the used medical supplies and headed for the trash can. You hadn't even gotten halfway to the kitchen when Kylo spoke.

"You'll stay, right?"

You stopped and turned around. He was still collapsed on the couch, though his eyes were half opened, enough for you to see the pleading look he was giving you.

It wasn't a good idea for you to stay. It was just further unraveling any progress you'd made. But in all honesty, there wasn't much progress to unravel. 

You still loved him, unfortunately. 

"You always stay on Fridays," he mumbled. "It's Friday today."

Clearly his alcohol soaked brain was not conscious of how much time had passed since you'd stayed here. Those Fridays spent at his place, every Friday, rain or shine, were months ago. Many, many Fridays had come and gone since then. 

But it was probably irresponsible to leave him alone. He took being wasted to another level tonight. Clearly, since he'd have to be miles from sobriety to beg you to stay. Sober Kylo never would've confessed that or shown a sign of weakness.

"I'll stay."

His eyes dropped completely shut again and a little smile tugged at his lips. And then he was out like a light. 

You stood completely still, halfway between Kylo and the kitchen. All you could focus on were Kylo's words, the drunken admission of his rule breaking, replaying over and over again. 

I let myself love again.

You didn't know what was worse: him not actually meaning it, blurting out some lie in a drunken stupor or it being true yet unwilling to admit it when he was sober. 

——

He was in the same place you'd left him last night, fast asleep on a couch that was not intended to be used as a bed by someone of his height. 

He was clutching the pillow underneath his head, wild and untamed raven hair covering half of his face. He looked peaceful. So, so peaceful.

Too fucking bad.

You turned the glass in your hand upside down, watching as the ice cold water fell on his face. He jumped up, wiping the water from his face as you slammed the now empty glass on the table.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Morning sunshine," you muttered, turning on your heel and walking towards the kitchen.

"What the hell was that for?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes and swaying slightly. 

"I'm going to let your memory put itself back together and then you can tell me what the hell that was for," you spat.

You placed both hands on the counter and leaned forward, watching as he stood in front of the couch trying to remember. After a few seconds, understanding started to replace the confusion, a slight blush of guilt creeping onto his cheeks.

"If you'd like a refresher, I'd be happy to play the thirteen voicemails for you," you muttered. "Or a reenactment if you're more of a visual learner."

He waved a dismissive hand at you."No, no, I remember."

You wondered just how much he remembered. 

I let myself love again. 

He stumbled towards the kitchen, noticing that you'd set a cup of coffee and two painkillers on the counter opposite of you. 

He sat down in the chair, quickly popping the two pills in his mouth and chasing it down with his plain, black coffee. 

You had poured yourself a cup too, though yours wasn't plain. You'd added the vanilla syrup that you'd always used after you'd found it still sitting next to the coffee maker. You'd expected that to be long gone by now, but it wasn't.

After a few sips of his coffee, Kylo set the mug down, running a hand through his tangled hair. "So you stayed?"

"Well for one, you asked me to stay," you replied. "And second, you were such a mess that I wasn't sure I could leave you alone in good conscience."

He nodded and hummed in response. Still not looking at you. Did he remember what he'd said last night?

"You passed out on the couch so I took the bed," you added, uncomfortable with the silence.

You'd borrowed one of his shirts to sleep in too, though you didn't mention that part. You just left the shirt folded on his nightstand and put your own clothes back on. 

He finally looked at you, giving you a weak smile. "Oh, that's fine."

"I wasn't asking if it was fine, I was just telling you what happened," you snapped. 

He swallowed thickly, eyes barely darting up to yours. "Well, thanks for staying," he mumbled. "And for coming."

You sighed and took a long sip of your coffee. Your expression softened when you saw the guilty look on his face. "You're welcome."

He picked his head up again and gave you what might qualify as a real smile. 

A shiver ran up your spine. This was starting to feel normal. Like it had been before. But it couldn't feel like before, because it wasn't. It was different now. 

"Go get in the shower, you look like a train wreck," you muttered quickly. "I'll help you change your bandage after."

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure you don't just want to throw another glass of water on me?"

"No but I'd be happy to throw a mug of hot coffee on your lap if you'd prefer that."

He gave you another weak smile, much to your surprise, before heading towards the shower. Once he was out of sight, you started making breakfast. You figured it was only fair considering he always made you breakfast when you stayed over. 

You felt a pang in your chest, remembering the mornings you'd emerged from his bedroom to find a warm plate waiting for you, a coffee with cream and sugar right next to it. 

You distinctly remembered one early morning where he'd burnt the toast. Well, it hadn't been completely his fault. Even though it was early in the morning, both of you having a full day of work ahead, you two had gotten a bit carried away in the kitchen. Which resulted in two hockey pucks that used to be bread popping out of the toaster. 

Smiling sadly, you started scrambling the eggs, coincidentally placing two pieces of bread into the same toaster that had almost caught fire that morning. 

You ate your own food and finished your coffee while you cooked Kylo's breakfast. You were swallowing the last bite of toast when he walked back into the kitchen, his damp hair dripping onto his shirt.

"We need to change your bandage." You grabbed the pile of first aid supplies you'd left out.

"I can do it myself," he muttered as he took his seat again. "You don't have to help me."

You scoffed and thrust the supplies in front of him. "Alright, go ahead and try."

Some of his meekness wore off, that defensive, steely expression returning to his face. Looks like his shower reawakened the asshole side of him. 

You watched him pull off his bandage, grimacing at the wound once he saw it. He reached for a fresh bandage but you stopped him.

"You need to clean it first."

He paused, hand hovering above the bandage. "I know that."

Sure you did.

"Then why'd you go for a bandage?"

He gave you a reply in the form of a glare. He reached back towards the pile and grabbed an alcohol wipe, using his teeth to tear it open. 

He carefully started wiping his hand, though he avoided the cut by a considerable margin. "You literally cleaned every area but the actual cut," you scolded. "You need to clean that."

He flashed you an irritated look. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a nursing degree."

"I didn't know that you had the self-care habits of a five year old."

He glared at you some more. He finally tore his eyes away and looked back down to his hand, moving the antiseptic closer to the cut but still not cleaning it. 

"Will you just get over yourself and let me do it?"

His eyes snapped up to yours. "Fine."

You grabbed a fresh antiseptic wipe and opened it. He placed his hand palm-up in yours, the same way he had last night. 

"This will probably hurt a lot more," you said. "You were too shitfaced last night to really feel anything."

Unlike last night, he did flinch slightly as you cleaned the wound. But it had to be done, and you were luckily able to clean it fairly quickly. You repeated your ministrations from last night, bandaging it and securing it with medical tape. 

You gently set his hand on the counter. "All good?"

He nodded. "Thanks."

You walked back to the stove and dished up his breakfast. Wordlessly sliding his plate towards him before turning around to place your mug in the sink. You noticed a bundle of bananas on his counter and picked one up before you turned back to him.

"Here," you said, placing the banana next to his plate. "They help with hangovers."

He looked surprised to see the plate in front of him. "You didn't need to do all this," he said.

"I know," you replied. "But I did, so eat it."

He gave you a grateful smile and pulled his plate in front of him. "Thanks."

"No problem," you replied, grabbing your purse off the counter and turning towards the door. "Enjoy your hangover and make sure there isn't any more glass by the couch."

He looked up at you, piece of toast in hand. "You're leaving?"

You paused for a second before turning around to face him. "Yeah," you replied. "Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged, setting the piece of toast back down on the plate. "You could stay for a bit longer."

You sighed. This was definitely not a good idea. How were you supposed to get over someone if you kept putting yourself in these situations with him?

"Kylo I-

"I know."

He stood up from his seat and walked towards you. Looming over you, he cupped the side of your face using the hand that wasn't bandaged and kissed you. 

Your lips moved quicker than your brain could tell them to stop. You kissed him back, lips melding with his and hands clutching his shirt. 

He was bad for you. Like candy, sickeningly sweet and bad for you, but you couldn't get enough. A sweet tooth that was never satisfied, it's control over you more powerful each time you gave into that craving.

Your brain finally caught up to your lips. You used your grip on his shirt to push him away and took a step backwards. 

"Don't do this to me Kylo," you breathed. 

"Stop doing this to yourself," he replied. "Just let things go back to the way they were."

"No, no, I can't. You can't expect me to do that. You just...

You just led me on.

You thought of all the nights you slept in his arms, the endless cups of coffee you shared. Laughing when he screwed up making breakfast, arguing over what movie to watch. 

Those weren't things you did with a meaningless hookup.

"I just what," he said. His tone was gentle, though still eager for an answer. 

You shook your head and let out a shaky exhale."Do you understand what it means to call someone yours? Did you understand what that sounded like the night you called me yours?"

You held his stare and took a deep breath, clinging to the courage you needed in order to tell him what you'd been wanting to say for quite some time. "If you truly want someone, you have to want all of them," you continued. "If you really want to call someone yours, then you have to call all of them yours. Not just parts of them. You can't want only parts of someone. If you do, then you don't really want someone."

"I made it clear that I want you," he said. "I didn't want this to end."

"No, you just wanted to keep fucking me and have me keep your bed warm until you get tired of me," you spat.

It stung, the words that had been weighing on your heart finally out in the open.

"That's not true," he objected. "You know that's-

"Maybe you just meant that I was yours to use and enjoy until you were done with me," you interrupted. "Maybe it was my fault for misunderstanding."

You stepped away from him again, heading towards the door. "But do me a favor and make sure you tell the next girl what you actually mean."


	22. Sand in the Hourglass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is in his feels. Oh, and he’s also in you.

She'd left behind the lingering scent of her perfume in his bedsheets, but it had faded now. So had the imprint of her body on her side of the bed, even though it hadn't been disturbed. Kylo still wouldn't sleep on the side.

He remembered pieces of that drunken Friday. The glass in his hand, repeatedly calling her because he kept forgetting that he already had, an ice-water alarm the next morning. 

And he vaguely remembered admitting to breaking his longstanding rule, though he was fairly certain that had just been a dream. 

He'd wanted to say it out loud, to confess that he'd let himself love again. But he just couldn't. 

Loving her gave him the power to hurt him. Loving her made her vulnerable to him losing her. Loving her put her at risk.

And yet despite that, he still wanted to say it to tell her and confess how he really felt. But he couldn't. Every time the words, those three little words, rose in his throat it burned, stung with an acidity that stopped his lips from moving. A kind of self-preservation, though it felt a lot more like self-sabotage.

It wasn't until Friday that he realized she didn't know. She really didn't know how he felt about her, how he physically ached when she wasn't there, how she had him wrapped around his finger. Never had the mention of another girl made Kylo so nauseous. The idea of being with anyone that wasn't her.

Do me a favor and make sure the next girl knows what you actually mean. 

But what really made him so nauseous, what really caused the sinking feeling in his gut, wasn't the idea of being with someone else - though he did still find it revolting. But no, what really made him sick to his stomach was the realization that she might be giving up on him. That the last grain of sand had fallen to the lower half of the hourglass.

Which is why he was now standing at her door. 

It was strange coming to her place on a Friday night. She usually came to his place, just like she had a week ago at Kylo's drunken request. It had only been a week but that nagging visual of an hourglass running out of time had gripped him with the kind of dread that wouldn't grant him a moment of peace. 

He needed to see you, to try and stop those last few grains of sand from slipping away. That's why he was here outside of her apartment door, one of the few times in his life when he'd been truly nervous. But he swallowed his nerves and raised his fist to knock. 

He'd only taken a short breath when he heard a quiet gasp before the door swung open to reveal her standing there wearing a white sweater and an expression of complete shock. 

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too."

"Hi," she muttered. "What the hell are you doing here? Better yet, how did you find my apartment?"

"You mentioned this building a lot when you were thinking about moving," he said. 

He hoped she wouldn't ask how he knew she'd moved. 

"How did you find my apartament number? Did you knock on every single door?"

"No," he said. "It's not very hard to find a resident's address when you built the apartment building."

"Of course you own the fucking apartment building," she spat. "Why didn't you mention that when I told you I wanted to rent here?"

"I could've pointed out every building the First Order owns, but the list is very long."

She glared at him for a second. "Why are you here? I'm assuming you didn't show up just to gloat about your company."

He cleared his throat. "Can I come in?"

She hesitated for a second, chewing her lip and studying him. But then she opened the door further and gestured for him to enter. 

He'd never even been to her old apartment. Her new apartment wasn't fully furnished or even completely unpacked yet, but he could already tell it was exactly what he'd expected. Stacks of books on various surfaces, a fluffy comforter too large for her bed size, mugs sitting on counters and windowsills, a high tech coffee machine in the kitchen.

A beep sounded from the kitchen.

"Oh, shit."

She hurried into the kitchen and walked towards the open. She opened it and almost started to reach inside before realizing her hand was bare. The smell of baked goods, blueberry, maybe, wafted through the apartment as she grabbed an oven mitt. 

"Never thought you'd be the baking type."

She slid a tray of muffins out of the oven and set it on the counter. "I'm not," she replied. "Pretty sure half of these are burnt. Probably won't taste right either."

A silence fell as she shuffled around in the kitchen, using tongs to transfer the muffins onto another to cool. Just watching her made him wish that he'd memorized her more. Tried to imprint the lines and curves of her body into his mind. Cherished the way she felt like the warmth of late afternoon sunlight and the electrifying chill of morning air all at once.

He wandered farther into the apartment, opposite of the kitchen. He noticed the desk she had tucked in the corner, her own little home office, covered in papers and pens and empty mugs.

He took a step closer, peering at the board she had tacked to the wall. Reminders and notes and a few pictures were pinned to it. Groceries, a picture of her and that guy named Dameron, numbers for people and restaurants. All mundane things, except for something he spotted in the bottom corner.

He glanced back over to see her still fussing with the muffins. He turned back around and took a quiet step closer to get a better look at the piece of white paper partially hidden behind some business card. 

Kylo couldn't believe it when he saw the familiar script. 

For my sneaky reporter.

He had expected her to keep using the recorder, of course. It was functional for her job and it was a pretty nice model. But he thought she would've burned his note a long time ago. The fact that she didn't gave him hope that he wasn't too late. 

A shrill bark tore through the silence, startling Kylo. He looked down at his feet to see a small thing of fur standing in front of him, peering up at Kylo with big brown eyes.

He'd almost forgotten she had a dog. The little thing's name was Artoo, if he remembered correctly. Uncommon name for a dog but then again, Kylo had had an oddly named dog growing up too. Threepio had been a good little dog though. 

Across the apartment just under the windowsill sat a dog's bed, something he hadn't noticed when he'd walked in. Probably where her dog had been nestled when he'd entered. 

A bit farther away was a litter box, much to Kylo's confusion. He gestured to it and looked over to her. "You have a cat too?"

"No." She pointed to the bundle of fur that was still at Kylo's feet. "It's his."

"Litter boxes are for cats."

"Good observation." She sighed. "But yes, I know they're supposed to be for cats. I just trained him to use one because I work and I'm not always home to take him out."

"It comes in handy when I need to go take care of a drunken fully grown adult and have to leave him here overnight," she added.

Should've seen that coming. 

Artoo kept rubbing his head on Kylo's shoe. He knelt down to pet him, the little dog immediately nuzzling into his hand. He really was cute with those big eyes shrouded by silky soft fur. Even the little pink tongue that kept snaking out to lick Kylo's hand was adorable. 

"You know, they say that dogs are good judges of character."

He looked up to see her leaning against the kitchen counter, watching him. He was waiting for her to add something along the lines of "I guess this dog is the exception."

But she didn't say that.

Kylo stood up to his full height again. She was opening up, giving him the smallest of openings. He needed to take it, to open it more if he had any chance. 

He cleared his throat. "Have you gotten any more calls?"

She seemed taken off guard by the sudden question. "Why does it matter?"

He sighed. "Just answer the question."

"I've gotten a few more," she admitted.

She didn't seem to think much of the calls. But Kylo did. Because Kylo knew exactly who was behind those calls. And he knew exactly why she was on the receiving end.

He knew that those weren't just calls. After that incident outside her office, the man cornering her - it all made sense. He'd put her in danger snd it was now his responsibility to keep her safe.

Her career was more at risk than her physical safety, but he still worried. He worried enough to give the security guard of her old building clear instructions to pay close attention to anyone who came and went, specifically to her apartment. He even gave him pictures of who to never permit entrance too.

That was how he knew that she'd moved. The guard notified him that she'd moved out of her apartment, so he took advantage of his rank and found out where she'd moved to and established the same system at her new building. Hard for anyone to object to him.

"I told you to tell me if you got more," he said.

She tensed. "Yeah, when we were still..." she trailed off, looking away from him.

She couldn't even say it.

"Were the calls like usual?"

She took a deep breath. "Yes," she replied. "Except one."

Kylo could feel himself beginning to worry but kept a calm exterior. "How so?"

She leaned back against the counter. "Usually it was just like loud breathing on the other end or a few seconds of silence before hanging up," she explained. "But on one of the calls, whoever was on the other line just repeated a direct quote from one of my articles before hanging up."

She seemed a bit more concerned now. A slight worry laced in her words betraying her indifference.

"I'm assuming you didn't all the way here for that or tp play with my dog," she said, "so why are you here?"

It's Friday. You're always supposed to be here on Fridays. 

He swallowed with effort. "I wanted to thank you," he said. "For coming over to help me."

"You do know you have a phone, right? Could've just texted me." She studied him, looking like you could almost see her the gears of her mind turning. 

"But you're welcome," she added. 

He nodded and ignored the nerves coursing through him. "And we still haven't talked about...this," he said. "I never gave you the explanation I owe you."

She sighed loudly. "Kylo, you don't owe-

"Please, just listen to me."

She studied him for a moment before settling against the counter again. She gave him a subtle nod as a silent go ahead and waited for him to speak. 

"Things are complicated," he said. "Everything with my family, my company - it's all just chaos."

She was the one thing that made the chaos seem manageable. 

"I just don't want to drag you into all this," he continued. "I can't force you to handle something that I can barely handle."

She scoffed, putting on an expression of defensiveness. "I am a full grown woman and I am perfectly capable of deciding what I can handle," she snapped. "I can handle a lot more than you seem to be giving me credit for."

"I know that," he replied. "It's just-

"Tell me," she cut in. "Why don't you just tell me? How else will I know if I can handle it?"

He sighed and slowly walked towards her, half of him worrying that she might back away from him. But she didn't, even as he came within a few feet of her. 

A shaky breath blew past his lips, his nerves spiking at the proximity. He'd never felt this uneasy being this close to her before. But unlike before, he'd never been afraid of the fragile glass shattering. The hourglass tipping and the sand spilling everywhere.

"I still want you," he said. "I just can't drag you all the way into this."

He could practically see her gaze harden as a heartless laugh utterly devoid of humor escaped her. 

"So I'm being strung along because you have commitment issues?"

"No, that's-

"We're back to the same thing again," she spat. "You just want to keep me around to use when you want until you move on."

He took a step closer. "No. That's not it at all," he said. "You have to know that's not how it is."

Another step closer.

She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she could put a physical barrier between him and her heart. 

Another step closer. 

"We're never going to be able to stay away from each other," he said. "You know we won't be able to."

"Not for a lack of trying," she replied.

"You don't need to try and stay away from me," he said. "I want you, I know you still-

"If you want someone or care for someone, you fight for them," she interrupted, her tone sharper than the glass Kylo had gotten lodged in his hand. "You don't let them walk away after, after they- after I tell you...

She trailed off, miserably shaking her head. 

He hadn't wanted her to walk away. He'd spent every day kicking himself for letting her walk out that door that day. Three words from him would've prevented the recent hell he'd been in. 

"Loving you has consequences, Kylo."

He felt like someone had punched him. A sinking feeling in his gut. This is what he'd been afraid of. She was giving up on him, just like he'd thought. Maybe she'd already given up on him. Maybe time had run out.

"I know," he breathed. "I know."

He just had to convince her to not give up on him. Just give him a bit more time. He was clinging to the hope that things would just fall into place, but he needed her to hang on until then. 

More sand in the hourglass.

He reached out for her without a second thought. He clutched onto her and kissed her with every ounce of passion he had. Hoping his lips could tell her what his words couldn't. Trying to tell her that he wanted all of her, he wanted to call her and every last piece of her his. 

He sensed her giving in, the hand on his chest unclenching from a fist and moving to his hair. Her movements quickly grew fevered, the temperature rising. She rushed to pull her sweater off and started unbuttoning her jeans, sliding them down her legs and kicking them aside. Rushed and hasty, like she was just trying to accomplish a task.

But this wasn't all about reaching a goal, a race to reach the end. 

He grabbed onto her wrists and stilled her hands, slowly pulling them from his belt buckle. He dropped his head and attached his lips to her neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses up to her jaw.   
Over her shoulder, he noticed a floor length mirror in the corner, diagonal to her bed. He walked her backwards until they were positioned in front of the mirror and then turned her around to face her reflection. 

He found her eyes in the mirror and slowly dragged his fingers along her spine. He reached the back of her bra, unclasped it, and slowly slid the straps down her arms while kissing her shoulder. 

She was tense. He knew she was trying to resist, trying to keep him at arms length. But that did nothing but hurt the both of them. 

"Let me take care of you," he whispered against her neck. "Let me make you feel good."

He hooked his finger in the waistband of her panties and slid them down her legs. He used his hand to spread her legs apart and brought a finger to her fold, finding her already wet for him.

"Fuck," he breathed against her shoulder.

He pushed one finger inside of her, relishing in the sound of her moan. He pumped in an out of her and added another finger once he'd worked her open. He kissed down her jaw and to her neck, sucking at the skin just below her ear.

She rolled her hips against his hand and let her head fall against his shoulder. He could sense her letting herself go, letting the pleasure seize her.

"That's a good girl," he praised. "That's it."

He brought his other hand between her legs and began rubbing and flicking at her clit, his other hand still pumping her. He mouthed at her ear, taking the lobe between his teeth, gently tugging and biting.

His breath was hot against her skin, lost in the sound of her moans. "Do you want to cum on my hand pretty girl?"

She whimpered, nodded her head and grabbed onto his forearm. Her walls clenched around his fingers and he worked her clit faster, putting all his effort into bringing her right to the edge. 

"Kylo, I-I'm - Fuck!"

He worked her through her climax, supporting her as she grew weak with pleasure. Mumbling praise in her ear until he'd drained every ounce of her orgasm from her. 

He let her take several deep breaths, regain herself while he held her up. After the bliss of her orgasm receded, he placed his hands on her waist and turned her around, lips still firmly locked on hers. His hands grabbed the back of her still shaking legs and hoisted her up. He moved to the bed and sat down on the edge, guiding her to straddle him.

The air between them was riddled with passion and unspoken words, each clash of lips and tongues a punishment and an apology. He held on to her like he was afraid she'd float away, she tangled her hands in his hair and kept him grounded. 

Her hand found his waistband and tugged. Kylo replaced her hand and she lifted up slightly, allowing him unbuckle his pants and free his length. He reached for her hips and slowly lowered her onto his cock, groaning as the wet warmth and tightness gripped him.

She took a moment to let herself adjust before she started moving up and down on his cock. Soft hands placed on his shoulders to keep her steady as she rolled her hips, moans spilling from her lips. Fuck, had he missed this. 

Kylo couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. Eyes closed, jaw slack, face creased in pleasure. She always looked beautiful, but something about seeing her lost in pleasure, a degree of freedom in her expression, was mesmerizing to Kylo. It reminded him that he could still bring her pleasure, not just pain.

His hands were pressed flat against her back, slowly sliding up and down against her skin as she rode him. Keeping her as close to him as physically possible. She gasped when she rolled her hips with particularly strong force and Kylo took the opportunity cover her mouth with his again. He slid his tongue into her mouth and slid one hand to cradle the back of her neck. He let out a quiet sigh of relief when she returned his eagerness, placing her hands on either side of his face and melting into him.

The apartment was silent save for the sounds of skin against skin and chaotic, heated kissing. As far as Kylo was concerned, nothing existed past this small bubble that the two of them were in. Their own little world, if you will.

She whimpered into his mouth and repeatedly clenched around him, signaling that she was close. He grabbed her hips and stilled her, holding her in place as he flipped her over and keeping himself lodged inside of her.

He dropped his head down and kissed her neck, simultaneously sneaking a hand between her legs and finding her clit. "I need you to cum for me," he breathed. "I need to feel you."

She moaned and held onto his shoulders, nails digging into his skin in the way that always drove him crazy. He wanted her to leave marks - scratches and bruises, crescents left on his skin. 

"Say my name," he breathed. "Say my name while you cum for me."

He applied more pressure to her clit and she unraveled, face her contorting in pleasure as she came. She moaned his name just like he asked, breathless and drawn out. Music to his ears. Music he could listen to all day long. 

"Mmmh Kylo."

His thrusts quickened and grew sloppier, his self-restrain rapidly declining. She repeatedly clenched around his as she rode out her orgasm and soon enough, Kylo was following suit.

He held onto her waist as the two of them slumped against each other, her forehead resting on his shoulder, his cheek resting on her hair. He stayed like that for a while, in the heat and passion still floating around. He was afraid that a sudden movement would break the spell, afraid that she might shove him away and tell him to leave.

He was cautious, slow as he moved farther up the bed. He fell onto his back, head at her pillows. Kept her pinned to him as he did. She rolled off of him, moving towards the other side of the bed. But he reached a hand out and stopped her.

"Don't." His voice was faint, heavy with exertion. 

She gave him puzzled look. "What?"

"Come here."

He opened his arm, inviting her in. The thing he'd ached for, months since he'd gotten to fall asleep with his arm draped over her waist, listening to the rhythmic sound if her breathing.

She hesitated for a moment and Kylo's anxiety spiked. But then she moved, drawing nearer until she was pressed against him. 

"Just this time," she whispered.

His heart dropped but he ignored it. This was something, a chance. Not definite, but a chance. 

More sand in the hourglass.

He held onto her tightly, wrapped in his arms. He held onto her tighter than he had before, just in case this really was the last time.

But it couldn't be the last time. 

It just couldn't.


	23. Hazelnut Latte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some sneaky shit.

It'd be really nice if everyone else could take into account your inability to wake up on time.

The coffee shop was always busy, but this was something else. It was already 9:00 in the morning by the time you'd even placed your order and here you were at 9:08, still standing in the shop. 

The baristas were working frantically behind the counter, scrambling to get all those orders ready. You'd tipped them extra because of it and knew they were stressed but hell, so were you. 

Your usual barista headed to the pick up bar, setting a few drinks down and calling out names. 

"Iced hazelnut latte for Zena!"

Your head snapped up. 

Zena.

Why did that name sound familiar?

You watched as a woman - this Zena, presumably - walked to the counter and picked up her drink. She had bone straight, jet black hair that reached just below her jaw line. You noticed her deep red lipstick as she thanked the barista and picked up the cup.

She didn't look familiar though. And you certainly would've remembered a woman that looked like her. 

So why was her name familiar? You'd heard it somewhere...

Hux. The night of the gala.

Zena.

She's been mentioned once and then you hadn't heard her name since. All you knew was that Kylo had some strange reaction to the mention of her name and Hux had used it to mess with him. 

If that was Kylo's ex then you just gained about ten new insecurities in about ten seconds. 

"Two iced vanilla lattes for Moe!"

Well, you'd put the order under 'Poe', but close enough.

You maneuvered through the crowded cafe and picked up the two lattes, barely managign to slither through the hoard of people without spilling. 

It was a good thing your office was less than a block away. You made the familiar trek, quickly walking down the street and into the office, hopping into the elevator and heading to your desk. 

"Ah, there's my favorite delivery woman," Poe chirped as you walked in. 

"Yep, here she is only fifteen - no, seventeen minutes late," you replied.

You leaned over and handed Poe his drink which he eagerly took, raising it to his lips and taking a long sip. If there was anyone with a worse caffeine dependency than you, it was Poe.

Poe sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Nothing beats overpriced lattes." He was about to take another sip from his drink when he paused, narrowing his eyes at the cup. "Wait, who's Moe?"

"You." You placed your bag on the floor by your chair. "Who's Zena?"

Poe's eyebrow knit together. "You? Is that how this game works? Are we changing our names?"

You rolled your eyes and turned your computer on. "No, Moe is what they heard when I said Poe," you explained. "But do we know anyone named Zena?"

Poe's face creased in concentration. "Not that I know of."

You sighed and took a sip of your latte. Poe studied you from across the desk, twirling the straw with his finger. "Why do you ask?"

"Complicated but someone mentioned her name a while ago and I never found out who she was," you explained. "And I'm a nosy bitch so I want to find out who it is."

"Fair enough," Poe said. 

It shouldn't be hard to find out who she was. Zena wasn't a common name as far as you knew. And odds are, she had something to do with real estate developemtnr, architecture, or design if shed attended the gala. Maybe even engineering. After all, the world desperately needed more women in STEM. 

Sure enough, you found the woman you were looking for after a couple of different searches. Her full name was Zena Torr, owner and founder of Zena Torr Interiors, a major design firm in the city. 

That certainly explained why she was invited to the gala. Odds are, her company has worked with the First Order on a lot of projects.

"You made that weird noise," Poe said. "Did you find it?"

"Yep." You turned the computer screen as Poe leaned over to take a look. "Zena Torr Interiors."

Poe's eyes scanned the screen for a moment before a smile broke out on his face. "Should've called it Interior Torr. Or like Interi-Torr."

He grinned like an idiot, you glared at him.

"If you keep saying shit like that I'm not even going to have to steal your husband," you taunted. "He's just going to leave your ass."

"No way, I have him way to whipped," Poe said with a laugh. "Trust me, he - what the hell is that?"

You pulled your eyes away from your screen to look at him. "What the hell is what?"

He pointed at you. "Oh, just the huge hickey on your neck."

Your eyes widened in horror and you reached for your bag, digging around for your compact mirror. And sure enough, you looked in the mirror to see the red mark that was no longer covered by concealer. 

"Son of a bitch."

You fidgeted with your hair, sweeping it to one side to try and conceal the evidence. The office had a casual dress code but blatantly displayed hickeys was too far. Luckily, you were able to decently conceal the red mark with your hair.

"You're the bitch for not telling me you hooked up with someone," Poe said. "Who is this guy?"

As far as Poe knew, you hadn't seen or spoken to Kylo since the night of Finn's gala. He didn't know that Kylo had fucked you on the bathroom counter at said gala, but that was besides the point. 

Poe was completely oblivious to the fact that you had more than just spoken to Kylo since that night. He had no idea about what happened at the gala or in Kylo's office or that drunken Friday or what occurred at your place just this past Friday night that left you with this red mark on your neck. 

"Oh, just this guy in my building." 

You were in too deep now. If Poe knew how much you'd kept from him, he just might spontaneously combust.

"Well that sounds interesting." Poe gave you a smile dripping in even more sarcasm than his words. "Was he good?"

You reached for you drink. "Yeah, great in bed," you replied. "Ten out of ten, would recommend to a friend."

Poe sighed and picked up a pen, twirling it in his fingers. You looked back to your computer but you could still feel his eyes boring into you like a damned laser.

"Are you going to tell me who actually left that mark or what?"

You just about choked on your drink. "What do you mean?"

Poe scoffed and shook his head. "You're such a bad liar," he said. "Who did you sleep with?"

You chewed at your lip snd scanned his face. You weren't sure why you felt incapable of just telling Poe. But you just couldn't.

"It's...complicated."

That was the understatement of the fucking year.

Poe hummed thoughtfully, dark eyes studying you. He certainly didn't look convinced snd you knew there was no way in hell he was going to let tnt go.

"Complicated," Poe repeated.

You nodded and tore your eyes away to look back at your screen. "Yep, very complicated," you said. "Know what else is complicated? This article on-

"Holy shit," Poe whisper-yelled. "It was Ren."

It was a good thing that you and Poe's desks were tucked in the corner snd not near a huge cluster of other people. Otherwise, you would've just reached over and strangled him for saying that out loud.

"For the love of all things good, keep your fucking voice down," you scolded him. 

Poe was all riled up. "It's him, isn't it? You're not denying it," he rambled. "I'm right, you totally slept with him again. I knew-

"Yes, yes alright?" You groaned and placed your face in your hands. "You're right."

You stayed that way for a moment, eyes closed and palms pressing against your face. A much nicer view than facing Poe and the reality that no, you were not in fact over Ren. Far, far from it.

When you finally did look back up, Poe's face was all  
business. "Drinks tonight," he said firmly. "And I don't want to hear a single excuse."

——

This was the alcohol's fault.

One and a half drinks in and you had emailed Zena Torr for an interview, throwing all logic snd ethics out the window and setting up a fake interview with this stranger. 

The alcohol had worn off but the damage was done. You should've known better than to let your curiosity and need to know everything mingle with alcohol. That could never end well.

The damage wasn't technically done yet. The email you'd written was perfectly professional despite the alcohol on your system, but the damage would occur during this next part. 

The email had been so professional that this woman had actually agreed to an interview. So here you were this midday on this Wednesday headed to meet the mysterious Zena Torr for coffee and an interview. 

That's where the damage would be done. This inquisitive nature of yours had gotten you this career but now it seemed to be getting you into a seriously messy situation.

You took a deep breath and entered the agreed upon cafe, making a beeline for a table in the back corner. Treating this meeting like this was some high-stake espionage mission. You know, dramatic flare or whatever.

You had just sat down when the door to the café opened and in walked Zena, just as striking and intimidatingly beautiful as the first time you'd seen her. 

You gestured to her, hoping she'd understand without you needed to get up and yell your name across the cafe. 

Luckily, she saw you and smiled and made her way over. 

Good, good, she seems nice. One point for me. 

You stood up from your seat as she neared the table, smiling and extending a hand to her. "Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course," she replied. "I'm glad we could make this work."

You internally cringed. This woman seemed kind and genuine and you had pretty much tricked her into coming here. You just hoped she wasn't set on an interview and this hypothetical article you were writing about New York design firms.

A waitress approached the table just as Zena took a seat opposite of you. "Hello ladies," the girl chirped. "What can I get for you today?"

You gestured for Zena to order first, earning a warm smile from her. 

"Hazelnut latte, please," she told the waiter. 

Ah. Clear what her favorite drink was. 

"And for you?"

"Vanilla latte."

The waitress scribbled down the orders and headed back to the kitchen, leaving just you and Zena. The latter spoke first, placing her elbows on the table and leaning forward.

"Your name seems familiar but I'm not sure why." She tilted her head. "Have we met before?"

"No, I don't think so."

She studied you for a second more before her face lit up. "Oh! I know how I know you," she exclaimed. "You wrote about my husband."

You were sure your heart completely stopped beating. Blood freezing in place, every ounce of air leaving your lungs. 

Had Kylo been...married this whole time? 

You swallowed and cleared your dry throat. "You're married to Ky- Mr. Ren?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Oh god no," she replied. "My husband is Tai."

It was a good thing jaws didn't make a sound when they fell open. You stared at the woman in shock, realizing that this was not at all how you thought this was going to go.

"I had no idea," you confessed, looking down to notice the ring on her left finger.

Wow. Excellent journalism skills on my part. 

"You'd have no reason to," Zena replied. "I kept my last name when we got married. I love Tai to death but I'm the one that went to school and built my firm, not him."

She laughed lightly and you joined in, subconsciously relaxing your tense jaw and shoulders. 

"He seems like a wonderful man," you said. "I only talked to him briefly but he seems like a great guy."

Zena was blushing like a school girl, visible pride for her husband in her smile. "He really is," she agreed. "Best man I know."

It simultaneously warned your heart and made you ache to see someone so visibly in love. 

The waitress quickly returned with the lattes you'd ordered. You were grateful that you now had something to keep your hands occupied and stop you from fidgeting. 

Zena took a sip of her latte, her deep red lipstick not smudging the slightest. You made a mental note to ask her what the hell brand she used that didn't immediately wipe off. 

"So how did you come across Tai's accident? Finalizer did a pretty good job of preventing anyone else from knowing about it."

Shit.

You took a long sip from your latte before replying. "Someone else told me about what happened to Tai."

Zena looked surprised. "I can't even think of who would know about it," she said. "Who was it?"

You set your latte down and clasped your hands together. "Look, I'm just going to be honest," you said. "I'm not here because I'm writing an article. This is somewhat... off the record."

Zena didn't look angry at all. In fact, she looked concerned, her eyebrows knitting together as she waited for you to continue. 

"I'm actually here to talk about Kylo Ren."

That got a reaction. Not a negative one though, much to your relief. 

"I haven't spoken to him in years," she said. "Not since - wait, is he the one who told you about Tai's accident?"

You nodded. "He gave me a copy of the email that Tai sent," you explained. "That's what got me interested in your husband's injury."

Zena studied you, a thoughtful look on her face. You held your breath and waited for whatever she was about to say, still afraid that this would go south very soon. 

"You also wrote that article about Kylo, right?"

You nodded again and Zena hummed. A small smile twitch on her lips. "He must trust you a lot then," she said. "He's not the type to give out such important information to jusy anyone."

Now it was your turn to blush. It felt like you were a teenager again getting confronted by a friend about a crush you had in a boy in your math class. 

"I hope I'm not overstepping," Zena said, "but are you dating Kylo?"

You swallowed thickly. "Was dating."

She smiled at you, similar to the way Poe would smile at you when he'd figured something out. Like he always did. 

"That makes a lot more sense," she said with a gentle laugh. "I knew you had to be special to him. I'm sorry to hear that it ended."

Yeah, join the club. 

No time to get into that with a woman you just met. "I met him when I interviewed him for that article," you explained. "He told me about Tai a bit after that."

"But Kylo couldn't possibly know some of the information in your article," Zena remarked. "I'm assuming that was your work then?"

"Yeah, let's just say I'm not public relations office of Finalizer's favorite person," you said, laughing a bit. "Neither are all the executives I spoke to."

"Not surprising in the least," Zena replied. "Finalizer is a bunch of jackasses in suits. Which is why you need to be careful with them."

Zena's tone had grown more serious with that last sentence. You thought of those strange phone calls and wondered if that was connected to this. And you wondered why Kylo had seemed so interested in them. 

"Would you mind telling me how you know Kylo?"

She nodded and licked the foam of her latte from her lips. "I've known him since college," she explained. "He's the reason I met Tai. Tai was his best friend."

Made sense. Why else would Kylo had gone through all the trouble to help you expose Finalizer? It was personal.

"Would you mind telling me how you knew that I know Kylo?"

You blushed in embarassment. "Hux mentioned your name when I went to the First Order gala with Kylo," you explained. "I don't want to hurt your feelings but when Hux mentioned your name at the gala and suggested he introduce us, Kylo just about strangled him."

She grinned. The woman had such a bright personality compared to her severe and intimidating appearance. "That doesn't surprise me. Those two have always been so dramatic."

That's certainly true. 

Your brows pulled together. "I hope I'm not prying, but did something go wrong between you and Kylo? Or Hux?"

She sighed. "Well Hux doesn't really like anyone so that doesn't surprise me," she said, "but nothing bad happened between Kylo and I. Things were just different after his father died, obviously, but-."

"Wait, wait, wait. His father...died?"

She looked puzzled. "He didn't tell you?"

You shook your head. Up until a minute ago, you'd been under the impression that Han Solo was alive. After all, didn't Leia tell you that Han was the one to convince Kylo to halt the destruction of her office?

She sighed. "Figures," she said. "He shut down completely after that."

So that's why Kylo didn't want her to speak to Zena? All because he didn't want her to know that his father died?

"What...happened?"

A million awful scenarios ran through your mind.

Zena's frown deepened. "Plane crash."

You couldn't do anything but stare and let her words sink in. "Oh."

Zena shook her head, her raven hair swinging from the movement. "It's awful," she said. "I can barely think of a worse way to go out."

"And to make matters worse, Kylo didn't even let himself grieve," she continued. "He just blamed himself."

"Blamed himself?" Your eyebrows knit together. "Why would he do that?"

"He shouldn't have but he kept saying it was his fault," she replied. "His father was supposed to be leaving on another trip for the Resistance. But before he left, he visited Kylo and put his trip off by a few days."

She paused, shaking her head and taking another breath. "They got in a fight and Kylo told him to leave," she continued. "The next morning, his father took off on his trip and...

"The plane crashed," you said breathlessly. 

She nodded solemnly. You sat there, stunned and heartbroken. To lose a parent was own thing, but to lose them this way was a whole other form of tragedy.

"He told Tai that if he hadn't kicked his father out then he would've delayed the trip and maybe it wouldn't have happened," she said.

The air was heavy. Your heart felt heavy, weighed down with a ridiculous amount of sadness for the man you still loved. 

"And he told Tai that it should've been him," Zena continued. "Before his family situation went south, Kylo had every intention of taking over his father's position for the Resistance. That had been his plan since he was young."

Your eyes widened. "Kylo can fly a plane?"

"Oh absolutely," she said. "He took flying lessons from his father before he even got his driver's permit."

What else didn't you know about Kylo? You'd been with him a considerable amount of time and yet you clearly didn't know anything about him. 

You sat their in a silence for a moment, letting everything sink in. That was a ridiculous amount of information to take in, especially when you had no idea it was coming. 

"If you don't mind me asking, why aren't you still in contact with Kylo? I mean, you said that nothing bad happened."

"Same thing that happened with his father happened with Tai and I," she replied. "He blamed himself for Tai's accident because he'd helped him get the job at Finalizer."

"That's insane," you breathed. "That isn't his fault."

Zena nodded. "Tai and I both told him that, but he just wouldn't have it."

Another brief silence fell, heavy and almost suffocating.

"I know this is a lot," Zena said with a soft voice. "And I'm sure I shouldn't even be telling you all this but I am since it's clear that you care for him."

You gave her a weak smile and traced the rim of your mug with your finger. "I do."

"I'm glad Kylo knows you," Zena said. "He definitely needs people like you in his life."

You hated that you needed him too.


	24. Paradox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotional blow up. Like overflowing.  
> Proceed with caution if that might bother you.

It had taken him less than a minute to reply after you'd sent the text. 

Why didn't you tell me your father died?

Maybe 30 seconds later, your phone buzzed with a notification of Kylo's reply. 

My place. Now. 

You'd managed to wait almost three days before texting him. Carrying the guilt and the worry and itching to just ask him. Ans you couldn't just go about your life knowing that every minute that passed was another minute Kylo spent blaming himself.

The walk from the elevator to Kylo's front door had never felt so long before. It was maybe a few yards but tonight it felt like an entire mile. And kind of like walking the plank. 

Kylo would be mad, that was for sure. Enraged, probably. You'd found out something he clearly hadn't wanted you to know, though you still didn't quite understand why.

You opened the already unlocked door and walked into Kylo's apartment, finding him standing by the window. 

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

Kylo still had his back to you, still looking out the window as he spoke with an sharp, icy tone. You quietly set your bag down and walked further into the room. 

"Kylo, I was-

That was when he finally turned around. 

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

His voice was loud enough to echo in the room, but it was the look on his face that startled you. Guilt started eating away at your stomach, a sickening, gut-wrenching feeling as you took him in. He looked angry but he also looked hurt. Confused, frustrated. Things you hadn't intended to make him feel.

Your throat felt like sandpaper as you swallowed. "I know I shouldn't have, but-

"It's bad enough that you're always in my mind, under my fucking skin," he spat. "Now you're digging around in my personal business? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Look, I know what I did was wrong," you admitted, "but so was what you did. You can't just keep stringing me along and keep me from moving on and then give me a horribly vague explanation. You can't expect me to be able to live with that."

Kylo didn't object nor deny it. He took slow, calculated strides towards you until he was nearly within arm's reach. The anger boiling just under the surface was visible, etched into every crevice of his face.

"I don't know what you think you might know, but I guarantee you don't know everything," he said through clenched teeth. 

"I know enough." You softened your voice to a gentle cadence. "But you need to know that it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for-

He closed the remaining gap between the two of you in seconds, rough hands seizing your wrists and walking you backwards until your back collided with the wall. 

"You don't know anything," he spat. "You don't-

"Then tell me Kylo," you interrupted. "Tell me what I don't know because I have no fucking clue what-

"You know nothing!" he yelled. "You know nothing about how I feel about you or how fucking awful things have been since we broke up! You have no idea that I love you so much it physically hurts me!"

And suddenly this had nothing to do with his father. 

You froze and stood there utterly shocked, staring at him with widened eyes and parted lips. Your heartbeat hammered against your ribs with so much force you wouldn't have been surprised if Kylo could heart it. 

"You...what?"

"You heard me," he barked."I'm so in love with you that it hurts!"

The words in your head wouldn't form. You stood there and continued to stare back at him and wondered if you'd heard him correctly or if you'd fallen so deep into a delusion that you'd imagined the whole thing. 

"You did this to me," he hissed. "I spent years making sure something like this didn't happen and you managed to undo all of that in months. You made everything more complicated."

It was a strange paradox to feel loved and hated at the same time. To know that you're loved but to be told in such a venomous manner.

You glowered back at Kylo. The nerve he had to act like being loved by you was hard when loving him felt impossible.

"Trust me, loving you isn't easy either, Kylo."

Trying to love someone that didn't want to be loved was not an easy feat. 

He was so close that you had to tilt your head back to meet his eyes as he glared down at you. "Then why do you?"

"It's not a choice." Your voice was quiet, almost breathless. "If loving someone was a choice, a lot of poets would be out of a career."

There was hesitation in his eyes for a moment, but only for a brief moment. Then he releasing your wrists and grabbing your face, kissing you so hard that your would've stumbled backwards had it not been for the wall.

It was hot and heavy and the air around you was riddled with the aftershocks of the spoken words and the tension of the unspoken words. 

There was anger behind his kiss, but there was anger behind yours too. Angry at him for making you love him, angry at him for derailing your life in the best and worst ways. 

He pulled away suddenly and slammed his hands against the wall on either side of you, the sound of the impact ringing in your ears. 

His face was inches away. "I am not the kind of man you want to love."

You lifted your chin and stared into his eyes. You knew he was trying to scare you, to push you and test your limits. To see if he could push you pay your limit and make you leave. But you never wavered, never flinched, matching his steely gaze with a heavy dose of defiance. 

"I don't care."

"You're not listening to me!" He pulled one of his hands back to slam in on the wall again. 

You still didn't flinch. You were too focused on him and the way his eyes betrayed his actions. His body was trying to scare you off but his eyes, his frightened eyes that looked like they belonged to a little boy, were trying to hold onto you. Kylo was a mystery, but he was a mystery that you were beginning to know how to solve. 

"You don't scare me." Your chest touched his with each ragged breath. "You can try and intimidate me all you want but you won't make me leave. I love you whether you like it or not."

"You should be scared," he growled. "You should be fucking terrified of me."

You didn't have time to respond before he was kissing you again. He ran his hands over every part of you that he could touch, fingers tangling in your hair, grabbing at your hips, coasting up your sides and gripping your waist.

A cluster of warmth formed in your lower abdomen, wetness pooling between your legs. You rolled your hips forward as Kylo's hardness brushed against you, eliciting a low groan from him. 

He grabbed the hem of your shirt and roughly yanked it over your head. His lips dove to your neck as he unclasped your bra, his large hands coming up to massage your breasts. You moaned as his palms brushed across your hardening nipples and let your head fall back against the wall. 

Kylo dipped his head to kiss your neck, nipping and sucking without remorse, leaving marks that would be dark purple by morning. 

"You don't understand what you've done to me," he said against your throat. "You've ruined me and I wish I could hate you for it but I can't."

"Then - fuck - stop trying to hate me," you breathed. "Just accept the fact that you don't."

He grabbed the backs of your thighs to hoist you up and pull you off the wall. You managed to kick your shoes off while he carried you, removing both before he dropped you onto the couch. He quickly unbuttoned your pants and slid them off before climbing on top of you. 

If it was possible, Kylo began kissing you with more urgency, capturing your lips again and sliding his tongue into your mouth. You matched his intensity, bringing a hand to cradle the back of his head and pull him closer to you. Never before had you felt like you were fighting someone through kissing. And just like fighting left marks, the both of you would be waking away with bruised and swollen lips.

You trailed your hands to his lower stomach and slid your fingers underneath the hem of his t-shirt, pushing the material upwards. He growled into your open mouth and tore away to pull his shirt over his head and toss it aside. 

He pushed you down onto your back and used his body to pin you to the couch. You wrapped your legs around his waist to pull him closer, gasping when his concealed length pressed against your covered clit. He leaned back on his knees to yank your panties down and then resumed his position on top of you, inserting his hips between your thighs. Your heart rate quickened in anticipation and you went to reach for his waistband but he stopped you, seizing your wrists and roughly pinning them to the couch on either side of your head. 

"You're done being in control," he said. "Don't even think about moving an inch unless I tell you to."

His hands released your wrists and dove to the waistband of his joggers. You thought about obeying his instructions and staying still, but you couldn't stop yourself from reaching for him, running your hands down his chest until they fell to his hands that were at his hips. 

Kylo's hand found your neck and squeezed, holding your head against the couch. 

"What the fuck did I just tell you?"

His free hand returned to his waistband. You couldn't see him free himself, Kylo's hand around your throat and keeping you still. He slid his tip up and down your folds, tapping your clit and making your hips lift off the couch. 

Moans spilled past your lips as he finally positioned himself at your entrance and pushed inside of you. 

He found his brutal pace instantly. "You just never know when to stop," he growled. "Always pushing me and testing my limits. Just begging to get fucked."

He drove his cock into you over and over, like he was punishing you with each stroke. You wanted the pain, you wanted everything he'd give you. The love and hate and anger and conflict. You wanted all of it as long as he'd give to to you. 

"Don't pretend you don't like it," you managed to reply with his grip on your throat. "If you didn't like it then - oh fuck - then this would've been over before it started."

The sound of his hips snapping into your was deafening, your tits bouncing from the force of each thrust. The grip around your throat tightened, his fingertips digging into the sides of your neck.

"Do you feel that? Like you can't fucking breathe?"

You weakly nodded in response, a groan of pleasure getting trapped in your constricted throat. 

"That's what it feels like," he said in between thrusts. "Like I can't fucking breathe when you're not here. Like I'm drowning and I can't do anything about it."

He let go of your throat and rested his forearm next your head to support himself. His other hand moved between your legs to circle your clit, sending shockwaves of electricity to your core. 

You were already close, but the added pressure on your clit brought you right to the edge. "Fuck Kylo, I'm-"

"Don't you fucking dare," he hissed. "Not until I tell you to."

You whimpered and arched your back into him. "Please, Kylo," you begged. "I need to, please-"

"It's painful, isn't it?" he interrupted. "Fucking hurts to keep yourself under control, doesn't it?"

You whimpered and nodded as best you could with his hand around your throat. Thighs shaking and walls clenching around him, you tightly wrapped your legs around his waist and struggled to stave off your orgasm. 

"Please, Kylo."

He cursed under his breath, grunting in between thrusts. "Cum," he ordered. "Now."

Your eyes screwed shut as you cried out and let your climax take hold, filling you with so much pleasure that it was almost unbearable. 

Kylo came at the same time, slamming into you and stilling as he spilled inside of you with ragged breaths. You kept your legs clamped around his waist, holding him close and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

He rested his forehead against yours, loosening the grip around your throat but still keeping his hand there. Pulse thrumming against his fingers as you both chased your breath, resting in a burning silence. 

Whoever said love was sweet and gentle was a liar.


	25. I’ll Be Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Discusses the death of a parent.

You remembered falling asleep on the couch, unable to stave off the exhaustion, but you didn't remember moving to the bed.

You rolled onto your side, reaching across the bed for Kylo. But instead of Kylo's warmth, your hand found cold, empty sheets. 

It was well after 2 a.m. according to the clock. You sat up, muscles groaning and bones creaking, and looked towards the bathroom, wondering if that's where he was. But there was no light peeking out from the door.

You climbed out of the bed, standing on shaking and sore legs. The hardwood floor was freezing as you padded across the room, grabbing one of Kylo's sweater's to put on your cold and bare body before you left the bedroom.

The rest of the apartment was just as cold as the bedroom, just as empty too. He wasn't on the couch, not in the kitchen, no where visible. That left his office as the only other place.

The door to his office was cracked open but you noticed that not a single light in the room was on as you slipped inside. The light pouring in from the window was enough for you to see Kylo hunched over his desk chair, eyes trained onto something in his hand. He said nothing as you entered the office, only looking up for a brief moment when you came to stand beside his desk. He looked defeated, utterly exhausted and completely defeated.

The silence and albeit temporary peace between the two of you was nice, almost nice enough for you to hold your tongue. But you couldn't, that obnoxious part of you that wouldn't let things go unsaid and wouldn't let a misleading sense of peace subdue you. 

"I know that you're not mad because I went behind your back," you said to break the silence. "You're mad because I know."

Kylo didn't object. He didn't say anything either, just kept staring at the object in his hand. 

You'd once thought of him as a book missing every other page, but it seemed like you'd figured out a way to read him. 

His eyes snapped up to yours. "And you're sure about that?"

If looks could kill, you probably would've stopped breathing by now. 

But you hadn't made it all this way to stop now. You swallowed the lump in your throat and held Kylo's gaze, tilting your chin up. "Yes, I am."

He said nothing and looked back down to the object in his hand. You took a step closer and peered closer at the object, seeing what appeared to be a pair of golden dice attached by a chain. 

"It's not your fault," you said quietly. "I need you to know that."

He stopped fiddling with the pair of dice and hurled it across the room, sending it straight into the opposite wall with an echoing thud. 

"Of course it is," he said loudly. 

He roughly pushed himself back from his desk and walked towards the floor-length window. He leaned his arm against the adjoining wall and stared outside. 

The city lights and glow from the moon partially illuminated Kylo, casting part of his face in a shadow and the other in bright white light.

You walked towards Kylo and stood behind him, tentatively placing a hand on his broad back, just below his shoulder blade. 

"Kylo," you whispered. "I know you don't want to believe me but it really isn't your fault."

Kylo spun around and grabbed your wrist with a shaking hand. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot with deep, dark bags underneath. The dim lighting almost kept you from noticing it, but you still spotted the tear streaming down his cheek. 

"Don't you understand? Everything I touch breaks," he said through clenched teeth. "Every person I love gets hurt."

You thought of his father, Leia, even Tai. Realizing that he did blame himself for all the hurt they felt. But it wasn't his fault - not even close.

"That's not true," you said. 

"Yes it is." His voice reminded you of a glass about to fall off a ledge. "All I do is hurt people."

Another tear had slipped down his cheek and fallen to his quivering lip. 

You brought your hand up to cradle the side of his face. You swiped your thumb across his cheek, collecting the tear that had fallen and wiping it away. 

There was a strange limbo for a moment, wondering if he would shove your hand away or if he would dry his eyes as quickly as they'd grown misty. But then he leaned into your touch, turning into your hand and letting out a choked sob. 

"I can't love you because I don't want to hurt you."  
His voice was cracking. "You deserve someone that won't hurt you. You deserve someone better, I don't-

You leaned in and kissed him more gently than you'd ever kissed someone before. He was stiff at first, and part of you expected him to turn away. But you waited, holding your lips against his softly. 

He finally melted into your touch, his lips finally molding against yours. He cupped your face with both of his hands, pulling you in deeper. Kylo's hands clutched onto you so tightly that their would certainly be marks left by his fingertips but you paid it no attention. 

You pulled away slowly and rested your forehead against his. A tear from Kylo's eye fell on your cheek. 

"You won't hurt me," you breathed. 

"Yes I will," he whispered back, his voice on the verge of shattering. "That's why I, I didn't want you to know."

Your brows knit together. "What do you mean?"

You pulled away slightly to get a better look at him. Kylo's eyes were still screwed shut, his face contorted in a pained expression. 

"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want you to leave," he said. "You'd leave once you realized that everyone around me gets hurt." He took a deep, shaky breath and opened his eyes. "And I wouldn't blame you. I-

"Kylo," you interrupted. "I'm not going anywhere."

He looked at you with teary eyes for a moment, the room dead silent except for the faint sound of traffic in the city below. And then something shattered inside of him and he was burying his face in his hands, crying and sobbing. 

He sunk to the floor and you went with him, cradling him against your chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist and clung to you, his entire body shaking with vicious sobs.

"The last thing I told him was that he'd failed me." His fingers dug into your waist while he buried his head against your chest. "That was the last thing I told him before he died. The last thing I did was hurt him."

The sob that tore from his throat was so heart wrenching it forced a tear to fall from your own eye. You wrapped a protective arm around him and stroked a hand through his hair, holding his head against you. Tightly, like you were swaddling an inconsolable child. 

"I can't bring you into this mess," he choked. "It's not fair to you."

You cupped the side of his face, forcing him to look at you. "When I said I love you, I mean all of you," you said. "All of you, Kylo. Mess and all."

"You shouldn't love me," Kylo sobbed. "You should love someone better. Someone that, that deserves you, not me."

You clutched onto him, letting him rest his head on your chest while his entire body shook with sobs. "You deserve love Kylo," you whispered into his ear. "I need you to know how loved you are and that you deserve it."

He grabbed fistfuls of the sweater you were wearing, as if he was anchoring himself while his body rocked   
like the waves of an ocean storm.

You placed gentle kisses to his temple and kept stroking his hair, offering as much contact as possible to let him know that you were here and that's where you'd be staying. 

"I'm not going anywhere," you whispered. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere whether you like it or not, Kylo."

There was something so cathartic about seeing a strong person, a man that put everything into concealing his feelings, stop fighting it. Let the tears fall, the sobs shake his ribs, the words tumble out. 

It wasn't beautiful nor was it anything to be romanticized, but it was necessary. He needed this and dammit he needed someone, whether he cared to admit it or not. 

You rested your cheek atop his head. "I'm here," you repeated. "I'll be here. I promise you, I'll be here."


	26. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: discusses childhood issues and absent parents. Proceed with caution if you think this might affect you. All my love x

Either Kylo's bed had turned into a slab of rock over night, or he'd slept on the floor. 

Kylo tried to sit up, every muscle in his body groaning in protest. They were still propped up against the wall and she was still asleep. Her hand was still resting in his hair, her cheek was still resting on top of his head. Her other hand was holding onto Kylo's arm that flung across her waist. 

He sat up straighter, carefully cradling her face to support her head now that it wasn't resting on Kylo. 

Kylo held her that way for a short while, just looking at her.

He brushed the back of his hand across her cheek, gentle enough to not wake her up. She was good. So, so good. Good to him even though he didn't deserve it. 

Kylo's hand stroked down her cheek and to her neck. It was littered with red and purple marks, a few indentations of Kylo's fingers visible. He lightly traced her skin, hoping the bruises didn't hurt. After all she'd done, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

He felt ashamed and embarrassed for the way he broke down last night. Guilt wrenched his stomach as he looked at her, the girl that had held him and slept on the floor with him all night. 

She had no obligation to do that. The way he treated her, the way he practically exploded on her last night. He wouldn't have blamed her for walking straight out the door without another look at him. In fact, he was slightly judging her for not bolting away from him the second she could. 

But she didn't. She stayed there and held him while he cried and mumbled nonsense against her shoulder. Which is why Kylo's face was scorched with shame.

He knew he shouldn't be embarrassed. If he mentioned it, he knew she'd tell him that he had no reason to be, and she'd mean it. 

She had to have fallen asleep before Kylo did, otherwise he would've carried her back to bed. He almost always fell asleep after her, but last night, he didn't. 

He rested the back of his hand on her cheek again. Her skin was cold to the touch, the thin sweater of his that she was wearing offering little warmth. He scooped her up in his arms and headed for a warm shower.

Once inside the bathroom, Kylo cupped the side of her face and gently tapped her cheek with his finger. "Time to wake up," he said softly. 

Nope, didn't work.

He tapped her cheek again with a bit more pressure. "Wake up."

That one worked.

She slowly woke up, her eyes fluttering open. She panicked for a moment, snapping her head to the side to see where she was but quickly realized that she was in Kylo's arms. 

"What the f- oh."

Kylo carefully set her down, keeping her steady until she was awake enough to stand. Kylo left her against the counter to lean over and turned the shower on.

It was silent in the bathroom except for the sound of running water. Very, very silent. 

He was afraid to speak first, afraid that she'd changed her mind about him over night. If maybe she regretted staying with him. 

So Kylo undressed in silence, she did the same. He gestured for her to enter the shower silently too, getting in after her still without another word spoken. 

As usual, he let her stand under the stream of water first. She switched spots with him after a moment, giving Kylo time to wet himself while she started washing her hair. 

Kylo let the warm water fall on his face and melt away the dried, salty tears staining his cheeks. Unfortunately, the water wasn't hot enough to burn away his shame. 

He felt her arms snake around his middle followed by her cheek resting against his back. 

"Hi."

Kylo placed his hand on top of hers. "Hi."

She stroked her thumb back and forth over Kylo's skin, drawing slow and gentle circles."How are you feeling?"

Kylo's breathing stuttered a bit. It went against every part of his nature to not get defensive towards her.

"Besides feeling like someone snapped my neck, I'm fine," he replied.

She laughed quietly, the sound reverberating on Kylo's back. "I guess the floor isn't the best place to sleep, huh?"

But you slept there anyways. You slept there for me.

He unwound her arms from around his abdomen and maneuvered her underneath the stream of water, planting a kiss on her forehead before stepping back. 

They followed their usual routine, him handing her shampoo and conditioner bottles and letting her rinse her hair, then Kylo doing the same. He finished first like always and let her resume her spot underneath the water.

"Finish up, I'll put some coffee on."

It was the least he could do. What the fuck else would he give to someone that slept on the floor all night while Kylo had a complete breakdown? A 'thank you' card?

Kylo entered the kitchen and start getting the coffee ready. He heard the shower turn off when he was about halfway finished, and she emerged just before the coffee was ready. 

Their morning coffee conversations usually started with Kylo asking how she slept, but he already knew the answer to that. Besides, it felt wrong to make small talk when there was a fucking ridiculously huge elephant in the room.

He heard her take a seat at the kitchen counter and he could smell the scented lotion she always put on. It felt like normal again, despite absolutely nothing in the last 24 hours being normal. More like some freakish twilight zone.

Kylo poured vanilla syrup into her mug before adding the coffee. He didn't have the courage to start the conversation that needed to be had while looking right at her, so he kept his back to her as he finished up.

"How'd you find out?"

"Uh, do you remember the night of the gala? When Hux mentioned someone named Zena and you nearly stabbed him with a fork?"

Of course it was Zena.

"Yes, I remember."

He really had wanted to stab Hux with a fork that night. Or at least throw champagne in his face. 

He hadn't wanted her to talk to Zena for this exact reason. Kylo hadn't wanted her to know about his father or anything else Zena might tell her. Which is of course why Hux was trying to introduce Zena to her. Because Hux was a ginger haired bastard that survived solely on a diet of other people's misery. 

"I ran into her in a coffee shop earlier this week," she explained. "I heard the barista call her name and I remembered Hux saying it and I got curious, so...

So she really hadn't gone seeking the information. She just stumbled upon it. Not that it mattered though. Kylo found himself feeling a little grateful that she found out without Kylo having to tell her. 

He poured some cream into the steaming coffee and finally turned around to hand it to her. She took the drink from him with a grateful smile, wrapping her little hands around the mug. He noticed that she was wearing his sweater again, though on her, it looked like more of a dress.

Kylo had always loved seeing her in the mornings. Especially now, hair still wet from the shower, face bare and flushed from the warm water. She was beautiful without even trying. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee too, taking a large gulp of the liquid before it had even cooled down enough. Kylo glanced at her from behind the rim of his mug. 

She had that look he knew all too well. He called it her 'Reporting Face,' the look she got when she was itching for answers to all the questions floating around in that pretty little head of hers. 

"Alright." Kylo set his mug down and planted his palms on the counter. "Ask."

There was really no point in trying to hold back now. She'd seen everything, cracked the barrier that Kylo had so carefully constructed. Well, she didn't just crack it. She fucking obliterated it into a million pieces.

Strange part? Kylo didn't hate her for it. In fact, he found himself loving her even more for it. 

She exposed him and yet she stayed. She told him she'd be there, and she was. She saw him laid bare and decided that Kylo was still worth sticking around for. 

Maybe Kylo could be brutally honest. 

Her eyes widened and she slowly lowered her mug. "Really?"

Kylo arched an eyebrow. "Oh so now you're worried about getting my permission?"

Her cheeks grew a bit pink, but she maintained that defiant smirk. "Not really."

Kylo rolled his eyes and sipped at his coffee, bracing himself for whatever question came first. 

"Why didn't you tell me you knew Tai so well?"

Kylo swallowed his sip of coffee. "It would've complicated things."

"Ah, yes, because keeping that from me make things much more simple," she replied. 

Kylo couldn't help but laugh a bit. How she managed to make him so soft with such little effort amazed him. 

"I'm assuming Zena told you she's married to Tai then," Kylo said. 

Yeah, Kylo had left that piece of information out too. 

She nodded. "And she told me that you got Tai the job at Finalizer too."

Kylo flinched slightly. Not a day went by that Kylo didn't regret hitting him that job. He should've known that Finalizer couldn't be trusted. And yet he went ahead and got Tai the job there.

Tai hadn't even been working there for six months when the accident happened. He was on one of the test sites when a piece of machinery he was operating malfunctioned, leaving him with a practically immobile left arm. 

It wasn't even a real accident. An accident meant an honest mistake, an unintentional mishap. It turned out that Finalizer knew the machinery was faulty and yet had employees use it anyways. That was now public knowledge thanks to the journalist currently sitting opposite of Kylo. 

Her voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

"You know that's not your fault whatsoever."

Could she read his mind or something?

Kylo laughed heartlessly. "You seem to be saying that a lot lately."

"Only because you keep blaming yourself for things you have no reason to feel guilty about."

Kylo froze with his lips resting on the rim of his mug. He said nothing in reply, letting her words dangle in the air and fade away without acknowledgement.

He hated that she was right. That she was almost always right. 

He knew the question she really wanted to ask was right on the tip of her tongue. He practically see the gears in her mind turning, debating whether or not to ask. He knew she would eventually, it was just a matter of time before she got the courage to say it.

She drummed his fingers against her mug. "Why did you... why did you say your dad failed you?"

There we go.

"They were gone a lot," he replied. "They were away more than they were home."

"Because of work," she said, "right?"

Kylo nodded. "They traveled for The Resistance a lot," he explained. "Sometimes they'd be gone for over a month at a time."

Kylo could feel all those pent up feelings just bubbling under the surface. Things he'd wanted to say for years but he'd never let the words fall from his lips.

"Over a month," she repeated. "That's a long time to be away."

"And they were almost always in some remote place with practically zero cell service," he continued. 

"Yeah, I know they do most of their work overseas," she replied. "That must've been hard on you."

Kylo sighed. "It seemed like they cared more about someone else's kid than their own."

Kylo didn't mean to sound like a selfish prick. The kids his parents helped needed them. But they didn't have to forget about their own kid to help others.

"No one deserves to feel that way," she said. "You shouldn't have had to deal with that."

He was grateful she didn't say it wasn't true, didn't remind Kylo that his parents did in fact care for him more. It was the truth, Kylo knew that. But truth and feelings are two very different things. And Kylo's truth was the young Ben Solo had felt utterly abandoned. 

"Where did you stay when they were away?"

There was way too much to unpack there with only half a cup of coffee in Kylo's system. But he could manage a brief summary.

"They'd just drop me at Lu- my uncle's house when they had to leave like I was a piece of luggage that could just be transported."

He didn't mention the phone call with his mother a few days ago. The one where she told Kylo that his uncle was in town. 

Like he said, way too much to unpack there.

"Zena told me that you know how to fly," she said.  
"She said your dad taught you."

"He got injured when I was thirteen, so he was home for the better part of two years," he explained. "That was when he taught me how to fly."

"And here I thought getting my driver's license on my first try was impressive," she teased. 

Kylo laughed quietly, the humor breaking the heaviness for a moment. 

"Those were the only two years that I didn't have to spend long periods of time with my uncle," Kylo explained. "But after that, my dad was gone even more than he'd been when I was younger."

Kylo paused for a moment, taking a large gulp of his coffee to ground himself. "They weren't there for a lot of things," Kylo continued. "Actually, they weren't there for practically anything. My father didn't make it to my science fairs in elementary school, wasn't around when I needed to learn how to shave. My mom wasn't there to teach me what to do on my first date. My aunt had to teach me how to drive too."

They always said that saying things out loud lifted a weight off your chest, but they never mentioned the emptiness it left behind.

"That's why I...that's why I said he failed me," he finished off. 

That's why the last thing I did to my father was hurt him. 

She reached across the counter and placed her hand on top of Kylo's. "We don't have to keep talking about this if you don't want to," she said softly. "I know this is a lot and I don't want to push you."

Kylo nodded wordlessly. It did feel like a weight had been lifted, but he felt unbalanced. The lightness was foreign.

She squeezed Kylo's hand. "And I know you're tired of hearing it, but you really need to stop blaming yourself," she said. "It won't change the past and it does nothing but hurt you. Holding onto that guilt is just going to keep making you miserable."

She sounded eerily similar to what Leia had said to him. 

Both of them were right. He was tired of holding onto the guilt. It was exhausting to wake up every morning and blame himself, draining to carry around that burden all day long. He was tired of trying to outrun it.

Kylo swallowed the lump is in throat and feebly lifted his eyes to hers. "How do I get rid of the guilt?"

So, so tired of running away from it.

She stroked her thumb across his hand. "I'm not sure," she admitted. "But I promise you, we're going to figure it out."

Kylo nodded and took her hand in his. He didn't know how to get rid of the guilt either. But he didn't need a definite answer or a clear-cut solution. He just needed to know that he wouldn't have to figure it out on his own. 

It was a scary thought, getting rid of the guilt. It had become a part of him. Ingrained into practically every thought he had. As consistent as the sunrise. And it was scary to think about what it'd be like to wake up in the morning without guilt. 

But it had been scary when he first fell for her too. Fucking terrifying, actually. Loving her made him afraid of hurting her and it made him afraid of getting hurt. 

She squeezed his hand again. "I promise we'll figure this out," she reiterated. "We don't need to start figuring it out now, I just need you to know that I'll keep my promise."

He'd cried more in the last 24 than he had in the last 5 years and he was on the verge of tears again. Good tears though. 

"I care about you too much to let you keep feeling like this," she continued. "We don't need to start doing anything immediately but I won't let you keep doing this to yourself."

Kylo nodded and gave her a small but grateful smile. Everything was overwhelming him at the moment, but the minute he got his head above water, he'd make sure she knew just how grateful he was. 

Despite how overwhelmed Kylo was, he felt a reprieve as he stood there across from her. The morning cup of coffee that they always had, their own little escape where the world slowed down for a bit and they could just exist. 

She released his hand with another reassuring squeeze, returning to the coffee in front of her. "But if you do want to start figuring it out now, I'm going to need another cup of coffee."

A wide smile spread across Kylo's face. The real, genuine kind of smile that reached his eyes. 

She smiled back, warm as ever. The kind of smile that told Kylo everything would be alright. He would be alright because she was here. And she was staying.

Maybe Johnny Cash was right. Maybe this was paradise.

This morning, with her, having coffee.


	27. That’s The Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A gross old man. I feel like thats a trigger warning.

A knock at the door broke the silence in Kylo's office.

"Come in."

The door opened and in walked his reporter, carrying a brown paper bag and a tray of coffees. Her hair was slightly wind blown, her cheeks tinted a light red shade from her walk here. But her smile and the way her eyes lit up when she saw him was what really caught Kylo's attention.

He'd so missed seeing her walk into his office on a work day. Made his day a hell of a lot better.

"I would be such a bad waitress," she muttered as she sat the tray of drinks on his desk. "This shit is hard."

Kylo laughed and stood up from his chair. "Then keep your job so you don't need to start waitressing," he teased.

"Noted." She held out the brown paper bag to Kylo as he rounded his desk towards her. "I brought you food because I'm almost certain you didn't get a chance to eat lunch today. Oh, but there is a very good chance I forget your usual order and got the wrong thing."

Kylo took the bag from her and set it on his desk. "You're right," he said, "I didn't get a chance to eat today."

Kylo had been insanely busy this entire week, and she knew how slammed he was. But her being here made Kylo's hectic work life grow more and more insignificant.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her towards him, catching her lips with his. She giggled into his kiss and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"Thanks for bringing food," he said against her lips. "Are you part of the delivery or is it just what's in the bag?"

"Well now that's not very professional," she replied with a smile. "Can't imagine your bosses would approve."

Kylo grinned and gave her a quick kiss. "Good thing I'm the boss."

He slid his hands down, grabbing a handful of her ass and squeezing. She moaned into his open mouth and pressed into him, weaving a hand into his hair and tugging. She knew just how much Kylo liked that.

Fucking tease. 

Kylo spun around and pinned her against his desk, grabbing her hips and lifting her onto it. He used his knee to spread her legs and positioned himself in between her thighs. 

"Don't knock my coffee over," she mumbled into the kiss.

Kylo's lips twitched into a smile. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Kylo slid his tongue past her lips, groaning and cupping the back of her head to pull her close. She arched her back in response, bringing her chest flush with his.

He gripped her thigh and curled his fingers inward, inches from her center."I prefer your skirts by the way," he mumbled in between kisses. "Easier access."

"Shut up."

Kylo brought his hands to her shirt and rushed to unbutton it. His movements were quick and he'd almost finished when something stole his attention.

The door to his office swung open.

Kylo certainly hadn't been expecting anyone to enter his office. Everyone was pretty much gone, considering it was the end of the day. 

And he certainly hadn't expected this person to walk into his office. 

Kylo quickly covered up the half-naked reporter still sitting in his desk, standing in front of her to block her from view.

"My apologies," the unwelcome guest said, "I wasn't aware that you'd be... preoccupied."

Kylo was practically seeing red. "What are you doing here?"

He seemed to ignore Kylo's question. "And who might this be?" He took a step forward, his lips twitching into a sickening smile. "Is this the reporter?"

"Journalist," the voice behind Kylo corrected.

Not the time, babe.

Kylo felt her brush against his back as she slid off the desk and moved into view, the buttons of her shirt refastened. He watched her defiant stare melt into shock when she realized who was standing in front of her. 

"You're... you're Sheev Palpatine," she said breathlessly. "From Finalizer."

She shot Kylo a worried look before looking back at Palpatine. "What are you doing here?"

Palpatine grinned at the two of them. "I see Kylo didn't inform you of our past," he said. "How inconsiderate of you to not tell her the full story."

Kylo stepped forward. "You're not worth it," he spat. "Now get the hell out of my office."

Palpatine peered around Kylo to look at her. "I'm sure she'd been interested to know how you fit into all this," he sneered. "Wouldn't you, dear?"

Kylo knew that pet name and condescending tone wasn't going to sit well with his girl. He stepped closer to Palpatine, effectively cutting her off from sight again. 

"Outside," Kylo hissed. "Now."

The man grinned widely and turned towards the door, Kylo right on his heels.

Kylo glanced back at her over his shoulder. "Stay here."

All the color had drained from her face. Understandable, since her tits had just been on full display to a stranger.

Kylo ushered Palpatine outside of his office and towards the copy room right next door. He slammed the door shut and locked it, leaving just Kylo and Palpatine in the room. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Just to visit to a former pupil," he chirped. "It's been a while."

"Not long enough."

Palpatine gave him an over exaggerated frown. "Well that's not very kind of you," he replied. "After all I've done for you, I'd expect a little gratitude. I made you who you are."

Yeah, emotionally unavailable, distrusting, angry, bitter.

Kylo took a step closer, towering over the other man. "You are nothing," he spat. "You get no credit for who I am. Only blame."

"I guess that's a matter of opinion," Palpatine replied airily.

"I'm going to ask you one more time," Kylo said through clenched teeth. "What do you want?"

"To discuss the stunt you pulled with that little writer of yours."

"And by stunt you mean her credible exposé of the bullshit that goes on within your company?

"I'd be careful if I were you, Ren," Palpatine sneered. "If that little conquest of yours keeps putting her nose in places it doesn't belong, never know what might jump out and bite her."

Kylo was this close to strangling him. "Are you seriously going to threaten her in front of me?"

Palpatine grinned. "Oh, not her," he said. "Just her career."

Kylo grit his teeth. "And just what do you plan on doing?"

"I'm going to give you a chance to be smart about this," he said. "I'm offering a deal."

Kylo laughed dryly. "There will be no deal," he said. "You will leave her alone. End of story."

"Dont be naive, Kylo," he chided. "You know how much influence I have in this city. One word from me and the First Order is finished."

Kylo swallowed down the anger that was now dangerously close to boiling over. "What is the deal?"

"If you see any future for the First Order, then you will publish a statement alleging that she used sexual acts as leverage to get intel and admit that she falsified information."

He was asking Kylo to destroy her career. And for no reason. 

All the information was true. And Kylo had given her the information because of her talent and journalism skills, not because they were in a relationship. He would've given the story to her anyways even if nothing had occurred from that first interview with her.

"You're out of your fucking mind if you think I'm doing that," Kylo snapped. "You can't threaten your way out of this one. She righteously exposed you and you're going to have to live with that."

Palpatine narrowed his eyes at Kylo. "I'm not sure you want to take your chances on this." 

Kylo got right in his face. "Try me."

Palpatine laughed dryly and stepped back, brushing off his suit and adjusting his tie."I expect an answer by Monday morning," the man sneered. 

Kylo glowered down at the man. "Fine," he spat. "Now get the fuck out of my building."

He didn't wait any longer, brushing past the older man and opening the door. Kylo stood as still as a statue as Palpatine silently exited the room and didn't budge until he heard the elevator doors close.

Kylo let out a deep breath as he returned to his office. He kept his eyes downcast, feeling quite ashamed for Palpatine's intrusion and guilty for not telling her the full story.

She was in the same spot he'd left her in, still looking quite shaken up. He hated seeing her upset.

"I'm sorry about that, and I know I need to - what's wrong?"

Her face was ashen and she looked like she'd seen a ghost. More so than before. Before he'd stepped outside, Kylo had thought it was just embarrassment from her shirt being undone in front of a stranger, but that's not what this was. 

"That's him," she breathed. "That's the voice."

Kylo gave her a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?"

"The phone call," she said. "That's the voice from the phone call."

Kylo clenched his jaw. He'd been right all along.

Fucking knew it. 

Kylo pinched the bridge of his nose. "I should've told you earlier," he muttered. "I'm-wait, what the-"

She charged for the door so quickly that Kylo barely had the chance to stop her. He managed to catch her with his arm, holding her back like he was holding a bull from charging a red handkerchief. 

"And where do you think you're going?"

She wriggled in his grip like a child that just got her toys taken away. A really feisty, pissed off child.

"I'm going to give that fucker a piece of my mind," she spat. "Son of a bitch trying to scare me. The only thing that scares me is his fucking face. He's looks like he's knocking on death's door, that absolute piece of-"

If she hadn't been fuming, Kylo probably would've laughed at how worked up she was. But since he was trying to keep his girlfriend from physically assaulting a man, he though it best to save the humor for after. 

"Alright, alright." He grabbed her with both arms and steadied her in front of him. "Slow down."

Her hair was covering her face, messed up from her thrashing. Kylo brushed the strands away in an attempt to calm her down.

"Beating the hell out of him isn't going to solve anything," Kylo said. "Neither is getting you a criminal record."

But is it bad that seeing her angry made me a little turned on?

His reporter kept looking over Kylo's shoulder like she expected Palpatine to come back into the office.

"I know that was his voice, Kylo," she said. "I've heard that voice a million times, I know-

"Wait," Kylo cut in. "I thought you only got one phone call where the person said anything. You got more?"

"No, I only got one," she confirmed. "But I replayed it over and over again to see if I recognized something."

"You recorded the calls?"

"Of course I did."

-

Of course his sneaky reporter had recorded the calls.

"I didn't hear anything in the other calls that would've told me who it was," she continued, "but there's no doubt that it's Palpatine on that last call."

It was absolutely Palpatine on that last call. She'd played the recording for him and sure enough, it was his bone-chilling voice reciting her own words. 

Psycho.

Kylo explained his relation to Palpatine, telling her about his internship with Finalizer in college, and his rejection of Palpatine's job offer. And he had informed her of Palpatine's threat. At first, his reporter had panicked and, for some ridiculous reason, she actually thought Kylo was considering what Palpatine had said. 

But then the gears in her mind started turning and panic melted into determination. Cue the table littered with papers and a half empty bottle of wine between them.

"All of the calls were on Monday mornings at about the same time," she explained, pointing at the paper with her pen. "But I didn't hear - what?"

Kylo had failed to hide his smile. "Nothing," he replied. "I just didn't know I was dating Nancy Drew."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Does that mean you're Betsy?"

Not sure that name would fit Kylo very well.

"Maybe we should use Sherlock and Watson instead," Kylo offered.

"As long as you know you're Watson," she replied with a smile.

"Maybe," Kylo said, "but I don't think Sherlock would drink wine out of a coffee mug."

She glanced at the chipped navy blue mug sitting in front of her."He might've."

Kylo looked at her with an amused expression. "Do you really not own any wine glasses?"

"I own a wine glass, but it's in the dishwasher," she said. "I used to have three but then Poe broke one and I broke the other."

"Sounds about right."

At least he knew what to buy her for Christmas.

She lightly kicked his shin. "Shut up."

The air suddenly grew tense again. She chewed at her lip, the tell tale sign that something was bothering her.

Kylo nudged her hand. "What is it?"

"Was the... incident outside of my building connected to this?"

Kylo let out a heavy breath. "We can't be certain but I'm pretty sure," Kylo replied. "It seems like too much of a coincidence."

Her building wasn't in a crowded area. Unlike Kylo's building, it wasn't on a street with a lot of foot traffic. 

Kylo kicked himself for not getting there five minutes sooner. He could've protected her, kept her safe. But he couldn't change it and all Kylo could do now was make sure that nothing like that ever happened again.

She sighed and finished off the rest of her wine. Kylo watched her, swallowing the lump in his throat and looking down at his hands. "I should've told you I thought it was him sooner," he said quietly. "I-

"Oh shut up." She swatted his arm. "I didn't show you the recording before today. You had no way of knowing it for sure."

"Still," Kylo persisted, "I'm sorry."

He was trying to stop holding so much guilt about everything, just like she'd told him to. It was hard, and it wouldn't come easy, but Kylo was trying. He was trying for her.

"The only person that needs to be sorry is Palpatine," she replied. "He looks like, like a... what are those cats called? The ones that look like they're inside out?"

Kylo's brows pulled together. "Sphinx cats?"

"YES!" she shouted. "He looks like a fucking sphinx cat."

She laughed along with Kylo for a moment, but then her smile faded a bit and a tinge of worry took its place again. This was bothering her, even if she didn't want to admit it. 

"He'll be retiring soon," Kylo said in attempt to ease her worry. "Finalizer's board of investors has been encouraging him to retire for a while."

"Good," she muttered. "He looks like something out of my childhood nightmares."

He placed his hand on her thigh and squeezed gently. "Don't stress so much," he murmured. "I'll take care of it."

She sighed. "I can't help it."

"I know." Kylo stood up, grabbed the two wine mugs, and headed to place them in the sink. "How can I take your mind off it?"

"I may have an idea."

He looked back at her over his shoulder. "Oh really." Kylo turned around to face her, leaning back against the counter. "And what might your idea be?"

She stood up from her chair and made her way towards Kylo. "We could finish what we started in your office," she offered. 

"Good idea."

Kylo wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned down to kiss her. She showed no hesitation, immediately slinging her arms around his neck and pulling him close.

He let her guide him towards her bed, not familiar enough with her apartment to be certain he wouldn't knock a lamp over.

Both of their shirts had been discarded somewhere between the kitchen and her bed. Kylo placed a hand on her sternum and gently pushed her back onto the bed, grabbing her jeans by the belt loops and pulling them down her legs. He paused for a moment just to drink in the sight of her, clad in only a bra and panties. Exposed, only for him. 

I will never get used to her. 

"What?"

Kylo snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at her with a smile. "Nothing."

Kylo slipped a finger underneath the waistband of her panties, gently pulling it back and letting it snap back against her hip. 

"Are these new?"

She smiled up at him. "Possibly."

Kylo lowered himself on top of her and slipped two fingers into her mouth before removing them and dipping his hand between her legs. 

He trailed a finger down her covered slit. "As much as I like these," he breathed, "I think they need to come off."

She eagerly started sliding her panties down her legs, Kylo helping to fully remove them. 

She let out a whimper that made Kylo's hips jerk forward as he pushed a finger into her. He bit back a groan and started pumping in and out, the sound of her moans and whimpers gradually filling the room.

He added another finger, stroking her soft walls with the pads of his fingers and coaxing sweet sounds of pleasure from her. 

Kylo was the only one who got to make her feel this way. He'd been the only one to ever make her feel this way. 

Kylo could've spent all day listening to the sounds she was making, but he needed to be inside of her. 

Kylo moved back up her body and slid an arm underneath her, his fingers searching for her bra clasp. She arched her back and let him remove that last piece of clothing, now exposing her to him completely. 

She lifted her hips to grind against Kylo, a small whimper escaping her throat when her exposed cunt brushed Kylo's still-covered erection. 

"My needy girl," Kylo purred. "So impatient."

"Says the man that was ready to fuck me on his desk one minute after I walked into your office," she shot back.

Kylo lowered his head to her chest, taking her breast in his mouth and swirling his tongue around her nipple while his hips pushed against hers.

Her hands slid up from his waistband, nails gently dragging along his skin. She flattened her palms against his chest and pushed slightly. Kylo took the hint and flipped them over. 

Kylo tugged his pants down low on his hips and slipped a hand inside his boxers, freeing his aching cock. A loud groan tore from his throat as his tip brushed her slit. 

His cock slipped inside of her with ease, her tight walls gripping his length.

"Fuck," he groaned. "You feel so fucking good."

Kylo reached for her hips but she swatted his hands away. "Either keep your hands to yourself or I'll tie them up."

But Kylo had an awful habit of not listening. Probably because he was usually the one in control.

He reached for her hips again. She grabbed his wrists before he could get his hands on her and pinned them to the bed.

"You just never listen," she scolded, "do you?"

She stilled her hips, a torturous punishment for Kylo. He tried to buck his hips into her but she was adamant and surprisingly able to keep Kylo pinned. 

Kylo stopped resisting and let her keeps his hands pinned down in the hopes that she'd start moving again.

She did, but rolled her hips painfully slowly with a wicked smile plastered on her face. 

"Please," Kylo rasped, "let me on top."

"Nope."

Kylo groaned, his hips jerking as she clenched around him. "Just let me touch you."

"Hmm." She leaned forward, pressing her chest to his and dragging her lips on his jaw. "Nope."

She was absolutely sadistic, quickening her pace just to slow down again. Looking utterly satisfied with Kylo's desperate groans from beneath her.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Ren?" she taunted. 

She finally quickened her pace again, moans spilling past her lips as she bounced up and down on him. Kylo watched his cock slide in and out of her, slick with her arousal and painfully rigid. 

"Just like that," he moaned. "Fuck."

She tilted her head to the side. "Like...this?"

Like the devil she was, she slowed down again. She was enjoying this way too much. 

"That's it."

Kylo bucked his hips upward, taking her off guard long enough for him to free his wrists and seize her by the waist. He had her flipped onto her back and slammed into her before she could even try and stop him. 

"What did you use to say? Something about control being taken, not given?"

She was lucky Kylo didn't have a belt on or he would've had her wrists bound in seconds. 

His reporter's smug expression vanished, taunts and teases no longer forming on her tongue. Mewling and whimpering nonsense as Kylo railed into her.

"Such a pretty little slut," Kylo said, "isn't that right?"

She cried out as he snapped his hips forward particularly hard. Her face was creased in pleasure beneath him, mouth hanging open and eyes half closed. His good girl, taking every inch of him and loving it.

He clasped a hand around her throat when she didn't answer. "I asked you a question."

"Yes, yes I'm - fuck, right there - your little slut," she whimpered. 

She was so tight and wet and he was so impossibly deep inside of her that if Kylo wanted to hold off until she came, he needed her to finish extremely soon.

Kylo held himself up on one forearm and brought his other hand between her thighs. She immediately spread her legs even wider, giving Kylo access to her swollen clit. 

"Ky-Kylo," she whimpered. "Please."

"Tell me," Kylo said in between thrusts. "Tell me what you want."

She threw her head back and clung to his shoulders. "I want you to make me cum," she whined. "Please, Ky- Fuck!"

Kylo started rubbing circles against her clit, never relenting on his brutal pace. She cried out and locked her ankles around Kylo's back, using her legs to pull him into her with each thrust. 

"Does that feel good?" Kylo asked. 

She nodded frantically, pushing her hips harder into his hand. Aching for more. 

So he stopped.

Her eyes blew wide, her mouth hung open. "What the-"

"You didn't think you'd get away with that without punishment," Kylo replied, "did you?"

She weakly shook her head. "Please make me cum," she pleaded. "I, I need to."

Kylo pounded into her even harder, the sound of their bodies slapping together almost deafening. "Ask nicely," Kylo grunted, "and maybe I will."

"Please, sir."

Brat knew exactly what affect those words would have on Kylo.

Kylo started massaging her swollen and sensitive clit again with the increased pressure she'd been craving. 

She unraveled in less than a minute, clenching around Kylo's cock as she came. Kylo narrowly managed to hold off until her climax had taken hold, slamming into her one last time and releasing with a drawn out groan.

Kylo slipped out of her and rolled onto his back. He tugged her onto his chest and rested his chin on her head, stroking her hair.

"I swear," Kylo said breathlessly, "I'm tying you up next time."

—

Kylo had absolutely refused to let her go alone. He tried to talk her out of going at all, but there was no way she'd let that happen. So they compromised.

He could tell she was nervous, but he knew her too well than to say it out loud. She'd think that Kylo was calling her weak when the truth was Kylo had never known someone as strong as her. Which is probably why Kylo had lost the four-day-long battle and was now following his reporter into Finalizer Industries headquarters on a Monday afternoon.

I fucking hate Mondays.

The elevator started rising, floor after floor ticking by. 

"I'm going to need a drink after this," she muttered under her breath from beside Kylo. 

He took a deep breath. "I may need more than one."

The elevator came to a stop, the steel doors opening to the sterile, colorless floor of Palpatine's office. They stepped out and Kylo led her down the hallway, following the path to his former mentor's office that he'd never planned on walking down again. 

Kylo's reporter might've strangled him if he asked he did she was sure about this again, so Kylo just gave her a quick glance of assurance before opening the door for her. 

Palpatine didn't seem suprised too see them in his office. Rather, he looked amused. 

"Ah, here with a decision Kylo?"

"I'm not here with anything," he replied.

Palpatine turned his attention to the reporter at Kylo's side. "Then you must-

"You're the one that needs to make a decision," she cut in. "Not us."

Clearly, she had no intention of dragging this out.

Palpatine leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands. "Oh do go on."

"I'm not sure why you thought you were in a position to blackmail me," she continued, "since I've got your voice on recording trying to scare me. I'm not sure that's something that would reflect well on you."

Palpatine smirked. "Perhaps not," he said, "but that's not much of a bargaining chip, dear."

She smiled back at him. Not the real kind of smile, but the kind of smile a woman gives when she's plotting your murder in her head. 

"That alone isn't much of a bargaining chip," she conceded, "but having a journalist assaulted outside of her office to intimidate her would make it a bit more serious."

Palpatine's cocky smile faded a bit. "Fair," he said, "but knowing it was my doing and proving it are two different things."

She reached into the pocket of her blazer and produced the recorder that had been on during the entire conversation. 

"Luckily, I've got some pretty convincing evidence."

Palpatine's face fell. 

The man really was a total moron. She had literally just told him that she'd recorded the calls he'd made. How did he not see this coming? 

"And even if this isn't enough," she continued, taking a few steps closer to the older man, "I can always go digging for more information. You of all people should know that I'm fully capable of that."

"That won't stand up in court."

He's so fucking dramatic.

"Don't be so dramatic," she chided. 

My thoughts exactly. 

"I have no intention of bringing this to a criminal court," she said. "Just the court of public opinion."

Palpatine had no reply to that.

"Now here's what's going to happen," she announced. "Either you leave me - and Kylo - alone, or this goes public."

Palpatine leaned forward and perched his elbows on the desk. "Well, I-"

"And you leave Kylo's company alone too," she cut in. 

Palpatine had a pensive look on his face. "And those are your terms?"

"Unless I think of more in the next five minutes, yes," she replied. "So I'd suggest giving me an answered before I come up with more demands."

A brief silence fell, Palpatine looking back and forth between Kylo and his reporter. The man knew he'd been backed into a corner and the only solution was to take her deal. 

There was no reason he shouldn't, after all. She hadn't been the first or only journalist to publish an article about the shady company that Palpatine ran. If it hadn't been for her involvement with Kylo, Palpatine never would have bothered trying to intimidate her. 

Kylo had told his reporter that, his words riddled with guilt. But she had shut that right down and reminded him that she was willing to take any conflict from Palpatine if it meant standing up for people like Tai. As if Kylo needed more of a reason to love her. 

She broke the silence first. "Odds are, if any legal action is going to come from my article, it won't be for a while," she said. "And from what I've heard, you'll be retiring soon. Meaning it would be someone else's problem."

Palpatine was part of covering up the truth about Tai's accident, but he hadn't been the one to approve the use of faulty machinery. That blame fell to the lower executives. So as much as it made Kylo want to scream, making a deal and rationalizing with Palpatine was the right call. 

"Don't give me a reason to keep investigating your company and then you'll have no reason to feel so threatened by me," she added. "Understood?"

Palpatine rested his chin in his hand. "You're quite assertive," he remarked. "Impressive."

She huffed. "Do we have a deal or not?"

He grinned at you. "So long as you hold up your end of the bargain, I'll do the same."

"And I keep this," she said gesturing to the recorder, "until you retire from your position. Then it's yours to destroy and I'll be the problem of whoever takes your position."

Hope whoever that is knows what they're in for.

"Alright," Palpatine replied. "You have yourself a deal."

He watched her shoulders lower in relief, a barely noticeable sigh leaving her. She didn't say another word - nor did she need to - and turned away from Palpatine. 

Kylo and her walked side by side out of the office, a bit more spring in both of their steps as they headed for the elevator.


	28. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussing death of a family member, heavy emotional topics

Sure, you'd spoken to Leia Organa before. But not like this.

You hadn't been this nervous in a long time. Your leg was bouncing so uncontrollably the table was shaking, your lips raw and cracked from biting it over and over again. 

It felt like the day of your final interview with Maz before you'd landed your job. Anxious, excited, eager, but feeling like you'd pass out at any moment. Leg bouncing like crazy as usual.

You'd met Leia before, spoke with her at length. But that was an interview. A professional conversation between a journalist and the founder of a major philanthropy. Today, this was a mother and her son's girlfriend.

You'd been seated at the restaurant for twenty minutes now since you'd arrived a good half an hour early for fear of being late. And now your punctuality had given you twenty minutes to let your thoughts spiral and ever fear you could think of surface.

Would she like me? What if she didn't want Kylo to date me? Did I wear the right outfit today? Why did she want to meet me for lunch?

Leia had asked you not to tell Kylo you were meeting her for lunch and you'd agreed, believing that she must have a good reason. Most likely, she didn't want Kylo to overthink it. Which is exactly what he would've done.

But then you started worrying, wondering if she'd instructed you to not tell Kylo because this wasn't going to end well. If maybe she was planning on sitting you down and insisting you stop seeing her son, or telling you that she didn't think you were the right person for her son.

Not that she'd given any indication that that was what she intended to do, but anxiety was a bitch that made you question everything.

You shot up out of your chair when you saw her enter the café. Leia spoke with the hostess for a moment before looking past the restaurant employee and spotting you already at the table.

This is fine. I'll be fine. Leia is super nice and this will be fine. All good, everything's good.

Wait, did I smile back at her? Or did I just stare? Oh crap, am I supposed to shake her hand or hug her or what the fuck am I supposed-

You didn't have time to keep panicking because Leia was now at the table. Actually, she was pulling you into a hug. 

"Hello, dear," she chirped. "Thank you so much for meeting me."

Leia had that soothing, motherly voice that had the universal effect of calming a person down. It certainly had that effect on you and you felt some of the nerves melt away.

"Of course," you replied. "I'm glad to see you again."

Leia released you and took a seat opposite of you. She was dressed well like she was last time, her graying hair braided and pinned into a bun.

"And thank you for not telling Ben about this," she continued. "You know him. He'd freak out over nothing."

You laughed to yourself. Oh, do I ever. 

"Of course," you replied. "I'm glad I get to talk to you as someone other than a nosy journalist."

"Speaking of being a thorough journalist," she said, "before I came here, Ben was telling me you gave Palpatine a run for his money."

You tried to hide your pride, but you couldn't. "A little."

"He deserves everything that comes at him," Leia said. "I was sorry to hear that he was trying to frighten you."

You waved her off. "Oh, it's not the first time an arrogant man has tried to intimidate me."

"I'm glad you stood up to him," she said. "I've wanted to do it for years. Messing with me is one thing but my son is another."

"Kylo told me you had a history with Palpatine but didn't really explain the details," you replied. "All I know is that he's been wreaking havoc for a long time."

"Finalizer directly opposed the Resistance," she said. "They made the messes that we worked to clean up, supplying the groups we were working to protect foreign citizens from. The Resistance worked to help the people that became refugees because of the weapons Finalizer produced."

You sighed. "I wish I could say that surprises me but it doesn't."

"He profits off of war and thrives on others' submission," Leia continued. "So he felt threatened by the Resistance and tried to intimidate us. The same as he did to you."

"It seems like he failed both times though," you replied.

Leia smiled wryly. "But he did succeed in getting to Ben," she said. "I'm assuming he told you about that?"

Kylo had told you about that. Palpatine manipulated him during his internship with Finalizer while Kylo was still in college. Put thoughts in his head, made him miserable, caused the coldness in Kylo that was just beginning to thaw. Something that Kylo didn't even recognize as manipulation for years. It just showed you that Sheev Palpatine was even worse than you'd originally thought.

"Yes, he did," you replied. "And it seems like Snoke was no better."

"Snoke just built off of what Palpatine started." Leia shook her head slowly. "He convinced Ben that he is a danger to everyone around him."

The waiter appeared next to the table, setting down two glasses of water and pulling out his notepad. Leia ordered first and then you followed suit, barely able to talk to the waiter while your mind swirled. 

With orders taken down, the waiter took the menus and left, leaving just you and Leia again.

"My son didn't even tell me when he was promoted, you know," she said. "I found out from an employee of mine."

You smiled wryly. "That definitely sounds like him."

"He had not spoken to me in person in years," she said. "The boy hesitated to tell me what part of the city he was living in. I learned more about my son from resding your article than I have learned organically in the past five years."

"He wasn't easy to crack but he broke down eventually."

Leia winked at you. "I don't think he would've done the same to someone else."

You blushed slightly. "That's possible."

"You really do mean a lot to Ben," she said. "I'm not one to believe that mother's are responsible to speak for their sons. Nor do I believe that any woman is responsible for fixing a man, might I add."

You laughed at that. 

I wish everyone else didn't believe that either.

"But I wanted to tell you that you are the reason I have finally seen my son after all these years." Her eyes became glassy. "It was not your responsibility to do help him, but you did anyways. Greatly."

And Kylo had helped you too. 

"With all due respect, I think Kylo deserves the credit for that," you replied. 

"Yes," Leia agreed, "but he never would have considered it had it not been for you. So yes, you are right that Kylo deserves credit, but you deserve partial credit as well. And more thanks than I think I could give you."

You smiled, feeling a warmth in your chest looking at the woman across from you. A mother that so obviously loved her son. 

"I'm just glad that he's reached out to you," you replied. "I think it's really good for him. He's been a lot happier since."

"I am far from blameless in this," she clarified. "I did many, many things wrong as well. I take full responsibility for causing Ben so much pain."

Well you knew that was true, but you clearly didn't need to verbalize your agreement. 

"But that is all in the past," Leia continued. "The only thing that matters now is moving forward."

"Absolutely," you agreed. 

"And Ben made be a little angry with me after today, but I'm doing it for his benefit," she said. "I want him to be able to move forward. So I left him with his uncle."

You nearly choked on your drink. "You... you did?"

You knew about Kylo's relationship with his uncle for the most part. The reason they didn't get along, the source of the resentment. So you knew that any confrontation with his uncle had to have been interesting.

Leia nodded. "It's time he finally aired things out with my brother," she said. "Ben will be grateful for it eventually."

You let out a nervous laugh. "I hope so."

She gave you a reassuring smile. "Now, enough of that," she announced. "I didn't ask you to lunch to weigh you down with a depressing conversation.  
My main priority is to get to know my son's girlfriend, of course."

And to think, you were so worried about this.

Leia reached across the table and placed her hand on top of yours. "But I have to thank you," she said quietly. "Thank you for bringing my son back to me."

-

'Tense' was an understatement.

Kylo had been dead silent since his uncle walked through the door to his mother's house. Who, coincidentally, had failed to mention that she'd invited her brother over.

His reporter was occupied today, so Kylo chose to pay his mother a visit. Something he'd been doing a lot more often. Something that although he hated to admit, he really enjoyed.

What he didn't enjoy was being blindsided by Luke Skywalker's arrival. 

The clock had completed two full circles since Luke walked through the door, the room utterly still and silent. All Kylo could do was trade off between glaring at his uncle and staring at his mother waiting for her explanation.

He knew that Luke was in town. Never knew he'd actually have to see him.

Kylo sighed and ran his hand down his face. "What is he doing here?"

"I invited him," Leia replied.

Kylo glared at her from his seat on the couch. "I can see that," he said through clenched teeth. "Why did you invite him?"

"Because it's been a while since I've been lucky enough to have the two of you in the same room together."

The pained look in his mother's eye made Kylo's heart tighten. 

"You know, I know you two are full-grown men, but all I see are children here," Leia said. "So if you want to prove me wrong, which I know both of you love to do, then start acting like adults."

His mother stood up from her seat, placing her cup of tea on the coffee table. Kylo managed to flash a look to his uncle.

Luke looked expectant, though clearly nervous. That was slightly comforting to Kylo. 

He could work with nervous. He knew how to handle people that were nervous around him

"I'll be back in a few hours," Leia announced suddenly. "There's food in the fridge if-

Kylo shot out of his seat. "What? Where are you going?"

Kylo's eyes had just about popped out of his head. It was bad enough he was in a room with his uncle, but being the only one left in the room with him bordered on cruel and unusual punishment. 

Leia walked into the hallway, grabbing her jacket and bag. "I wasn't aware that I needed to give you my itinerary."

Being a sarcastic person was all fun and games until Kylo was reminded of who he got it from.

"But if you must know," Leia continued, "I'm having lunch with your girlfriend."

"You're-

Leia was out the door before Kylo could object. 

His reporter had told Kylo she was having lunch with a friend today. He was unaware the her 'friend' was actually his mother.

What the fuck? Was today just dedicated to tricking me?

Kylo kept his back to his uncle, debating whether or not to take the coward's way out and leave without another word or turn around and say something to Luke.

"You haven't changed," Luke said from behind him. "Well, you're a bit taller now."

Kylo had changed however. In good ways and in bad ways.

Kylo took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders. "Did you know about this?"

"Yes," Luke replied. "Well I didn't know who she was going to lunch with, I just knew she was leaving. Because I asked her to."

"Your mother says she's wonderful," Luke said. "I read her article too, you know, the one-

Kylo turned around to face his uncle. "You're obviously not here to talk about my love life so get on with it," he snapped. "What do you want?"

"Ben, I want to-

"That's not my name anymore."

"Kid, you can call yourself whatever you'd like," Luke said defeatedly. "You're a part of this family no matter what name you go by."

Kylo inhaled deeply. In through his nose, out through his mouth. "What do you want?"

"To talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

Luke smiled. "Oh, you and I both know that's not true," he replied. "But that's fine, I wanted to start anyways."

Kylo glared at the man but didn't object.

"I know you hated having to stay with me and Mara all the time," Luke said. "I know you missed Han and Leia everytime you left. But I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much. Honestly, I don't. I don't know why the flip switched and you started hating me. And it's been eating me up for years and I just want to know what I did."

Kylo stood completely still, his arms tightly crossed against his chest. He was afraid that if he spoke, he'd lose it.

"We use to have fun when you were little," Luke continued. "I remember a six year old boy with ears too big for his head that would run and hug me when he came to stay and beg me to play airplanes with him. And the little boy that would help Mara bake snickerdoodles in the kitchen because she'd let you make shapes out of them."

Kylo noticed a tear fall from his Uncle's eye, sliding down his weathered cheek. Kylo's own eyes grew teary but he kept them at bay, clinging onto his anger in hopes of keeping everything else away.

"But then I lost that kid when he grew up," he said. "All of the sudden, fourteen year old Ben would stomp into his bedroom at my house and slam the door without a word."

"Did you ever think about how you changed?"

Luke nodded solemnly. "Yes, but I don't know what changed to make you hate me."

"Do you not remember the phone call when suggested to Mom that she send me to some fucking boarding school? Because I remember it!"

Luke gave him a sympathetic look. "I was worried about you," he said. "I never wanted you to be sent away but I was worried. I wanted what was best for you."

"You stopped being my fun uncle that would let me stay up late and buy candy even when Mom and Mara said not to. You started trying to be a fucking father or something!"

"Because I had to!" Luke replied. "You-

"I wanted you to be my uncle," Kylo shouted. "I didn't want you to be my father. I wanted Dad to be my father!"

"You were acting out," Luke replied. "You were doing things that you wouldn't normally do. Skipping class, getting into fights. That's not you, kid! And I didn't know why you-

"Because my parents wanted nothing to do with me!"

The silence was deafening. Kylo stood there, chest heaving, feeling like very photograph hanging on the wall's of his mother's house were staring at him.

"Ben you know that is not true," Luke replied. "They love you with everything they've got. Trust me, they hated leaving you more than you hated seeing them go."

"Then why did they leave?"

"Because they wanted to do something that would make their son proud," he said. "They wanted to be the heroes that you always saw them as."

Ben Solo didn't need heroes. He didn't want heroes. He wanted his mom and dad.

"But I know there's more to this than that," Luke continued. "There's some piece missing that I don't know about. Something that made you completely shut me out."

Kylo clenched his jaw. "Do you want know why? Do you really want to know why?"

"More than anything," Luke said.

"After the funeral, I heard you talking to Lando," Kylo spat. "'I wonder if he'd still be here if he hadn't visited Ben.' Does that ring a bell?"

Luke's face fell. "Ben, I didn't mean it like that," he said. "I didn't mean it was your fault, I just-

"I didn't need you to say it!" Kylo shouted. "I've already been thinking it every day since I got the phone call that Dad wasn't coming back!"

"It was not your fault and I would never want you to think that it was," Luke said. "I am so sorry that I ever made you feel that way. But you know that no one, especially me, blames you in any way."

Kylo turned his head away and wiped at his cheek, taking a deep breath to calm his labored breaths. Letting go of the blame was still hard for Kylo, because it felt like giving away a part of him. Not a good part of him, but a part nonetheless.

"When your mother told me you came to see her, I thought there was hope for me too," Luke said. "She was so happy I could barely understand her."

Kylo trapped a sob in his throat, willing himself to keep it together.

"I miss you, kiddo," Luke said softly. "I want to be your fun uncle again. More than anything, I want a fresh start with you. I truly think it's not too late for a fresh start."

Kylo glanced at the wall just over Luke's shoulder, zeroing in on a specific picture. A framed picture of an eight year old Ben standing in front of his dad and his uncle, grinning from ear to ear and holding a small baseball trophy. 

It felt like Kylo had swallowed acid.

"You don't have to forgive me right now," Luke continued. "Maybe you never will. And maybe I don't deserve it. But you know that holding onto this does nothing good for you."

He thought of her, his little reporter that seemed to be wise beyond her years. He tried to think of what she would do in this situation, if she were standing at his side. He knew deep down she'd probably tell Kylo that even if he didn't want to jump back into his uncle's life, he needed to forgive him. Kylo needed to forgive Luke for Kylo's sake.

It won't change the past and it does nothing but hurt you.

"I don't think starting over is possible," Kylo replied, "but I think trying to move forward is."

A tear fell down Luke's cheek, all the way to the smile spread across his face. "That's all I ask, kiddo," he said. "I just want to move forward."

Kylo swallowed thickly and raised his eyes to meet his uncle's. "Me too."

—

"Since when are you friends with my mother?"

Kylo leaned against your door frame, his head tilted to the side. You gave him a tight lipped smile and opened the door further for him to enter.

"It was your mother's idea to not tell you, not mine," you said, closing the door behind Kylo. "I was only following orders. Which, by the way, override yours."

"Doesn't mean you couldn't have told me." He arched an eyebrow at you. "You're not exactly a stickler for the rules."

"Full offense but I care more about staying in your mother's good graces than yours," you replied. "And to answer your earlier question, yes I am friends with your mother."

Kylo sighed, relenting with a smile finally spreading across his face as he entered your apartment, making you feel a bit more relieved that he wasn't actually upset. 

"So what happened?"

Kylo groaned and sat down on the couch. "I'm going to need a drink if you want to hear it."

You laughed quietly and headed towards the kitchen, opening up your pantry. "Wine?"

Kylo leaned back on the couch, tilting his head backwards to look at you. "Got anything stronger?"

You peered back into the liquor cabinet. "Not alcohol wise," you replied, "but I do have a carton of orange juice that's about four days expired in the fridge."

"I'll take the non-food poisoning option."

"Excellent choice, Mr. Ren."

You grabbed the bottle and two wine glasses from your cabinet - yes, you splurged for two new glasses. You poured the wine in each glass and made your way back towards Kylo, handling him his glass and plopping down next to him. 

"You need a bigger couch," Kylo mumbled, awkwardly readjusting himself on the couch. 

Though the couch was perfect for you, Kylo occupied nearly half of the couch and his knees nearly touched his chest when he sat.

"Well I bought it without thinking of a tree of a man one day sitting in it," you replied. "Otherwise I would've purchased my furniture from the oversized section."

You'd need a bigger bed too if Kylo continued spending the night here every once in a while. And possibly a new headboard. 

Not for any reason, of course. Just a lot of...wear and tear of sorts.

Since Kylo stole more than half the sitting room on your couch, he pulled your legs over his lap, the only way you'd be able to stretch out in your seat.

"What did you do to Artoo?"

You glanced over at him, fast asleep in his fluffy bed. Artoo was sprawled on his back, front paws dangling in the air, belly rising and falling with each breath. Hadn't even budged when Kylo knocked.

"I took him on a two mile walk," you replied. "He's acting like we ran a marathon."

To be fair, he did have to take more steps than you to keep up. He had small little legs. Similar to how you felt when you walked next to Kylo.

"Your mom told me that your uncle came to visit," you said. "Did you talk to him while your mom was with me?"

Kylo swirled his wine glass around. "Yeah, walked right into that trap."

"Your mom didn't tell me about that before lunch," you informed him. "So that was news to me too."

"I was planning on taking this whole thing slower, but it seems like my mother had other plans in mind," Kylo grumbled. "Would've appreciated a heads up."

"It's still up to you how fast you want to go with all of this," you reminded him. "It is your call at the end of the day, no one else's."

Kylo nodded slowly. "I know."

"That being said," you continued, "how did it go with Luke?"

Before he could answer, you placed your hand on top of his, the one that was currently stroking up and down your leg. "We don't have to talk about it now though, if you don't want to."

Kylo had been more open than you'd expected about these things. Despite the newfound openness, you never wanted to pressure him into sharing when he didn't feel ready. This healing process was for him and needed to be done on his own terms. And it wasn't something that could be rushed.

You were proud of him. So damn proud. Though Leia thanked you for the ways Kylo has changed, you had to disagree. You couldn't take credit for the man next to you. 

This was all him. This was a man that stopped running and decided to start healing. Sure, you may have helped lead him here, but the rest was all him. 

"He basically asked me why I seemed to hate him," Kylo explained. "So I told him why, told him about what happened at the funeral. And the stuff I told you about."

Kylo had told you about what his uncle had said at Han's funeral. Though you'd told him - and he knew too - that Luke didn't blame Kylo for anything, the pain Kylo felt was valid and real, and had kept hurting him all these years later.

"That's good," you replied. "I'm glad you told him."

"Yeah." Kylo took a sip of his wine and glanced over at you. "Someone told me it was best to get things off your chest or something like that."

You smiled. "Whoever that is sounds like a really smart person."

Kylo grinned and lowered his glass. "She is." He peaked at you. "And she was right."

A comfortable silence ensued, Kylo continuing to stroke your leg while both of you sipped your wine. It was peaceful, a breath of fresh air, just like your usual morning coffees with him.

"So," you broke the silence, "what's the plan now?"

Kylo gave your leg a light squeeze. "To move forward."


	29. A Forever Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Yes, I cried. Yes, I'm crying as I right this.
> 
> I love this story and I am so glad that I got over myself and wrote it. It took me a while because quite frankly, I was scared of the story not being good enough and my writing not living up to my expectations.
> 
> But I have loved writing this story, and I hope you've loved reading it. Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, for reading and for supporting me. There will be more stories from me to come, and I hope you stick around. 
> 
> With that being said, here is the conclusion of Exposed.

"Time to get up."

You buried deeper into the comforter. "I'll get up in five."

"You said that 15 minutes ago."

Groan. 

"Come on." Kylo gently shook her shoulder. "Food is ready."

That sounded a little enticing. "And coffee?"

"Of course."

You sat up with a groan, rubbing your eyes. Artoo was nestled at your feet, still sound asleep. He wasn't a morning person either.

"Your hair looks lovely."

You swatted at him blindly with one while the other rubbed your eyes. "Fuck you."

"Careful," he warned, "or I just might throw your coffee out."

You opened your eyes and looked up at him towering over you at the side of the bed. His hair was still a bit messy, his grey t-shirt wrinkled from sleep, black sweatpants hanging low on his hips. Now that was even more enticing than the idea of food.

"Alright, I'm getting up," you told him. "But if you touch my coffee, you're a dead man."

He chuckled and then headed back to the kitchen, leaving you to pry yourself from bed. Artoo made a grumbly noise when you slid out from underneath   
the comforter and stood up, but quickly nestled back into the comforter and fell asleep again. 

You walked towards the closet and grabbed one of Kylo's sweatshirts that he wore on his morning runs and put it on, glad that it was long enough to cover your bare thighs. 

"Alright, if I have to get up, so do you."

You picked up Artoo from the nest he'd made in the blanket, ruffling his fur before placing him on the floor. The second his paws hit the ground, he bolted towards Kylo. 

The little traitor had taken quite a liking to your boyfriend, so much so that he often chose to sleep curled up by Kylo's feet at night when you stayed over or sprawl across his lap when you two were watching a movie. 

Total traitor.

It wasn't one sided by any means however. Kylo not so subtly asked you to bring Artoo with every time you came over. And a fluffy, much larger than necessary dog bed also magically appeared in Kylo's living room after the first few nights with Artoo around. 

Your pup was a spoiled little boy. That dog bed was softer and fluffier than most human beds.

You walked towards the kitchen, tugging the sweatshirt tight around you to combat the cold morning air. It would've been smart to wear warmer pajamas to bed since it was the first week of December, but sleeping in Kylo's arms was like sleeping on top of a portable space heater.

Not that you were complaining though. Sleeping in the warm, strong arms of the man you loved was something you wouldn't trade for the world.

Looking out the large windows, you noticed the balcony completely covered in a white blanket of fresh snow.

"It snowed last night."

The first snow of the season in the first week of December.

"Really? I thought a nearby cotton ball factory exploded."

You scowled at the back of his head. "Smartass."

Kylo's Sunday's to cook breakfast were the best. You got an extra hour to sleep and although you wouldn't admit it, Kylo just might be a better cook.

You'd have to remember to thank Leia for teaching him to cook at her family dinner next Sunday.

Kylo was standing in front of the stove, spatula in one hand and a plate in the other. He was concentrated, staring intently at the eggs he was cooking. 

"You look so domestic." You wrapped your arms arond him from behind, resting your head on his  
back. "Maybe I should get you a 'Kiss the Cook' apron."

"Mhm, as long as you promise to wear it and nothing else when it's your turn to cook."

That sounded like an excellent way to get burned by hot oil in some really unsavory places.

Kylo tossed a piece of bacon to Artoo. The little ball of fur devoured it, eating it up like he was afraid it'd disappear. 

"You're going to clog his arteries," you mumbled.

"Interesting coming from you," he replied. "I saw you give him a bite of pizza last night."

You laughed and unwound your arms from his torso, walking around him and to the coffee maker.

"Coffee is already poured," he said, before you could even reach the machine.

You looked back at him with furrowed brows. "Already?"

"It's on the table," he replied. "I've been up for a while."

You made your way to the kitchen table where sure enough, your steaming cup of coffee sat waiting. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep." He glanced over his shoulder at you. "Unlike some people who had no problem falling asleep."

You may or may not have fallen asleep on the couch last night.

You pointed an accusing finger at him. "I will not apologize for needing my sleep."

Kylo's shoulders rose and fell as he laughed, messy dark hair waving slightly. Looked better than the delicious smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen.

The coffee mug was warm in yours hands, the sweet scent of vanilla wafting up in plumes of steam. Kylo knew exactly how you liked your coffee, and he did it well.

In the middle of the table sat the small pot of poinsettias you'd bought yesterday, bright, shock red petals a stark contrast to the black table. A group of school-age kids were selling poinsettias in a small booth across the street, part of a school fundraiser. So of course you and Kylo had to stop by on your way home yesterday and buy some. The sweet kids just about collapsed when Kylo slipped them $100 for a $5 bouquet. 

Your big, intimidating man was a total softie. 

Kylo approached on your right and set your plate in front of you. A stack of pancakes steaming with a pad of butter melting on top, fluffy eggs, and crispy bacon. 

"You made pancakes?"

Kylo sat down in the chair next to you. "Do they look like waffles?"

You kicked his foot under the table. "Watch it."  
You pointed to the pancakes. "You haven't made pancakes in forever."

Kylo shrugged and looked down at his own plate. "Just felt like it."

Good enough for you. Who doesn't love pancakes?

You and Kylo ate in silence for a while, enjoying the food and each other's company. You gazed out the window, taking in the balcony coated in snow, the white snowflakes still gently falling from the clouds. 

Winter had snuck up on you, seeming to appear out of nowhere. The fall had flown by in a blur of late nights and stolen kisses and cups of coffee that grew cold from lack of attention. The weeks were busy but fulfilling and frequently marked by after-work drinks and dinners with Kylo, the weekends slow and spent however you two wanted. 

If your teenage self could see you now, she'd never believe it. Working the job you'd dreamed of, living in the city you'd always pictured yourself in, dating a man you'd fallen in love with. And being loved by him too.

You'd never believed in the 'aha' moments where everything clicked into place. You put your trust in more of an 'oh' moment where you'd stop and realize that all the hard work had paid off. The heartbreak, the sadness, the doubt and worries. All of it led you here. 

Well, you led yourself here. You made a life for yourself and established a beginning that practically glowed with hope. 

Growing up, you'd always worried that your dreams were too big. That they were too outlandish, too complicated. Afraid that these big dreams you'd created for yourself would always be too far  
out of reach. 

Saying you'd come a long way was an understatement. 

You thought of yourself at age sixteen, staring in a mirror and picking out everything you didn't like about yourself. Wishing you looked like your friends or the other girls at school. Afraid that no one would ever find you attractive unless you looked like the women in magazines. 

You would constantly wonder if you took up too much space. If you were too opinionated, too loud, too you. You tried and fortunately failed to confine yourself to a tiny box, water down your personality. 

But it was a good thing you didn't manage to shrink yourself, because someone loved you for who you were. All of you. 

That's the most beautiful thing. Seeing someone at their most vulnerable, utterly exposed to you and loving them for everything they are. Not in spite of it, but because of it. Loving someone for all of who they are. The way in which Kylo loved you, and the same way in which you loved him.

And you were falling back in love with yourself too. With the mind that worked hard and became the writer you'd always aspired to be, the body that laughed with friends and took your beloved dog on walks, the heart that slowly softened and didn't shy away from love. 

"You're smiling."

You brought your attention away from the window and back to your boyfriend and occasional chef. "I am."

Kylo smiled back and gestured to your nearly empty mug. "Refill?"

You nodded, and he stood up and headed for the coffee pot before you could head there yourself. 

"When did you say your lease is up?"

You finished swallowing your bite of pancakes and looked towards the kitchen. "Mid-January," you replied. "Why?"

Kylo walked back towards the table, coffee pot in hand. "Don't renew the lease."

You paused with your fork mid air. "Huh?"

Kylo finished refilling your mug and then refilled his own, his face creased in concentration. "I don't want you to sign a new lease." 

That's strange. His hands were shaking a bit as he poured the coffee. 

He turned around again, heading back to the kitchen to return the coffee pot. 

"Why wouldn't - wait I know," you blurted. "You're going to burn down the building to collect the insurance money."

"No," he laughed. "That's not why. And stop watching so many true crime shows."

"Hmm, no." You rested your chin in your hand. "But why don't you want me to sign a new lease?"

"I want you to move in with me."

Kylo set the coffee pot down and walked back towards the table like he hadn't just asked you to move in with him. 

You were stuck to your seat for a moment, your brain somehow no longer able to communicate with the rest of your body. 

Kylo stood by the table, hands stuffed in his sweatpant pockets and waiting for you to reply. Waiting for you to figure out how to get your lips to move or your body to function again.

He was serious. Kylo Ren actually just asked you to move in with him.

The spell of shock wore off and you stood up from your chair to practically pounce on him, fork clattering to your plate. He caught you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

"So is that-"

You crashed your lips into his before he could finish speaking, kissing him with every ounce in you until you could hardly breath. 

His lips were reddened and kiss swollen when you pulled away. "I'm taking that as a yes?"

You nodded eagerly, your cheeks starting to feel sore from smiling like an idiot. "Yes," you replied. "That is most definitely a yes."

"I already asked Artoo," Kylo said. "And he said yes. So it looks like everyone's in agreement."

"Of course Artoo said yes. You feed him bacon."

You kissed him again, still unable to keep yourself from smiling. It seemed like he couldn't either, Kylo laughing softly against your lips.

Placing a hand on his chest, you pulled away slightly, giving him an over-exaggerated pout. "Are you asking me to move in with you just because you want my dog?"

"Yes," he deadpanned. "That's obviously the only reason I'm in this relationship."

He leaned in to kiss you again with a playful smile but you stopped him, using your hand on his chest as leverage. 

"You really want me to move in?"

"Well yes, your bed is way too small for both of us."

You grinned and lightly tapped his chest. "I'm being serious."

Kylo paused and took your face in his hand, cupping your cheek. "And I was serious when I said you were never getting rid of me," he replied. "Of course I want you to move in."

"You're not getting rid of me either," you replied. "Especially now that I'm going to be living with you."

He stroked his thumb across your cheek, a war smile spread across his face. "That's the whole plan."

Who would've thought that the closed off, high powered, big bad CEO would fall for that pesky little reporter? 

Oh, no, not the pesky little reporter. His sneaky reporter. 

A little over a year ago, you had been marching your way into an intimidating corporate office, anxious to meet the even more intimidating new CEO. Now you were kissing that very same man's lips, tasting of syrup from the pancakes he'd made for you on a lazy Sunday morning. 

Life was filled with beautiful surprises like this, with futures that didn't seem possible at one point snd outcomes better than you could've dreamt. 

Neither of you could have predicted this a year ago. Kylo couldn't have known that he'd fall in love with the writer that walked into his office all those Fridays ago, and you certainly never imagined falling for a man you were assigned to interview. It was one of those beautiful surprises that life was full of.

A beautiful surprise to have found a forever thing in the last place you expected it to be.


End file.
